OK, I've been thinking about this a lot (I tend to obsess about things, especially men! LOL!), and I've decided that Fisherman Dude is in love with me. As far-friggin-fetched as that sounds! I've been putting all the pieces together, and I see it now. I never would've guessed, EVER, that he had anything other than a mild attraction, and the only reason for that, I thought, was because he wants every girl, and I was a challenge. But, I see now that he loves me. He loves everything about me. It's so hard to even look back & fill in the details because I barely paid any attention to him. He was so far off my radar it's not even funny! Yes, he's a bit of eye candy, but come on. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought his feelings for me would warrant anything more than a one night romp in the hay, and once he got what he wanted, that would be it.
He always acted so strangely around me, and I thought I just made him uncomfortable & nervous, like so many other people, because he felt I could see through him. This one night, we were all sitting around the campfire at Craig's house, and I went inside for something. When I came back out, they were playing guitars & stuff, and as soon as I came out, it stopped. I *think* he was playing, and after I came out, he refused to play anymore. I was pretty upset because it made me feel like I have a negative influence on people just by being around them. I felt horrible. I see now it was probably because he liked me! I do tend to jump to conclusions about things, and usually think it's because I did something wrong.
When I saw the psychic a few weeks ago, she told me that I was going to feel like I was 18 again with my new man. She said, "I don't know if you'll be reconnecting with someone you knew when you were 18, or if you'll just feel like you're young again." Well, if I had a 21 year old boyfriend, I'd sure as hell feel like I was 18 again!!!! Although, I'm supposed to outlive him, too, so with him being so much younger than me, well, I don't know.
This is so crazy. I never expected this. I thought Rob was The One. He's BF's best friend, but he loves me, and I love him too. I had plans for us!! For our life together!! I feel kinda bad cause I don't want him to be alone, and I'm afraid he will be. =( I don't know why I was supposed to stay with BF for so long, but I really feel like there was a reason. I was thinking it was so Rob & I could get to know each other. Whatever it was, I feel like things are starting to fall into place, just like the psychic said. I was really starting to think it would never happen, and she was wrong. I'm not counting my chickens yet, but things are looking up.
I wouldn't be heartbroken if I turned out to be completely wrong about this. Finding a new man was never the issue. It was only getting rid of the old one I cared about. I know there's somebody out there for me, and if not, I will be single. I don't care. I was very happy being single, I just didn't know it!!! Now, I do. The thought of going through all that crap in the early stages of a relationship ~ BLECH!!! I don't even want to deal with it. At least if I do end up with Fisherman Dude, he goes out fishing for periods of time, so I could still have MY time. And Rob works nights, so we'd barely even see each other. I wish I could've cheated on BF, that would've gotten rid of him. But, I was afraid I'd never be able to live with myself for doing it, and also that he might try to kill the guy. I couldn't live with that either. At least with Fisherman Dude, I'm not afraid of that. I don't know why, I just know he could defend himself. Fishermen are as tight knit as the mob. But, I still don't know how I'd live with myself for doing it! I just want him to break up with BF for me! LOL!!! =)))