Taking on others' beliefs as your own...

By: Marta
Posted in:

Something I found that I have been struggling with is other peoples beliefs imposing on my reality. Whatever someone else says I feel like I internalize it and believe it as true or the right thing to do. I feel like its a part of me not being able to trust my own self. I always feel like I need someone to make a choice for me. However, that hasnt gotten me anywhere. I have been living other peoples beliefs of what I should be doing with my life and what would be best for me.

Iforgive myself for that because for a while I was really confused and felt like I needed the guidance and advice from someone to just tell me what to do. Realizing that I am the only person responsible for my own life is very freeing but scary at the same time. I feel that sometimes I dont trust myself to make my own decisions. I also always never wanted to take responsibility for my own life cause for a long time it was always in someone elses hands. I always needed help bc I wasnt well.

Now I know that nobody can tell me what to do with my life.I know that I need to take responsibility for my own life. My needs, my wants, my CORE DESIRES. I didnt know what they were at first, but now I do. I wasnt able to get to the bottom of my own desires bc of everyone elses stuff in the way. I guess that is why being an Empath is that much more challenging in today's world.

How can you possibly get to yourself, when you are so confused and constantly taking on and carrying others stuff? I really dont blame myself for anything at this point. I fully forgive myself. Not one person in this world can know what I want and need at this point in my life but myself. If anyone can relate to this and share their experience, I'dreally appreciate it.



01/03/16 08:36:12AM @marta:

I definitely have that reversed. Thank you John for bringing me clarity on this.

01/03/16 05:11:00PM @water-lily:

Hi Marta! I can definitely relate. I was definitely ruled by what other people wanted/needed, and I didn't look after my own wants and needs. Now, I have periodically ask myself what is mine vs what is other people's baggage.

Sometimes, I'm not sure about it, but I try to follow the feeling to what experience caused/led to the feeling. Meditation, and certainly blocking out other people's feelings to some degree, may help to identify what is yours vs other's emotional state and baggage. Once I figure out what is mine, I work on taking steps to fix the problem.

For example, I feel grumpy. Is it me? Yes, it seems to be. Is there anything going on right now that should make me grumpy? Is someone being a jerk? No. Did I sleep okay last night? Yes. Am I hungry? Yes, as a matter of fact am feeling hungry, and I think my iron levels are low. Therefore, get a spinach based salad and/or red meat. Re-evaluate. Oh my, I'm not grumpy now, but I'm kind of angry. Do I feel angry about something? Well, my boss was being difficult, that is at least annoying, but did that make me angry, and, if so, is there something I can do about it? No I don't think I can do anything about it. Is it even my issue though? The anger seems kind of far away. Maybe I should move away from the people surrounding me for the moment and see if the angry feeling subsides. Oh, it did. Someone must be angry in my office. I should probably tread softly in there. Am I okay? Oh, yes, as I matter of fact I am. I do this periodically throughout the day, and usually, it is a pretty quick process, especially now that I have been doing it for a while.

I know it sounds overly analytical, but keeping track of what I feel and what I can do about it helps me to follow how interactions with other people may be affecting me negatively. Sometimes, I choose to help those people who cause me to feel negative feelings that aren't mine, but I make sure I know that is happening and limit that sort of interaction. My well-being is the most important thing because if I am not okay, I can't really be the person that I need to be.

I now am pretty clear about who I am, what is mine, and what I want to accomplish in my life. I feel reasonably comfortable setting boundaries for who I will help even more so than most non-empaths my age so I think being possible overly aware of my own emotional state works pretty well for me. I still feel other people's emotions, but I don't think I let them control me anymore.

Good luck with your empathic journey, and I hope you find clarity about your own wants, goals, and emotions :)

01/08/16 05:27:39PM @marta:

Hi Water Lily!

I try to do the same thing, however I find that it makes me think too much. I feel that awareness is key. I totally agree with you on the fact that "mywell-being is the most important thing because if I am not okay, I can't really be the person that I need to be." - I always try to keep this in mind and put my needs ahead of everyone else's. Sometimes I feel like it is selfish but deep down I know it's a must and I have to put myself first, otherwise it is easy to get lost in the chaos of others. It is really good to hear you are clear about who you are, what is yours, and what you want to accomplish in life. I am striving to do the same right now :) I'm really happy to hear that it is possible from another fellow empath :) Thank you so much for sharing this with me! Much love :)

01/09/16 11:08:51AM @visitor:

I used to be like that when I was young. I'm guessing you're probably more resilient than you think. Try sitting down and thinking about these "beliefs" and how they affect your body. If you find yourself clenching your teeth, or getting knots in your stomach, or some other negative reaction, you probably are rejecting these beliefs on a visceral level.

I'm a Christian but I don't believe everything in the Bible. If the words hit me right in the chest (in a good way) then I believe in them. If they make me uncomfortable or angry, I reject them. I also apply the lesson to what I know of reality.