Forum Activity for @gothceltgirl

gothceltgirl
@gothceltgirl
07/01/20 08:06:35AM
8 posts

New coworker triggering me


Community

Yep, that's what I figured. Lying was never something that I did easily, always made me very uncomfortable. Thank you Hop Daddy

I did have a strange experience with another empath. He identified himself as one when we got together. I had known him kind of for years from a club I used to go to, had a crush on him, but thought he may be gay, turns out, he wasn't. But then I had one of those very sobering things that happens where, I had vulvodynia for a while, which causes severe pain during sex, I kept thinking that it would pass, but when we got together, I told him I was fine. He knew I wasn't and said I was lying and left. My door had to be latched, so it was open, and my roomates boyfriend, who was kind of a jerk to me, got on my case about it later. I didn't know. But that really bothered me. It wasn't a lie of manipulation. Most people, ones who aren't on some antisocial spectrum, when they do lie, it's usually to spare someone's feelings, protect someone, or to keep from getting into trouble. My parenthesis keys and all of the stupid shift keys w/numbers aren't really working at the moment, or this would probably have been typed a bit differently.

That experience made me wonder, especially in hindsight, if empaths can even be together at all. I didn't even really realize that I was at that point, just knew I had a lot of empathy for others, which my mom used to say I was "trusting" and "gullible" and a lot of other words, that are not quiet insults, but put together with her attitude made me feel like I couldn't ever live up to whatever she thought I should be. I'm so glad I don't think that way and chose not to internalize those things.

It was so hard as a child. My abusive mother wanted me to be hard and sophisticated and understand stuff I couldn't possibly understand. She tried to make me internalize the idea that I was too naive to live in the world. I've made a lot of impulsive decisions and had a lot of problems, but b/c she lacked in the empathy department, percieved a lot of my shortcomings as an unwillingness to do what was needed. Which is a shame. She pretty much shunned my whole family for various reasons. She had paranoid delusions as well, so when I refused to follow her strange instructions to fight the foe of the week, she would try and bully and intimidate me, but I finally maanged to stop letting her do that, took a long time, but I did. Most people have no idea what it's like, most people don't even try. This ended up being far more lengthy than I'd intended. I just have a lot to say.


updated by @gothceltgirl: 07/01/20 08:08:31AM
gothceltgirl
@gothceltgirl
06/30/20 11:47:26AM
8 posts

New coworker triggering me


Community

One of my neighbors in my previous building, she was the mother of my neighbor, moved in shortly after I did, but she was a little investigator. Peppered me with questions whenever she saw me, it's quite astonishing. I hate people doing that to me. I'm an extrovert & generally don't mind sharing info, to a point, but this was just a barrage. I experienced something similar in supportive housing after being homeless too. The neighbors would hang around outside the building, I kept to myself, so when they did see me, it was like "where are you going?" What are you doing? Like they thought I must have something very interesting going on. Reading this here, it must be pretty common for us sensitive empathic types to draw this type of attention. It's so strange. I never know what to do/say when this happens either. it's like being interrogated, hard not to answer. Sorry I don't have advice, simply more commiseration.

gothceltgirl
@gothceltgirl
05/22/20 12:45:27PM
8 posts

Just Joined- Sad Movies


Community

@cheshire-cat, I will read it, :-)

Yeah, I have heard that some charities, are more charitable internally, with the administration, than the actual giving.

gothceltgirl
@gothceltgirl
05/22/20 12:38:18PM
8 posts

New Here


Community


Meant to post my intro first, but looking around decided to go ahead and dive into the discussions.

I was always a sensitive child. I used to cry just about every day when I was little. I don't know exactly why. I was sad all the time. Which is unusual for small children. Especially when I went to school. I vaguely remember not being able to nap during nap time, couldn't sleep with all those other people around. I just lay quietly until it was over.

My mother wasn't very compassionate and didn't have a lot of empathy herself, which was double hard for me. She kind of tried to make me feel that there was something wrong w/me, that I was weak-willed, naive, easily influenced, etc. Now I know why I would've seemed that way to her.

