For open eyes
I'm going to be real gutsy and just put this out there, because it is how I feel and I'm willing to get bashed for it, because it could also help someone who may relate. Who knows? So here goes...
Since going to the bottom of my well of pain and crawling out with my bare hands, with the help of some ropes that were thrown down to me (as well as stones), I am at a place of peace with my self, with others, with the planet, with everything. I still dislike (very much so) that so many people are hurting (some being tortured and killed) on this planet. I still cringe thinking of animals and mother nature being used and abused too. I desperately want to help these people. The ones who don't have a voice or don't have a way out. The ones who are trapped. And we're all essentially trapped in one way or another. None of us are entirely free. Not until we leave our body. But anyway...
I have completely forgiven myself and others (though I still dislike how I'm treated by people from my past and some in my present). I have found me and I'm free. I don't have inhibitions, though I do try to uphold my manners because I'm respectful of others' boundaries and appropriateness (for example, I'm not going to eat ice-cream with my fingers in public...though I would love to ). I seriously am so comfortable being me and I know that I'm not hurting anyone, so any disapproval from others is on them. I say that with utmost respect - for them and me.
So...through this deep healing and re-finding or newly discovering me (since I had always "held back" my true self and wishes) I have suffered through many worldly challenges, mostly financial based, because I "just want to have fun" after 35 years of not! Do you blame me? I'm putting my money to good use. No shopping for extras...just healthy food, supporting small businesses, a music lesson, travelling (by car), meeting people, seeing live music/dancing...LIVING. I'm doing okay but it's not easy when income is limited, which it always is (haha); there's always a limit on how much money we have. And so I've been learning to live within my means and it's been a fun challenge. But anyway...
I've run so low on food that I had to ration very small amounts and rest a lot so I wouldn't burn up all my nutrients and get sick. I made a tea bag last 4 cups. I went without any sweetener in my tea or food. I lived on very little and I survived. I got healthier! Having less made me more grateful, more serene, more in touch with me and my god-energy, my soul, my angels and spiritual support. I am very connected with the natural world, in that I mean, animals love me. I love nature. I get along with children and adults too. But MY true love is the god-energy. When I allow (by saying, "okay, I surrender; god, please take the wheel") God to steer my life (especially in my car!) I ended up in the most beautiful, amazing places/scenareos. God really knows what I need and by listening to it (my god is unisex; just an energy flow/current), especially in each moment, at the right time, it's as if God really is driving me through life and it knows where in the world I am needed or I need to be. My connection to god, through my intuition, is so strong, that I know I will be okay by just following my intuition. It is so comfortable to be held by the flow of the god-energy as it carries me where I need to go and be, because I can relax and not worry and just enjoy the ride. Is this wrong?
Has anyone felt this god-energy experience. It is a combination of a "calling" from my intuition and then surrendering into the flow, which I seem to be feeling through my own chi (the energy that runs through my body), as if I am being pulled forth by my own chi, which is god trying to lead me to where I need to go. And the "hints" are often from my soul/intuition, getting me in line with the god-energy so that I may do my lightworker duties.
It is very awesome living this way, though I doubt I can make a career out of it I feel that I can heal people with my presence and my chi energy, and even telepathically. But how does one have a career in which they simply follow god's calling and go about doing what god wants them to do? I'm seriously curious and interested, because I love living this way of...oops, that's my soul/nature/universe giving me a message to go there...so I get myself there...but if I don't act quickly, the moment may pass and the message will change. So I believe I'm somehow connected to universal energy, as if I know what's happening in places where I am not (through God communicating to me because I am open and listening now), but because life is constantly in motion, if I don't act quickly enough, the event I'm supposed to arrive at will have passed, so I am no longer able to fulfill that calling.
I'm a bit new at this and not quite familar with it yet, but it is amazing and I hope to do more of it.
Please share your experiences if you have had anything similar or can relate. Because I feel like I'm a true child of god, a vessel of god, similar to the other great masters. The ones who spoke god's truth and does god's work.
P.S. Unedited, freeflow writing, definitely incomplete