Hard to sleep
I saw my baby in her wedding dress again tonight. It left me feeling -- well -- overwhelmed. But not for the obvious reasons. The first time I saw her in it I cried. She's so beautiful and she looked like an angel.
Today I saw more. It's like the future cracked open and while I couldn't see the details of her life to come, I know she's going to be ok. She is such a strong woman, surrounded by so much love. Her new family clearly adores her and her best friend fiercely protects her.
For the first time ever I felt a sense of *conclusion*. I could see that while I'll always be needed for love and support my job is through. Not because I think *marriage* fulfills a destiny, it's more like I could see *her*. I know she's going to be fine no matter what happens in the future. God knows she's already made it through impossible storms.
What's keeping me up tonight is almost an overwhelming gratitude. A flood of relief. It's hard to explain. Sometimes there are no words to say it *just right*. I worried for both of my daughters for so many years (like any mom) always wondering what would happen to them if anything happened to me.... and all of a sudden there is this beautiful calm stillness. I'm not afraid anymore. Even if things go wrong there is so much love around both of them. I just know they are going to be alright. And for all the sad times past and gone, they have developed into wise, kind and sensitive souls.
I saw my baby girl in her wedding dress today and she is no baby...not anymore.