New coworker triggering me

sandy
@sandy
one month ago
9 posts

Hi, I was moved to a new department at work at the beginning of this week . In spite of staying professional and interacting with my new coworkers only for work purpose , they seemed really drawn to me and wanted to know more about me . I grounded and shielded before going to work . I set boundaries , still it didn’t work much . They were being nosy , asking me about my personal life and one female coworker particularly triggered me . I was on the verge of tears yesterday . I don’t know how I am going to cope on Monday . I am actively looking for another job . I am an introvert and don’t like to talk about my personal life as I have issues . Any advice please ? Thanks .

Cat Whisperer
Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
one month ago
788 posts
Politely share the last sentence...let them know that your personal life should stay that way
Matthew Elsey
Matthew Elsey
@matthew-elsey
one month ago
17 posts

Hi Sandy I'm not sure if what you are describing is a form of bullying but it feels like that to me. Suffices to say I am no stranger to bullying. I think being sensitive opens us up to it.

Remember being an Empath means that 99.99% of what you are feeling in close proximity to people is THEIR feelings. If you feel fear it is their fear not yours.

I have had great success with Elise's visualisation technique of a dial and knob I picture it and label it "Other people's feelings within a 10 meter radius" then with my eyes closed I turn it down slowly to one.

I have also adapted the label to my name Matthew in an attempt to see how I am really feeling but turn it up to 8 or 9 this is a work in progress.

Finally the biggest impact on the would be bullies in my life, was through the practice of Tai Chi. It took a long time, maybe five years, but it changed my life. I have been practicing for over fifteen years now. Seek it out, it is very subtle but if it suits you, for it is not for everyone, you will become stronger than you ever imagined and people like this Woman will be insignificant to you.

Good luck for Monday and the job seeking hugs Matthew

sandy
@sandy
one month ago
9 posts

Hi Matthew , this is indeed a form of bullying . I am writing a letter and asking HR for a transfer from there tomorrow . I don’t know how long the procedures will take though or if they will accept . Thanks for your advice .

Hop Daddy
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
one month ago
1,074 posts

@sandy :

Nosy people have intent. When they talk you into revealing your personal life to them they are basically digging and attaching cords/connecting to you on an emotional level. Once that happens you're probably not going to feel well as an empath as you'll feel anxious and a bit sick. Just know that going forward. I usually am very brief and guarded with people like that and tactfully deflect the questioning back to them. If needed I'll do it in a complementary way that forces them to react and answer.

Transferring out of a tough office is an option. But you can't transfer every time as it gives you a bad reputation. As an empath, I think we are all continuing to grow. And eventually you really can raise yourself to a level where you are stronger than those people and they can't waltz in and effect you anymore. I'm hoping that I can get @tigerlily to share how she dealt with a whole office of difficult people. She should have some additional tips to share.

Cheshire Cat
Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
one month ago
1,447 posts

Hi @sandy,

    @hop-daddy is right to tell you to deflect the questioning back on them, and in a way that forces them to answer. Try asking "Why do you want to know that?" If they have any manners at all, it will shut them up.

     If that doesn't work, you can also ask them the same question they asked you and make light of it. Example: If a nosey person asks if you cook your own dinners and what kind of food do you eat....say something like, "Oh, my food is boring, but what do YOU  like to cook and how often do you cook dinner for yourself? If they tell you, look bored, then say, "Oh", and walk off. The bottom line is to refuse to play their game. 

TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
one month ago
503 posts
@sandy

I'm still awful at this and divulge a bit more than needed LOL. BUT, and there is a but. Always deflect back to them. Say it was good or you didnt do much and ask how theirs was. Let them do the talking. After a while they will forget about yours. If they want to say "oh she's boring and doesnt do anything" and it gets back to me? I just use my age or say why is it of anyone's business. *firmly*
Remember this. Whatever boundary you set for others, you have to set for yourself. I'm still trying to master this. But, here is the but, give them the chance to talk. Most of the time they don't care for you unless a chatty kathy looking for gossip.
sandy
@sandy
one month ago
9 posts

@tigerlily , @Cheshire-cat and @hop-daddy thanks so much for your advices :) 

Since yesterday , whenever that female coworker asked me questions I didn’t want to answer or give too much energy to  , I simply nodded or said yes/no . At times , I just didn’t even respond .

Today , she was acting really bossy and picking on me way too much. I had no choice but to stand up for myself . I simple told her in a polite way “ you like being bossy towards me huh ?” She then asked me if I was angry . I didn’t respond and then she said sorry . I simply told her that just like she was talking , I also had the right to voice out my opinion . 

I have to learn to set boundaries with people . 

Matthew Elsey
Matthew Elsey
@matthew-elsey
one month ago
17 posts

Excellent well done Sandy I believe you employed the "Grey rock"technique and deflection technique  perfectly. One of the principals of Tai Chi is to use your opponents energy and deflect it. Allow their own weight to defeat them.

Am I allowed to say I'm proud of you?☺

Some excellent immediate  practical advice from the others also.

An Empath has incredible potential power I feel you are beginning to tap into it. You go girl hugs Matthew 

TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
one month ago
503 posts
@sandy

She is a toxic person and avoid as much contact with her. You called her out on her crap and she turned it on you. That right away is poor excuse of a human being and there are ALOT out like that best to avoid. And at work, keep your headphones in and just work. Eventually they move on to other people to taunt.
sandy
@sandy
one month ago
9 posts

@matthew-elsey and @Tigerlily , thanks so much :) 

She is indeed a toxic person . I avoid interaction with her except when necessary for work . When I called her out on her crap , she smartly turned it on me . When she got no reaction , she had to say sorry .lol .

Today , also she picked on me a little on work issues . But I responded when needed to defend myself . I feel like I have to work on eggshells around her . I have to remind myself that I need to stand up for myself and have more self love :) 

Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
3 weeks ago
1,054 posts
Hi. Everyone has given you such good advice. Another way to see this is its an opportunity to learn how to deal with such people in order to get a better handle on your fears and become better acquainted with yourself as a strong person and that you CAN come out alive no matter what the situation. This person is there to teach you that. And it's working...lol

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