At times confused, often simply overwhelmed

AwakeningBucked
AwakeningBucked
@awakeningbucked
2 months ago
3 posts

So I've had someone I recently met, but have come to trust completely, tell me I'm an empath.

I had a rather difficult childhood fraught with many types of abuses. An alcoholic father always calling me too sensitive and emotional. A narcissistic mother depending on me/using me constantly. Early on, I developed my own worlds in which to escape, was a prolific reader and learned how to ignore "intense" people. I was a loner who people constantly wanted to be friends with but I remained that type of person who wishes only to have a very select few in my life. Being a bigger guy, it was easy to live a life of inclusion, but separation.

I developed a keen sense of people and machinery and knew I was meant to be in conflict. I was drawn to conflict but detested violence. Yet I found myself in many circumstances during a 20 year military career where I was surrounded by just that. Extreme violence. While I would avoid violence and confrontation, I was good at it when it was unavoidable. Then, I would suffer with crushing exhaustion for days, sometimes weeks or longer, afterwards. Some injuries during my time in war has removed certain things I thought were important to me but were, in reality, not something I was supposed to continue being focused on. My military career being concluded, I started seeking help for PTSD. That path has led me to this point.

Over the last two years, I've found myself tossing off a couple of addictions I was using to deal with all the trauma I've experienced in life. A slow awakening has been happening within me and being told I'm an empath last week has me understanding SO much about my life experiences. The things I thought could only be a product of fiction, well, some aren't.

Right now, I'm trying to meld what is with what has been. In many differing definitions of that one sentence.


updated by @awakeningbucked: 06/10/19 01:05:53PM
Zacharias
Zacharias
@zacharias
2 months ago
181 posts

Yes, it's very difficult to reconcile something you know to be true that no one else seems to understand. People are very dismissive of things they can't get their mind around. This is something I had a difficult time believing fully, mostly because no one else did. When I found out that in other countries the empath is known and accepted, it became easier.

The term "Sensitive and emotional" does not have good conentations. It's considered such weakness we would rather hide it than admit to it. I suspect your father is covering his own sensitivity with alcohol. This empath thing is genetic. 

I understand what your saying when you said you knew you were meant for conflict. I didn't go the military route even though my interest were in that direction. I trained in martial arts and weapons my whole life. I never could avoid the conflict, so I had to prepare for it. 

My cousin was a beat cop for 10 years. One of the best cops I've ever known. He was one that would be extremely reasonable and understanding and was still able to put people on the ground when they were being unreasonable. He used conflict as a way to get through to people. It was never his choice, it was theirs. He was pushed out of that job by people that thought he was to sensitive. Now he's a mailman and is still trying to avoid conflict(until it comes down to it). If civil war breaks out here in the states, I want him standing next to me. An empath can be a brutally effective warrior.

You should appreciate all the violence you've had to experience. It shaped your character. It was inevitable. For some of us it can't be avoided. I regret not joining the military. It would have been a better way than the one I chose. I'm still in a war. It doesn't end. It isn't my choice, It's theirs.

I would recommend that you not take the drugs they prescribe for PTSD. They take away certain emotions you'll need to get a better understanding of what it means to be an empath. It gets extremely complex. Those emotions are not meant to be eliminated. You use them to become better at what you are.  

crystalsage
crystalsage
@crystalsage
2 months ago
225 posts

@zacharias what countries? @awakeningbucked I can relate to some of your experiences. I was also told I was too sensitive and often created worlds in my mind where I could be peaceful. I hate conflict but can rarely avoid it. I denied many things that happened because they seemed to be impossible. And PTSD, yup.

My point is that you are not alone.

I would say learn your triggers as well as you can. Sometimes the emotions we pick up can get those triggers going. The rest takes time. Welcome to the club. 🙂


updated by @crystalsage: 05/01/19 08:25:29AM
Zacharias
Zacharias
@zacharias
2 months ago
181 posts

Japan, China, Scandinavian countries. I suspect that people will be people no matter where in the world you go, but I sure would like to take a long break from the American experience, if you know what I mean.

michelle
@michelle
2 months ago
198 posts
Hey there, @awakeningbucked welcome to the community. 🙋‍♀️

PTSD is a multisystem syndrome really messing up the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis [HPA axis]. Combine that with an empath's sensitive central nervous system and a larger than normal amount of mirror neurons [pick up signals from others/environment] in empaths and you can have a recipe for a negative feedback loop involving body chemistry/hormones and the resulting emotions from this chemistry. Break that loop and you can get relief.

Coming from a family of highly sensitive people [HSP] and empaths, I see where we can be more prone to developing PTSD. As empaths we are subjected to more 'shocks' in life, either our own and/or coming from others. There's the everyday shocks and the greater traumas and we're sensitive to it all.

I have PTSD from trauma and I'd say my whole family does due to personal traumas and shared ones as a family...although not as domestic or substance abuse growing up.

