Forum Activity for @finding-peace

Finding Peace
@finding-peace
07/14/19 09:28:07PM
12 posts

Trying to be strong


Community


Hello all! I hope everyone that reads this is doing well. 

I am writing this because I am in need of some advice. I will want to warn anyone that reads this that there will be intense emotion in this. I don't mean to attach the emotions and I am sorry if I overwhelm anyone.

Okay, deep breath and here is my story:

About six months ago my mother reached out to her older sister and they started talking. They had not seen or talked to each other in sixteen years. We were all relieved that they were finally able to have each other back in their lives. As the months passed and my mother talked more to my aunt, it started becoming obvious to us that something was very wrong with my aunt's relationship with my uncle. Things got worse when my aunt's daughter was placed in a care facility. Her daughter is 40 something and suffered a traumatic brain injury at the age of 12. She was placed in a care facility because she is diabetic and was not receiving her medications. After that, plans started being laid for my mother and I to go and see my aunt. Last month we finally made it to Utah where my aunt, her daughter and the husband live. It was horrible. My aunt weighed 98 pounds, only ate peanut butter sandwiches, had not showered in a month and was not changing her clothes. So, long story short, my uncle had a protective order taken out against him and my aunt is now in Oregon with my family. We are in the process of getting her daughter moved to facility here in Oregon. 

Now comes the feelings:

My aunt has dementia, is very mean and rude to me, fights us at every turn and threatens to walk away all the time. I am at my wits end. I try and try to help her, to include and welcome her and she hates me. The other day I had to work and I was hugging everyone and saying I love you. Well it was her turn and she ignored me for a minute before saying, "Well they must have bribed you." (by they she meant my parents) and gave me a hug. I was so hurt. I have tried so hard to make her feel loved but she will tell everyone in my family that I hate her, give her mean looks and ignore her. Okay I admit, I am ignoring her now because I am so hurt but I do not give mean looks and I certainly do not hate her. She is my aunt! I have not seen her in sixteen years! I want to have a relationship with her but she has put up so many walls against me and only me. I want to cry and scream and just melt away. I hate my life right now. I am so depressed. Smiling has always been something that is easy for me. Now, it is hard to find reasons to smile. Like real, genuine smiles. I fake them all day long but my heart is not in them. I am just wearing a mask for my family. I have started to have very mean thoughts toward her and I hate myself for it. The only person who sees the horrible way she treats me and stands up to her about it is my brother. 

I am at my wits end. I am frustrated and hurt. I want to be able to look at my aunt and not see all the mean and horrible things she has said/done to me. My parents say I need to be understand and strong. They say she cannot help what she does. I don't believe that. I think she is doing this because we have no boundaries set up with her. I know she has left everything behind, that life is hell for her right now but I do not think that she should be allowed to treat me like this. I am trying my best to not allow myself to fall into the deep hole of depression but it is hard and I am failing.

I also want to add that I can feel the hate radiating off of her. I takes all my strength and willpower not to be overwhelmed by it. When she touches me I feel like I have been punched in the face. I feel sick to my stomach almost all the time and the only time I feel relief is when I go to work and am far away from her. I take walks when I can but I am feeling weaker and weaker everyday and can not walk as far. I am worn out. 

Thank you for reading this. I love you all. 


updated by @finding-peace: 06/14/20 09:29:02AM
Finding Peace
@finding-peace
08/29/17 10:05:12PM
12 posts

Feeling Lost


Community

Janett, thank you so much for your kind words. I am trying to be kind to myself. The house hunt is still going on, I have made it through the first year of my five year college stay with straight A's, and I have started the process of packing. It is is funny you said Wonder Woman because that is what my mother has been calling me. On top of all this stress my health has been bad. I was just diagnosed with diabetes and have been having issues related to unregulated blood sugar. I try to have a positive outlook and remember that I am not defined by my health issues. I will try to make time for myself and treat myself kindly. Thank you so much. <3

Bing, thank you so much for everything. You are awesome.

Krosskelt, I also have difficulty balancing real word with spiritual stuff. I have noticed that when I do include the spiritual aspect in my life I am much happier and calm. Thank you for sharing your story. I will be sure to include more spiritual aspects in my life. Thank you so much. 

Much love to everyone. May peace follow you all the days of your lives.

Finding Peace
@finding-peace
08/27/17 10:02:56PM
12 posts

Feeling Lost


Community

Thank you raindancer. <3 

Finding Peace
@finding-peace
08/27/17 08:45:29PM
12 posts

Feeling Lost


Community

Thank you so much Bing. I would love the list of angels. Thank you so so much. 

Finding Peace
@finding-peace
08/27/17 07:27:24PM
12 posts

Feeling Lost


Community

Hello. I have been going through a lot of different things right now. I am in the process of finding a house with my family, going to school to start a new career, and just trying to have a positive outlook on life right now. I am having a really hard time. We have to be out of the house we are living in now by September 30th and we have yet to find a house or start packing. School is okay, lots of stress and pressure to do well, but it keeps me sane. As for the positive outlook? Well, lets just say I am in a rut right now. I have lost my optimism, my happiness, and my hope. I doubt everything, I am mad all the time, and I cry over little things. I use to believe in a lot of things, finding a person who will love me, that I will make it through school, things that made me happy. I guess the worst of it is that I stopped dreaming. I use to dream a lot about things I wish would happen and I knew in my heart could happen. Now I just plod through my day, head down, tears in my eyes. What is wrong with me? I just want to feel normal again. To be happy and have a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Does anyone have any thoughts? Any advice that might help? Thank you in advance. Much love to everyone.


updated by @finding-peace: 06/14/20 09:29:02AM
Finding Peace
@finding-peace
06/28/17 01:31:30PM
12 posts

Staying positive when worried about sick mother?


