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gothceltgirl
@gothceltgirl
one month ago
8 posts

Meant to post my intro first, but looking around decided to go ahead and dive into the discussions.

I was always a sensitive child. I used to cry just about every day when I was little. I don't know exactly why. I was sad all the time. Which is unusual for small children. Especially when I went to school. I vaguely remember not being able to nap during nap time, couldn't sleep with all those other people around. I just lay quietly until it was over.

My mother wasn't very compassionate and didn't have a lot of empathy herself, which was double hard for me. She kind of tried to make me feel that there was something wrong w/me, that I was weak-willed, naive, easily influenced, etc. Now I know why I would've seemed that way to her.

I'm childfree, a big Sims 3 fan, as you can tell from my Avatar, a night owl (I'm incapable of waking & functioning before noon), cat lover, and gray asexual. I also have a disability, chronic pain, an autoimmune disorder, ADHD, and am an extrovert.

I prefer living alone (need it) in order to decompress from the outside world. I loved going clubbing before my illness got worse, but rarely do anymore, and what with the current state of things, don't know when that will ever happen.

I lived in NYC for 20 years, then moved to Newark NJ, which was a nightmare, had hostile neighbors who actually harassed me and my rent was 86% of my income. I'm staying with my BFF (her grown son, & 3 year old daughter) until I can find my own place again. I am in the 'burbs, which I'm allergic to. LOL I know most empaths like peaceful environments, but I like to go outside to crowded places. I loved NYC, all the people is like the energy equivalent of white noise to me. But when I come home I like peace and to be alone w/myself and my own thoughts, energy, etc.

Also don't drive or have a car yet & what with the DMV being closed, hopefully it opens again soon, I'm stuck. She doesn't drive either. She's (recently realized/discovered) that she's high-functioning autistic, her son is bi-polar and has ADHD as well, and her daughter also seems to be presenting autistic signs, but different than her, more like his father. I'm overwhelmed all the time. She's (thankfully) given me her daughter's room and I can stay in here & shut the door. And her son is a perfect gentleman, gives me the space that I ask for, she really raised him well. It's harder for her. She said that she feels like she can think/focus better when I'm around, probably b/c she's leaching my brain power. I told her that I get infected by her spaciness/forgetfulness. I begin to take on her brain traits as well as my own, especially if she's in the kitchen with me talking or doing stuff. She thinks it's funny, but it's really a problem b/c I don't even want to make dinner down there, especially after I flat out asked to have space in the kitchen while making my supper. Thankfully, she goes to bed pretty early, most nights b/c of her daughter, co-sleeping & attachment parenting has its privileges, so I've decided to try & make dinner after she's gone to bed. That didn't work out so well the last few nights though, as when it's a bit delayed, I just don't feel like going downstairs making a meal, then coming back upstairs.

Her son got me a min-fridge for up here, so I can keep my cat food, and decided to keep my salad stuff for some of my dinners. I figure maybe I can address the space in the kitchen thing again soon, but for now I can prepare my cold meals upstairs. I'm a night owl, but like to have dinner around 8 or 9 pm. I realize she isn't even thinking about it when she does it, but it's really bothering me, so I am trying to wait until I've got a better handle on just how to broach the subject. I'll start to lose weight, then backtrack b/c I can't eat the way I need/want to. She just keeps saying you'll get there, stress, thyroid, etc. But no, I'm fluctuating quite a lot, it's not a weight loss plateau, it's when I feel stressed trying to get down there, have proper space for myself, it just gets too much & I give up.

My BFF doesn't drive either, her autistic stuff makes it so she simply can't. But I'm a good driver, just don't have a license anymore b/c I let it lapse. It expired and I didn't bother renewing b/c I thought I had time, turns out, you only have a certain amount of time to renew, or you have to start over, so I'm back at the start. But my life has been so crazy (and learner's permits are almost $100 in NYC) so I couldn't even think about trying to do anything until I left. Now I'm in the south, in the 'burbs, it's a necessity, especially since most affordable places are hella remote.

I'm hoping to heal a bit soon, now that I can sleep, and have peace and a less toxic environment, and now that I will have less stairs to traverse, I'm hoping to get into work mode again soon. I am a freelance VA, writer, working on a novel, off & on for years, write all kinds of stuff, but really won't be able to properly focus on that until I get ADD help. I did some freelance work back in 2016 before my neighbor situation got worse. I was sleep-deprived for 11 mos. straight as my previous neighbors played loud music at all hours, woke me up, kept me up repeatedly. I had about 50% of my week disturbed & unable to rest. I even changed my bedtime to accommodate it, but to no avail, I often tried to go to bed early but some days they'd play music late, then wake up early. They were at it all the time. It was truly unbelievable. My health got a lot worse, then they suddenly moved, but the new neighbors were only quiet for a short time, and the 1st floor neighbors started sometimes. I've made this quite long already. I'm wondering if others have a really difficult time with booming/pounding bass-heavy loud music as well? Or is it just me? I also have hyperacusis, but I know the difference between when something is too loud for me and too loud generally.

Being sensitive in any way is hard and we should all strive to be kinder, more understanding, and put ourselves in another's place. I'm bored and lonely, really need a lot of variety, now I have only one friend to talk to & it's not enough for me, so if anyone wants to talk, PM me or reach out, I'll try to get back to you.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend! I'm going to go to the store to get some treats for me & my fam.


updated by @gothceltgirl: 06/14/20 09:29:02AM
Illuminous Ops
Illuminous Ops
@illuminous-ops
one month ago
21 posts

Not sure if these will help or not.  You're in good hands here though.  This is an excellent forum to be in.

https://www.pinterest.jp/pin/62276407331412060/

https://www.verywellmind.com/understanding-the-narcissistic-sociopath-4587611

Illuminous Ops
Illuminous Ops
@illuminous-ops
one month ago
21 posts

I personally do not believe "Learning Disabilities" are a real thing, because I was told this by LDA, Learning Differences of Alabama which was a support group for people diagnosed with Learning Disabilities.  They invited presitgous Colledge Professors to meetings to teach us this again and again which I attended. 

I was told people like me, (I scored Borderline Genius on an $800 test covered by my parent's insurance and had a College Sophomore reading comprehension level in middle school) are included in the category of "learning disability" along with other people who are genius.  IQ tests and other institutionalized tests rank people with a "learning disability" on all levels of the spectrum, including geniuses who are smarter than me.

I also do not believe ADD / ADHD or LD are a real thing, because most Countries in the civilized world that has populations scoring higher in general intelligence than Americans do not acknowledge them as real.  I believe they are a symptom of the flawed educational system system in the USA and other Countries, and there are millions of people who agree with me on this and can explain it to you in great detail.

If you put a child or adolescent on ADD / ADHD medication it will alter their brain's development causing them to require it, and it will become real for them and most of their descendants who inherit the trait of needing it.  However most of the top scoring Countries in the United Nations do not acknowledge these things as real, and their practices negate the need to diagnose people with this, because their educational system actually works well.

If the medication helps, go ahead and take it, sure.  I just don't advise giving it to children or adolescents, because of what will happen to them when they are adults if they took it while their brains were in a crucial stage of development.  

There are third world Countries with no public education system with populations that score higher than Americans do.  Americans are extremely uneducated, and the public education system has failed us all.

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