Where did it go?!?!
I've been feeling very restless for weeks now, coming here, looking for something, some kind of insight, something SATISFYING. Nagging spiritual disgruntlement. Sunday, a post caught my attention, I think it was called, "Do you know who you are?". I looked at the date because I didn't remember seeing it on Friday, and it had been very recent, although there was already 4 pages of replies. I couldn't focus on it as much as I wanted to at the time, so I made a mental note to come back to it. Sunday night ~ it was gone. I don't know WHY, but it's really frustrating when you feel like a door has been opened, and then it gets slammed in your face. I can barely remember what was posted there. Something about not fitting in.... aliens... LOL! I think that's what initially turned a lot of people off, or at least confused them, was the alien part. I look at Earth as only 1 of the places in the Universe to incarnate. I believe we're all aliens, we've all been to other worlds. Some of us just have highly developed abilities from those worlds which conflict with Earthly demands. Earth has certain things it can teach a soul, and other planets have different lessons. Not every soul comes to Earth, but sometimes, you can be on a certain path, and take an unexpected detour, and end up incarnating on Earth for some reason deemed beneficial by guides. In that case, you'd end up being a little different from those around you, developed in ways most humans aren't.
Anyway, one of the points in the post was feeling that you don't fit in. After learning I was an Empath, I thought that explained it. But, lately I've been feeling more alone and oddball than ever. I've blamed myself for it, thinking I need to 'fix' something about the way I think, something! But the post made me feel like this was just a symptom of something that was meant to be. A necessary evil, rather than a sign that I was doing something wrong. I moved to Nova Scotia because I felt like I could relate to the people here better than the cold Calgarians. I moved here in hopes of re-joining the human race. But, as I healed, the LESS connected I felt!!! It's been very disconcerting to me lately. I guess I just assumed I would feel more connected, but that wasn't the case at all. I started to care less & less about things "normal" people do. I thought my weirdness was due to being so broken & defensive. Turns out, it was me all along! If I'd known that, I don't think I could've survived, though. I told someone recently that I used to view myself & others metphorically as simply studying different subjects, but lately I've been feeling like I was studying for my PhD, and I was hanging out with 5th graders. I don't like the elitist sentiment that engenders, but that is very much how I've been feeling.
I'd completely lost hope of ever finding real life friends. I feel closer to people here than IRL, but even here I've felt somehow separate. I had just plain given up. I didn't actually realize how much I'd given up on until I read that post, and I saw a glimmer of hope that my "tribe" was out there, somewhere, feeling the same way I do, and that maybe (I still have trouble feeling hopeful about this part), just maybe fate would bring us together someday. I love the idea of living in a community of healers who bring different gifts & skills to the table, working together with common beliefs. I gave up on that when I realized I don't get along with most people, and don't share their beliefs. Ideally, though, I would absolutely love that.