sorry i'm not sure what you mean?
re spirits, well i hope not. at least i'm trying to keep that out of my mind, as if i'd start looking for it i'm sure my creative mind would start imagining them immediately out of fear
no, but seriously – i've seen you post about spirits frequently, and the first time i read about that i felt a somewhat odd, shifted energy around – had to recover for a while. (if it's ok to mention that.)
i do sense presences sometimes, but no physical things happening, really.
however, because i've had this for so many years and was positively terrified of it when i was younger (in my teens), i've learnt that it's – as you say – super-sensitive to the mental/emotional state i'm in. so basically since i've gotten a grip on my fear, more or less (which wasn't easy) it's less.
i've also a background of reading C G Jung and buddhism, both of which talk a lot about how the mind projects and connects to forceful things, which aren't entirely fantasy, but are somewhere in a middle-realm.
so the connection that i observed between my state and these appearances was so strong that i've more or less adopted the buddhist attitude described in the Bardo Thodol – ok probably talking Chinese here – that's a traditional Tibetan guidebook on what happens after death, which is essentially a series of crazy visions and such; there are specific instructions that help you get through them (related to meditation, seeing stuff as projections of the mind even if it's scary, etc.). i don't understand much of this ancient scripture, but the one thing i keep coming back to is this sense that – while i don't think this stuff is fantasy, as in stuff i just imagine, it has an energy and presence of its own – as long as i have a grip on my mind, more or less (which i'm practicing A LOT also for other reasons, like overcoming mental health issues) – it keeps within its limits.
it's also possible though that i haven't been dealing with anything that grave, hence have the feeling that a calm mind (not in a banal sense, really with some deeper work) keeps it at bay.
so in that sense, even if it's projections from visitors – i still wouldn't treat that as random but an alert that i'm becoming receptive to the wrong kind of stuff. for some reason. (such as depression, bad nutrition – big deal in my case, overstimulation, etc.)
@spiritualskies there's really a lot to say on the topic but to be honest I haven't found much good info, apart from the standard Judith Orloff, Dave Markovitz, etc. – none of which I found good.
i've been dealing with depression somewhat along the lines of kellybroganmd.com (that and some basic ayurvedic principles) but overal i've had to figure this out myself. i can't even count the amount of psychology and self-help books i've read
if you let me know which topics specifically interest you, i may be able to point you to something more specific.
@spiritualskies I've actually been struggling with this a lot (depression, dissociation, fatigue, eating disorders, what not). I hope you don't see this as spam, a while ago I started blogging and compiled things that worked for me into an article series (there's also a list of resources at the bottom – i keep procrastinating adding more good stuff). specifically this one deals with my experience of empath overload combined with other emotional and trauma issues.
And these are newer and you may relate to them (or any in the "mental health" category).
these are just my personal views and they have evolved since I've written this, and also what you need may be totally different. but you can check if there's anything supportive in there.
all best wishes
, yes – what you say does make sense; these episodes happen when my energy isn't the best. they just seem a tad extreme, not proportional to the situation – perhaps i feel fatigued, depressed, lonely, or stressed, but hey why such hardcore graphic images?
oddly enough, a few days ago i think i have actually found the answer in a book ... i've described that at the bottom ("Appendix" section) of my last blog post ( Is depression a choice? ) ... not sure that's so relevant to you, but i found a description of a very similar dream/vision motive in the context of someone's talking to her depression and seeing a vision that's really similar to my repetitive dreams.
so apparently at least some people's psyche comes up with these super-dramatic images to visualise, or push in your face, a deep inner psychological conflict. perhaps it's using these crazy images because i really am not noticing the level of internal war zone i'm in, like that author describes.
maybe you just stop noticing it as you get used to it (again, like the author i cite and perhaps myself)
hm. i used to have what you call "genuine issues around food" for a long time, and reading you, i wonder: if you are aware that you pick these up from others, why do you act them out?
no offence intended, i just wonder – for me knowing that some feeling isn't mine usually helps me stop acting on it; sometimes it's enough to ground it in a way.
so this is puzzling for me.
for me to get out of the eating issues, i needed to learn to pay attention to the underlying emotions triggering it – what i feel right before i get the urge to binge; and then slowly learning to tolerate it and to have compassion towards it, and to simply fulfil the real need that the emotion is pointing to (rather than substitute with food).
i've also had to adjust my diet quite a bit, as part of the imbalance in my opinion was related to blood sugar rollercoaster (easy to get when you eat a lot of carbs).
so without wanting to intrude into your personal space, but i wonder – if you pick up on this to the degree that you actually find yourself acting it out, might you have a shadow / echo of something similar in yourself: some pain that is easy to cover over with food, even if it's by going via other people's patterns / getting covered over by other people's patterns.
because in my personal opinion, otherwise you might sense this urge but you it seems unlikely that you would actually (sometimes) act on it.
although, if it's really 100% other people, i would think the solution is similar – realise what emotions come just before the urge to binge, and learn to tolerate and ground those (when they are others' just the same – see them for what they are).
in my experience, these will typically be ... anger, overwhelm, emptiness/boredom, lack of love, nervousness, diffuse (emotional or physical) pain and discomfort that needs to be listened/attended to, inner agitation (again, find the reason and solve it) or others.
food can act like a soothing drug for these – makes you feel them less for a while. whether it's triggered by another person or not.
i hope this is somehow helpful and not offensive, just from my personal experience.
don't diet - that just gets you deeper into the problem. if you're able, pay attention to the emotions that come before and learn to tolerate / befriend / ground those and distinguish them from physical hunger, and then the thing will start to resolve hopefully.
all the best
i have cycles from time to time (i think this year it's already the 3rd or 4th) of about a week where i wake up every night in the early morning hours from various variations of completely gory, graphic and abstruse nightmares (think severely mutilated animals, tortured children, etc. a few years ago i had a cycle about concentration camps – none of which i've ever seen in real life or perhaps even movies).
i've stopped freaking out about it by now (just go back to sleep or meditate), but i still wonder if anyone gets this and what it is. it has some sort of PTSD flavour i suppose, but i really do not think i have suffered trauma related to any of these topics.
also wonder what's the point of it. bringing certain emotions to the surface, trying to heal something unspoken/symbolic? or just random disruption?
not sure this is specific to empaths. anyone familiar with it?
PS. Dr Brogan has an online group-course that i haven't tried because i got enough out of the book / articles. may be worth checking if you daughter has general mood issues (not just triggered by specific events), PMS is a factor etc.
PPS. i was doing the same at 17, skipping school to walk in the woods. or to read in the library. when teachers asked me where i'd been, i answered truthfully – they thought it's a joke.
