After 15 years of inspiring discussions, Elise's Empath Community has retired!

Join our private Facebook group to continue the conversation! 

Screen Shot 2021-08-18 at 2.26.14 PM.png

Empathic Distress & Realizations

gothceltgirl
@gothceltgirl
11 months ago
14 posts

Sorry it's gonna be quite long.
I’ve come to the realization that living w/my BFF & her offspring is not only upsetting to me, but actually unhealthy for me as well, as an empath. I tried to convince myself, since I had nowhere else to go, that it would allow me to lose weight, get my health back, & be better, do better, & feel better. But my health has gotten worse in some ways, am completely unable to lose weight due to more hormonal issues, & alternate between feeling like I need to run & feeling like I want to flip out on her all the time.

 

But instead I’m at the whim of her overwhelming emotions. I alternate between not being able to sleep well, being plagued by overwhelming senses of fight or flight, especially when she’s feeling more anxious, which is honestly a not small percentage of the time. She’s a mom & a worry wort & I understand that. But it occurs to me that all this overwhelming empathy between us isn’t good for me. Her worry makes me feel worse on top of my pre-existing worry about not having a freaking place to live and having to abide by her rules & restrictions. It’s making me hella bitter.

 

And I’m beginning to feel a lot of Empathic Distress b/c of it. I’ve realized that perhaps empaths can feel this, even w/o being caregivers. She’s an attachment parent, who never has a break, never goes anywhere, and also never really gets to hang out w/me anymore. I think I spoke to her more when I didn’t live w/her honestly. I’ve started having extremely mean, dark impulses, which I’ll elaborate on later, as this post is already becoming quite long.

 

Things would be so much better if A. She actually left the house regularly and I could be alone (she works from home too). Or B. I left the house on a regular basis. But since my illness and not being able to go out much + this pandemic. We’re stuck in here together and it’s driving me insane. I vowed never to live with her. EVER! I knew it would drive me crazy mentally, but I feel that now it’s actually bad for me. I would be able to be much more compassionate towards her if I was away from her. B/C all these overwhelming things are leaching my affection. She was feeling super anxious about her family coming over for the Winter Solstice, but then decided that she’d have them over another time, as her boyfriend is coming for a visit as well & it’s too much. I felt better before I even knew she’d made that decision. It was astounding the difference in how I felt. I really don’t know how to emotionally distance myself w/o also losing my BFF of over 20 yrs.

 

I’m looking forward to getting the vaccine, although I know that my need to get out of here & away from them is also long overdue. And I don’t think I can wait on the vaccine. I’ve got to put all my energy into getting a place to live, even if that means (temporarily) renting a room somewhere else.

 

I wish I could go out again. If I was alone I could, but then conversely I’d likely not be able to afford it much. Back before I got sick & was working & lived w/roommates things were much easier, despite also hating living w/people, I went out all the time, not just to work, but just left the house so I wouldn’t have to be there.

 

But now as a person w/a disability who can’t really go out much due to physical & financial limitations, I find that my “at home” needs are much more clear & precise.


updated by @gothceltgirl: 02/24/21 06:24:50AM
Hop Daddy
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
11 months ago
1,105 posts

@gothceltgirl :

I get what you are experiencing. Kids are fun and full of pure energy unmolested by humanity. But as they grow it can get ugly (especially the pre-teen to teen years when they are super exposed to culture and hormones). They're like a pulsing quasar shootting damgerous gamma rays everywhere. But in more common terms, just look at the Mom or Dad or a 9-16 year old and tell me if they look like they are having fun? You didn't mention the ages of the kids where you are living, but I would imagine you're absorbing all of this. And that is tough for an empath. And you're picking up on the Mom's feelings of exhaustion and frustration as well. I don't know your situation and why you are living there. But the ideal empath living arrangement is a calm place to relax and recharge from what you absorb from the day. And if your home time is worse than your away from your home time, you will eventually figure out that you need your own quiet relaxing place that you call home. It's admiral that you're there with your BFF and her kids. But as an empath you will learn that some places are just too much energy for the sensitive that you are.

