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Forum Activity for @gothceltgirl

gothceltgirl
@gothceltgirl
02/11/21 02:52:43PM
14 posts

Uncontrolled crying


Community

Hello Layla, my name is actually Layla as well. I love meeting other Laylas. We're a rare & special group.

I understand the uncontrolled crying. I was like that when I was little. While I have no actual advice, I am here & love meeting & talking w/new people.

Honestly I'm not coping with all of this very well at all. Although I did manage to go to the health department website & register to receive my vaccine. So that's good.

I've been out of touch for a good long while, as I've been trying to focus on housing & online communication takes more mental effort w/o the same level of reward, at least for me. So I haven't really had the energy to communicate. Housing appliacations wear me out. I also managed to get some, very brief, VA work. And I'm gonna look for more b/c living her is making me way too depressed. I went shopping yesterday & that didn't even cheer me up. Buying stuff always cheers me up. Of course, it's not stuff I really want as much as need. And I can't fit into any of my pretty things ATM, so that doesn't help.

I'm honestly dying for a night out & a (healthy) way to blow off steam.

gothceltgirl
@gothceltgirl
02/11/21 01:36:39PM
14 posts

Empathic Distress & Realizations


Community

The message is blank.

gothceltgirl
@gothceltgirl
12/20/20 12:44:38PM
14 posts

Empathic Distress & Realizations


Community

Sorry it's gonna be quite long.
I’ve come to the realization that living w/my BFF & her offspring is not only upsetting to me, but actually unhealthy for me as well, as an empath. I tried to convince myself, since I had nowhere else to go, that it would allow me to lose weight, get my health back, & be better, do better, & feel better. But my health has gotten worse in some ways, am completely unable to lose weight due to more hormonal issues, & alternate between feeling like I need to run & feeling like I want to flip out on her all the time.

 

But instead I’m at the whim of her overwhelming emotions. I alternate between not being able to sleep well, being plagued by overwhelming senses of fight or flight, especially when she’s feeling more anxious, which is honestly a not small percentage of the time. She’s a mom & a worry wort & I understand that. But it occurs to me that all this overwhelming empathy between us isn’t good for me. Her worry makes me feel worse on top of my pre-existing worry about not having a freaking place to live and having to abide by her rules & restrictions. It’s making me hella bitter.

 

And I’m beginning to feel a lot of Empathic Distress b/c of it. I’ve realized that perhaps empaths can feel this, even w/o being caregivers. She’s an attachment parent, who never has a break, never goes anywhere, and also never really gets to hang out w/me anymore. I think I spoke to her more when I didn’t live w/her honestly. I’ve started having extremely mean, dark impulses, which I’ll elaborate on later, as this post is already becoming quite long.

 

Things would be so much better if A. She actually left the house regularly and I could be alone (she works from home too). Or B. I left the house on a regular basis. But since my illness and not being able to go out much + this pandemic. We’re stuck in here together and it’s driving me insane. I vowed never to live with her. EVER! I knew it would drive me crazy mentally, but I feel that now it’s actually bad for me. I would be able to be much more compassionate towards her if I was away from her. B/C all these overwhelming things are leaching my affection. She was feeling super anxious about her family coming over for the Winter Solstice, but then decided that she’d have them over another time, as her boyfriend is coming for a visit as well & it’s too much. I felt better before I even knew she’d made that decision. It was astounding the difference in how I felt. I really don’t know how to emotionally distance myself w/o also losing my BFF of over 20 yrs.

 

I’m looking forward to getting the vaccine, although I know that my need to get out of here & away from them is also long overdue. And I don’t think I can wait on the vaccine. I’ve got to put all my energy into getting a place to live, even if that means (temporarily) renting a room somewhere else.

 

I wish I could go out again. If I was alone I could, but then conversely I’d likely not be able to afford it much. Back before I got sick & was working & lived w/roommates things were much easier, despite also hating living w/people, I went out all the time, not just to work, but just left the house so I wouldn’t have to be there.

 

But now as a person w/a disability who can’t really go out much due to physical & financial limitations, I find that my “at home” needs are much more clear & precise.


updated by @gothceltgirl: 02/24/21 06:24:50AM
gothceltgirl
@gothceltgirl
12/17/20 05:32:03PM
14 posts

Arch Angel Ishmael


Community

Wow! And no, I haven't had personal, well not of the visual kind, visitations from Angels. That's pretty amazing! I haven't even tried to evoke any either. I am content with feeling their presence, at least for now.

I love your profile photo BTW. So cool! I have to admit, I really wish I could get more into Tarot cards. I bought a set. I love them. And every once in a while I take them out & look at them. Then put them away again. And that's all. To be fair I have a lot of challenges in my life, so it may just be a bad time right now. It's been a bad time right now for a long time now. But I persevere. Glad to see you Spiritreadz :-)


updated by @gothceltgirl: 12/17/20 05:32:20PM
gothceltgirl
@gothceltgirl
12/17/20 05:26:04PM
14 posts

Very unempathic: venting, getting worked up and upsetting people


Community

Just b/c you're an empath, that's not all you are. I mean we've still got all the other emotions, plus other emotional or medical issues we're dealing with as well. So it's not just narcissists that set me off. I have a lot of other problems too, as well as hormonal imbalances which can present as mood disorders so back when I was younger I was very much a hot-head, as well as being an Aries. I'm so much more settled now. But it's not b/c I don't still feel aggravated, it's more b/c my medical conditions have progressed & made me more tired & therefore have a much more delayed response to things that years ago I'd have flipped out over. I don't know if I maybe read everything wrong or not. But that's my 2 cents, for what it's worth.