From that same website, http://www.eggshelltherapy.com/articles/
I don't know the details of your daughters situation, but that whole topic was very relevant in my teens and I can tell you this therapist knows it inside out (in addition to having an understanding for empaths, psychic gifts, and such).
i went through a major crisis at 16, too. i wasn't suicidal but completely dissociated and self-harming. my parents refused to send me to a therapist for the same reason, they'd seen friends drugged up and not helped by it. to be honest, i'm grateful for that. a good therapist would have saved me the work of digging myself out of self-harm and eating disorders over the next 10 years, but we were in a small town where it's unlikely anyone would have understood and might have made matters worse.
although i think now there's better help available more globally than 20 years ago.
i relate to your concerns on drugs. this woman specialises in non-drug approaches (nutrition, lifestyle, spiritual) to major mental health issues, is an ex-psychiatrist who quit drugs and now publishes academic studies on people who were helped (in hardcore conditions) using a harmonious lifestyle. in fact i've been following much of her protocol (from the book "A Mind of Your Own") and it was a major breakthrough for me, never would have thought simple lifestyle changes could matter so much. i'd say, definitely try this before drugs.
both of the people i mention specialise in women's mental health, too, so that may be a plus for your daughter.
Not sure that helps, but my therapist understands the topic completely and does Skype sessions (based in London).
She specialises in emotionally sensitive and intense people with special gifts and has recently written a book on the topic that helped me a lot.
I am sure there are more people out there specialising in empath support that you could work with non-locally if that's an option at all.
At some point I've written an article on what kind of works for me ( here , hope you don't treat it as spam) in part for self-reflection, in part wondering if parts of it could be useful for others. (There's a few similar ones on specific topics here .)
I've kept learning and developing since I've written that, so if I can find time later today or in the next days, I'll write up other things I've found.
I know this can be hardcore ... wondering if it makes any difference that you got into it through a regression (rather than having that from birth) ... if that means it can be easier to calm down as you focus on yourself and your other projects, or if it doesn't matter. Anyways hope to write again later, have a good day.
to be honest ... remember i had a post on family issues that you commented on a lot. so part of how i've dealt with this was that at some point i said "f--- it" and just made a major energy clearing in the house and particularly around my dad. and weird enough the next day suddenly everyone was in a good mood and the place was liveable.
but i'm not sure if it's recommended to keep doing that.
i've read on various websites that in a way i'd be enabling people in their ways (of spreading unpleasant vibes) by just "cleaning up" after them constantly. i don't know. i know it does bring me relief though – it seems creating some sort of "clearing pipeline" is the only way i can stay near someone with a really heavy energy.
Ya, that's exactly what I was wondering about. whether i should do that. or just try to disconnect. my instinct is to clear the entity – i've done that in the past for "my own" entities, i.e. stuff that would just come to me and stick around and bother ... even though i didn't know what it is, at some point i figured a way to get rid of it or transform it into a supportive presence by basically ... i guess "witnessing its suffering" for a short moment. then it would usually dissolve. while this doesn't take too long, i'd say it's still an investment of effort and energy from my side into transforming it, and also – well i don't have the official permission.
so i was wondering if it's better to just "shut the door" or to clear it. it's hard for me to just "shut the door" and let it be, but i assume i can't keep clearing every single unpleasant energy i bump into or i'll drive myself nuts.
also the question of whether i can mess with someone's energy without asking – good question. in the past i regarded that stuff as basically imaginary, but since i've started feeling that it can be quite "real" i realise that i shouldn't be doing stuff without permissions. but then that just means having to avoid certain people because i can't stand the energies surrounding them, and i don't really seem to have a way to tune it out – except if i really distance myself, in which case it isn't much fun to be around each other anyways.
hm any thoughts? also what's your method for clearing these? cause i just came up with mine randomly maybe there's one that costs less effort?
This is a personal story that I've initially written for my blog. Although in part it's not easy to share, I thought that some people on here might relate. Just curious. If you actually relate enough to read the whole thing, would be great to hear back.
I’ve had a bunch of people telling me I’m a “shaman” lately. While this has certainly tickled my ego, as the term seems to at least carry the implication of being somehow special – I’ve started reflecting on all these things and what they mean.
I’ve never interpreted my visions and encounters with what I’d call “presences” as contact with the spirit world. At first I interpreted it as – ashamed to say – but talking to God, because I was raised Catholic and when I sensed a warm, loving light by my bedside as a child (probably around 2nd or 3rd grade), well, that was my idea of what that must be.
Sometimes (still in childhood) I would sense more than one such “visitor”, and I would also have an intuitive “telepathic” (now I’d say, empathic) language with them – I’d “feel” them, and I knew they felt me. Sometimes I felt that these smaller lights came to me in a way to receive – again, I had no word for that, just instinct – some kind of loving energy that I could easily telepath them. I would sense then that somehow what was supposed to happen had happened, and they would leave.
I had no interpretation or name for this.
And I didn’t tell anyone – it didn’t occur to me (still wonder why; somehow I knew that this was “unmentionable”). It didn’t really upset or surprise or puzzle me either, though. It seemed natural.
When it really came on hard was during adolescence. The visions and sensations got far more complex and intense, and often they would involve the feeling of energy streams (what I then felt as a kind of “electricity” and “light”) in my body “lighting up”, transforming, activating; sometimes I’d feel like a light bulb that was going to explode as the voltage on it was just too high. The range of “visitors” also expanded; some were benevolent and brought ecstatic visions and what felt like insight and peace; others were dark or felt like pure evil, and some were trying to “pull me out of my body”, so to speak. I resisted, feeling like I’m fighting for my life. (As I was afraid that I’d leave and not find the way back.)
This went on for years with depth, richness, intensity, and also with my mental health deteriorating throughout my adolescence – now so many years after the fact I can see that experiencing all this, having no words for it, not mentioning it to anyone, and “playing normal”, playing the games of daily life while splitting that sphere of my experience off completely – as if into a separate compartment of my mind – could have easily driven a person crazy, or at least distraught and depressed, as it did with me. Being from an immigrant family, bisexual and with heavy gender dysphoria (feeling that my body was developing into the wrong sex), as well as being (academically) gifted hence not really on the same wavelength with my peers didn’t help either.
But retrospectively I judge that all these things were perhaps easier to deal with than being assaulted and cradled (in alternation) by the “spirit world” on a near-daily basis.
All that was in the pre-internet era; I was trying to find information on what was going on with me, but all I found was information on schizophrenia. That didn’t fully fit though, and wasn’t encouraging either. At some point I bumped into an article on shamanism and it resonated. But that’s all. Maybe the only positive side-effect of this was that I ended up reading the major scriptures of most world religions; and any writing by mystics that I could get hold of in libraries and budding websites.
What saved my sanity was probably a short book on … I don’t even remember the details, but I think it was Zen meditation. Some Buddhist meditation manual. Which stated that if you meditate long enough, “things” (of the kind I was more than familiar with) will appear to you; and it instructed the meditator to pay no particular heed to whatever arises (no matter whether enticing or terrifying) but to just persist in cultivating a calm and settled observer state. I did that and it helped; I believe it saved my sanity over the years.
