The other day when I saw the lady bug in my kitchen (and then looked up the meaning of this sign from mother nature), I thought of another instance when I saw a lady bug. I was dorming in college while studying Vet Tech and when the weather got nice and I had the window open (though there was a protective screen also), a lady bug landed on the screen, and then another one, until there were lots, and they began finding their way into my room. Eventually there were dozens in my room, on the ceiling, crawling on my belongings, periodically taking flight and flying around my room. I was terrified! No joke An infestation of a beautiful insect that I neither wanted in my room (one is cute, hundreds is scary...probably similar to the idea in the movie The Birds ), nor had a way to stop them from coming in or get them outside (I was on the second floor).
I was at an all-time low with being codependent on my alcoholic father (I was 21 years old and had attempted to leave him 2 times prior and had given up, surrendering to his manipulative ways because each time I left and came back, he became more controlling, and I didn't have the inner strength to help myself survive on my own...for long anyway) and I was wrapped up in a multi-daily marijuana habit, on a full spectrum of psyche meds, and I had started binge/emotional eating at the snack shop at night, and I was oh-so-tired all the time, falling asleep in my lecture classes. I wasn't retaining the information from the classes or my studying. I had lost my self. I was buried under all that mess.
Those lady bugs were reminding me of who I truly was and how I needed to be: a sensitive good soul who needed to protect her sensitive self with assertive grace as needed. It was (and is) great to be sensitive, but I am unable to apply myself in the world if I am unable to set boundaries and preserve myself when situations call for it.
I have found self-love through understanding that I can be sensitive and my true self but I also need to stand up for myself and help myself to survive when people or society try to take advantage of my caring heart. In the end, I have to save myself.
So within a day of feeling like I should change my name to Ladybug or something along those lines, I developed a sense of belief in myself...I became my best friend, for the first time in my life. This has allowed me more confidence and belief in myself, as an individual soul, to love myself enough that I am determined to save myself...not really for me but because I have a great purpose to fulfill on this planet, and if I don't have utmost love and respect for my being, my soul won't succeed.
In one day, I went from seeing myself as a lotus who wants to fly, to a lady bug, to a goddess.
I believe we are all unique and have a special purpose. I believe we should all cultivate self-love, because that is hugely deficient in this world and is the reason people feed off each other's energies.