Community

Hello Bookworm. I am sorry to hear about what your mother is going through. In times like this it is hard to find the positive in the situation. When I can't find the positive I go out into nature and recharge. Could be as simple as walking on the earth with bare feet or sitting under a tree and reading a favorite book. I feel you have a connection with water, so maybe go for a swim or sit a little wading pool and relax. Remember, you need to take care of yourself first. Try to recharge daily during this time. You will find yourself happier and more ready to face whatever comes your way. I do suggest today you find some time for yourself and take your favorite book and a cup of tea and find a patch of sunlight to sit in (if it is too hot outside inside by a window will do) and lose yourself in the book. You will feel so much better afterward. While it may seem you are going through this alone I promise you that you are not. We are here for you. I am always here and ready to listen if you need someone to talk to. I am sending love and light to you and your family. Many blessings.

Finding Peace
@finding-peace
04/29/17 12:56:06AM
12 posts

A question about Visions


Community

Try going to your profile, click on followers and it should show pending friend requests. Click on accept by my name and that should do it. Good luck!! :D

Finding Peace
@finding-peace
04/28/17 11:03:49PM
12 posts

A question about Visions


Community

:) I sent you a friend request Just Stevie. :)

Finding Peace
@finding-peace
04/28/17 08:27:43PM
12 posts

A question about Visions


Community

Hello Just Stevie. I can relate to this so much. I see many things while wide awake. For awhile I thought I was crazy. It was something I had to come to terms with before I was able to accept the things I saw. I still have times when I think I am crazy or that what I see can't be real. I am here if you ever need someone to talk to. :)

Finding Peace
@finding-peace
04/22/17 06:18:10PM
12 posts

Hello


Community

Hello all! Sorry I haven't respond, been a crazy busy week with lots of homework. 

Hop-Daddy- Thank you so much for the awesome information! I actually am really drawn to stones. Have been since I was a child. There is one I found that helps calm me. I forget its name but when I carry it I notice a huge difference when I am at school. I have been going to a therapist and he keeps talking about mindfulness. Is this another way to ground? I am so thankful for your help! 

Empphire- Thank you for sharing! I often find myself getting angry and snapping at people I love over really silly little things. I hate that I do that and I makes me loathe myself even more. I try to forgive myself but I can't seem to do that. I feel I deserve everything I get. Everything bad that happens I deserve. I feel like everything is my fault. When I am in a friendship I always apologize for everything even if it isn't my fault. Sorry I am rambling. Thank you again for sharing!

Finding Peace
@finding-peace
04/12/17 08:21:52PM
12 posts

Hello


Community

Hermes- Thank you for that beautiful post. I need to remember this. I feel like an unpolished gemstone. I know I have beauty in me but I don't know how to show it. I am often told that when I walk into a room peoples moods change for the better. I see this a little spot of my gemstone being polished. I always feel better when I can make someone smile or laugh. At those times I feel truly beautiful.

Rene- Thank you so much. I thrive when I am around people but at the same time feel drained. I want to interact and be around others but it is hard sometimes. People have always found it easy to talk to me and I love to talk to people. However, this can start to weigh heavy on me because people open up about their lives. I don't mind listening but the intense feelings I get often make me want to retreat and hide from the world. Sorry I don't know why I am telling you all this. I don't want to burden you. I will say I am at the point in my life where I am planting seeds for a wonderful future. It will take awhile for things to come to fruition but I look forward to better days. :)

Igor- Thank you so much. I am exploring my life. I found I was unhappy in the work I was doing and decided to make a career switch. This means going back to college. I am only in my second term but I am already so much more happy than I was. I often follow my heart and when my 'gut' tells me someone is bad for me I will avoid them. Lately I feel my gut has been failing me as I grow close to people only to find they are using me. That is when I cut ties with them. I hate being used. I will continue to explore my life! :D

Hop-Daddy- Thank you so much. I do feel like a sponge that is maxed out. I get major anxiety doing things I enjoy. I also find myself worrying about every little thing. I have many, many health issues I am dealing with right now, most of them from worrying so much. I would like to know more about grounding. I have heard of it but I am unsure if I am doing it right. I often feel like people are draining me. I feel like some are sucking me dry. Those are the people I cut ties with. 

Thank you to everyone! I am shy and I was really nervous posting this. Thank you for all the feedback and making me feel welcome. :)

Finding Peace
@finding-peace
04/11/17 05:33:59PM
12 posts

Hello


Community

Hello all! I don't know were to begin. I recently decided to change careers and, as a result, am back in college. I am not working and the age of 30 I find myself with more time on my hands than I know what to do with. Perhaps it is because of this I often find myself reflecting on my life. I have come to the realization that I am an ugly person. I have hurt a lot of people, not on purpose, but I still have hurt many, many people. Most of the time it is because they are my friend and than I realize that they are draining me, not good for me, or manipulate me emotionally. Once I come to this realization, which often takes me months, I cut all ties to them physically. Emotionally is another story. I feel so bad that I have to this. I ponder if it was the right thing to do a lot. Well, I have done this many, many times. I have left so many people behind that I know hate me. I try to tell myself it is a good thing but it feels like a lie. I am trying to come to terms with the things I have done, trying to figure out who I am. I hope I can find peace here. Thank you for reading this.


updated by @finding-peace: 06/14/20 09:29:02AM