The other breakthrough moment I remember – after which I believe things got less intense and more manageable – was when in one of the evil-presence-pulling-me-out-of-my-body episodes I was so exasperated and by now worn down by all this nonsense that I “said” (telepathed / empathed) to it something along the lines of “I don’t care; I don’t even care to be afraid of you anymore, if you take me out of here and kill me, I still won’t bother to be afraid anymore”. Somehow that managed to transform the “evil” energy into a “light” benevolent one, after a major energy hurricane though that pulled me in all directions. Since that moment, these episodes got less frequent and intense.
I could probably tell dozens of such stories. I would guess that I had hundreds (thousands?) of these types of episodes, with “energies” of various flavours, colours, looks, feels, with endless types of transformations felt in my energy body (again, some ecstatic some … gruesome), with every type of communication and relation to whatever-it-was, and of course with various cryptic visions (not hallucinations though thankfully; just very strong and powerful inner-eye visions).
As a teen (and into my twenties), I didn’t accept that with the peaceful naturalness of my child self. I was puzzled, freaked out, in part terrified of the darkness, in part bewildered – by the positive visions, as they resembled things I’d read on in religious and mystical literature. However, I didn’t believe myself to be a mystic or a person of extraordinary virtue or power. In fact, I could barely manage to hold myself together and play sane.
It cost me a lot.
After stabilising and calming down my contacts with this realm somewhat in my twenties (again, crediting Buddhist meditation, particularly Vipassana and every type of mindfulness practice), I thought I’m over it. But I wasn’t OK internally. I was still gifted, imaginative, hungry for life, I got academic stipends, travelled. But over time a nagging feeling of inner isolation deepened, until in my late twenties and early thirties it reached profound pain and depression again. It was different from my teen depression – less chaotic, but more poignant.
At that point, I had spent perhaps almost a decade in personal development, in the sense of meditating, reading tons of psychology books, books on world religions and indigenous traditions to some degree, practiced bodywork and somatic healing techniques, been in (fairly useless) therapy also.
I believe I was less dissociated (cut off from my own body and emotions) than in my teen years. That’s perhaps why now I felt less chaos and more – simple, direct, near-physical – pain, desperation, hopelessness. I didn’t try to kill myself, but I frequently hit the point of “Fuck this all I’d rather not be here”. People who knew closely me were appalled how I could persist on a constant emotional rollercoaster, with the major part of it being dark and deep and distraught.
Not to mention, my personal relationships were a mess. I felt I couldn’t get my life path or even basic social interactions and material needs together in any way, everything slipping out of my hands again and again despite me being a healthy, intelligent, capable person.
I spare you the details, but at one point I bumped into someone who told me I’m an empath – in the quasi-psychic sense of literally feeling other people’s emotional and bodily states, rather than just imagining and empathising – and insisted on that. I thought that’s weird and ridiculous, but I researched it. I was desperate for anything that might help at that point. I learnt some basic energy work techniques, like sending back energies and clearing my field. It helped somewhat.
But I still treated that as a kind of visualisation game that’s based on my imagination helping me calm down, or something like that.
Later that year I randomly bumped into someone who aspires to being a professional energy healer. Seeing my state that person offered to give me a bunch of sessions. After I’d known them long enough to trust them, I accepted. It helped.
Additionally, it turned out that I could feel everything that person was doing (e.g. I’d know when they lost concentration and got tired even when they weren’t touching me and my eyes were closed). It also turned out that – when I offered at least a massage in return – I sensed and shifted things that this other person found unusual. They finally convinced me that I perceive things that most people don’t, and that this is perception, not imagination.
It took me a long, long time to come to grips with the idea that not everyone has these energy-related sensations all the time. And that these are genuine sensations, referring to real things.
Again, following my psychologist and psychology books, I’d assumed that it was just a metaphoric / symbolic representation of my thoughts. Although admittedly, it felt like a huge relief to just accept this as a form of perception. Because that’s what I now believe it is, after having tested it again and again – a mode intuitive perception.
That wasn’t all though. I’m still in the process of testing the accuracy of all this, and testing in how far what I do with energy affects not only myself, but the people I’m in contact with.
Working with this aspect of myself and my perception, and – to some degree – accepting it as real and reliable, and talking about genuinely existing aspects of the world – has helped me. To feel more balanced, sane, to regain some of my feeling of vitality and self – possibly my soul. My episodes of depression and darkness have been shorter since, and I’m not scared of nor particularly distraught by them anymore (although certainly crazy shit happens) – although that perhaps sounds odd, but in some sense I trust life now.
Since I’ve started “coming out” with this aspect of myself more, opening up with it to people, I’ve been baffled on a new level. I do think thinking of all this in terms of a shamanic “coming of age” or initiation is a more helpful model (for me personally) than anything I’ve seen that Western psychology has to offer at this point.
Treating what I see as a form of reality and learning to interact with it has taken off much more suffering than spending years psychoanalysing myself on where all these weird “symbols” and “metaphors” come from – having seriously no obvious basis in my personal life story. And having the feel, to be honest, of something that is at least in part distinct from me and my psyche.
Having had no guide in this certainly made my coming of age (my teens and twens) deeply painful and bewildering (to say the least). And made my start into life difficult, full of chaos, without having a firm basis in myself.
On the upside, I have perhaps learnt to rely on inner guiding lights – having had no choice. Learning that I’m not alone even when I am.
All this was and is difficult, and I know many people go through this journey in an even more painful manner (my environment was largely peaceful and supportive and sane). I don’t know if that was all – maybe much more is coming – but I credit some form of God or higher force for getting me through this in the first place. That’s the other lesson I’ve learnt, perhaps – that there are things I can’t deal with, but they can still be dealt with by the life and intelligence that I’ve sensed in everything ever since I was a child.
Being an empath or clairsentient or shaman or whatever you want to call it also means that I – almost constantly – sense the suffering and emotional/bodily experiences of other people coursing through my own body (on the upside, I also often sense their exhilaration, love and power and feel I can learn from that experience). That’s difficult and something I am still learning to deal with, ever since I’ve understood that’s what it is (rather than random noise or only my own psychic projections). “Seeing” many forms of suffering that aren’t part of my life personally, still sensing – having to digest what I “see” and feel somehow, even when I don’t take it into myself as deeply anymore knowing now that it’s part of another’s life path.
Having to digest many difficult “images” perhaps not daily anymore, but frequently enough. Finding peace with them, finding peace with the fact that I see them and will probably always see them – having to develop a form of acceptance and peace that allows me to stay settled in sane (and as much as possible joyful) in the presence of all this intensely felt suffering, shifting complexity of this world.
Wondering if this is a healing gift, or just something between me and God – learning to simply live in the presence of this world. Without a skin or filter that separates my psyche (and in a sense body; energy-body) from that of others.
At 33 now, still feeling like having to learn to breathe, to walk, to simply exist. And also having accepted that there is perhaps nothing except my inner nature and the often rough immediacy of the physical world here to guide me; still feeling infinitely better since listening for spirit within it just as my instinct tells me to.
Thanks a lot.