I'm childfree, a big Sims 3 fan, as you can tell from my Avatar, a night owl (I'm incapable of waking & functioning before noon), cat lover, and gray asexual. I also have a disability, chronic pain, an autoimmune disorder, ADHD, and am an extrovert.

I prefer living alone (need it) in order to decompress from the outside world. I loved going clubbing before my illness got worse, but rarely do anymore, and what with the current state of things, don't know when that will ever happen.

I lived in NYC for 20 years, then moved to Newark NJ, which was a nightmare, had hostile neighbors who actually harassed me and my rent was 86% of my income. I'm staying with my BFF (her grown son, & 3 year old daughter) until I can find my own place again. I am in the 'burbs, which I'm allergic to. LOL I know most empaths like peaceful environments, but I like to go outside to crowded places. I loved NYC, all the people is like the energy equivalent of white noise to me. But when I come home I like peace and to be alone w/myself and my own thoughts, energy, etc.

Also don't drive or have a car yet & what with the DMV being closed, hopefully it opens again soon, I'm stuck. She doesn't drive either. She's (recently realized/discovered) that she's high-functioning autistic, her son is bi-polar and has ADHD as well, and her daughter also seems to be presenting autistic signs, but different than her, more like his father. I'm overwhelmed all the time. She's (thankfully) given me her daughter's room and I can stay in here & shut the door. And her son is a perfect gentleman, gives me the space that I ask for, she really raised him well. It's harder for her. She said that she feels like she can think/focus better when I'm around, probably b/c she's leaching my brain power. I told her that I get infected by her spaciness/forgetfulness. I begin to take on her brain traits as well as my own, especially if she's in the kitchen with me talking or doing stuff. She thinks it's funny, but it's really a problem b/c I don't even want to make dinner down there, especially after I flat out asked to have space in the kitchen while making my supper. Thankfully, she goes to bed pretty early, most nights b/c of her daughter, co-sleeping & attachment parenting has its privileges, so I've decided to try & make dinner after she's gone to bed. That didn't work out so well the last few nights though, as when it's a bit delayed, I just don't feel like going downstairs making a meal, then coming back upstairs.

Her son got me a min-fridge for up here, so I can keep my cat food, and decided to keep my salad stuff for some of my dinners. I figure maybe I can address the space in the kitchen thing again soon, but for now I can prepare my cold meals upstairs. I'm a night owl, but like to have dinner around 8 or 9 pm. I realize she isn't even thinking about it when she does it, but it's really bothering me, so I am trying to wait until I've got a better handle on just how to broach the subject. I'll start to lose weight, then backtrack b/c I can't eat the way I need/want to. She just keeps saying you'll get there, stress, thyroid, etc. But no, I'm fluctuating quite a lot, it's not a weight loss plateau, it's when I feel stressed trying to get down there, have proper space for myself, it just gets too much & I give up.

My BFF doesn't drive either, her autistic stuff makes it so she simply can't. But I'm a good driver, just don't have a license anymore b/c I let it lapse. It expired and I didn't bother renewing b/c I thought I had time, turns out, you only have a certain amount of time to renew, or you have to start over, so I'm back at the start. But my life has been so crazy (and learner's permits are almost $100 in NYC) so I couldn't even think about trying to do anything until I left. Now I'm in the south, in the 'burbs, it's a necessity, especially since most affordable places are hella remote.

I'm hoping to heal a bit soon, now that I can sleep, and have peace and a less toxic environment, and now that I will have less stairs to traverse, I'm hoping to get into work mode again soon. I am a freelance VA, writer, working on a novel, off & on for years, write all kinds of stuff, but really won't be able to properly focus on that until I get ADD help. I did some freelance work back in 2016 before my neighbor situation got worse. I was sleep-deprived for 11 mos. straight as my previous neighbors played loud music at all hours, woke me up, kept me up repeatedly. I had about 50% of my week disturbed & unable to rest. I even changed my bedtime to accommodate it, but to no avail, I often tried to go to bed early but some days they'd play music late, then wake up early. They were at it all the time. It was truly unbelievable. My health got a lot worse, then they suddenly moved, but the new neighbors were only quiet for a short time, and the 1st floor neighbors started sometimes. I've made this quite long already. I'm wondering if others have a really difficult time with booming/pounding bass-heavy loud music as well? Or is it just me? I also have hyperacusis, but I know the difference between when something is too loud for me and too loud generally.

