Secret Blossom

Doubts....

2015-07-24
By: Secret Blossom
Posted in:
I was so excited when I found out I was probably an empath....and now I find myself doubting. I was never brought up to believe that this stuff is real. So i feel like I ve stuffed my senses so far down that I can't even tell what's what. I keep finding myself thinking...."you just want to feel that energy" or "you are thinking you feel something" or "thats silly, you know this isn't real" or "maybeit is just anxiety" .......ugh.....I ccan't sort anything out in my head. I try to concentrate to see who's feeling what, but its just a bunch of chaos....my 4 kids for example, i try to hone in on separate emotio s, but i just get a buzz of chaos, but i don't know how to describe it. It's as if im mentally hearing a buzz, but if i dont pay attention its not there. The same thing happens when im out front of the house and all the neighbors are out. I just feel overwhelmed but can't pinpoint any one emotion. I just know i want to get away from everyone so i can calm my mind. Sometimes i feel like im going crazy and i just have social anxiety,and bipolar, and what if im just searching for an excuse for all these mental health labels.... i dont know what to think anymore. I don't get any alone time to even try and meditate...i just don't know
misscr
07/25/15 06:42:36AM @misscr:

I know what you mean - I'm not sure I am an empathy, but know that this community is supportive of me whatever or whoever I am. I'm not normal, that I know for sure (but then - who is right?) and I share a lot of the experiences that the empaths here describe...but...there's always that strand of doubt. Partially I think it's because we're trying to find labels for something that is so difficult to define - at the end of the day we can just be us.

If you have other noticeable symptoms of mental health problems (particularly bipolar) then do get yourself checked out. A close family member lived with bipolar for many years and I can tell you that it is a very real illness. On the other hand, don't spend too much time worrying about mental health disorders - it's like when people with a cold look up their symptoms on google and convince themselves they have cancer or a tropical disease. (Plus, if you worry about anxiety...you end up with anxiety!) Anxiety is so much more than just worry - you have trouble controlling your breathing, can feel light-headed, your fingers tingle, your thoughts spiral around themselves...trust me, it's not fun.

Whatever your situation, you're in my thoughts :)


misscr
07/25/15 06:43:20AM @misscr:

I meant I'm not sure I'm an empath - autocorrect


Secret Blossom
07/25/15 07:40:58AM @secret-blossom:
Thank you so much! It probably is just some anxiety. I have been diagnosed as having bipolar years ago, but i can go long periods of time without needing medications. And people who know me would never think I was. When I was younger, I was overwhelmed by emotions, and didnt know where they came from. After realizing that this whole thing could be real, i have no desire to ever take my meds again. I have not taken any in more than a year. It just doesn't feel right. I think i was just afraid of myself.
Secret Blossom
07/25/15 08:29:57AM @secret-blossom:
I do not medicate at all anymore. I usually go outside and take a walk or a bike ride. Being in nature instantly calms me. My bipolar symptoms started at about 12-13 when my dad started to not accept me, just because i wasbecoming a woman and had my own thoughts. Tbis is when wierd things started happening. I felt everything so deeply. I thought i was just being a teenager, but as the years went on, i noticed anxiety at family gatherings and would switch from room to room during them because i was overstimulated. I started sensing my grandpa's presence and he died when i was one.but when i was 17, i sensed my best friends death. I felt strange and off for an hour or 2. When the principal came in and addressed us, i started crying before he told us because i knewthat he had died. I also sensed my grgrandma's death coming and others i worked with in the nursing facility.i feel like my bipolar symptoms were something else and i just couldnt wrap my mind around it
misscr
07/26/15 03:25:04AM @misscr:

It's possible - and if you can regulate without meds then more power to you! But please make sure people are watching out for you, and that you talk through any changes with a doctor. Honestly, I've seen what bipolar can do, and as a relative I can tell you it was pretty distressing (and broke my heart) sorry, this is still a pretty raw subject with me as a lot happened with this person last year, and because I tend to be sensitive to emotions etc. it wasextremely difficult. I feel a certain amount of guilt because even though I noticed what was happening and warned people, I didn't push the issue as much as I should have...

Keep strong, keep healthy - that's the most important part! :) And keep up the nature walks (it's cheaper than the gym if nothing else.) :)


Secret Blossom
07/26/15 06:39:31AM @secret-blossom:
Thank you! I will definitely keep myself health. Please don't blame yourself. Some people just can't accept the help or don't want to. We can't save everybody
misscr
07/27/15 05:48:10AM @misscr:

Thanks - and yeh, things got a bit out of control. But we tried. Sometimes life just hurts us along the way, but that doesn't change the wonderful warm and beautifulperson she was, regardless of the way her illness affected her. Anyway, I'll stop with the doom and gloom now! I'm so glad you're feeling healthy and long may it continue! :)


Kit Kat
07/28/15 10:24:44PM @kit-kat:

Well I don't know as much as I wish I did about all the different types of empaths, but I think that you're definitely not alone in doubting whatever gifts you have. These times will come, but I think that as you keep learning more about yourself, you'll start to recognize how your empathy works (ours all work differently - I'm sure there are a lot of subcategories within the different "types" of empaths that there are) and then it will hopefully be easier for you to control your abilities.

Oh and that happens to me, too, where when I'm overwhelmed the atmosphere seems like just a buzz of emotions around me. I think this is normal, just that there are a lot of variables to take into account: for example, how situations and emotions change quickly, how our own emotions make a difference, and how a lot happens subconsciously for us.

I hope things get more peaceful for you soon, and that you can find more clarity :)


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