"in a lot of cases we're trying to heal what we think are our own traumas etc...when in fact they might be someone else's.....so we end up more depressed because we can't heal it ...we can't heal what is not ours..."
i've had a joint pain for a long time now that i wasn't able to get rid of, where usually i can quite easily heal that kind of thing with the type of energy / bodywork that i do. but that one was just resistant and pestering for months. what you wrote reminded me of the fact that it could not be mine (i'm a physical empath so that happens). funny enough telling it to leave my body if it's not mine (scanning for possible people it may be from) actually made it disappear for a day. let's see if it comes back.
following your advice and doing a major clearing project now that i think i've got a better grip on how energy feels like when it's not mine. being shocked though just by the sheer amount of "foreign" energy my body seems to be holding.
thinking to keep doing that on a daily basis for quite a while. wondering if you consider yourself cleared completely and how long / what that took?
i actually already felt bad before the reading and was close to cancelling it. but then i wondered why i have this feeling that i want to cancel it ... and i decided to read her just a bit, to see what's up. so then i got stuck in that whole mess.
i wonder now if this kind of feeling of wanting to avoid contact with someone (even tho i had nothing more than a few short e-mails from her with no weird-sounding details) can be an indication that there may be energies that will be hard to deal with for me.
by "the same thing" you mean cutting all the energy ties and clearing your own energy?
thanks Karen. i kind of figured that the best thing will be to "close the door". tried that too, although i still ended up having visions an hour or two later, and was a bit off the next day. only a two-hour walk in the park "fixed" me, i guess nature and movement for me is the "clearing tool" of choice.
i just wasn't sure if that's usual. and also why this stuff seems to interact with me unless i deliberately disengage. i've exchanged a few e-mails with that woman, she claims she can clear it herself (claims at least).
I've decided to check whether I'm psychic (as some people I worked with claimed that, for me that was too crazy to take it seriously for a long time) with "experiments" of the kind where I do detailed energy body "readings" on people about whom I have no information (without pictures or phone calls or descriptions, just based on e-mails).
I get a crazy lot of information every time, and being a physical empath that seems to include (some) bodily ailments, too. yesterday I had a weird case in which upon "tuning in" to a client I felt I'm making contact with another energy, independent of her, which was fairly dark and heavy and big (saw it as a cloud of blackness hovering above, perhaps a metre long and half a metre thick ... quite fat). it started to mess with my mind, too, the way i'm familiar with entities trying to.
I "logged out" as best I could, then got back to the woman saying I saw something that seems weird, maybe it's an error, whatever. Didn't tell her that I think it's an entity (since I don't know and don't like to "scare" people with that kind of stuff either when I don't know the person and don't know what they know or imagine about it), I just described her what her body and soul presumably feel like in the presence of that thing and she confirmed (and also said that she wasn't feeling good and had suspected some weird energy might have attached to her; which she didn't mention before; also the details she later gave regarding entities she works with in rituals matched my vision very well (she messes with some African Death Goddess, what I saw I would have described as the bloodthirsty Hindu equivalent, Kali)).
Now if I had known that I probably wouldn't have given her a reading LOL. Maybe I should screen potential "clients" for involvement with death goddesses ...
Still ... this was the first time this has happened to me, frankly it was rather disturbing because of the heavy / dark nature of the entity and the visions it came with (i get visions and smells and bodily sensations in my own body on top of that).
I wanted to ask, if any of you are into this kind of thing, is it likely that just by contacting someone through the ethers, you suddenly end up talking to their entities? Is there a way to avoid it? Should I mess with these entities?
This stuff has always talked to me since I was quite young so I managed to find ways to have them leave me alone (or sometimes transform or release them), but I don't know what about entities that -- seems in this case -- come directly from others?
Tho now this case also makes me think that the stuff I've seen when I was young might have been from other people too?
Thanks for any experiences and thoughts
a thousand blessings for that!
omg THANKS!!!! i see you edited it ... it's just SO much easier to just look at it and take in / remember / think through the points you make now (at least for my type of brain)
haha yes i figured ... that you just write the way you talk ... anyways i got through your post somehow helping myself by highlighting the part of the text that i've already read ... so maybe that's some method to deal with it :D
ok, i've managed to read that one finally ...
thanks a lot, it sounds very similar. also internalising in that kind of situation that YOU're the crazy one.
thanks for sharing how you dealt with it.
I wrote my mom a letter because there was no way I could express myself to her without her shutting me down...we each have to find our own way to deal....and I sent it to her in an email...I told her all the angry things I kept pent up...and was so shocked when this HUGE black energy suddenly left...it was a tight black mass that suddenly began to unravel in my left arm...then as it unravelled I realized the pain was now in my back....and it was extremely painful for a good 5 minutes....it was all the fear and anger I'd held in for all those years actually stored somewhere in my body and soul...
i might try something like that. think my problem at the moment is still that i don't fully believe that i'm right here or that i have a right to protect myself even if it will hurt the other person. although i don't think it can hurt him as much as it's cost me all these years (basically i believe my relationship and interpersonal problems and the fact i'm unable to live in the country i grew up are all related to that), but i don't know.
but it helps to read that this stuff CAN leave your body once you express and externalise it. it's painful to think about how many years of my life it's cost me but ... better that than staying stuck with it for the rest ...
i realized I couldn't fix her....she had her own dark energy she carried around and didn't even know it...and because I know it I find I can be compassionate towards her even though she drove me crazy...I also severed all soul ties and energy connections to her so I wasn't receiving her energy and she mine...you can't fix your dad....you CAN fix you and remove the programming that makes you afraid of him....he's passed his unhappiness to you...in more ways than one...sever all energy connections to him...and repair the damage...then you can learn how to be in his presence and still be ok.....it takes some work but eventually after you heal yourself it will all become like a dream....
what was the thing for you that made it possible to lose the fear? if i may ask ... just curious.
as i still do have an issue with fear, even though i know i'm not in physical danger. but it's like it's ingrained somehow.
also, in my case there's the added issue that for whatever reason i'm not able to find stability in my own life -- i'm always in a whirl of change and sometimes i get so tired of it and then there are moments like these when something goes wrong (with work, with a relationship) and i just need a place to crash and i end up at my parents. because despite all they're always ready to help on the material level, and i have a good relation with my mother and brother and i miss them. so it's like i keep going back to this, not fully finding my independence.
also because of the psychological damage i believe. it would be easier if i didn't have this deep wound regarding migration and didn't have to start off in a new country every time. and if every relationship i start wouldn't go to hell because of that darkness i still carry. and if i didn't get depressed on and off finding it hard to stick to a line of work/career. but that's just "if"s. hm.
it's a bit like the psychological damage is in the way of sorting my life to be independent more or less; then the lack of independence throws me back into this toxic situation when i'm still too weak.
i'm saying that because i've seen several of your posts and wanted to reply, but the reason i didn't was that that my eyes aren't in the best shape and are also usually tortured from working on the computer all day and i can't stick out reading huge monster paragraphs without seeing everything double.
i hope that's not offensive in any way, i'm just saying it because i'd like to read and respond to what you're saying and that one banal minor thing would just make it SO much easier on my end.