After reading the rest of the post I would only say that when people you know are in trouble they will come to you to unload the low energy that they are feeling. They will reveal the most personal details of their lives just to experience that "lighten the load" release they get from dumping that energy off to an empath. And they will do that completely subconsciously often without knowing they are using you for that energy exchange. But the problem is that you are now burdened with that low energy that they just gave you, and it's not easy for most of us empaths to get rid of unwanted energy. So we suffer with the anxiety that low energy brings. With time and peace you will release that negative low energy naturally. But if you're in a chaotic vicious cycle with repeating themes, your empath armor will wear thin and eventually you will become a mess of a moody, anxious, and become a very unhappy person. That's the down side of being an empath that comes from not controlling your environment.

I'm not sure of your circumstances as to why you are in a chaotic energy homelife. The easy answer would be to move. But there may be more to this and finances or something else may tie you to this situation. In that event, I would set up a I cover you and you, you cover me situation. In doing so, you give your friend a break from the kids where she goes away to have a night off and maybe you find something fun for the kids to do where they are by default are so preoccupied that they are on their best behavior and don't hit you with their dysfunctional energy (going to see a movie etc...). And then arrange times when you are free to do things that give you peace and make your heart sing away from the home (relax your soul). Try to work out this type of arrangement so that you can get a clean break as often as possible to get away from it all and rebalance your own energy. Maybe its a sport, working out, working on a hobby, or just relaxing in a sauna, just find what makes you happy and helps you unload.

P.S.- I thought I'd mention why most empaths are known to be "moody" or "difficult". And this is important for you to understand as a lot of people in your life will off-load their troubles on you and get you all worked up, and discard you as "difficult" and "moody" when you get overwhelmed from them. When we absorb people's low energies in their presence and in discussion (frustration, sadness, all those low feelings), there is an energy transfer. They immediately feel better, and now like passing the ball in gym class, we accept the pass and carry their burden. That on top of everything else you are absorbing from fellow humans that day can be maddening. It will blow you up. Once you accept their energy it's like a virus or sickness. What do you do with it? You now own it and feel terribly anxious and down. As an empath over time you will learn to block energy. But at all phases of your life you will absorb unwanted low energy that upsets you. You have to learn how to purge that (known as grounding). But if you're caught in a tough situation where you are hit with a lot of constant unwanted low energy, just know that eventually you will become unhappy enough that your soul will leak that low energy back outward. Even if you can bite your lip react, your energy will repell people at this point. And when this happens, most of the people you know will reject you as a difficult pariah as they run from the low energy you uncontrollably leak outward once you have fallen down the downward energy spiral far enough. So the moral to the story is to choose your living arrangement wisely, and seek a calm environment where you can ground and rebalance from each day. I've included a pdf of the downward spiral chart for empaths as a guide to understand where you're at energetically. Best of luck and let me know if any questions.

241-relax-and-succeed-upward-spiral-downward-spiral.jpg

gothceltgirl
@gothceltgirl
10 months ago
14 posts

The message is blank.

Hop Daddy
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
9 months ago
1,105 posts

I remember posting a detailed response. But there was a system issue where it came across blank. But did you resolve your issue?

Layla
Layla
@layla
9 months ago
37 posts
@gothceltgirl how are you getting on since your original post?

I feel the same way although my situation is somewhat different.

For me she has moved on and her children. Just needs to develop on self worth/value and not focus so much on the world externally but internally.
EliseLebeau
EliseLebeau
@eliselebeau
9 months ago
444 posts

@hop-daddy your post has been restored to its full length :)




--

Elise Lebeau, M.Sc. The Left Brain Intuitive
http://www.EliseLebeau.com
TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
9 months ago
519 posts
@gothceltgirl that is alot you are going through. I don't know your financial situation if you can move out?

That energy in her house will always be there with kids. The home would need to be cleansed regularly and you need to do alot of grounding. Her mom worry will not go away and kids are just exhausting to me with their energy. Are you able to deep clean the house and get in corners? Then sage after? If you can't use smoke you can try this spray. I personally love it.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B078G7N8W7/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_KW52VMB3QH1YJCEHC4KH

I dont know if you can escape outside in the yard and just stare up in the sky. This helps ground me. Or if any parks with walking trails are open, just to get out of the house and in nature? You can even just sit in your car if it's to cold out.

After almost 15 years of discussions, the Empath Community has retired!


Join our private Facebook group to continue the conversation! 



Need help? Read this book!



empath book



More from The Left Brain Intuitive