To self-love or not to self-love?
One of the most hardest attribute that one can attain is self love. it's not cheap and comes with having to endure many sacrifices and trials, to fully attain and maintain. people can knock it down in an instance if they sense you have what they lack or can't achieve no matter how many ways they try to. No amount of riches in the word could buy and no amount of rags could take away. If this alone doesn't attract jealousy and envy and every kind of spitefulness by wolves in sheeps clothing, you'd be a fool to think that it is the most valued part of self-centeredness and contentment that wolf packs wouldn't hesitate to rip apart at every chance they were given. whether people do this knowingly or unknowingly, it is something the soul already registers before even accounting to register within the mind the threat it has already perceived.
Women are wired a certain way, no matter how where or when (era) you were brought up in. there are certain common traits that all women share that they will want to have, to find that inner contentment, peace, love and happiness.
Aachieving it is easy, if you can fight off every blood sucking demon that wants it and will challenge it. I'm talking friends, family, strangers, multi-media sources, fashion and music industrys, men! yes those too, beauty and how its portrayed, psychological approaches used to condition the minds of insecure women to feel more insecure and in adequate about themselves, the girl ur guys checking out/seeing, his wandering eye, women's own wants and needs to look or be perceived in ways which they feel will uplift them and make them whole and the list is tirelessly endless!
So where do we begin?
My daughter sits watching her regular stuff, she's 6 and well ahead of her age, is she aware of moms multi-tasking listening and observing while I wrote this? probably not. already within the last few minutes she's absorbed the concepts of what the tv has taught her, what is social acceptance? how can we achieve it? what should her friends be like (personality traits)? what should they look like? (how many characteristics are ur average joe and not some hot super-model look alike? how many of the non-populars are given a script unless they're being picked on and shamed in one or another? already after watching this stuff for so long, ive witnessed her apply it on herself. "Mom I want to wear this because so and so has it, I want the glitter girly floaty dresses, because that's what princess's look like" I want to be vindictive and vengeful because so and so did this to me", lets not forget they have those characters too n the stuff she watches. where do we pick it all up from? home mostly, how we manage and deal with relationships will teach her later in life what and how much she's willing to take from a man and how and what ways she will deal with it, how much she will seek from others to feel 'fulfilled' in self-esteem and confidence because at 2 she had no concept of it, how many kids would care about how or what they would like? the older they become, the more attention is brought to this either by the primary home setting or those they are around and what messages they perceive from others.
The moral of the latter paragraph is, we just never know where that one crack will appear to make way for many more to come, be it part of developmental milestones, life in general and or external triggers or the level of corruption in this world that we live in, self-love being one of them.
am I gonna stop her from watching this stuff? No. I want her to have this awareness so she can set her mind up to prepare for when I'm not around to teach her, for when she's old enough to say mom I don't need you anymore I'm a grown ass woman, in the meantime I hope to watch documentaries with her based on real life when she's ready to see she doesn't ever need to compare herself to anyone to feel better, nor look to anyone to feel a sense of lack or inadequate, yet not develop her ego to the point where she feel's like 'it girl' and has it all without a shadow of a care for anyone else.
to be humble, that when she sees someone compliment her and say ur so beautiful, to have the ability to look at someone even it be her worst enemy and say, you have beautiful big eyes, that iv'e always wanted, may they be blessed, you have beautiful thick her, may it always stay healthy, you have a pair of knockers that are awesome, may they never droop lol, why? because it stops the heart desiring to want what other's have which if done long enough will create jealousy, and to feel inadequate without being grateful for what you have first will breed envy. to say to ones-self ok people compliment my hair a lot, but they don't see how it's thinned out over the year from eating disorders, vitamin deficiencies, stress, pulling my own hair out of frustration, literally, straightening it for so many years, heat damage, I could easily start envying others and become spiteful, so I want to? NO, what would I gain from it except bad karma. how do I deal with it, ok if I have to go bad one day its not end of the world I have the option of hair wigs and extensions, if it bothers me that much i'll add extended layers to thicken it out, heck we even have hair transplant options, cant be that bad right! but am I going to allow that insecurity to damage what may never be damaged? how? well at what cost will these alternatives come to me?
If you cant find your own major flaw you will never be able to work on the others. people always start big thinking it will magically make everything else fall into place. no, start small, and that comes with acceptance. for me personally, it was to accept that I was fat, accept that I can never go on a diet, accept that I will never make my eyes physically bigger, accept that my hair wont ever grow thicker, accept that I'm not good enough for anyone else but myself. did I do that knowingly? NO, it was gradual when id stopped fighting against what I couldn't change. how do I overcome those flaws?
I played with my eyeliner, to get the look what I wanted and accepted I like it like that, I accepted my fattiness by stopping buying clothes made me look or feel worse just because that reflected on how I felt on the inside. I stopped comparing myself to girls how I might have wanted to aspire to be like, in my eating disorder days, anorexic was my goal, that was beauty to me, that was portrayed and taught to me that that is what beauty is, and continuous self conditioning to reach that goal, dug deeper holes that took years for me to get back out of, I'm not a professional, I've not even in depth studied this stuff, but what I was once using to destroy myself I decided to use to make myself. not everyone has that privilege, but I'm a person of the mind, and its what gives me the mental agility to use whatever resources I have even if it be empathic energies to refuse to let my mind cave and give into what took me years to overcome.
people sometimes don't have that inner strength, or belief, but find other people inspiring and it motivates them enough to change to achieve what it is they lack.
These little characteristics of jealousy, self-esteem, envy, lack of confidence, self-acceptance are the root barriers that hinder self-love. sometimes we reach that journey on our own only to be knocked but others come along and remind and teach you that maybe you just needed a little push to believe in yourself and then watch the magic slowly unfold and become a part of who you are as a person. its what makes people feel intimidated by you, because they don't have it and no amount of wealth or material could buy it. it has to come from within.