Ignored, part II
I wrote a blog entitled Ignored when I first joined last summer and it expressed a lot of how I feel on a daily basis. I just want to revisit that and say how it's such a bad feeling to be seemingly forgotten by ppl around you, loved ones, family, friends.
Yet they notice I am still alive when they want something, or if I can help them in any way. This would fall into the category of another blog I wanted to write called "Oblivious to the obvious". Clearly what's obvious to me is not obvious to them, and that seems to be a constant around my universe. I hate having to explain what's so obvious to me when it's right there for them to see if they'd only take the time to see not just their surroundings, but mine.
As an empathic sensitive, feeling like I am ignored is a horrible feeling and it makes me paranoid. But feeling like I am and actually being ignored are two different things. Most of the time I am bothered by the fact that people come to me for certain things because it again, only makes me feel like a tool to be used then ignored once they've got what they wanted outta me. When I've had enough of it and I don't really want to talk or be harassed by someone, that's when they notice my small feelings and decide to ask what's wrong.
It consistently seems to be a two-way street I travel down, then return to no matter how hard I avoid it. It's not so hard to ask a person how their life is going in the time that they've forgotten I existed, just don't do it as a solution to soothe my ego if you're only going to go on with the same routine again. That's just pissin' off behavior. I know for a fact I am living in the Twilight Zone. Some odd behavior goes on around me and it literally feels like people don't see me.
A recent example just happened yesterday. A Youtube subscriber of mine writes me asking if I burn cds, since I upload music. I said I have. The only two words I said to him in my reply. His reply was a list of demands that basically said he wanted a cd of all this music that I was going to take my time to burn onto a cd, send it to him and "for my troubles, he will send me a little something via paypal."
I didn't bother replying to him again because not only did he not ask me, nowhere in his rant was a please, a thank you, or a question mark in the form of "could you please make me a cd copy of these songs?" I don't respond to demands, and his condescending tone of "he will give me something for my troubles" pissed me off. That is exactly the kinda behavior from people that I tend to get and it's so twisted and nobody sees how they come off apparently.
I've been out walking on the street and encountered people who don't seem to notice I am there. No, they weren't distracted, they didn't happen to not see me, they literally act like I am not there and it's an unsettling feeling that adds to the point of this whole blog. Perhaps I am rambling now, but my point is I am not alive for other people's convenience. I am alive to live my life the best way I can. There are those in my life who actually are happy that I live and breathe. That is a wonderful feeling knowing someone appreciates the fact that I am alive rather than someone who only seems to care when it's convenient for them.