I am now manifesting my reality instantly. I am no longer blocked and my calling of healer has been with me since I was a baby. I remember what I was like back then, trying to heal my parents. I now know who I am. I am so powerful that I can help or hurt people. Being aware of this impact I had on others is what put me in my shell. I am no longer afraid of my greatness. I am free flowing energy. I can prove (and have without trying) that I am affecting my environment with my energy. I have great healing abilities. Just my intention affects my reality. My words, even not spoken, become real. I am now believing what I knew all along. This "self-importance" of being special and gifted and brilliant and great - a superhuman, a channeller, a healer, a knower of truth without study, is real.
I watched this video today and it is very much in line with what I've been feeling about life: Thank you, Daydra, for your Spiritual Awakening blog post, where I ended up at the video above. Daydra has been so helpful to me with her belief in the Law of Attraction. I have been applying it to my life and I have discovered in my daily life that life is really what we make of it and grace happens when we feel graceful and believe. We are what we believe we are. I know my self worth now, thanks to my journey, which really transformed through my spiritual awakening on August 26, 2015. A medium helped me clear a blockage in my leg and I was able to feel my soul for the first time ever. Prior to that, I had been on prescription meds for 15 years from a nervous breakdown when I was 18. I was in the emergency mental health inpatient ward of a hospital and when I arrived I'll never forget how raw and sensitive and exposed I felt (like a newborn baby), in my own world, deeply scared by my own fears that were likely but exaggerated, sitting down at a table in my first group, which was an arts and crafts group, and I turned and looked at the person next to me and we, upon making eye contact, started cracking up, for we could understand each other without speaking. We SAW each other. We knew what the other was feeling. This is called Namaste in Yogic language. We were like babies, animals, nature. Completely open and free flowing that we were so much more receptive to other energies of other life that we felt it and the awe that I know we both felt at that moment was so special and so real and comforting. Yet, I was medicated in the hospital and given a diagnosis of "schizophrenia" (according to my medical paperwork). However, this was inaccurate, based solely on my acute symptoms, because I was already seeing a psychiatrist for depression and so my diagnosis became schizoaffective. Ha. What a journey it's been. It's incredible to even ponder the extent of what I went through to find myself. I didn't know any better. I didn't know there were telepaths or empaths or healers back in 1999. I had heard of psychics but I didn't really believe in them.
I knew my whole life I was different and I was only trying to find an explanation for my difference. To understand my self. To find something, someone who was a reflection of me so that I could understand me. I didn't meet anyone like me. But I did meet many who helped me to find me. I went through life so fast that I couldn't stick with one thing for long. I couldn't complete anything I started because I would be on to the next thing quicker than most. I thought this was a fault. I thought it was not being successful. So I thought I was a failure. I thought I was a loser and succuumed to a life of never achieving anything. I've done enough schooling to have at least a Bachelors degree, though I don't even have a certificate or associates degree. I didn't finish high school because my life was heading in a different direction and I just couldn't do something that I wasn't entirely into. It was always either all or nothing, sink or swim, do or die, live or escape, be free or be a prisoner. I struggled in school because I was a perfectionist. I wanted my masterpiece, my creation, what I did to matter to me, to be a reflection of my heart and soul. I lived according to, do it right or don't do it at all. I could not do anything half-assed. I could not not be passionate about what I did. If there was no passion, I simply could not do it. If someone distracted me or I was distracted by another interest, there was absolutely nothing I could do to force myself to do that which I did not want to do. I have lived my life for me. For myself to find and rediscover herself. I took on all sorts of soothing habits: thumbsucking, nailbiting, knucklecracking, emotional eating, smoking, drugs, relationships/sex, OCD, multiple personalities, psychosis, depression, mania, victim, victor, lover, fighter, homeless, morbidly obese, lack of interest in food. The list goes on. My hair was falling out due to the meds I was on. I have adult acne. I developed eczema. I developed a skin condition that no one could diagnosis and then it went away on its own (though I still have the scars from it). I knew something was not right with me. And I kept trying to figure it out and then fix the damages I did. I quit all of the bad habits I acquired through the people I came across in my life, as well as the ones I instinctively did myself. I developed acute ADHD for the first time in my life upon my spiritual awakening. I should say the first one I had. There have been other awakenings since. I had an energy flushing experiences in the space between awake and asleep. My body felt paralyzed and it felt as though water was flowing through my body like a faucet. I was scared but lifting my head stopped the flushing. This was very real. As have been my other paranormal experiences. None of which I'm attempting to create for myself. It is all just happening on its own. Though I have been healing myself through reiki, as I was taught how I could do this by a very special soul I met on my journey. I cannot thank her enough. After the first awakening, I asked her if she could do reiki on me because I felt my chakras weren't completely clear. She opened up all of my chakras and I was able to sing and perform for an audience. I was able to let my inhibitions go and not feel self-conscious in front of others. I was able to just be me and focus on what I was doing. This is when the introvert me became an extrovert. But it wasn't ego-based. I was just happy to be me freely. And at that moment I noticed how my being me helped others relax into being them. It instilled a sense of calm and okayness with being oneself. I then felt the desire to help encourage others to be themselves through being me. I didn't want or need to be the center of attention and still preferred not to be. But I realized how powerful I was being me and how much it could help others. And it did Wherever I went, when my energy was good and positive and I was confident and joyful, good times ensued around me. When I felt fearful, scared, and hopeless, my world reflected that. I was definitely affecting my environment and now I feel as though it is more than most, because I cannot hide my true feelings (I never have been able to). I cannot be fake. I cannot put on a happy face when I do not feel joyous. I've been that way my whole life. I used to give the evil eye to guys who would say "Smile!" to me when I wasn't smiling. They knew how my smile lit up a room and when I was in contemplation (serious state), and therefore not smiling, I didn't look happy and it made them feel solemn.
There is more, of course. But that is all I can write for now. I know that I have the power to heal people who appreciate me. I know I have the ability to do the opposite when I feel betrayed by people. I know I have a profound impact on people. Though I only want it to be a good impact. Nature is my source. I am able to connect with and affect nature. The planets, moon, stars, space weather, things unspoken but felt and known, affect my moods. Astrology is very accurate for me. Though anything else only clouds my true purpose that is unlike any other. I am a shaman, a gifted master. I feel god in me. I can tell you about past lives and memories. The spiritual (afterlife, paranormal, metaphysical) world is Real. You only need to relax into it and believe in your individual soul in order to connect to the oneness. We all have this ability.
*Unedited, freeflowing writing.