Forum Activity for @tonyrn

TonyRN
@tonyrn
04/20/19 08:56:49AM
7 posts

Am I an Empath? how definitive are the online tests?


Empath

@hop-daddy

Thanks for the link, it was good reading. Claircognizant sounds pretty close. I tend to get flashes of stuff that I cant interpret but it leaves me with a clear gut feeling that I have come to know not to ignore.  It took me a long time to realize it is dangerous to disregard a gut feeling or a red flag, it's just to easy to rationalize a bad idea.

TonyRN
@tonyrn
04/19/19 07:17:13AM
7 posts

Am I an Empath? how definitive are the online tests?


Empath

I was Dx with ODD when I was but a wee lad, maybe 5-ish.  Mom took me to a leading child psychologist way back then because apparently I was not an easy child.  I do believe the defiance is innate, it goes back to my earliest childhood memories.  I think these other factors you mentioned keep it alive and well.

What your saying, I know it's true and believe me sir, I have to bite my lip plenty!  I wont lie, I'm quickly annoyed by kids but I care deeply about their well being. I had to teach mine shame, loyalty, honesty, promptness, integrity and kindness, and give them the knowledge that they will witness a disturbing lack of it in the real world.  The old narrative left the building with Elvis. I don't like it but that is the reality. 

When I was a child my favorite toys were Legos (I still have totes of them), anything under the tree best be Legos or have wheels. I was not even 10 when I could identify just about any car part, I could see the headlights way back in the dark and accurately identify make and model. I had to take stuff apart to see how it all worked and always loved getting my hands dirty. I could explain the difference between 4 stroke and 2, and how a rotary engine worked long before I was old enough to drive. I'm not claiming to be a master tech but I certainly hold my own. I guess now I know that there is a word for it.

Machines and animals I get, I'm quite comfortable around either. It's people that keep me guessing.

TonyRN
@tonyrn
04/18/19 06:59:04PM
7 posts

Am I an Empath? how definitive are the online tests?


Empath

I had turned wrenches and operated a tow truck before becoming a nurse, I was alone in the truck, made lots of tips and met lots of ladies. It was great! During the rotations I had done in nursing school the long term care rotations were easily my favorite. Always more rewarding then stressful/taxing. Those patients that lived through the dirty 30s are generally humble and much less entitled.  Hospice is something I would LOVE to do again, and long term care are completely different and a great match for what I have to offer. Generally these facilities are more relaxed and a better fit.

My last few years as a nurse were private-duty 1099, much better. When I worked in facilities (one exception) I had to deal with a lot of drama, smack talking, back biting, power struggles, politics and enough venom and vitriol to intoxicate a mature rattle snake.  I'm used to coworkers having ups and downs but nothing like this, ever.  If I had a few more years left I would go to law school and become a mens/fathers rights advocate, it would also be a fantastic way to help children without having to deal with them. I think that was my actual calling and I missed it.

I'm happy to say that a lot of the Empath information I find pretty intuitive, I feel as though I'm understanding it well since it's something that makes huge chunks of my life and self make a whole lot more sense.  I'm still learning about specifics and variants of Empaths, I'm not psychic, I cant see or feel ghosts.  I think I read about "precognitive" that fits fairly well, along with dysfunctional.  I'm ready to understand grounding and mechanisms. 

Would the fact that I'm highly defiant tell us anything about any of this? That goes back to early childhood and still thrives in probably unhealthy proportions.

Do I need to narrow down what kind of Empath I am to properly formulate the best coping mechanisms? 

Is it possible that I have some ability that I have no idea about, possibly muffled by my healthy skepticism of most things?  Any way to tell if that may be the case? 

Once again, thank you.

TonyRN
@tonyrn
04/18/19 05:58:46AM
7 posts

Am I an Empath? how definitive are the online tests?


Empath

@zacharias

I can relate to so much of this. Especially the responsibility of friends, it's a challenge. I've had to adjust expectations not only of friends but family. People are quite a bit less disappointing when expectations are nil.  I've also had to cut out anyone that brings drama, that included several family members as well as friends. This has been a happy experience, not hard or difficult.  Likewise I've had to look at myself and make sure I'm not guilty of the very things that drive me nuts about people, some adjustments had to be made.

