Struggling, hence my username 'Strugglebunny'

strugglebunny
strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
6 months ago
23 posts

I don't get on here and utilize this community enough.  I don't give back in this community enough.  Being service minded is a gift, but I only receive it if I work at it.  I think most of us would like to pride ourselves on how 'helpful' we are, but the reality for ME is that I'm naturally self-centered because I'm with myself more than anyone, so I'm thinking of self more.  I have to work at thinking and doing for those around me.  That being said, I do naturally feel the feelings of others and I do genuinely want to help.  Be it through sharing my experience or just listening.  Where I'm struggling today, and in life it seems, is that it's as if my circle/world is ever changing.  I understand, the only constant is change and the little cliches we refer to, but I'm only 29 and I'm so tired of it.  29 years isn't a long time to live compared to how long we can live.  It seems I inevitably get close to people who either don't grow or have an innate ability to be unaccountable to how their actions make me feel while I'm accountable to how I affect them.  I feel like I'm doing something wrong?  Or getting close to the wrong people.  It's causing me to fear getting close to others.  How can you tell someone is going to dismiss you in the beginning of a friendship/relationship?  While I take on their feelings and try to be helpful I get drained along the way, and feel as though I don't get a lot in return.  I know we're not supposed to expect things in relationships, but it's not unreasonable to want the same empathy in return right?  I find myself not telling people what I need enough, or not drawing a line in my relationship... then I get resentful and cause harm sometimes.  That's my selfish piece in this - that I stay quiet, don't say what I need or establish boundaries out of fear of rejection or the relationship ending.  So it goes on and on and I continue to be drained out of my own actions.  That's what happened in a friendship I'm going through right now.  I love this girl, but she's been in and out of a relationship for 3 + years and I've been there throughout all of it.  It gets tiring trying to help someone who doesn't take any of your suggestions and ends up in the same spot at the end.  It's draining and exhausting.  I ended up blowing up on her and telling her EXACTLY how I felt.  I know I hurt her feelings, but I felt as though I needed to get all that garbage off my chest.  She completely pointed the finger at me after what I said and hasn't spoken to me since.  I've done some internal work on this and through that work know I owe her an amends.  I've reached out to her twice in hopes to do just that, but haven't received a response.  Which is okay.  It's up to her at this point.  I've done the work on my end to make it right, I know I can't force anyone to hear me right my wrongs.  The point of all this and my communication here is that I'm so sensitive y'all, and I'm hurt by all of this.  I know what I did was wrong (blowing up at her) and that I should have established boundaries years ago in our friendship, but I can't shake the feeling that I attract the wrong people.  What do I do?  Or is this just life sometimes?  How do I not absorb all of people's hurt in their life, give them suggestions and have no expectations of what they do with it?  How do I shield myself from this?  Has anyone else experienced this?