I had a boyfriend that could only see the adventurous, impulsive Aries part of me (he's an Aries too), but not the Virgo moon practicality that comes with it. So he insisted that I was a sports car person, despite my protestations of preferring sedans. I also have a practical side & those attributes have probably kept me from getting into more trouble than my other Aries counterparts. Sadly, still don't have a car, despite having been in the 'burbs for 8 mos. now.

gothceltgirl
@gothceltgirl
12/14/20 06:46:02PM
14 posts

2 new peer support phone groups for empaths


Community

This sounds good for the extrovert empath, like myself, who is suffocating staying in the house w/other people. I feel like I'm losing myself more & more Getting more & more depressed too.

I'm tempted to call you just to chat. But I talk. A lot. Plus I'll work on being a little less negative, if I do call, don't want to be off-putting. As I know when I'm feeling super negative, I can come across very not myself, 1st impressions being what they are and all.


updated by @gothceltgirl: 12/17/20 05:27:25PM
gothceltgirl
@gothceltgirl
07/01/20 08:06:35AM
14 posts

New coworker triggering me


Community

Yep, that's what I figured. Lying was never something that I did easily, always made me very uncomfortable. Thank you Hop Daddy

I did have a strange experience with another empath. He identified himself as one when we got together. I had known him kind of for years from a club I used to go to, had a crush on him, but thought he may be gay, turns out, he wasn't. But then I had one of those very sobering things that happens where, I had vulvodynia for a while, which causes severe pain during sex, I kept thinking that it would pass, but when we got together, I told him I was fine. He knew I wasn't and said I was lying and left. My door had to be latched, so it was open, and my roomates boyfriend, who was kind of a jerk to me, got on my case about it later. I didn't know. But that really bothered me. It wasn't a lie of manipulation. Most people, ones who aren't on some antisocial spectrum, when they do lie, it's usually to spare someone's feelings, protect someone, or to keep from getting into trouble. My parenthesis keys and all of the stupid shift keys w/numbers aren't really working at the moment, or this would probably have been typed a bit differently.

That experience made me wonder, especially in hindsight, if empaths can even be together at all. I didn't even really realize that I was at that point, just knew I had a lot of empathy for others, which my mom used to say I was "trusting" and "gullible" and a lot of other words, that are not quiet insults, but put together with her attitude made me feel like I couldn't ever live up to whatever she thought I should be. I'm so glad I don't think that way and chose not to internalize those things.

It was so hard as a child. My abusive mother wanted me to be hard and sophisticated and understand stuff I couldn't possibly understand. She tried to make me internalize the idea that I was too naive to live in the world. I've made a lot of impulsive decisions and had a lot of problems, but b/c she lacked in the empathy department, percieved a lot of my shortcomings as an unwillingness to do what was needed. Which is a shame. She pretty much shunned my whole family for various reasons. She had paranoid delusions as well, so when I refused to follow her strange instructions to fight the foe of the week, she would try and bully and intimidate me, but I finally maanged to stop letting her do that, took a long time, but I did. Most people have no idea what it's like, most people don't even try. This ended up being far more lengthy than I'd intended. I just have a lot to say.


updated by @gothceltgirl: 07/01/20 08:08:31AM
gothceltgirl
@gothceltgirl
06/30/20 11:47:26AM
14 posts

New coworker triggering me


Community

One of my neighbors in my previous building, she was the mother of my neighbor, moved in shortly after I did, but she was a little investigator. Peppered me with questions whenever she saw me, it's quite astonishing. I hate people doing that to me. I'm an extrovert & generally don't mind sharing info, to a point, but this was just a barrage. I experienced something similar in supportive housing after being homeless too. The neighbors would hang around outside the building, I kept to myself, so when they did see me, it was like "where are you going?" What are you doing? Like they thought I must have something very interesting going on. Reading this here, it must be pretty common for us sensitive empathic types to draw this type of attention. It's so strange. I never know what to do/say when this happens either. it's like being interrogated, hard not to answer. Sorry I don't have advice, simply more commiseration.

gothceltgirl
@gothceltgirl
05/22/20 12:45:27PM
14 posts

Just Joined- Sad Movies


Community

@cheshire-cat, I will read it, :-)

Yeah, I have heard that some charities, are more charitable internally, with the administration, than the actual giving.

gothceltgirl
@gothceltgirl
05/22/20 12:38:18PM
14 posts

New Here


Community


Meant to post my intro first, but looking around decided to go ahead and dive into the discussions.

I was always a sensitive child. I used to cry just about every day when I was little. I don't know exactly why. I was sad all the time. Which is unusual for small children. Especially when I went to school. I vaguely remember not being able to nap during nap time, couldn't sleep with all those other people around. I just lay quietly until it was over.

