Coping with overwhelming emotions

emma11
@emma11
3 months ago
5 posts

Would really appreciate hearing anyone's experience of this/ any tips!

Am going through the difficult process of healing from ending a 6 year  'toxic'  relationship with my partner - who has many Narcissistic traits. Some days I can literally feel the negative energy from, I guess, him - have experienced what seem to have been psychic attacks. Then I have days like today where I'm feeling such overwhelming and varied emotions about him/us - such depths of sadness, loss, regret, guilt, anger, bitterness, injustice etc! I wish so much I didn't have deep feelings or could switch them off, put the brave face on! The times in my life I have thought how much easier 'existing' would be! And I guess even during this 'break-up' people like him - who caused the toxicity - are fine! 😡

I have a long way to go!! All my life I've known to be highly sensitive, pick up energies, psychic tendencies & paranormal experiences but just recently reading books about emotional /narcissistic abuse has led me to the Empath. I ticked so many boxes, and just being able to put a name to what I am (even from a very young child)  has helped me feel not so 'different' , alone & sometimes as if I'm crazy! But now I need to learn SO much about surviving and coping. 

Hugs to everyone 🤗

Hop Daddy
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
3 months ago
1,064 posts

@emma11 :


I am very sorry to hear that you went through a pained relationship. And that you are now dealing with the exit pain from that relationship. Unfortunately, we empaths are doomed to have at least a couple relationships with a narcissist in our lifetime. It's almost a badge of courage that each empath must experience in order to move forward since so many of us fall into the narc trap. And these narcs are out there always on the hunt for people to take advantage of. And to entrap and control an empath is their favorite treat. So we must learn to keep them out of our lives.


You're going to go through a range of emotions as you heal. Just don't blame yourself and don't reach out or allow him to contact you in any way. You will regain your strength over time. And although it may be hard to see and understand now, you just learned a valuable lesson about the damage narcs can cause and why it is never worth it.


I enclosed a couple articles that you may find to be good reading on this subject to help you understand what you went through as part of your healing process. Take care of yourself. You will heal and get better!


https://themindsjournal.com/never-in-relationship-with-narcissist/



https://themindsjournal.com/narcissists-evil-or-just-helpless/

Cheshire Cat
Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
3 months ago
1,441 posts

Hi Emma,

     Anybody, empathic or not, will be attracted to Narcs if their opposite parent was one. This is entirely subconscious of course, since on the surface  that is the last kind of person think we want. We are more likely to be able to put up with what we are used to, and we are drawn to try to fix that first relationship with someone else.

     It sounds like you know all the symptoms and signs of a Narc, and that can help you to avoid them. I avoided marrying one, but my FIL and BIL were both full blown ones, who would have been diagnosed with the actual Personality Disorder had they gone for help, but the moon would turn to green cheese before a Narc would voluntarily see a therapist!

     I am going to recommend a video that really helped me to accept these imprinted tendencies from childhood and to deal with it all better. The video is on YouTube and is by Psychologist Alain de Botton, called "Why You Will Marry The Wrong Person". There are also many specialists in dealing with Narcs on YT, and I think my favorite is probably Joanna Kujath. Sam Vankin is also worth watching, since he admits to being a full blown Narc who is blowing the whistle on them, while getting some of the attention  he badly needs from his videos at the same time. 

    There are many people here who have had Narc partners and I hope more come and reply to you.....you are definitely not alone!

     

emma11
@emma11
3 months ago
5 posts
Thank you so much @hop-daddy. Reading your kind words/support got my tears flowing. It means so much to hear this from someone who truly understands. And couldn't be better timed! I'm actually still going through the final stage of the narc exiting my life. It's been a dragged out up/down process of him coming to remove his last few belongings & where unfortunately the 'no contact' has been on & off! Today has been a day of 'What has just happened?' - the unfortunate familiar reaction for those of us stuck with a narc! - two completely different interactions/behaviour (on his part) within 24 hours! Resulting in yet again delaying removing his things!And obviously a load of narc tactics I won't go into! Although I am kicking myself profusely,it has provided a dose of much needed proof that's helped me get my head back on track. (I had lost full sight of all the past narc abuse & started falling deeply into sadness & heartache). I have this one last step to take - just need to consider carefully the best approach.
Thank you so much for the attached articles,they will help. And I'll re-read your supportive words again when I finally am 'free' and facing the next stage - exit pain.
🤗
emma11
@emma11
3 months ago
5 posts

Thank you @cheshire-cat. Very interesting about our opposite parent - I haven't heard about this. I've only read about causes of narcissism stemming from how you were parented - and I'm certain my ex's mother is responsible for his P.Disorder!

My brother had to end a toxic 7 year relationship with his girlfriend! Me and my 3 siblings share the same (over) sensitive, caring nature and show our emotions  - just like our mum. It would be interesting to know if there is more than one Empath in a family!(?)

Thankyou for the YT recommendations  - (I've read a bit of Sam Vaknin's Malignant Self Love (essays) - brutally honest but insightful!)

It's very sad but reassuring  to know others here have experienced a toxic/Narc relationship. 

Hop Daddy
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
2 months ago
1,064 posts

@emma11 :


I know you're doing your best to get rid of him. And he's stalling because he continues to want to manipulate and drain you. But it will be really hard for you to heal and get your life back until he's out of your home. For your sake, I hope that happens fast. In any event, it's been about a week so I wanted to check to see how you're doing.

emma11
@emma11
2 months ago
5 posts
Thank-you so much hop-daddy. Means so much. Since I last posted I have maintained No Contact. He had suggested more time to finally be sure we finish while he has moved to a new flat (his remaining things at my home not immediately needed.) I'm certain I want to finish but y,day yet another blow to my heart & head!His new flat lease letter arrived addressed to him & another woman! (The name I know of) :-( Not only this shock but he had said he'd be finding any random person to share & help with the rent etc! I expect I will hear some 'story' to lie himself out! I haven't contacted him though & I'm at this moment going away to (finally) visit my parents. I need to gather myself & think whether to retaliate. But I want him to remove his stuff while I'm away. Apologies for the TMI...truly never know what can happen next with a Narc..even during the last departure! I will never forget this relationship and wish to write a book! Thanks again hop-daddy.
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
2 months ago
1,046 posts
Hi...dump his stuff out the door. Don't let him drag it out. Give him a date to pick his stuff up by but tell him if he doesn't get it his stuff then it goes in the garbage...and stick to it. Don't give him too much room. 2 days then into ths garbage. Or just dump it, without talking to him. He's abandoned his stuff at this point and doesn't want it. Either way, you take charge and don't back down...

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