So_exausted_from_users
So_exausted_from_users
@so-exausted-from-users
6 months ago
58 posts
I wish I knew that answer... Unfortunately I am 45 and just realized that I am a twin flame 21 months ago... If you don't know what that is count yourself lucky and pray you never truly find out. I know that there are those who don't believe but I have a mental therapist who upon hearing the term did the research from a mental health point of view and agrees 5hey are as real as the empath it helped me meet and stop fighting that was lost inside of me. my twin and I go through seperation, lovers friendship only with the largest period of time being friends and watching him grow and change and feel our connection without any concept of twin flames. End of the week after spending as much time as possible from Monday to Thursday with me as he is working out of town yet says in constant contact with me and comes to visit me as much as possible on Friday's along with the of trip out of town to visit him for nothing more than to hand out, talk and be there when camp is lonely and he just wants someone to visit, I know that at the end of Thursday until Sunday afternoon when he leaves again he goes home to his girlfriend and if push come shove I will never be the one that will win in the end. I had a husband that after giving him 17 years of my life 16 years married and 2 beautiful children he repaid me in kind on my 40th birthday with letting me know at my birthday party I was officially to lod for him as he was only 38 turning 39. He had me replaced with someone half my age (close enough) at 21 his new girlfriend was 5 and 7 years older than our kids. my wonderful husband has been listed by the judge in the past few years of of separation and court proceedings as the most emotional and mental abusive husband that the judge with 12 years of experience has had on the bench. My so called closest friend I had for the past 5 years starting abusing that friendship last summer taking my prescription painkillers.. It started off as so few that even though I knew right from the start I couldn't call her on it... Slowly it became more and more and buy November it was out of control. I left one final test and still couldn't confront her. Instead I just showed her the new present my parents had gotten me. A decent size lock box that was fire proof and required a real key. That was the last time my friend ever visited me. She went from visiting 2 or 3 times a week to not bothering to make it over once during the Christmas season. Remember I never once accused her once or after 4 1/2 years of friendship she felt she could do this to me. My twins friendship helped me through the worst of the pain as he has shared many similar painful experience and when it comes to pain we share a same language, on everything except that I love him and he doesn't love me the exact same way.
What I am trying to say is that there is no cheat sheet or answer key.. I have had what I believe as friends for several months set me up on a date where she got paid and I was raped. I have met all kinds, known that some of the more closer friends were just soulmate in my life for a while. My husband I married and fell in love with is a soulmate but unfortunately due to to much power and ptsd that man is gone and I am left with a man who has to distroy the kids and my happiness when he is bored. I can't offer that there is a better life out there because as hard as I search for it I still find myself face down in the mud getting walked on. I hope that I don't have a lifetime like this but I honestly don't know I can only every control this second. What is in the past is my book with good and bad chapters and what is in the future is unwritten pages I can hope will get better but I don't honestly know. I will tell you after this second is over and it has been written.
I am sore I don't have better news but know that you are never alone.. control this second cause that is all you get a say in the matter.
michelle
@michelle
6 months ago
252 posts
@strugglebunny

How do know that you haven't helped this young lady? Perhaps you have thru 'tough love.'

Look at it this way; for 3 years you lent support to another in an impossible situation. You were there, opening space for her to get 'clear,' gave of your time and affection so she might begin to feel more worth in herself. Three years was alot of time for her to build resolve. You gave much in patience.

Still she didn't make her move or choice. So, all your patience and giving couldn't last forever and you finally threw up to her all that she complained of, correct?

I would bet that it's not actually you that she's mad at but herself, deep down, away from her waking thoughts and what she projects to others.

Give her time, you planted a seed that you may never be around to see grow. People do not change until duress and pain grows very large. She'll muse on her anger at you until one day, the realization comes upon her that it is something else she feels, the true cause of her feelings and actions. Hopefully, your friend will do it in this lifetime.

It will always be lonely as an empath and very hard to make lasting friendships on Earth. You'll move from person to person you encounter in your life, plant your 'seeds' and move on. It is hard because you feel so much...other's and well, yours. You're human and hurt too. People forget that because of your strength.

I helped a neighbor and child get out of an abusive relationship with the father. Spent much time helping her with the child because she was so stressed. I was there the night of his extreme drunkeness and anger, all the while trying to gather articles of clothing while he was in the back yard...very scary!

The shelter had no room for her. I lived too close so I took her to my mother's home where she spent Christmas week. Point is, she does not speak with me anymore. After time, helping while she was in the shelter, I couldn't give anymore...I also took 3 of her cats in which 2 years later, I still have. I'm human too and this all hurt me very much....where did this person and child go that I gave so much to? Confusion in me turned to anger, until I remembered that this is the way it can go. And I remembered myself; the part of myself that is good and kind and patient.

Where to go after this 'remembering' of myself? I forgave her and then I forgave myself for feeling any anger towards her. She has a new life to live and I have played my part in getting her there.

Honestly, that took a huge toll on me. I have been a victim of violence and being dangerously near the father triggered me. But would I do it again in another situation? Yes I would. In the situation I described, no one was there to help or wouldn't help, her family included [they live right up the street from my mum's...never came to see her] I absolutely could not turn away.