i'll try to give it a go now
Another thing I have begun to do is acknowledging that I have picked up someone else. I call it bonding. Sometimes the energy of another person is so strong that it's almost like they are sitting inside my body. I acknowledge that presence and give it time to leave. The acknowledgement keeps me from reacting to feelings that are not my own.
ya, the "sitting in my body" thing is pretty much what it feels like. my dad just came back from the trip and the contrast is so strong -- i almost feel physically sick in my solar plexus and stomach, and while before i was writing and working on my website, now i feel like i shouldn't touch it as that yucky energy will go into the things i'm working on and i don't want that.
it's also interesting what you say because when i do distance healings, i usually visualise the person in front of me, but for some people it's like they immediately "snap" on top of my own energy field so to speak -- feel like i'm in their body or they in mine. there's some kind of total overlap. that exact thing happened when i was doing a healing on my dad once (which actually helped him with a chronic pain thing) ... i felt like i'm basically unable to distinguish what is him and what is me, and i felt like stuff is being simultaneously healed in me.
i also had a huge "healing crisis" afterwards, basically a "trip" lasting a few hours in which i felt like my (energy) body was being reconfigured and it was so intense i had to stay in bed.
i guess i really have to work hard on separating this energy off.
It sounds like you may want to work on building up your empathic shield. There are many ways to do this you just have to find what works for you. ... There are also breathing and grounding exercise you can use to help shield yourself if you like that better.
what i usually do is trying to remember and go back to my own "pure" energy. so i've had two days of this "fresh air" now (i feel that my own energy is actually fairly clear, transparent, pleasant when i'm left to my own devices) and i'm just trying to keep feeling that knowing that this is me, and not that yucky feeling of tension and heaviness and coarseness that i get from my father.
it's hard to do -- i realise just now as i try.
one reason it's hard is that i got so used as just accepting that heavy, aggressive / coarse energy as mine. but i saw now clearly that this is not me at all, it's him. when i'm alone i'm different (and a much nicer person).
the second reason it's hard is actually -- big aha moment -- that i feel like when i relax and go back to my own natural state of energy -- i become very open. i become open, hopeful, positive, joyful, playful, gentle, light, attentive ... which makes me emotionally vulnerable also because his harshness and negativity hurts much more when i'm in that state. and my dad has also actively made me believe that it's "naive" and stupid to be like that. i think that's why i'm afraid to go back to my natural state when near this person. i fear that my naturally positive orientation towards the world is just an illusion and it will be squashed very soon by one of his heavy, painful, aggressive "realities".
so i prefer to hide, i don't even dare to breathe.
so this is the first time i'll throw a kind of personal issue in here. i just wonder what you would have to say about that, as i'm still not sure what to think or how to best solve this.
i've gone back to living with my parents for a few weeks (leaving soon). i've had a long-standing conflictual relationship with my father (ever since my teens), but i could never quite pinpoint what the conflict was about -- it wasn't like we disagree on some concrete, practical issue. more like simply his presence and (frequently dismissive or invasive, occasionally offensive) remarks driving me nuts to the point where i get tense the moment we're under the same roof.
i know you discuss narcissists a lot here, i'm not quite sure what that is or that it's good to immediately give that label to people who are difficult to be with, but as far as i gather my dad tends to say hurtful / offensive things without realising it -- probably more kind of asperger / autism spectrum if you wish to classify that (he has a lot of those traits and so do i). he'd just say bluntly that he thinks something is stupid or pointless (that the other person cares about) or that someone is irrational or crazy or overreacting -- in extremely insensitive ways, when he thinks he's merely "stating facts".
now since my dad has always been like this and nobody really confronted him about it (except me at a point) i grew up believing that his way is the norm and there is something wrong with me for getting hurt by those types of remarks (i still need to remind myself on a regular basis that he's put off many potential friends and family members by doing what he does to remember that it's not just me and not my fault). i guess in a sense after growing up in that way part of me is seeking "objective" validation that i'm not the crazy one here.
still, spending these few weeks with my parents now that i'm more conscious of specifically empath issues, i've started wondering in how far me being an empath plays into this making it worse. because most people can still take my dad -- they admit he's "difficult" and frequently annoying, but e.g. my mother and brother somehow deal with it without major blow-ups. (while some other people get tense or shorten their visits.)
i have realised that an additional element in this mess could be that my father is carrying a lot of stress and resentment around, e.g. serious work frustrations (having worked himself up the ladder as an immigrant from a rather disrespected place in a foreign country with huge effort and stress), a court trial, and presumably (obviously?) childhood trauma (from an alcoholic household). ever since i was a very young child, he was never skimp with unloading these huge stresses and frustrations -- how his home country got ruined, how capitalism is monstrous, how people are exploitative, how the world and people generally suck -- in front of me or even to me (as a child and teen).
i've over time learnt to stop him, saying that i can't bear listening to this negativity -- which has affected me much too much anyways since my youth, perhaps taking away much of my confidence and trust in people / hopefulness -- so i shut that up when it starts again. still -- it's like i constantly feel the hovering of this dark cloud, and i still get nervous and tense when i'm in the same room or even under the same roof.
now that he's gone traveling for a few days, i feel -- crazy -- how my digestion and sleep starts functioning normally again. i didn't even realise how off-kilter these have gone in the last weeks while staying here. it shocks me in a way, that i can get so affected by this, that it's possibly still poisoning my life -- i probably still carry so much of this energy.
so i basically see two issues here ... one about drawing boundaries, me learning to say when enough is enough and protect myself on a verbal / pragmatic level and finding my inner safety and self-respect. which is hard because i can feel how my dad takes all that personally, e.g. avoiding him, shutting him up, etc. but i don't really have the skill or nerve to do it gracefully. the other thing is the empath issue, of simply being in the presence of someone who is very burdened -- carrying a lot of old weight, resentment, breeding anger in a way, and also having a lot of inner fragility (which i have also instinctively sensed since i was a child and which probably stopped me from protecting myself in the first place).
i would simply avoid him if that didn't mean avoiding the rest of the family, too (they live together and my mum isn't really into doing stuff alone, she's subordinating herself pretty much to running the household). i've actually avoided them to a significant degree for almost a decade, which i believe has weakened me as i didn't resolve the underlying emotional turmoil either.
i also think i've been literally living out some of my dad's frustrations, e.g. i'm pretty much unable to live in the country we migrated to in my childhood (even though it's a rich country with a high standard in social security and everything else) -- i get crazy psychosomatic reactions and freak out when i have to stay there. so i've had to re-start my life in still other places, without family support, which has destabilised me.
have you dealt with something like this or can you relate?
i don't really know what i expect, i just thought maybe someone has been through something similar and can relate or give their experience, or otherwise any chunk of potential insight on how to minimise the suffering here.
thanks in advance and have a great day
... hm ... i guess also it depends on what you see as "judging". e.g. is simply disliking someone judging them? to be honest i wouldn't expect that i'll ever be able to avoid that. then there's the more elaborate version of active moral condemnation -- i guess that is something that can be avoided with awareness and self-reflection.
and i think you are right that unpleasant stuff "sticks" more when it's judged ...