My mother wasn't very compassionate and didn't have a lot of empathy herself, which was double hard for me. She kind of tried to make me feel that there was something wrong w/me, that I was weak-willed, naive, easily influenced, etc. Now I know why I would've seemed that way to her.

I'm childfree, a big Sims 3 fan, as you can tell from my Avatar, a night owl (I'm incapable of waking & functioning before noon), cat lover, and gray asexual. I also have a disability, chronic pain, an autoimmune disorder, ADHD, and am an extrovert.

I prefer living alone (need it) in order to decompress from the outside world. I loved going clubbing before my illness got worse, but rarely do anymore, and what with the current state of things, don't know when that will ever happen.

I lived in NYC for 20 years, then moved to Newark NJ, which was a nightmare, had hostile neighbors who actually harassed me and my rent was 86% of my income. I'm staying with my BFF (her grown son, & 3 year old daughter) until I can find my own place again. I am in the 'burbs, which I'm allergic to. LOL I know most empaths like peaceful environments, but I like to go outside to crowded places. I loved NYC, all the people is like the energy equivalent of white noise to me. But when I come home I like peace and to be alone w/myself and my own thoughts, energy, etc.

Also don't drive or have a car yet & what with the DMV being closed, hopefully it opens again soon, I'm stuck. She doesn't drive either. She's (recently realized/discovered) that she's high-functioning autistic, her son is bi-polar and has ADHD as well, and her daughter also seems to be presenting autistic signs, but different than her, more like his father. I'm overwhelmed all the time. She's (thankfully) given me her daughter's room and I can stay in here & shut the door. And her son is a perfect gentleman, gives me the space that I ask for, she really raised him well. It's harder for her. She said that she feels like she can think/focus better when I'm around, probably b/c she's leaching my brain power. I told her that I get infected by her spaciness/forgetfulness. I begin to take on her brain traits as well as my own, especially if she's in the kitchen with me talking or doing stuff. She thinks it's funny, but it's really a problem b/c I don't even want to make dinner down there, especially after I flat out asked to have space in the kitchen while making my supper. Thankfully, she goes to bed pretty early, most nights b/c of her daughter, co-sleeping & attachment parenting has its privileges, so I've decided to try & make dinner after she's gone to bed. That didn't work out so well the last few nights though, as when it's a bit delayed, I just don't feel like going downstairs making a meal, then coming back upstairs.

Her son got me a min-fridge for up here, so I can keep my cat food, and decided to keep my salad stuff for some of my dinners. I figure maybe I can address the space in the kitchen thing again soon, but for now I can prepare my cold meals upstairs. I'm a night owl, but like to have dinner around 8 or 9 pm. I realize she isn't even thinking about it when she does it, but it's really bothering me, so I am trying to wait until I've got a better handle on just how to broach the subject. I'll start to lose weight, then backtrack b/c I can't eat the way I need/want to. She just keeps saying you'll get there, stress, thyroid, etc. But no, I'm fluctuating quite a lot, it's not a weight loss plateau, it's when I feel stressed trying to get down there, have proper space for myself, it just gets too much & I give up.

My BFF doesn't drive either, her autistic stuff makes it so she simply can't. But I'm a good driver, just don't have a license anymore b/c I let it lapse. It expired and I didn't bother renewing b/c I thought I had time, turns out, you only have a certain amount of time to renew, or you have to start over, so I'm back at the start. But my life has been so crazy (and learner's permits are almost $100 in NYC) so I couldn't even think about trying to do anything until I left. Now I'm in the south, in the 'burbs, it's a necessity, especially since most affordable places are hella remote.

I'm hoping to heal a bit soon, now that I can sleep, and have peace and a less toxic environment, and now that I will have less stairs to traverse, I'm hoping to get into work mode again soon. I am a freelance VA, writer, working on a novel, off & on for years, write all kinds of stuff, but really won't be able to properly focus on that until I get ADD help. I did some freelance work back in 2016 before my neighbor situation got worse. I was sleep-deprived for 11 mos. straight as my previous neighbors played loud music at all hours, woke me up, kept me up repeatedly. I had about 50% of my week disturbed & unable to rest. I even changed my bedtime to accommodate it, but to no avail, I often tried to go to bed early but some days they'd play music late, then wake up early. They were at it all the time. It was truly unbelievable. My health got a lot worse, then they suddenly moved, but the new neighbors were only quiet for a short time, and the 1st floor neighbors started sometimes. I've made this quite long already. I'm wondering if others have a really difficult time with booming/pounding bass-heavy loud music as well? Or is it just me? I also have hyperacusis, but I know the difference between when something is too loud for me and too loud generally.

Being sensitive in any way is hard and we should all strive to be kinder, more understanding, and put ourselves in another's place. I'm bored and lonely, really need a lot of variety, now I have only one friend to talk to & it's not enough for me, so if anyone wants to talk, PM me or reach out, I'll try to get back to you.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend! I'm going to go to the store to get some treats for me & my fam.


updated by @gothceltgirl: 06/14/20 09:29:02AM
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