I want to cry over something petty?!

moonshine
@moonshine
one week ago
70 posts

I need help on this and how I can lend things or how get out of situations or make thinks clear perhaps for future? ..

So I'm not a big fan of lending anyone anything unless I know they can look after it properly or take care of it. When people lend me there stuff I make sure intake care of things as they ought to be.

I feel silly for complaining but I lent someone some equipment and they've ruined it! I don't want to say anything to them because they're a lovely person I've hinted in the past when they had they're own how to keep them in top condition, I'm really upset and my siblings told me off for lending and said it was cheeky knowing they have more than sufficient quantity for what they needed anyway. They borrowed mine to save them somet since they were mounted with lots to do...

It was a set of 4 and one is completely ruined though it's still useable just means the quality for the products I use them for might get affected because  Laof the layers that have been damaged ... How do I deal with things like this? I  take  stuff like this to heart though I shouldn't? 

Really appreciate any ideas 

Hope all are well

So_exausted_from_users
So_exausted_from_users
@so-exausted-from-users
one week ago
51 posts
I would be pissed off and heartbroken that I lost something that important also .
I hate borrowing people things also. Once again it bit me in the ass because before I could get my stuff back we stopped talking.. I honestly believed in our 5 year friendship...
So if it feels better to cry let it out.. material losses are just as hard as the nontangable losses..
It was important and not only is the item lost but a part of the trust you had in that person...
Hopefully this helps
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
one week ago
1,006 posts
Hi...also it's a form of disrespect...I think its THAT that hurt. Someone borrowed something and didn't think it was important to take care of...meaning I wasn't important to take care of. For me if I break something that belongs to someone I'll make every effort to either repair it or buy a new one if I can...but to others it isn't important therefore I'm not important. If that person made the effort to fix what they broke I think you wouldn't have much of a problem. So now you know...don't lend that person anything again. 😏
michelle
@michelle
one week ago
179 posts

Yeah, always puts you in a position where you feel crappy if you say anything. It is disrespectful of others.

Also, I've lent countless things out asked for them back and still they don't return items. I had one neighbor send her kids over to ask me if I wanted my blender back??????!!!

I never had enough money to take anything for granted but it seems as if the rest of the world does, including my stuff.

One area where I got good at is my books. I have a small fortune in years of buying and people never return them. Now, I just say a flat out no.

About saying no; on anything, just keep it short. The more you explain your position, the more tense you feel. And they don't listen anyway.

Will Shakespeare had it right!


updated by @michelle: 05/15/19 10:14:34PM
moonshine
@moonshine
one week ago
70 posts
Thanks all for your comments/advice

Trust I suppose is the issue for me in this case. I feel like a selfish person if I say no? No doesn't come easy to me and yes when people try to explain themselves out of a situation it does seem to make a person seem more tense and does make the situation look worse.

I wouldn't want them to take it personally if I said no, I'm the same also in the sense I work hard for stuff I have, I've always been told I waste on things when I know i dont, this is related to my second career it's all I have I can't actually afford to just let things like that slide, it's the only bit of independence I have left. I guess when kids are full time in school I hope to work but then comes the hassle of babysitters/timing/meals and household stress.. ex wouldn't be helpful at all unless it benefited him in some way

My therapist said I needed control back in my life from people who taken that away by complaining about and making me feel like I don't prioritise my commitments. I'm human end of the day, not merely as strong as I may make myself out to be. It's one of my pass times and how I cope with stress since it's something I like to do out of love. Now every time I'm gonna look at that equipment I'm just gonna be upset and sad, then I start telling myself I'm a bad person for thinking in such ways

This person helped me get back into my work though I'd decided to fully just pack it in, they kept calling every other day to motivate me and I felt bad, I didn't even know how to say no to that, I did hint a few times though it didn't work because everyone except me just sees I'm throwing my life away, and I'm making excuses to say I'm fine even though there are genuine struggles that hinder how much I'm capable; I hate that people will always compare a person's struggles with someone who may be in the exact same situation, that's something I never do and I hate when people compare me, everyone is unique to they're mental stamina and will power, everyone is unique to the good and bad in they're life, everyone is unique to they're own circumstances. This is pretty much how I've been most my life, it's the only way I know how to 'be' by letting other people put me down and making me feel like I have no will power, for anything, that negativity as much as I try dismissing it registers somewhere and I guess knocks everything from my self esteem, self worth, the will to live on and carry on

It is upsetting and people should have the common sense themselves. I can't believe they asked you if u wanted Ur blender back?! That's insane!

That's just it, people who struggle and work hard and who have succeeded and lost at any given stage in life value those things more whatever they may be. And its awful when people don't recognise that in others.

