Yep, that's what I figured. Lying was never something that I did easily, always made me very uncomfortable. Thank you Hop Daddy
I did have a strange experience with another empath. He identified himself as one when we got together. I had known him kind of for years from a club I used to go to, had a crush on him, but thought he may be gay, turns out, he wasn't. But then I had one of those very sobering things that happens where, I had vulvodynia for a while, which causes severe pain during sex, I kept thinking that it would pass, but when we got together, I told him I was fine. He knew I wasn't and said I was lying and left. My door had to be latched, so it was open, and my roomates boyfriend, who was kind of a jerk to me, got on my case about it later. I didn't know. But that really bothered me. It wasn't a lie of manipulation. Most people, ones who aren't on some antisocial spectrum, when they do lie, it's usually to spare someone's feelings, protect someone, or to keep from getting into trouble. My parenthesis keys and all of the stupid shift keys w/numbers aren't really working at the moment, or this would probably have been typed a bit differently.
That experience made me wonder, especially in hindsight, if empaths can even be together at all. I didn't even really realize that I was at that point, just knew I had a lot of empathy for others, which my mom used to say I was "trusting" and "gullible" and a lot of other words, that are not quiet insults, but put together with her attitude made me feel like I couldn't ever live up to whatever she thought I should be. I'm so glad I don't think that way and chose not to internalize those things.
It was so hard as a child. My abusive mother wanted me to be hard and sophisticated and understand stuff I couldn't possibly understand. She tried to make me internalize the idea that I was too naive to live in the world. I've made a lot of impulsive decisions and had a lot of problems, but b/c she lacked in the empathy department, percieved a lot of my shortcomings as an unwillingness to do what was needed. Which is a shame. She pretty much shunned my whole family for various reasons. She had paranoid delusions as well, so when I refused to follow her strange instructions to fight the foe of the week, she would try and bully and intimidate me, but I finally maanged to stop letting her do that, took a long time, but I did. Most people have no idea what it's like, most people don't even try. This ended up being far more lengthy than I'd intended. I just have a lot to say.
updated by @gothceltgirl: 07/01/20 08:08:31AM