Lavinia

Thank you!

2011-07-04
By: Lavinia
Posted in:

"Life is full of surprises" - what a cliche is what i always used to think. it may be but it's all so true in my case. The last few years have been like a roller coaster for me, worse in the last year. And the last few weeks and days...everything around me came crushing down leaving only a few pillars still standing. Everything came so suddenly and the shock was and is so big that i still feel like i'm dreaming; every morning when i wake up i pray and hope that it was just a nightmare. I've been betrayed, abandoned, hurt and mistreated by some people in the last few days, none of them even knowing each other. If this was a movie i would think they all conspired to bring me down at the same time. I'm still in the storm and i'm praying it's almost over; i pray there are no more. No more people who change at 180 degrees and "hit" me. I pray this was the last blow for this storm so i can start to pick up the pieces, clean up the mess they made and move on.

I'm not sure how i'm still alive, how i can still get up in the morning, how i can still work, how i can still smile and be there for the people who still need me. Most of the time i try not to think about the blows and where i am right now in my life, but when i do, when i get a quiet moment before going to bed, i remember this is all real and i feel my heart broken into millions of pieces, i feel the lungs grasping for air, everything inside seems to be shacking and everything turns black . I feel like i'm moving on autopilot and that, for some mysterious reason, someone up there loves me enough to carry me through this and not let me give up or go crazy.

So I just wanted to say Thank you, with all my heart from the bottom of my soul! For being here, for giving me a hand so i can get up, for whispering " I love you", "You're going great" and "You can do this", for giving me a life lesson. I'm not sure what i'm supposed to learn from this but I will try to find out, I'll do my best to turn this into a growing experience, a positive thing that I will look back upon in a few years from now and think " How blessed i was for that" . I still have no idea what i did to deserve this, i don't know why all this happened but I'm prepared to carry my cross and do the very best I can to make you proud of me. I will not fall for the victim mentality nor will i turn bitter. When i finally end this journey I want You to be proud of what I became , I want to go in peace knowing that I did my best and became the best version of me I can possible by in these circumstances.

And if it's within your power and within my deserving, can we please take a break now? I know I'm still standing and that is your credit, but can I please still have a few things left...not have everything and everyone taken away? I'm not even over the shock yet; I haven;t even began to realize the damage done yet...

But only if it's possible...

Thank you so much for being here and for having enough faith in me that I can deal with this!

Lavinia
07/06/11 09:24:11AM @lavinia:

I saw it a few years ago and it changed my life. I tested it and it worked. I suppose i must have attracted this as well on some level but i haven;t figured out how just yet. I wanted change, a positive change, and boy did i get it; it doesn't feel very positive right now but something tells me it is.

It's a great reminder Supernova. Thank you! I realize I needed that. I have to consciously attract some positive stuff now and get back on the horse. :D


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