I never look to anyone with an occupation and think oh they mustn't be struggling because of what they're possible earnings could be, yet at the same time I know lots of people who will look to my occupation try to calculate my earnings and when my partner was together and think it's ok to assume whatever it is selfish people assume and take advantage or for granted

It's a pathetic world we live in at times. And the opposite also applies. Sometimes.peoole can get in thoughts that seem selfish because they're just trying to protect themselves or others from vulnerabilities we don't always see or anticipate it understand.

People will do so much petty shit nowadays it's actually unbelievable.

I feel like I've just gone off there but I needed to for the sake of my own sanity

Thanks @so_exhauseted-from_users , @womanwhowalks and @michelle
So_exausted_from_users
So_exausted_from_users
@so-exausted-from-users
one week ago
51 posts
@ moonshine...
I don't know how to do it but if you can send me a private message..
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
one week ago
1,006 posts
I struggled with what you are going through too. People want me to respect then but for some reason they think it's ok to disrespect me. I had this while growing up. My mother exhibits narcesstic traits. I've been trained to be a doormat and that I'm bad for defending myself and that I shouldn't. I had to untrain myself from thinking that way. And recognize where it was that it was coming from. But as an empath I feel there's MORE to this as I follow the energy more now instead of what's presented. You think it's petty to be upset by this and in some ways i agree with that as I have the SAME thoughts as you when I get upset about something. I ALWAYS think it's stupid for me to react, but at the same time I have to accept I must learn to stick up for myself and arrange it so I DON'T get upset about things. I get MORE upset with myself about my reactions than actually being upset about what happened after the initial shock.
But NOT saying something at the time of an incident that upsets me makes things worse as I've been trained to NOT say something at those times. I have a blockage when it comes to confrontations. And I understand that now. This is not about me so much as about trying to help you think differently about how you react to things. And to help you understand that there is MORE going on than you are aware of UNDERNEATH the incident that upset you. You have some UNtraining to do. And it's NOT as bad as you think. And it's ok to vent. Lol...I do that too...lol
moonshine
@moonshine
one week ago
70 posts
Aww thank you really appreciate what you shared..

It's lots of things that tick me off, 1) being a potty mouth because for the past few years I've just stopped caring while part of me still does though it's too much to go into.

I hate my kids having to witness that not to mention the neighbors, and not being able to ground from others' frustrations or inability to understand (through no fault of they're own in empath contexts).

Sometimes I find when someone knows a person is struggling with something that awareness makes it worse, for me it has as I've noticed in a few situations and then it's tiring to explain to others because they just don't understand.

You guys have been empaths much longer than I have so I guess some of that has helped you ground and balance and to be true and firm in who you are, that's gonna take me a long time to re-learn, hopefully with therapy once it begins might make that journey easier but I guess I need to re-think situations for myself I suppose
Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
one week ago
1,006 posts
Lol...you've been an empath all your life. It's only now that you have something to call it that will make it easier for you to become you, rather than conforming to what the world has taught us to think. I don't go to therapy. I started to but soon realize I was picking up OTHER energies around me when I was in that room with the therapist and wondered just how much in that room was affecting me. She said she cleared it of negative energies but emotional energies still lay around. So I stopped going and decided to find my own way. It's been interesting to say the least...lol.
moonshine
@moonshine
one week ago
70 posts
I agree with what you said, I used to think in similar ways around therapy I don't think I'll be able to stick it out since it is solely based on how the person receiving the session is, I think I allowed them to rush me in the past and started having anxiety, Just felt over burdened.. but I do agree it does help greatly to have someone help place healthier boundaries in place one of the things I tend to notice is some of the advice they tend to offer or ways if understanding things I already always seem to understand and implement and it kind of pisses them off, that's just my empath trait I suppose but when someone's constantly absorbed in negativity and don't get those breaks in-between we actually become the opposite, apathic if that's the right term? That's also been a natural part of me from a very young age I guess because of personal issues and perhaps that's what causes me to be so negative sometimes. I'll find also that I'll whine over something but give it a some consolance from someone and I'm over it, and I'll try not to hold it in my heart and console my self along the way also so sometimes people or even the therapist will expect me to be still sulking over stuff or ready to move on to something and sometimes I'll have taken mental notes to remember and re address them and I might come across as snobby. Most of the time it surprises me, I consider myself dumb as anything like put me on the spot and wouldn't know what to say but the more I think about a situation is like I've already mentally prepared, this has gone against me at times also for the wrong reason's.. but I guess can't always have it my way..

Thanks to all again for Ur time
moonshine
@moonshine
one week ago
70 posts
So_exausted_from_users:
@ moonshine...
I don't know how to do it but if you can send me a private message..

I didn't understand; don't know how to do what?

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