RealFaction

Alone...?

2014-05-08
By: RealFaction
Posted in:

For a while, the past month or less, I haven't been myself. I didn't truly realize why until now. I realize why I'm sad, why I've been so hard on myself when I mess up (which is unusual because usually I'm like "okay i made this mistake, it happens, no biggie").

I feel lonely...abandoned.

It's taken me a while to think on this and find out exactly what's going on with me, but now I understand. For months, I have been lonely in this house, and most of my life, I've been used to being alone, talking to my good online friends, but as of late, I've changed. I feel like I need love, and yet I don't want to be clingy or anything.

I just feel like my friends abandoned me, and that I've been a bother in the past, so for months, I've rarely ever gotten calls from anyone in town, and I've rarely seen them. I try hanging out now but people are busy yet they'll make time for others...right.

I know I have good online friends, but on Facebook, i see my friends' profiles, and they are crowded with their friends in town, and get all the support for their music, but when I dare do the same thing, no one really ever looks at my music or likes my statuses much. I'm beginning to question myself, even though as of late I haven't posted anything depressing for a long time. It just seems like people don't care to contact me anymore, the ones in town. I feel unloved and abandoned.

Also, I feel like after all these years of not caring about being single, I'm starting to feel an empty void in my heart. I feel I need someone to break me, to tell me I'm wrong, because I know what I'm saying probably isn't right, that I shouldn't be hard on myself, but I just am questioning myself after all this. I feel hurt and alone...very alone. I'm glad to have my online friends though, but I just wish my friends here would like me again :(....and they were good friends too...what happened?

Also, any girl I end up falling in love with is either too far away, ends up being dramatic, or ends up being a back stabber. And now if I DO have feelings for someone, I say to myself, "she can do better than me". It's just not normal, and it's not as simple as depression, I went through years of that, I would know. Maybe there's something else beyond what I've realized that I'm not seeing. I don't want to be alone anymore, and now I feel I can't trust them, and I can trust you all more, even though in the past they used to be really close to me as I was to them. This is not good. :(

So my question to you all is, what else could this be? What do I do?
- John

inlanddan
05/10/14 12:10:17AM @inlanddan:

Hi John, it is great you could express those feelings in an open forum, a true empath. I went through a very similar thing. I still have some problem with self esteem but that can be an empath trait too.

I had to do this all before I knew what an empath was. I knew I was "special" in some way forever though. In 1989 I broke the top of my tibia (the large lower leg bone.) I spent the next 9 years having surgeries (17 of them) on it. I never recovered once. Needless to say I spent most all that time alone stuck in a recliner. I got very lonely but I also learned more about my "gifts" then too. I finally figured out there is a big difference in being alone and being lonely.

What really helped me was becoming more grounded in my spirituality. I had all my spirit guides and other guides with me at all times. They taught me in needed to start loving myself and them. Now I am never lonely and never alone.

I feel that being put into those type of situations is a big learning process for us. For me I know now I have a purpose "here." It has not been reviled to me yet because I am not ready yet. Being on this site I am constantly learning. For me that is my gift.


RealFaction
05/10/14 07:30:17AM @realfaction:

I'm sorry to hear that Dan. :( I could only imagine what that's like. I know a little about those, but lately I've found it hard to love myself, as the people who have abandoned me probably don't anymore.

I am confident with some things about myself, but overall I'm questioning who I am. My heart says to be compassionate, but lately I've been so sensitive. My heart says knock on this lady's door because she could be an Empath because a month ago, I started getting this strong feeling and sometimes I feel her pain too.

I feel she may have answers and that we would need each other from the sounds of it. But, I've never met her or seen her, just know where she is, on the first floor. I can't just knock on her door, that would be weird and I don't want to creep her out. I'm scared. I feel I need an opening. Anyways, thanks Dan, glad you found peace, I just have to figure out how to.


inlanddan
05/10/14 12:25:30PM @inlanddan:

The basic point is the spiritual grounding.


RealFaction
05/10/14 07:02:25PM @realfaction:

Thank you Light :) that made me smile, you are really sweet. I'll keep that in mind. Yes, growing up, my dad put me through a lot of verbal abuse...he's an insane man :( especially when he was drunk. But i don't think it's just that, I think part of it is fear.

I also think it has to do with this woman, I may be feeling things she is going through and somehow becoming a part of my personality? I don't know? Sometimes I feel her pain. I just really want to help her out, but the problem is that door, I've never met her and it would freak her out maybe...in my heart says maybe not, that she is probably an Empath because it's a very strong connection and feeling, I've only had once before in my life.

But I'm so scared to, I don't know what to say, I'd have to make something up and I hate lying, I really don't want to. I don't know how to approach this person, but I guess I have to wait for an opportunity. Ever since I've been more sensitive trying to control it, but I am sad my friends have abandoned me still. I feel very lonely. I kind've wish I had a relationship, I feel I need some sort of support. This community is definitely helping though, thank you.


RealFaction
05/11/14 08:32:05AM @realfaction:

Thank you. I just really need to meet this woman, that's what it feels like, because I feel she is the reason for some of this and can help and I can help her I believe. The voice last night kept saying, "You will meet her soon" and I've KEPT hearing that for the past month. How soon is soon, I don't know. This stuff drives me crazy though....I had to have a blue aura. It's hard sometimes. Anyway, thank you. I do believe she is an Empath, almost positive. I can read into the connection, we have randomly connected for a reason, this never has happened to me before. Reading her, she feels very special, I mean someone I would consider special, and kind. She has a lot of potential.


RealFaction
05/17/14 03:47:44AM @realfaction:

Thank you Liz. I'm sorry to hear about that. I've wondered if I should wait but it seems my heart is telling me to do something but I have no safe way to do it. That's the issue. It is affecting my life and my emotions terribly :c i hate it.


RealFaction
05/17/14 11:55:57AM @realfaction:

Well it's not an office building, it's a condo building lol and it's her room, if it was an office that would be easier. Thank you though. Thanks guys, I'll try, just gotta gather myself and figure it all out.


RealFaction
05/17/14 09:37:41PM @realfaction:

Thank you, that's a crazy story! I'm glad you're ok if that is about you but whomever that is about, I wish them well. I guess I have trouble with fear and anxiety, things are much better now since I posted this, my newest discussion is my main concern now, thank you. I am still lonely, but I'm pushing through it. It would help once I find this woman I've had this connection with (more details in my "It's Too Much" discussion post.

If I just go around knocking on people's doors until I find her (i think she may live in a certain unit, but I could be wrong, but she IS on the first floor of my building)these people live in my condominium building where I live too, and I don't want people thinking I'm crazy. Today I received an omen from a fellow member here, basically saying this woman feels this connection also and wants to meet me. That made me feel more relieved, but now I'm wondering where on the first floor she could be, I got a glimpse of an older woman maybe in her 50's as i pulled in from work tonight coming home, her unit's window faces the parking lot. I could be wrong, was just a glimpse, but the place looks like an antique store almost, so I don't know.

I have to figure out where on the first floor she is.


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