Friendship - finding it incredibely difficult to find friends that are "on the same wavelength"

Chrisis
Chrisis
@chrisis
4 months ago
64 posts

What do you do against loneliness? In "normal" friendships I have always the feeling that there is something missing, that it is not close enough. In addition, you cannot talk about your true self to most people.

so, how do you do? how do you find the "empath next door"?

Hop Daddy
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
4 months ago
991 posts

@chrisis:

I think loneliness is something we empaths all deal with (even when in a relationship). As an empath we know that quite often people are always taking from us energy-wise. For me, I'm the one who everyone comes to with their problems so I can make them feel better and offer solutions. But when I'm struggling, no one wants to reciprocate and help me out. Sound familiar?

I think part of the problem is that we're just so very different and sensitive. I find that even when I'm close with someone, I'm still not getting the deep down connection that I really want. As a result I have to settle with lowered relationship connections and try not get frustrated with my relationships that tend to come up short by my standards.

If you look at the definition of empathy you get this: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. I think most people who you would want to have a relationship with will have some empathy to their personality. But it is no where close to the level of empathy you have as an empath. And I think that's why we feel disconnected and lonely. We're at another level.

And lastly I can say from personal experience that I'm in the closet about my empath abilities with the majority of the people I know. Both from a personal and professional standpoint, my friends and associates are not ready to accept me in this way. I wish it were different. 

I find belonging to online communities like this one as a way to connect with others like myself. In many cities there are empath communities that meet throughout the year. If you try to google for empath groups in your city, there likely is one.

Best of luck to you. And hopefully some other members will share their thoughts and experiences to help you as well.


updated by @hop-daddy: 12/21/18 02:04:09PM
Goodenergyhealing
Goodenergyhealing
@goodenergyhealing
4 months ago
405 posts

for me it is a long term project. I see it that many empaths are ahead of the curve, so sometimes we have to wait for more people to catch up with out development (stages). I.e. there is nothing (or not much) wrong with me, others just cannot always cope yet with the amount of energy I bring along. 

I just moved country last year. New city too. Been here 15 months now and slowly and very tentatively meeting more people that might become friends. Before that 17 years in London, and took about 4-5 years of being conscious empaths before more meaningful social networks started to materialize (any networks at all, actually). It started to gain more momentum, towards the end, but then I left...

I do not really go looking for company, as I am quite happy by myself too, and let things develop organically (also self employed, so regular events, like yoga, choir, meditation, et al are not an option). In London I did attend a HSP/ Empaths MeetUp, which was great. I.e. there will usually be more empaths in spiritual minded or artistic activities, groups, MeetUps. Or perhaps more environmental oriented activities, like cross country walks, beach clean ups, animal shelter volunteers, etc.... (though I have met some very athist environmentalists and vegans, who would have told me to check into the loonybin for feeling other people's energies :))

In the mean time, I do my Lightwork, and ask that my life becomes more and more suffering free, social, enjoyable, etc.... 

Wishing you blessings for your endeavours! 

michelle
@michelle
4 months ago
146 posts
I think alot of us are what is spiritually called Wanderers and it comes with the territory. I've moved 38 times, 5 states and been at current location 20 years...stayed put to raise my son, but still itching to move. I've met many people and that is a joy to me. If I'm lonely I just smile at people in stores or restaurants...wherever and they talk with me. It's only if I stay too long in my head or isolate do I begin to feel lonely. Good luck and Merry Christmas!🎄
TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
4 months ago
490 posts
Once I got past the loneliness or being alone it was fine. Sometimes, I'd rather alone than going out. It is hard to talk to others when I have many unanswered questions about being an empath and other things. Coming to this group has greatly helped. There is a group or a class I go to with a friend, with other gifted individuals. Not so much empaths. That group and this forum is usually enough to suffice my social interaction.