I don't want to be judgmental. I want to be understanding. So why am I still trying to judge? I see it as a method of self protection. I would like to get to the point of not feeling the need to protect myself at all. That takes the practice of allowing "bad" people close and not engaging in fear or feeling anxious about what could happen. I can do that if I allow those feelings to flow through me without taking them on as my own. That means not trying to figure them out.
hm. i assume that in that ideal of not needing self-protection you mean energetically unpleasant people, not actually dangerous people.
i think this is very difficult. i practice that to some degree with energies -- when i just seem to catch some "from the ether" or from people -- and as long as i am in a relatively stable, grounded state, that method of not engaging in any self-protection actually seems to help in neutralising them. it's almost like a neutralisation method that works when i'm up to it. doesn't work though as soon as i'm a little bit off.
i haven't tried it on people. i guess i'm more scared of people than of stray energies or spirits. have you?
and the general idea in most of these "spiritual" / holistic approaches is that the monthly cycle is a bit like a yin-yang thing, that different moments have different energy and are best for different kinds of activities.
specifically, the beginning of menstruation is like the new moon or the winter solstice -- dark, deep, introverted. from there, the energy starts to grow towards more activity, energy, extraversion, which reaches it's peak in ovulation. that first half of the cycle is best for high-energy activities that are directed to the outside (social stuff, travel, heavily physical activities, strenuous stuff etc.). ovulation is peak of that, it's like the full moon or the summer solstice. from there, the energy starts to think to the more introverted and sensitive side, kind of like the beginning of autumn and early winter -- it becomes more "cosy", and more introverted and self-care activities come more naturally. it makes more sense then to direct less energy to the outside and more to the inside, say to self-care and closeness and spiritual growth and introspection (and stuff like shamanic journeying or artistic expression etc.). it's like the energy on a long winter evening, say.
that's kind of the theory.
the idea is that you feel more comfortable if you follow that rhythm as much as possible (find your own version of it that fits your life), rather than fight it by trying to always function in exactly the same way / rhythm, or even pushing yourself to do the opposite of what's currently natural in the cycle.
i think not everyone feels it that strongly or in the same way, but i'd say it's something to explore especially if you're an empath and into spiritual stuff / self development.
i'd also say it does help with the PMS-like oversensitivity stuff -- helps to know that it's simply a time that is designed for more "introverted" activities, for having more space to yourself and that just has to be respected -- then there's less clashing.
if you enjoy that stuff ... there's also some materials out there concerning how to use the monthly cycle in spiritual ways, so to speak, i.e. how to make use of those fluctuations in energy during the cycle and e.g. harness the moments when you're more sensitive (meaning: also more open in a way) for specific practices. unfortunately i don't have any info on that in English (can offer Spanish and Polish) but I am sure if you google around you will bump into that.
it was even mentioned in Carlos Castaneda's books -- not sure if these books are a fluke (probable), but still that's where i first found it. it's described there how witches in training use specific points in the cycle to facilitate entering specific states of consciousness related to shamanic journeys etc.
e.g. specifically there's supposed to be a point maybe 2-3 days before menstruation (will depend on the person) during which the "sheath" separating the worlds is especially thin ... etc every kind of weird thing.
so if you're into that kind of stuff, might be interesting for you to look into once you are cycling again. it's cool in certain ways.
i'm a bit trans (having gender dysphoria but not transitioning) and really hated my body for being female for a looong time (ever since teenage) and in a sense that's also what drove me at a point to really research into the positive spiritual aspects on it, and i can tell you that there are some interesting ones. finding those has helped me deal with things but i think it's even cooler to dig into that if you enjoy being female anyways
I check in with myself regularly to see if I'm carrying around something that isn't mine though. I think training yourself to pay attention to changes will take learning to listen better, and knowing what my core status is so to speak. Awareness is one of the empath skills that I need to work on the most, I always get distracted by something and forget to check for a personal benchmark. I've been told though that listening is important when training this, even if it feels like you aren't hearing anything.
so by "hearing" i guess you don't really mean using your ears, but some kind of inner attention? do you mean you are "listening" for your intuition to tell you, or something else?
also that thing regarding "core status" ... just commented on that in my response to ... do you have a way to "get that"? because my impression is that i can be so enmeshed in the energy of especially family members or romantic partners that i take that to be my "baseline", until someone leaves and only then i realise how different i feel. so all of that really confuses me.
thanks for the response ... it makes total sense ... actually when i try to write about this things in my journal or blog, i also only come up with metaphors like "taste" etc. i don't really know how to describe it. the accent is also a cool metaphor that i can make sense of.
it's interesting what you say that it's more difficult with people who are similar. that makes me think. it may be true, i.e. when there is a huge shift from my baseline, it's true i think i also tend to notice it more easily. on the other hand, sometimes i feel e.g. that when i live with certain people, i can't really tell their energy from my own – it's like i lose my "baseline" that i can compare things to. so i stop knowing who i am unless ... like literally, i spend a few days to week by myself or so.
i'm still confused about that because i think a year or so ago when i started working on this, i noticed the HUGE shifts and i thought i've (kind of) figured it out. but now as i'm going in more depth i'm confused again because it often seems that some energies i've accepted as "mine" e.g. disappear as soon as one of the people living with me leaves, or sth like that. so i think i'm still accepting a lot of stuff as "mine" that isn't mine.
that's why i still keep looking for ways ... tho if in my case it's that extreme maybe i really need to go to a monastery for a year or so to get to know my "baseline" and feel the shifts ... sometimes i feel like i'm so "transparent" that it's almost like i don't have an own energy or can't find it hm ...
What is important to remember is that you don't have to feel them or know them, and that you don't owe them anything.
ya, that's what i've also come to see, however it's true i end up forgetting that. thanks for phrasing it so clearly.
What I do in situations like this is taking note on how the encounter makes me feel and don't judge what I feel or sense in any way. What you sense or feel doesn't make you a bad person and it doesn't control how you behave, it just means your human, the details you can figure out if you want to.