Since you're ex-military, I will tell you my dad was-a prisoner of war, WWII, multiple Greman camps as he was a medic and the Germans used him to treat their own. Four out of five brothers were in branches of the military; two having devastating effects on them.

Self-care, good sleep hygiene, optimal food specific to your body chemistry, hydration, energetic work [I like Donna Eden's methods], much downtime for yourself...being in nature as much as possible is a natural way of grounding...barefoot really good, daily detox of your own metabolic wastes and environmental toxins will help relieve PTSD symptoms much, as well as refreshing as an empath.

Also, breathing excercises to stimulate the vagus nerve helps greatly when triggered.

If possible, avoid meds; many kill tbe mitochondria and psychiatric pharmacology is a soft science at best.

You seem really strong on all levels and it also takes strength to share with others....lots of good stuff going on with you there. 😊


--

I was abandoned by wolves and raised by my parents.
michelle
@michelle
2 months ago
198 posts

This video will exlain the type of breathing to stimulate the vagus nerve Part 1...plus more with meditation and body work Part 2 




--

I was abandoned by wolves and raised by my parents.

updated by @michelle: 05/01/19 11:33:15PM
AwakeningBucked
AwakeningBucked
@awakeningbucked
2 months ago
3 posts

@zacharias I would have been angered by someone telling me to appreciate the violence just two weeks ago. However, since being told I'm an empath, the basic reading I've done on the topic and an "awakening" that was aborted quite a few times over this life, I've come to the conclusion that I have to find how each major instance has shaped me. One in particular in Iraq has an additional meaning to me. If my perceptions of that one incident can be changed, then all the others can as well. It will just take time. Thank you for your comments. From 2016-2018, I weaned off and stopped taking all the meds the VA and civilian doctors had me on. Not only is it awesome for my mind, I'm back to 225lbs for the first time in well over a decade. So good advice for multiple reasons. 

@moonshine Yes, my experiences in life saw me naturally develop skills to "turn down the noise" of either a large group of people or, single individuals. The result of that was often not "seeing" that some so called friends and family were using me. As my wife has told me, it wasn't from overly trusting people, it was due to my wanting to help others. That came to a screeching halt after I was at the Shepard Center in Atlanta going through four months of rehab for a TBI and brain surgery after returning home from Iraq. As far as a PTSD diagnosis, it's official from multiple VA doctors and civilian ones. Recently from a specialized trauma therapist who was also the person who told me I was highly empathic. I appreciate you taking the time to comment.

@michelle Thank you for taking the time to respond and provide that link. Trazadone, 50-100mg depending on my level of anxiety to get to sleep, Prazosin for dreams, is all I take prescription wise. I know nightmares are caused by Trazadone at higher dosages, but I have them regardless. Sometimes, I don't take the Trazadone and I'm intent on stopping it altogether as my abilities to meditate more fully develop. Oddly enough, those abilities are growing at an inexplicable rate. To the point where a couple of times, I stopped breathing for a long period of time and once completed, I  gasped for air having never felt the sensation of oxygen starvation while meditating. Other times, I feel like I'm pulling in light through my nose and exhaling darkness if that makes any sense at all. For a man who has always been an over thinking one with a love of science, technology and facts, this is all very overwhelming at times and utterly ridiculous in others.

I'm experiencing a lot of different things since the pieces started snapping into place, sometimes viciously, energetically, forcefully. Other times with a slow yet profound surety that is both comforting in their immediate acceptance, but shocking as well. My perceptions and belief systems are being assaulted it feels like. However, a separation within me is occurring if that makes sense.

If I were to pick one thing that has changed so drastically as to make both my wife and I take notice, it's my sleep. While it's still difficult to get to sleep mainly due to various injuries that cause pain, for the first time in I can't recall how long, I'm sleeping a solid six hours without dreams and waking feeling restored more often than not. It's difficult to fully express how drastic a change that is.


updated by @awakeningbucked: 05/02/19 03:46:38AM
michelle
@michelle
2 months ago
198 posts
@awakeningbucked

Hey, sorry about the nightmares. I had some bad nightmares after one particular trauma. But I'm a lucid dreamer, always had that ability, and let me tell you, being able to take control while dreaming is so empowering!

It blew my mind thinking why the medical establishments didn't teach this to PTSD patients...Well, can't be cutting into to big pharma's profits, can we?

It's said that it's not hard to learn. Anyway, I just searched to see if any were teaching that to war vets...There's chatter about it but I'm not sure if it's been implemented anywhere.

Check out this link and do more research if necessary.

https://tinyurl.com/yyhu33xr


--

I was abandoned by wolves and raised by my parents.
AwakeningBucked
AwakeningBucked
@awakeningbucked
2 months ago
3 posts

@michelle That is an interesting article. Thank you for the link. I've been able to control certain dreams in the past. Never thought of it being used in this way.

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