Like hop-daddy said, I also feel like I'm only peoples friends when they need something or help. When I need it, nothing but silence. And since we are experienced at handling things ourselves and figuring it out, then the friends flock like seagulls. Same thing happens to meet at work.
Chrisis
Chrisis
@chrisis
4 months ago
64 posts

I struck a nerve there :-)

thank you for sharing your experiences, I can relate to most of it. 

I live in Luxemburg right now and there seems to be no local emapth group - and if there were, I'm not sure if I had the courage to go there ... (erverybody just knows everybody around here). I'm attending an art class though, but it will only go on for some months now.

I made the experience too, that even good friends react strangely if you come up with needing emotional support. A really good friend of mine, who even offered me to call her anytime I feel bad - when I did, she kind of quickly ended the conversation, although she is normally a really gentle person. I don`t understand this. Perhaps I just scared her off. She even apologized the next time we talked. Nervertheless, I now hesitate to call when I don't feel good and stick again to my old rule to have no social interactions when in a dark mood. People don't want to hear it and I don't want to feel rejected. I realize I'm starting to sound a bit bitter, sorry for that.

💗 I really appreciated your kind and elaborate responses.💗

Thank you and have a nice and cosy end of the year.

Chrisis
Chrisis
@chrisis
4 months ago
64 posts

PS: I just heard this song on youtube. I thought, it fits quite well

https://youtu.be/p4hytzYQ3ik

TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
4 months ago
490 posts
That is understandable, if the town is small then everyone knows lol. I live in Chicago and everything is available, I dont take advantage of it as the energy and people is overwhelming. Also, big cities have many frauds out here looking to make a quick buck. Really have to allow your intuition to guide you to these places.
I've met many giving people in life that are bitter,not just empaths. Those friends that are quite capable of giving back usually are selfish about it and dont want to be bothered by it. They are all to "busy" They are not like those in society who cannot help themselves, but at least those individuals say thank you and are truly grateful. Example, a shelter I volunteered to cook meals for. 5 of us made over 30 plates of dinner and many had tears of joy and full of thanks. It's quite a shame on our friends and family who keep taking when they have the means themselves to fix if you ask me. :)
Art class is great!!! Probably feels very positive in their when everyone is distressing and utilizing creative abilities. Even if it is for a few months, something else may pop up. Intuitive painting is offered here and seems of interest to many. You may even want to start one like that if you can in your city. :)
Chrisis
Chrisis
@chrisis
4 months ago
64 posts

@tigerlily

Actually, I'm planning to offer art courses for children after we've moved to our new place. :-)

crystalsage
crystalsage
@crystalsage
4 months ago
210 posts
I have been going to places I feel would attract other empaths.

For example crystal shops and other types of store that deal with the alternative world.

I stay away from the "normal" friendships as much as possible. Most of the people I talk I am able to express at least some of my differences to. It is a requirement for me to be able to do so. If I cannot then I stay away from those people in my personal life. It is how I maintain a healthy state of mind.

I have recently found one other person who is also a empathetic. We meet up once a week and just talk freely and it is lovely. It makes it easy to go to work and not talk about my true self. As well as having others in my personal life I can at least talk about crystals or metal therapy with.

Now I also live in Cali, this seems to one place where lots of us are if you are willing to look.

As for before making it a point to place these types of people in my life. I did not do very well. I was always lying about who I was so I could not grow into my truth. That sent me into depressions, and made me feel overwhelmed and lost in this world.

Imo, I think you have to look for people who allow to feel safe being you. It was not easy for me to find them, and cutting out the toxic people did cause me to feel sad and lonely for a while. But now I am comfortable being me. I am more willing to explore my nature because I don't feel like I have to hide. The more I am able to explore, the more I am able to get an handle on things.
Chrisis
Chrisis
@chrisis
4 months ago
64 posts

@crystalsage wow, you live in a big city there ... 4 times bigger population than the whole country I live in ... :-D

Yes, I probably ought to take all my courage :-) and try to go to places where it is more likely to find empaths or at least more sensitive people.  I'm moving to Germany, I hope it will be simpler there, more people than cows at least :-D

have a nice end of the year

TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
4 months ago
490 posts
@crystalsage do you live in northern California? I'm looking to move out of Chicago and feeling drawn to the Pacific NW area. Guessing there are many empaths and spiritual minded individuals there also?
crystalsage
crystalsage
@crystalsage
4 months ago
210 posts
@tigerlily I live in the northern California area. The level of emotion can be rough but I am running into more and more empaths lately.