In essence, I don't try to judge anyone based on what I'm sensing, but at the same time I listen to what I'm feeling and try not to stay close to anything that will effect me negatively unnecessarily long. After the encounter you can make sure you're not carrying things around that aren't yours.
that sounds like a very balanced view. i don't think i deliberately judge people based on the impressions i get, i do think they may misread me and feel judged (or whatever) though, because i avoid people from who i feel radiate something disturbing. but i guess that's just how it is.
the judgment is a major point ... sometimes there is more i get from the energy, e.g. it's not just simply unpleasant, but very specific e.g. energies related to violence or something being wrong with sexual boundaries or serious mental imbalances (though the latter come in many different forms some of which i don't feel i need to avoid). these were verified in some instances where i literally saw the person just for a few seconds so (i guess on a conventional view) couldn't really have known. i guess in these cases the line between just getting the automatic thought/sensation and judging someone is thin. got to reflect on that.
do you get that too? i.e. automatic "readings" that tell rather unpleasant things (some also say pleasant things obviously)?
regarding interpretation, I never used the simplistic "this symbol means that" approach that you usually find first when you search. I actually read perhaps 2-3 of C G Jung's books (don't remember the titles, many years ago, but one was on Alchemy), which is mostly depth psychology and deals with certain archetypical symbols (like shapes, numbers, directions, oppositions, configurations of characters) that seem to be somewhat present across history and even cultures (unable to test that claim, but Jung did do some anthropological backup).
based on this approach i actually got to many "aha" moments regarding recurring intense dreams that i was having over years. maybe that's because i actually tend to have a lot of archetypal patterns showing up.
one example was that i kept having recurrent dreams of tiny animals (whether baby birds, insects, bugs, snails, miniature puppies that fit in the palm of a hand, etc.) that i was trying to keep safe with my hands, but always ended up somehow hurting or smashing or losing them. this went on over years and years. reading Jung and listening to my emotions and intuition helped me figure that the small, fragile animal represented my soul or inner self – and i realised that this dream occurred often when i was doing something that was smashing it (e.g. overworking, suppressing myself, ignoring my inspiration).
so after i had that figured, i started using these dreams as indicators – when i get one of those, i start scanning the last days / period of time for "sins" i might have committed against my soul again. in this way, the dream has become a useful soul compass.
i have a bunch of others that recur (over years and years) that seem to have a similar function. so i believe that this type of "interpretation" (which is like learning your subconscious' inner language in a sense) can sometimes provide very valuable guidance in the inner life, and that has implications for the outer life, too.
that's definitely not true of ALL dreams though, at least for me. for me when a dream comes from that "deeper" archetypal soul layer, it has a completely different feel to it. it's usually slower, clearer, deeper. the images are more distinct and rich, the emotions are more profound, it's just much more condensed and hyper-real. so i usually only bother to "read" those; not the dreams that seem to be a more superficial re-hash of recent events or ideas.
I don't have a clearly confirmed case like you do, and I've never even considered the possibility that some of the – odd, out-of-context, yet intense and detailed – things I dream are things I may catch from other people's "radio waves". So I've never paid attention to that.
I'm thinking that this may be a good moment to see if I can find that type of energetic connection the next time that type of dream hits me. Perhaps if I pay attention I'll be able to recognise if the "flavour" is from someone else and verify.
This is quite a topic for me as I get a lot of these, and having read quite a lot on dream interpretation (mostly C G Jung books) I do make sense of many of my dreams fluently, but then from time to time there is just this "oddball".
I've recently been trying to compile a list of "signs" for myself that tell me when an emotional storm I'm experiencing is likely an "empath trip". A first sketch is below; it's mostly valid for the most extreme of cases though (extended and intense "trips").
I am not quite sure that this is accurate, had to reflect a lot. I was wondering in how far you would recognise any of these points? Although I assume how this is experienced may be individual. Still, would be great to hear back.
Or, if you have any "signs" of your own for how to know when you're on the empath trip – I would be grateful if you share. I'm still sometimes getting caught in this, although not for days anymore (usually), but still sometimes take time to notice.
1. There may be a sudden switch where something falls on you from the sky; or someone flips a switch and you find yourself in another movie and have no idea how you got there. However, unlike in changes set off simply by emotionally intense reactions to triggers, your emotions don’t seem to be about the person / place / situation at hand, nor about a memory or thought that you replay in your mind; there seems to be no referent, but your body-mind system still plays out some kind of intense emotional script.
When this happens to me, I am not always sure that this state playing out in my body is actually someone else’s, as it’s still possible that I simply overlooked, or suppressed, the emotional trigger. What helps is verification (when possible) and paying attention to additional hints like the subtle “change in ambience” described in point 2.
2. It’s not like a gradual change of lighting (with the sunset, say) — it’s like a change of scenery; you were in Bali and suddenly find yourself in the Himalaya; it’s not just one thing that changed; it’s the whole feel of the ambience: the temperature, the humidity, the aromas in the air, the feel of the vegetation, the colouring of the sky, the scents of the soil, the way the air feels on your skin. You perceive this through your emotional and energy sense: you essentially find yourself in someone else’s emotional world suddenly
3. Sometimes this change of scenery is not obvious; sometimes, you have been “traveling” for years and don’t realise when something departs from your “home” scenery as you don’t have a secure grasp of where you are from.
Maybe an odd question, and perhaps I don't mean it literally ... I mean it more like, can you generate dreams based on other peoples' energy that you are picking up, with their kind of "atmosphere", perhaps emotions, perhaps even characters / situations / places.
I have no idea, I'm asking because I seem to get a lot of dreams that have nothing to do with my life situation (and I've read a lot on dream interpretation and watched my dreams for decades, so I believe that I can understand many of them intuitively by now). Still, in the most striking dreams I seem to rarely dream about people I know – a lot of the time the characters in my dreams seem "original", they aren't even reminiscent of people in my life, while they are vivid and detailed.
I also frequently dream about things I've never experienced, like being a soldier in a war (the last war where I live was in 1945 thank God), I often have another body, another gender and another physical body build, or another age, other physical abilities (e.g. acrobatics, jumping rooftops) and just the "feel" is nothing that I know from my own experience.
For example this morning I woke up from a dream in which I had been a muscular guy whose body felt heavy and "earthy" compared to my actual physical body. the dream was about operating trams during a war in a city with bombed / collapsed viaducts, and there were some emotionally intense scenes in it about selecting a crew for different jobs, people being ungrateful to the people who take the risks, etc. it was very vivid both visually and emotionally and in terms of the character / energy. I really can't relate that to anything I've recently experienced or thought of, any place or scene in my life, and when I sense into it, the energy in the dream seems to have a different "air" to it than the airs I usually move in.
I get a lot of that; e.g. being a young, small boy with dark eyes and hair (i'm blond and blue-eyed) running from soldiers in a field, or a gang of kids in a similar scenario in the middle of some ... rock-strewn desert, again in vivid detail in a landscape I've never been in. Again, the kids have very detailed looks which tell me nothing – no resemblance to any real character or even movie character. Dreams of this type seem hyper-vivid and super-real, both visually and emotionally and in terms of physically feeling the action happening, which is why I remember them and get shaken up by them.
Some can be very distressing, e.g. I have occasionally had dreams of physical torture of people in prisoner's camps or animals (again, in physical detail which was so vivid that it screwed my mind up for days how my mind could have even come up with that – totally unrelated to my life, and perhaps worse than in movies or books – and I have been making efforts to avoid consuming any type of violence in media for perhaps 15 years now).
Some of them are of a more positive nature (I guess less memorable because they don't shock the hell out of me), but still they are simply detailed and vivid stories about characters that I don't know and have no associations with, in settings which seem alien.
I've had that since my youth and kept wondering, why? what the heck? did I watch too many war movies? but it somehow seems to be going much deeper than a mental movie-replay.
I've also kept psycho-analysing myself endlessly, because the only thing I found on that were Freud and Jung (where Jung makes more sense, with the "collective unconscious", but still).
Does this happen to you? Is it usual?
