Peter
 

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Unexpected pain.


By Peter, 2013-04-30

A fairly accurate description of empath traits was posted in a forum I am a member of (not on this site or one that has anythign to do with being an empath). It really hurt me to read it. Like strangers were looking in my sock drawer. I wish I knew why it hurt so much to read it. I ahve been pretty stable and productive for over two years now and remember how much this level of discomfort bothers me. I really should listen more on here and be less full of myself.

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Was called harsh today......spot onI think. Times is tough...everywhere from your checkbook to your heartstrings wheel......I don't think the oprah/Dr. Phil approach to living is worth a crap. Go along to get along has gotten the universe into the death spiral we empaths have been feeling for a while. Too many planets and not enough comets as far as I can see. Being an empath is WORK.....its HARD to survive and GROW in a self indulgent woe is me world.....so I think the empath army needs to be tough...tougher than the emotional vampires who suck the culture and life from us all. I firmly believe I control my path...nothing is predetermined....the gift of empath allows meinsight normals can'teasily or quickly access as we can. Its a real responsibility to live right.....sorry no wimps allowed....all the support you want here but if you got no spine.....back of the line.I believe in the empath army, we are more than genetic anomalies or "spirit guides".....evil has won too much in recent days on all levels from my perch....if its going to go down soonIwant to be emboldened by souls who aren't wimps; empaths who have my back so to speak......courage is a product of hard work and belief....hows yours?

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Hi all,

Building a new life is work...haha. I have set free from my life the things and souls which sought to devour me. I have discovered a person of quality who replenishes me with ease. I worked for a bit fora deceiver who cut me loose because I would not turn to the dark side. I worry for the world of confused ones beign exploited daily by the media and others. I am more empath than ever, solid, rested, and needing a task. i trust I am not the only one feeling the pending changes coming. Politics? Money? Tribal warfare? conservative, moderate, liberal...all labels for different ways to hate.......gee whats next haha.......there are still rainbows after the rain, birds still sit on my deck and sing for me so tell me what you think is going on?....I for one am fearless, always have been, but now thatI am settledI am more curious than ever to plug into the coming flow and help make it yield the good we all need to see. I used the phrase "namaste my toy" and it brought a loving caring heart into my orbit, feeling guilty I have not given back much lately......what do you need?

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The universe keeps giving....


By Peter, 2010-07-01

I walk a tight and dangreous line...seeking peace....I keep asking the cosmos for assistance and it keeps delivering...how awkward I feel in the presence of such gifts....the past 3 months would make a wonderful book but I doubt anyone could ever believe the series of events i have initiated and now am following thru on......I wonder at the wonder of it all and if i missed anything important along the way.....pressing on without fear seekingn love.

Be safe.

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Fear.....not!


By Peter, 2010-05-28

I am not afraid. I have never been afraid. Everywhere I roam we are preached at to be afraid. It sickens me. Be afraid you are not pretty enough. You are not rich enough. Be afraid of criminals.....or politicians....or evil doers. Be afraid of food, of chloesterol, of disease, of being alone. Be fearful that you won' thave enough wealth to live along life. Be afraid of liars. Be afraid of being weak. Be afraid of being excluded. Be afraid of losing. Be afraid of death. Be afraid to dream too much. Be afraid of being afraid.......I am sick of the fear based reality I must swim through on a daily basis. I AM NOT AFRAID.

Fear is a collar worn by too many...tehered to too few who know too little about too much. It enslaves billions and empowers a few.

SO I stand above and scream I am not afraid. And you should not be either. What is accomplished by fear? Caution? NO. Salvation? I think not. Can we learn from fear....? hardly. Has it ever led to a discovery?...hmmm no.

Watch the weather channel and they preach fear 24/7....as do all news outlets...except during xmas week when even the fear mongers need a few days off....unless you need to be fearful that you did not acquire the perfect gift for someone.

Fear is everywhere....I will never be afraid of success or failure. Fear is the biggest negative in the universe...and we sit by and watch as culture after culture worldwide preaches it to the next generation. I will not be afraid. There is no real courage in risk. No bravery in agression. But there is dignity in not being afraid. And honor in helping others to shed their fears. I am not afraid.

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My pothole


By Peter, 2010-05-24

I am not well. The control I usually have over it all is gone. Impulsive, conflicted, selfish are not me but lately they are. It spills into every waking thought and since I cannot sleep it is a constant drone on my spirit. Solice escapes me. Peace is a dream.

An internal force of unknown origin drives my daily search for meaning. I have health. I have wealth. I am loved but I am empty. Many care and worry over me.much to my disgust about myself btw. How have I arrived here? More important how do I leave this place. What purpose can it serve to be an empath and feel more than others if it does no one any good? I am not cursed, I cannot believe in such superstitions. I ask the universe for things and moments and they are granted on a daily basis yet still I am alone in pain; wondering why I ask, why am I rewarded?

I have been called gifted and talented. I have never had the intimacy I need from a woman. I have been given love, and trust and devotion but not intimacy..that elusive touch which instantly calms and bonds us to another..never as an adult have I had that. All else is meaningless without it. Its all a charade and act that leads to the next moment of expectation and the next act and charade leaving behind the pothole of hollow which I have carried with me all my life. I am not innocent I am not evil. I have much to share and grow increasingly less willing to do so as I encounter more and more souls with no real appreciation for what my gift is. I am no longer angry but I am tired. Tired of carrying the feelings of others across the finish line for them. While a handshake and thank you used to be enough, they are no longer worth the effort.

No tar for my pothole can be found. It lies before me no matter what road I have chosen. I risk home and happiness in search of it. All could be gone in an instant if anyone knew who I really am. I am disappointing all who love me and they are clueless that I am so.

Death often walks with me cackling and taunting as I search. Angry it is as I have escaped its clutches more times than one man is entitled to. But even when I wish it away and it goes..it echoes in my sleep as an easy fix for me. I am too cowardly to take that route but not brave enough to go on so I sit in my pothole and listen to the rain.

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Bringing a storm....


By Peter, 2010-05-05
I am bringing a storm down on myself and my world. All I am tells me I need to be someplace and when I go there there is peace and I am fufilling a task I have been given to save a life....when I return I see the darkness approaching me and question what I do...still I return to my task, uncaring of the approaching pain in face of the good I know I am doing. I am honest and duplicitious at once, graced and curse din the same moment.....what does this mean?
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Continuing journey.....


By Peter, 2010-04-28
Been trying to understand the value of humility more lately. Seems ironic that I have recently been able to ask the universe for some pretty outrageous accomodation and it has responded almost like a trained servant....I need to be appreciative and humble in the the presence of such gifts......hard not to ask for more too soon but I guess that is the nature of trying to do good in this life....never enough good to go around.....lots of strife and pain available to be shared. It would appear to me that in such a downwardly spiraling economy, which is slowly sucking down almost everyone I touch, that there seems to be a balancing upward spiral of spiritual growth. Ying and yang I suppose. Currently helping to balance the spirits of three who are all to me...and I feel no burden about it...such a change from a few weeks ago.......interesting, tiring in a good way, to quote sarah mclachlan...."so tired of the straightlife, with vultures and thieves at your back, storm keeps of drifting, keeps on building the lies that you make up for all that you lack....." Peace...
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