Am I being gaslighted?
Gnostic principles are incredibly interesting. I do want to learn more in time. When I went back to church I had difficulty with the baptist theology. Soon after, God lead me to the gospel of Thomas. I was so excited I read it three times. This made sense. It opened up new understandings, and I was able to find those spiritual people in the church that transcended theology. I will study more.
Thank you for explaining. I don't have enough time anymore to study much. I work six days a week. Because of this, I don't go to church much anymore either. Mostly I hate the effect of being drained. I fall asleep every time. After a tough week I don't have anything left to give. I'm the custodian of the church. I clean up after them. On Sunday, I don't even want to look at them. I have to know what they have inside and say nothing. It sucks picking up a half eaten sucker or a piece of gum and know who put it there. Now, what your saying sort of answers the question as to why I'm being drained. I was told "everyone is working out their salvation" well they don't need me for that. I was ok with it as long as it was doing them some good, but I started doubting that it was doing any good at all. So why bother going. I may rethink this.
Now for the serious discussion: I was your son. I did the same he is doing now. You wouldn't have been able to tell that I at 16 was an empath. I hated the world for what it did to me without regret. I acted on that hatred by tearing apart the house. It started with putting holes in the wall and led to destroying mirrors, furniture, anything that would break. I started drinking at 16. I would sneak out at night and tear apart the city. I was living havoc. You could say I did the worst things for the best possible reasons. I was broken. I felt damaged. I couldn't bring myself to care anymore. Not for myself at least. It was self destruction. It led to an incident where by I had climbed a building, after drinking all night, and jumped off. I wanted to kill everyone. Instead I killed myself.
My story might be to extreme for this or any forum. I was born into a horror show and raised by a demon. This is not just dramatic talk. It really happened. For so long, this was a family secret. No one talked about it til I was in my 20's. My mother is the only one that will discuss it. She was a prisoner of that demon for three years. She fully recovered and so did I. It was her love for me that got me through it. It was God's love that saw her through it. She never gave up on me. I am today who I am because of her. I wish I hadn't made it so hard on her. She was always on my side. Her prayers saved me. Her prayer brought me back from death. I know, it's extreme.
I believe your son will find his way. He will look back and see what your love has meant to him. I'll be praying for this. Some decisions we make along the way can destroy us. If you can keep him from choosing those things, the rest will be lessons he uses to form his character. He'll be a better man for it.
Something great happened last night. My wife had read this post and saw for herself what she is! I think she finally accepted it. She had a major break through. She said she'd had gotten angry at first, and felt humiliated. When she came to me to talk about it. She had worked through it. She was ready to listen. She wants to be a better person. I'm going to start showing her love again. This is great! I think we are taking a new road together. Now it's my turn to step up.
This is a lesson for us all. We all deal with narcs. Maybe they can be turned back toward the light. It just takes brutal honesty and an iron will. Oh, and love. Lots and lots of love.
Thank you for sharing so much, @michelle, we are here for eachother. There are others here that need you. Minister to them now. I'm good.