Sanctuary time is critical too, I'm good to go to town 2-3x/week max and I've gotta keep it under 2 hrs, and outside rush hours.  I do live in one of those towns that seems more toxic than most, lots of road rage and public rudeness. I can melt down in traffic pretty easily so I gotta watch it. I have no coping mechanism for that other than avoidance and a bit of extra HP.  For each trip to town I need at least a couple days to recoup.  After reading all about what an Empath goes through I'm pretty sure it's been with me as long as I've been alive, but the Fibro is relatively recent and it seems that the two have some sort of cumulative effect. 

When you say weed works I know that you are right.  I started using it to treat Fibro for lack of any of the indicated meds being effective at anything other than profound side effects.  I used to smoke back in the 80s as a youth, then I quit for many years, a friend that could see I was suffering dropped off a little care package and while it's not a magic bullet it is by a landslide the most effective thing I have tried for the Fibro, I was already well into my 40s by then.  I does seem to work to dampen the people pressure.  I think the empathic traits go back to my earliest memory, and maybe thats why the cannabis was so effective before. It's pretty well known that cannabis treats Fibro, but what a boost that it helped with this empathic thing that I never realized I had.

BTW, I really like the cave idea.  While there seem to be some band-aids for this the only true treatment I'm aware of so far is avoidance.  Not an option for everyone I know but it's doing the trick for me.  I felt so good when I went to CO, I had to get a long ways south of Denver/Springs area for the air to clear, but when I got close to Alamosa and along the extreme southern edge of CO it felt like home.  Even Cripple Creek, stunningly beautiful, had to many people, but I wanted to see it being a fan of "The Band" I felt I owed it to myself to have a peek while I was close. Folks in southern CO seem somehow compatible with me. I plan to go stay in Ft Garland for awhile in the next few weeks and get a better feel for the community and the NM high desert.  Wanna to make sure I get the right acreage.

If I may be so bold there is one thing that jumps off the page to me, you seem to experience Houston the way I experienced Seattle. I moved some 50 miles away to rural Snohomish County but I had to move again in a couple years. The masses caught up with me in no time flat.  Are you sure your far enough away from Houston? I still had toxicity from Seattle and I was nearly 2 hrs away. If I even see a major city on TV my blood runs cold and I have to look away.  It does rack my nerves, even if just on TV.  

When I read your last two paragraphs I had to wonder if your still too close to a metro area, I could feel the words as I was reading them.  If I may be so bold, the things you describe seem all to familiar to me.  I had to get much further from Seattle before I could stop feeling the effects of it.  Of course then I had no idea bout being an Empath, at least now I have some understanding of why even one county over was not nearly far enough.  Seattle has an overwhelmingly high-strung, uptight displacement that seemed to spread all over the western part of the state, very toxic indeed.  I seemed to instinctively know that I had to go... far.  It cut my earning potential in half but was well worth it.  I honestly believe had I stayed I would probably be in jail now. 

@hop-daddy

Now that I'm reading and understanding I think it's innate and was fully awake throughout my life.  The issues have been long standing, it really does explain so much, so well.  I didn't figure there was an off switch but I had to ask.  Aside from a finely-tuned commercial grade BS detector this has not been a good time.  In retrospect I think this has helped me to be a better nurse when working hospice and long term care.  Boy it would be nice to have a toggle switch with this! I think I need to read more about grounding, sounds like it might help.

Thank you both!

TonyRN
@tonyrn
04/15/19 08:41:32AM
7 posts

Am I an Empath? how definitive are the online tests?


Empath

I never had a clue, at least not one that I recognized.  I always knew I was different, a misfit among misfits even.  My mother told me that even as a small child I would pretty much melt down in crowded places.  I'm not sure my aversion to crowds and most people has an etiology in possibly being an Empath, but it is starting to make plenty of sense. All I have recently read suggest that there is a probable/likely link.  I'm 50-ish now and It's only just very recently started to figure it out. During adolescence I just though I was a loner, a non-people person.  I highly suspect I would still be an introverted loaner even if not Empathic.

I experience "people pressure" when I'm in public. I explain this to those close to me as the feeling of a deep dive to the bottom of a lake. I feel the pressure on my body and my head, it just continually presses until said pressure is actually audible. The deeper I go the light fades and is replaced by cold murky depths and I can feel the pressure in the center of my brain.  Being in public is like that, there is always a basil pressure but throw in a few extra people or some mild/moderate traffic for maximum effect.  It takes days to recover from that. 

