Lesson 4 getting touched
Another challenge in close relationships, which often comes up during sex or someone is touching youIf Im in a close relationship with someone I already know I have no problem with having them touch me because way before we have gotten to that point I already know that their touching me, or my touching them, is a positive thing for us both.Where I have a BIG problem is when acquaintances, or people I don't even know, want to touch me. Even shaking hands with someone can be very uncomfortable for me if I let them in without thinking.Most people don't feel comfortable just reaching out to touch me without asking me first. But there was one time I did have to tell someone in no uncertain terms to not touch me.I belong to a social club that is quite large and diverse. Anyone can join a group activity and meet others who are part of the club. A club member plans an activity for the group such as going to a movie or dinner at a specific restaurant. The activity is advertised in a monthly newsletter then all you have to do is RSVP to the activity and you get to meet new people, and see others you already know, as well as get to do an activity that is more fun when with others. For someone my age its a good way to go out and do things without all the Dating pitfalls.One time I had joined the group for dinner and a man I barely knew sat down next to me at the table. No problem, he was around my age and clearly interested in sitting next to me.But the first thing he did was reach across me and grab the uneaten half of a dinner roll, the pat of butter, and the knife that were together on my side plate.This astounded me. There was a whole basket of fresh untouched rolls right in front of him. I just checked it up to his not being very socially savvy and asked the waitress for a fresh knife and plate and just went on visiting with other people at the table.Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my upper arm on the side this man was sitting on. At first I actually thought I had been stabbed. But when I turned and looked I was fine and I realized he had just poked me in the arm with his finger to get my attention.After a few minutes I again turned away to talk to others, as this man was not talking to me, but to the person across from him. After a few seconds I again felt myself getting poked in the arm.Clearly this man wanted my attention on him but didn't have the social skills to know how to get it. I thought about moving away but felt that would have drawn attention to and embarrassed both of us and so far he hadn't done anything to really deserve that.So i just turned away from him again .. but this time waited for the poke to happen. Sure enough it only took a few seconds for him to realize my attention was elsewhere and poke me again. But this time I turned to him and said please do not touch me again without my permission. I tried to be very quiet about making the statement but the man across from us heard it and quietly chuckled then asked me if I was a dominant woman.I just told him no, but it really hurts to get poked liked that when your not looking and it is not expected. After that the man left me alone and will not sit near me or talk to me at events.At the time I didn't know why just a touch could be so intense, or upsetting to me, now I wonder if could have handled that problem differently.