Being sensitive in any way is hard and we should all strive to be kinder, more understanding, and put ourselves in another's place. I'm bored and lonely, really need a lot of variety, now I have only one friend to talk to & it's not enough for me, so if anyone wants to talk, PM me or reach out, I'll try to get back to you.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend! I'm going to go to the store to get some treats for me & my fam.


updated by @gothceltgirl: 06/14/20 09:29:02AM
gothceltgirl
@gothceltgirl
05/22/20 12:01:27PM
8 posts

How do you detox?


Community

@michelle I'm type O as well, but that doesn't work for me. I find that I need tofu, despite it being a goitrogen and having an autoimmune thyroid disorder, tofu helps me feel better, think better, & lose weight. I don't like meat. I have a negative, strange reaction to red meat, so don't eat it often. Eating meat regularly doesn't agree with me at all.

Unfortunately my BFF's son is extremely allergic to soy so I can't cook it in the house, another reason that I really need my own place. But yes, stressing about food isn't good. Well, stressing too much. Find what works for you and do that.

gothceltgirl
@gothceltgirl
05/22/20 11:51:18AM
8 posts

What is your biggest issue as an empath?


Community

I really need to live alone. I do best when I do, but I had a really bad experience in my last apt. Hostile neighbors, rent too high, etc. Then I had (what I thought was) was an opportunity to get away from that. For reference I lived alone for 15 years. Then things didn't work out and I left NYC, which I love, and came down to Va. Beach to stay with my best friend, her 3 yo daughter, & grown son. It's been grueling. She's a highly sensitive/empathic person as well, but has very different mind issues to me, as does her son. I don't really care to be around children and swore as a childfree person that I wouldn't ever live with any, but I have no choice, as I have a cat and a disability, so anyway, I've asked her to give me space in the kitchen so that I can prepare dinner w/o her energy infecting me. She just thinks it's funny that her spaciness and forgetfulness infects me, but it isn't funny b/c I have ADHD, my own stuff, & need her to be away from the kitchen, but on a few occassions she's not done it, as I asked. I haven't been eating right the last few days and am feeling quite cranky living on snacks (healthy ones, but still). Her son got a mini-fridge for me for upstairs to put my coffee maker on. My cat food is in there too. The 2nd floor isn't doing me any favors either. My right hip has been hurting since I arrived. But she's been so generous and tried to accommodate me so much. I feel so bad for feeling bad, or not better. But my life blew up in a short amount of time, I didn't have time to deal. And now I'm living with people again, really need my own place. I also don't have a car and am on a fixed income, as I'm on SSD.

So the biggest challenge for me is living with other people. I am an extrovert, but I like to come home to peace, quiet, & solitiude. W/O solititude I feel really irritable, aggravated, & annoyed. I find it easier to deal with my physical problems when I have a peaceful head, than to have everyone in my face & trying to help & being kind. I know that sounds counterintutive. But they overwhelm me a lot more now that my health has gotten worse. I am looking for places I can afford and applying to affordable housing. But I'm hoping that I can get into work mode again, do something freelance online/from home to save more money.

My friend is bringing the rest of my belongings from my storage facility in NYC, I had lived in Newark NJ, then stayed in NYC for a little while at a friend's house. But his wife was an awful person. One of those people who likes to create problems, drama, & issues. She doesn't sleep & won't let anyone else sleep either. I'd been awake for about 3 days straight when I arrived here. It was a nightmare. A store for another post.

gothceltgirl
@gothceltgirl
05/22/20 11:40:22AM
8 posts

An empath's mind?


Community

I'm so confused. Are you wondering if she's attracted to you? In a romantic way? Is that what you mean by getting closer? Or have I missed something entirely?

gothceltgirl
@gothceltgirl
05/22/20 11:02:11AM
8 posts

Just Joined- Sad Movies


Community

When I had cable, I had to change the channel, walk away, or mute the TV when those ASPCA PSAs came on, the ones with Sarah Mclachlan depressing songs. It's like extra, extra sad with sad on top.