Any clue what this may be?
It can be puzzling, but sometimes disconcerting and exhausting – I can wake up tired from all the intense action.
@everyone, thank you for all the thoughtful replies. gives me plenty to think about.
thanks a lot for that extensive reply. just like you say, i also want to make sure that i don't end up judging that someone has a "bad energy" and avoiding them when in fact it's one of my own issues. although, i guess that's a legit reason to avoid someone too, if otherwise i'd blow up. but still, i like to know the truth.
also as you say, i think it happens for me that i feel another person's anger or "being triggered" (when someone kind of loses ground/gets pushed buttons inwardly) and sometimes i can't tell whether that's because i actually got angry or triggered, or i'm just echoing back what i received.
that kind of thing happened a lot to me, and think it has ruined several relationships – where these loops just don't stop and grow sort of out of control. that happened a lot before i knew i'm an empath. i just got into these anger/trigger loops with people but i had literally, honestly no idea what i am even angry about (and ended up overanalysing and coming up with every type of reason of course, but i was somehow never convinced it's the real reason).
i basically thought i must be heavily traumatised or sth. to be that easily triggered (which doesn't seem to be the case at all). now i'm thinking maybe it was because i was angry as long as the other was angry, AND i was probably angry at them for making me feel that way.
the grounding before entering a social situation seems like a good thing to practice. i'll try to pay attention to that.
i actually keep having this issue with my father. i start getting tense and trigger-able as soon as we're in the same room, and i keep wondering whether it's because i'm still holding old hurts – or whether it's empathic in nature. it does feel very physical, it's like suddenly my whole body and skin gets "itchy", like it's vibrating with some kind of red, buzzing energy even though the lid is on (but it's just waiting to blow up). and my dad is like that, he does hold a lot of old pain and anger inside and can sometimes get triggered by random remarks. so i'm trying to decide whether it's me holding old hurts or just "me becoming him" / feeling like he does inwardly as soon as i enter the same room.
so it kind of matters to me, on the fence between psychoanalysing myself whether there's anything that i still have an issue with, or accept that i am simply sensing his energy and it's very unpleasant to me and somehow practice "damage control".
Concerning NDEs, do you know Anita Moorjani's book? i haven't reasearched into that topic deliberately, i read it actually because it's about an intercultural childhood, among other things, but it's one of the most uplifting things i've read i think in that it feels authentic ... and also in that some of the things she describes in the NDE are things that i actually know from 'altered states of consciousness' let's call it or instances of clairsentience/clairvoyance that happened to me. so i can make some sense of her descriptions and in a way reading it gave me some mental peace.
i may check out "The Field", didn't know it. when i have a moment i'll try to find if anyone did original studies on energy healing recently (i.e. the studies themselves with details, not general pop-sci).
But I feel like I have space to me myself alot more, which is great. It's like instead of being in the eye of the storm, I am learning to side step it, and be like 'nice storm' oh well. I'm still affected by the storm, but I'm not overwhelmed by it.
that's great. and I relate to both; i needed a lot of work on empath issues to even kind of start feeling (like) myself, to come back to finding the threat that is my own identity and feelings among all that random noise signal from everywhere. i think i'd lost it for years, was unable to say what i feel, want, desire, who i am etc. after working on this, it's quite miraculous how i feel that my sense of "self" is slowly coming back and feeling more and more solid ... and how i'm also able to show and assert that sense in daily life more and more.
is this similar to what you mean or was your case less extreme?
"space" in a way nails it, too.
and the storm metaphor ... ya, that took me a long time, but that's what i actually feel my meditation practice did for me. that wasn't just about empath stuff though, i had quite intense emotions and "mystical experiences" or whatever you want to call them always, so i needed to practice meditation for years just to not get swept up by that. and then when i learnt i'm an empath, i'm applying the same skills now, just with a different perspective.
it's like you say, the storm doesn't necessarily calm dawn (certainly not instantly) but you find a standing ground, some kind of inner independence from it. in my case very, very gradually.
it's like you re-shape yourself to deal with it differently. and i think after a long period of practice, the relative size of the storm changes, as in a way you "zoom out" and that creates mental space. also very slowly i could realise that in some small ways, i do have control, e.g. i can stop doing certain things that magnify it.
Do you have ways to tell one from the other?
What I mean is, for example:
Let's say I'm giving consultations and meet a new client over coffee. I immediately dislike them like hell, and just want out.
The person isn't unfriendly, impolite, or ugly. Perhaps slightly inauthentic or something like that (who isn't), but no objective signs that would deserve dislike, disgust, or panic.
Does this happen to you?
How do I tell whether I'm picking up on their energy or just projecting random things on them?
By "projection" I mean seeing something in them that is my own issue rather than theirs, without being conscious of it. E.g. perhaps I'm trying very hard to be a modest person (despite actually having a huge ego), but they are so openly boastful that it just instantly boils my blood and I perceive them as Hitler.
Or perhaps it's even simpler, let's say they're incidentally wearing the same perfume as my sadistic school teacher decades ago, so without realising it I replay the old emotions and cast them in the role of the monster.
How do you tell?
Thanks a lot for these comments, super valuable for me at this point (at which point i've talked about this stuff maybe only to one other person who had significant experience in energy healing ... the person who convinced me basically that that's what i'm doing apparently).
also, if you have any concrete science references (i work as an editor of scientific papers so it's really my element) i would absolutely love to devour that, and maybe run a little literature search on that myself.
what was your training modality, if i may ask? tho i can probably find that info on your site, may just check since you made the effort to describe stuff there already.
another modality that i have bumped into as i was experimenting, apart from the "praying / channeling" let's call it thing was the observation that at least with one person around whom i was seeing (in my inner eye) really clouds of moving creatures the way to calm that and feel "clarity" in her was to put myself in a kind of deep meditation state and do nothing; i.e. just sit there in her presence. not interact or want or try anything. with this particular person, it was weird enough, the next day she quit smoking (not deliberately, just saying she can't stand the taste suddenly) and started taking care of herself it was sort of a turning point from which her darkness started lifting, apparently. i was also wondering whether this "just sit there in (a very specific type of) presence and do nothing" thing is known somewhere as a technique or a "thing" with a name.
it also seems like a good "method" when i feel that my own mind is clouded. i've been practicing modified / adapted vipassana or mindfulness type meditation for a decade now so i was wondering if perhaps at a point this vibe can not just clear me but somehow passes to another person even (especially) if i do and intend absolutely nothing except deeply being, so to speak.
anyways, just a thought. see you wrote a type of autobio too, shall probably gradually peruse your stuff as i feel it perhaps comes from a place that i can relate to.
i have to think more about the topic. i agree, this stuff doesn't leave simply on demand; at least in my experience though it can be communicated with to some degree; although some of them don't speak a human empathic language (i don't mean verbal language) at all, they feel maybe more like an animal-mind. -- going into cave to reflect --
I've just skimmed your article on tools for empaths and it's consonant with a lot of stuff i've gradually found, adding some new perspectives / differences, too, so thanks!