Hugs and strength to You, 💖
Michelle


--

I was abandoned by wolves and raised by my parents.
michelle
@michelle
6 months ago
252 posts
So_exausted_from_users:
I wish I knew that answer... Unfortunately I am 45 and just realized that I am a twin flame 21 months ago... If you don't know what that is count yourself lucky and pray you never truly find out. I know that there are those who don't believe but I have a mental therapist who upon hearing the term did the research from a mental health point of view and agrees 5hey are as real as the empath it helped me meet and stop fighting that was lost inside of me. my twin and I go through seperation, lovers friendship only with the largest period of time being friends and watching him grow and change and feel our connection without any concept of twin flames. End of the week after spending as much time as possible from Monday to Thursday with me as he is working out of town yet says in constant contact with me and comes to visit me as much as possible on Friday's along with the of trip out of town to visit him for nothing more than to hand out, talk and be there when camp is lonely and he just wants someone to visit, I know that at the end of Thursday until Sunday afternoon when he leaves again he goes home to his girlfriend and if push come shove I will never be the one that will win in the end. I had a husband that after giving him 17 years of my life 16 years married and 2 beautiful children he repaid me in kind on my 40th birthday with letting me know at my birthday party I was officially to lod for him as he was only 38 turning 39. He had me replaced with someone half my age (close enough) at 21 his new girlfriend was 5 and 7 years older than our kids. my wonderful husband has been listed by the judge in the past few years of of separation and court proceedings as the most emotional and mental abusive husband that the judge with 12 years of experience has had on the bench. My so called closest friend I had for the past 5 years starting abusing that friendship last summer taking my prescription painkillers.. It started off as so few that even though I knew right from the start I couldn't call her on it... Slowly it became more and more and buy November it was out of control. I left one final test and still couldn't confront her. Instead I just showed her the new present my parents had gotten me. A decent size lock box that was fire proof and required a real key. That was the last time my friend ever visited me. She went from visiting 2 or 3 times a week to not bothering to make it over once during the Christmas season. Remember I never once accused her once or after 4 1/2 years of friendship she felt she could do this to me. My twins friendship helped me through the worst of the pain as he has shared many similar painful experience and when it comes to pain we share a same language, on everything except that I love him and he doesn't love me the exact same way.
What I am trying to say is that there is no cheat sheet or answer key.. I have had what I believe as friends for several months set me up on a date where she got paid and I was raped. I have met all kinds, known that some of the more closer friends were just soulmate in my life for a while. My husband I married and fell in love with is a soulmate but unfortunately due to to much power and ptsd that man is gone and I am left with a man who has to distroy the kids and my happiness when he is bored. I can't offer that there is a better life out there because as hard as I search for it I still find myself face down in the mud getting walked on. I hope that I don't have a lifetime like this but I honestly don't know I can only every control this second. What is in the past is my book with good and bad chapters and what is in the future is unwritten pages I can hope will get better but I don't honestly know. I will tell you after this second is over and it has been written.
I am sore I don't have better news but know that you are never alone.. control this second cause that is all you get a say in the matter.

I am very much saddened to hear all of this. I can relate to the thefts and set-ups you've experienced....the rape too...I was 52 years old and plunked into that situation by 'friends.'

Will it ever end? Not unless we completely and absolutely isolate ourselves. And that's not really possible, is it?

I like your analogy of the good and bad chapters if your 'life book.' There are times when I want so badly to go 'home.' I want to give up and it is so overwhelming that all I can do is ride it through...sometimes all one can do is to lay down and sleep so as not to permit continuous shocks to the nervous system.

Then, something rises in me and I realize I have to push forward. I look for those 'happy pages of experiences.' Yesterday, it was watching a Baltimore Oriole weaving its' nest on my back porch...above the dove that nested below. Small in comparison to grander acts of life but filled me with enough joy to carry on.

Doesn't seem fair that empaths can bring so much and recieve so little from others. Maybe we model the Divine so other souls may learn. But it seems as though there are some, many, who aren't capable of this. Psychopaths look and can act the part...heck they can appear almost saintly for a time...but they are not like us and are an interspecies predator. Whatever navigates them draws them to your Light and is the ones with the most Light that get the most attention.

So, the question is, "How do we differentiate
the true predators from the unbalanced souls in distress, who may actually be in need of our Light?"


--

I was abandoned by wolves and raised by my parents.
michelle
@michelle
6 months ago
252 posts

In case any think that I am suggesting that we ALWAYS run to the aid of another; I am not. There are times when I did not extend myself because I needed the rest and repair.

There is no sense in destroying our health in order to be there or give to another. If this is the case, then it is time to love and care for ourselves and not feel guilty about it. And if you reach out to others to no avail, suffer the hurt and forgive them. Anger towards this will only fester, eat at your natural 'shields' and open you to dark entities. Sucks to live in this realm but there you have it....




--

I was abandoned by wolves and raised by my parents.

updated by @michelle: 05/14/19 08:34:44AM

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