thank you michelle
it is not as bad for the moment that this person (my mom) could not cook for herself or needed help in the household all the time - but due to the treatement, she is not always well and is starting to feel the side effects of the treatement.Yet she does not assume that she needs external help.
I'm about to leave for another country in the next weeks, so I will not be able to just help spontaneously. Yet I need to leave, for sake of my own health and sanity.
Staying at this place is a problem for me and so are all the actions attached - it all stirrs up all the old problems constantly that I need to get a distance from. Even helping out with simple things, even just staying here, brings me to my limits.
And it does not help to know, that her other daughter, who is the neighbour, is not helpful at all. She does works around the house alright, but is constantly guilttripping or accusing me- since we do not talk anymore she now uses my mother to do so. I need to get out of this but I don't want to leave my mother in this situation. I already tried to motivate her to move with me before she got sick, but she wants to stay here and I think that it is partly the cause of the disease. I fear that she will not overcome the disease in such a situation. the other sibling is quite narcissistic, has mood swings, rages, comes up with the craziest beliefs and just does not really care. she does help, but in a compulsive kind of way and always with a hidden agenda - if you get her help you need to pay back some day, one to one, and she means this litterally. She even takes notes!
I feel totally guilty for going away but at the same time I really fear for my own life, I know this sounds dramatic, but my body is firing more than one alarm at once.