I am originally from the Chicago area.
TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
4 months ago
490 posts
@crystalsage did you notice a difference from Chicago to Norcal? I live in Chicago currently and work downtown.
Aiden
Aiden
@aiden
4 months ago
45 posts

I only met my current empath friends after i ended some previous toxic friendships which included those that didn't feel "close enough". I was always surrounded by people but still felt lonely. When i was alone, I felt lonely. Something was missing and i was unhappy. I spent about a year and a half completely isolated apart from going to work and communicating with some family members. No social interactions or outings. All i had was myself and I had to face many things I never dealt with or understood. It was scary at first but I knew i had to get in touch with myself without any distractions or influence. 

So much transformation and healing occurred in that time frame and I realized that i personally had to go at it alone (no therapy, drugs etc). It's always difficult to put into words what I experienced but it is as if my vibration slowly started to shift. I would go outside and felt so connected to the trees, insects, the wind, everything. I was always very aware of everything but it seemed as if that awareness expanded as well. I didn't feel that heavy feeling of sadness or being despondent that I felt for so long. I truly believe that the feeling of loneliness I always felt was me neglecting the other part of myself I had yet to tap into. It wasn't something that anyone else could fulfill or fix. It was as if a part of me was reaching out to the other part that I never payed attention to  which caused the feeling of being alone. I needed everything within me to come together. Once i payed attention, things started changing for me. 

Towards the end of this journey, I met 2 new friends from online and reconnected with 2 others (online as well) whom i briefly met over a decade prior. None of these initial meetings stemmed from anything empath related such as meetups, forums, sites etc but they are ALL empaths, HSP, intuitives etc. It's as if the universe brought us all together at the right time and when we needed it most. It still amazes me how it all happened. It is also kind of funny how similar we all are. We all communicate a few times a week but may go weeks, sometimes months without seeing each other being that we all LOVE and need our alone time.  It works for us and nothing is weird or different when we do hang out. 

Chrisis
Chrisis
@chrisis
4 months ago
64 posts

@aiden it looks on your picture as if you where painting :-) are you?

How did you get through this isolation phase?  after some time alone it feels as if reality was getting kind of thin

Aiden
Aiden
@aiden
4 months ago
45 posts

@chrisis

I wasn't painting in that particular photo but i do love to paint when I can 😀

The way i got through the isolation was simply getting to know and love myself along with asking myself many questions. I think for a long time, I did not like who i was so i used me helping everyone else as a way to avoid my own struggles. I started living 100% authentically. Growing up, I was constantly absorbing so much of those around me that I never knew who i was or what i enjoyed including my personality, my beliefs, opinions etc. I knew everyone else so well, but not myself. I realized how could I love myself if I had no idea who i was?  During my isolation i read and watched a lot of books and videos on spirituality, empaths, law of attraction etc. I started meditating, talking to my spirit guides and took weekly herb baths for cleansing and healing. 

igor
igor
@neverquitter
4 months ago
21 posts

How cool to feeli you @Aiden 

im happy for you man...take good care

Aiden
Aiden
@aiden
4 months ago
45 posts

@neverquitter

Thank you soul!🤗

Peter
Peter
@peter
3 months ago
1 posts

I deal with the universal feelings of isolation which come with being an empath by working. I flip houses, striving to leave something better than when I arrived. Afterward I can see, live in or drive by places I know are better because of my efforts. Planting things helps too. No matter what the vibe, plants and trees always fight to be higher, that makes me feel good. 

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