Marta
 

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Something I found that I have been struggling with is other peoples beliefs imposing on my reality. Whatever someone else says I feel like I internalize it and believe it as true or the right thing to do. I feel like its a part of me not being able to trust my own self. I always feel like I need someone to make a choice for me. However, that hasnt gotten me anywhere. I have been living other peoples beliefs of what I should be doing with my life and what would be best for me.

Iforgive myself for that because for a while I was really confused and felt like I needed the guidance and advice from someone to just tell me what to do. Realizing that I am the only person responsible for my own life is very freeing but scary at the same time. I feel that sometimes I dont trust myself to make my own decisions. I also always never wanted to take responsibility for my own life cause for a long time it was always in someone elses hands. I always needed help bc I wasnt well.

Now I know that nobody can tell me what to do with my life.I know that I need to take responsibility for my own life. My needs, my wants, my CORE DESIRES. I didnt know what they were at first, but now I do. I wasnt able to get to the bottom of my own desires bc of everyone elses stuff in the way. I guess that is why being an Empath is that much more challenging in today's world.

How can you possibly get to yourself, when you are so confused and constantly taking on and carrying others stuff? I really dont blame myself for anything at this point. I fully forgive myself. Not one person in this world can know what I want and need at this point in my life but myself. If anyone can relate to this and share their experience, I'dreally appreciate it.

Best,

Marta

Posted in: default | 5 comments

Holidays


By Marta, 2015-11-27

Hello Empaths,

Just wondering if anyone else goes through a hard time during holiday season. It is suppose to be a joyous time you spend with family and friends, but it always seems to be the opposite for me. Holiday season makes me feel very lonely. I have ended quite a few friendships with people this year as well as a relationship. I was not understood and couldn't continue to have these people in my life anymore. I guess its a part of growing older (or finally realizing you are an empath). I'm 24 and I turned my whole life upside down. I know I am in transition right now. I had to say goodbye to the old, but I feel that the new hasn't arrived yet and it just feels very lonely. Becoming your true self can be very painful because of all you have to leave behind. There is no turning back. I feel like I am building my life from the bottom up, like I was reborn into this whole new person and given a clean slate. I know deep down this is all good and it will all be worth it, but I can't shake this feeling of loneliness, and lack of love in my life, especially during the Holidays. I was just wondering if anyone shares similar feelings or has gone through a similar experience.

Much Love,

Marta

Posted in: default | 6 comments

Boundaries


By Marta, 2015-11-16

Hello everyone,

This is my first post so far. I tend to be a very private person due to the fact that not many people understand what an empath is and what it's like to be able to experience other peoples emotions all the time. I know being an empath is a powerful gift and I feel that sometimes it scares me. I feel like I am always having a battle with myself between wanting to be close to people and at the same time wanting to be away from them.

The past year I have ended a lot of friendships because they drained me and I felt very misunderstood and trying to explain myself was exhausting. I very much enjoy alone time now because it helps me recharge and fill up on energy, but at the same time I get feelings of loneliness and isolation. It's also hard being around family and living with my parents because I feel that I carry their emotional baggage and I have trouble differentiating what's mine and what is theirs. I also feel that my extended family looks at me like the black sheep of the family because of the "mental health" problems I had in the past, which I now know aren't. (BIG RELIEF).

I tend to often feel guilty by canceling plans with people because I know it just won't do me any good hanging out with them - but at the same time I feel like I'm neglecting my friends. I learned when I put myself first it serves me well and I feel good, but I have a sense of guilt behind it because I feel that people take it as me "being too good for them" or lazy and other negative traits that are just simply not true.

This is what I am dealing with right now and I know it has a lot to do with self-acceptance and self-love, which I always had a tough time with doing mostly because of the lack of support from the people close to me. I want to thank you guys for being here, even though I don't know any of you personally I feel this is a safe place to share my feelings.

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