I relate to wanting to go live in a cave.  I was born in a horribly overcrowded city in SoCal, I was maybe 6-8 before I realized that this was not where I belonged and not much longer before we bolted to rural South Dakota.  Western SD was not so overcrowded back in the late 70s. When I was a younger man (1989 ish) I moved to a Metro area on the west coast to take advantage of an opportunity. It was not a mistake, the diversity was fantastic but the crowds were soul crushing.  So you have moved past the part of wanting to live in a cave, but I'm still there. In fact when this last snow melts I'll be back on my bike headed back to southern CO/Northern NM again looking for remote off-grid acreage along the high desert.  I've always known I would end up off-grid at some point. Thankfully I can use my RN to earn in places where jobs are scarce and land is cheap. I will likely capitalize off of someone else that bought land to live off-grid, but didn't do the math first.

I'm grateful that you took the time to share, I can relate to a whole lot of what you wrote.  I need massive amounts of alone time to detox from people. I'm very happy to be alone. It's not painful or distressing in any way. I'm ready to accept it and learn to live with it, but my goals are not to have many friends or be able too live in a populated place, rather make it tolerable when I do have to go to town or take a job/assignment. When I'm out riding the plains I experience true inner peace and tranquility, an ease and comfort that I rarely find outside nature. The Fibromyalgia has been making working extremely difficult so between these two issues I have some sorting to do.  At last I should say that I'm grateful to not be terminally ill and I have been blessed in many ways in life, so I'm hoping I don't sound like I'm playing a victim or whining needlessly. On the contrary these sets of issues I have are pretty light and I'm grateful for what I have and what I've been spared that others have endured.

I guess now I should continue to look at some of the tools and learn more. I'm not able to open some of the resource pages here, probably a script that my browser objects to, it's pretty strict in that regard.  I'm about to head to town and see my friend that nailed me as an Empath, this has been one heck of a year for self-discovery!

Thanks to all the help and guidance, glad I happened upon this forum.

TonyRN
@tonyrn
04/12/19 11:12:12AM
7 posts

Am I an Empath? how definitive are the online tests?


Empath

I want to thank you for the responses. I do seem to fit into the dysfunctional part of the spectrum in spite of some coping mechanisms I have sorted out. Most of how I cope is avoidance, and it works. I have been and continue to read up on survival and coping techniques. If I may be honest I'm pretty skeptical but for lack of any other explanation I am going forward. I may no longer claim to have an open mind if I exercise contempt prior to investigation. 

The whole concept of "Empath" makes the most sense in the absence of any other explanation.  Besides I know that dogs are empathic, so why not some people. I would be uncomfortable if I had to argue this in court, but I am convinced that there is something to it and it probably fits me.

I'm still not entirely sure why I'm here, not sure what my goals are. I'm happy as an introvert and living remotely, so not in any hurry to change that. Perhaps I'm curious how this could be a gift, perhaps It's self-discovery, I can use knowledge to make myself a better, more functional person. Maybe this understanding will make me better able to help others.  It's mighty confusing to not like people and feel a compulsion to help some of them at the same time.  Looks like I probably have a lot of stuff to sort through.

Thank you for taking the time to shed some light on this. 

TonyRN
@tonyrn
04/11/19 08:05:00PM
7 posts

Am I an Empath? how definitive are the online tests?


Empath

Over the years I have occasionally had someone tell me that I'm an Empath, usually someone I only knew in passing if at all.  Recently someone I respect told me that she is an Empath and that I probably am too.  I promised to research it and I did, found some online tests/screening tools and tried those out.  They were so easy to take as the answers were pretty definite, if I'm to believe any of these tests and information about traits of an Empath, then am indeed a flaming Empath. 

It would explain my blistering social ineptitude, it's bad enough to make friends and career a real challenge sometimes/quite often.  Some days I just cant bear the idea of being around people at all.  Without recapping all the material I have read I can say that it matches me to about 95%.  I have never experienced any connection to someone distant as some others have claimed.  Everything else seems about spot on.  The BS meter is the true gift, but so far the rest of it seem to be more of a curse in day to day life.  I was mostly holding it together before, but an onset of Fibromyalgia seems to be exacerbating every aspect of this already tricky "gift". It's been much easier since I have learned to trust my gut and stop ignoring red flags.  I've also had to make some serious adjustment to my expectations of people in general.

Is there any other way to interpret all this above data that I used to self-diagnose being an Empath?

There is no way to switch it off, is there?

I hope to learn from others here, seems like the pieces are starting to fall together, like finally I can make some sense of why I am so damn different. I'm not enough of a people person for this to be a good thing, or so it looks from here.

Thanks for enduring my rant-clad questions, I thought I had some serious stuff wrong with me for many years, but this really could make so many things easier to understand.

TIA.