By Lavinia, 2012-03-26
That what I "had" wasn't a sickness, a handicap, it wasn;t something that I needed fixed..that I am an empath.
I just found it again online and it brought back some great memories of joy and finally feeling like I fit in somewhere. :D
By Lavinia, 2012-01-20
By Lavinia, 2011-09-13
You are a Universal Empath, you possess all the qualities of the other seven empath groups. You are what is known as an "Implicate" or Imp, a product of evolutionary design and genetic mutation. You are a psychic hybrid. (from "The Book of Storms" by Jad Alexander at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Empaths/)
By Lavinia, 2011-07-04
"Life is full of surprises" - what a cliche is what i always used to think. it may be but it's all so true in my case. The last few years have been like a roller coaster for me, worse in the last year. And the last few weeks and days...everything around me came crushing down leaving only a few pillars still standing. Everything came so suddenly and the shock was and is so big that i still feel like i'm dreaming; every morning when i wake up i pray and hope that it was just a nightmare. I've been betrayed, abandoned, hurt and mistreated by some people in the last few days, none of them even knowing each other. If this was a movie i would think they all conspired to bring me down at the same time. I'm still in the storm and i'm praying it's almost over; i pray there are no more. No more people who change at 180 degrees and "hit" me. I pray this was the last blow for this storm so i can start to pick up the pieces, clean up the mess they made and move on.
I'm not sure how i'm still alive, how i can still get up in the morning, how i can still work, how i can still smile and be there for the people who still need me. Most of the time i try not to think about the blows and where i am right now in my life, but when i do, when i get a quiet moment before going to bed, i remember this is all real and i feel my heart broken into millions of pieces, i feel the lungs grasping for air, everything inside seems to be shacking and everything turns black . I feel like i'm moving on autopilot and that, for some mysterious reason, someone up there loves me enough to carry me through this and not let me give up or go crazy.
So I just wanted to say Thank you, with all my heart from the bottom of my soul! For being here, for giving me a hand so i can get up, for whispering " I love you", "You're going great" and "You can do this", for giving me a life lesson. I'm not sure what i'm supposed to learn from this but I will try to find out, I'll do my best to turn this into a growing experience, a positive thing that I will look back upon in a few years from now and think " How blessed i was for that" . I still have no idea what i did to deserve this, i don't know why all this happened but I'm prepared to carry my cross and do the very best I can to make you proud of me. I will not fall for the victim mentality nor will i turn bitter. When i finally end this journey I want You to be proud of what I became , I want to go in peace knowing that I did my best and became the best version of me I can possible by in these circumstances.
And if it's within your power and within my deserving, can we please take a break now? I know I'm still standing and that is your credit, but can I please still have a few things left...not have everything and everyone taken away? I'm not even over the shock yet; I haven;t even began to realize the damage done yet...
But only if it's possible...
Thank you so much for being here and for having enough faith in me that I can deal with this!
By Lavinia, 2011-05-03
I'm closer and closer to a stoned heart. All the "toughen up!" people I've met throughout my life should prepare the champagne and the party music.
All my life I've been on a sickening pattern of being brutally hurt by the people I love most. And every time it happens it opens up a wound that paralyzes me. Same with people I help. Sooner or later they will hurt me badly. I used to think I was just paranoid and that because i'm too sensitive I get hurt to easily. I gave up long ago the wish to be appreciated for what I do; after all you do good because you are a good person, not because you want something in return. Yes, it's nice when you get a "thank you" back but that is not the point. But to be hurt on purpose but the people I call my friends, to be hit when I'm down but the same people I helped get back on their feet ...that is just beyond my power of understanding. No guys, I dont want your appreciation or your sympathy, but what kinda of heart do you have to have or not have to kick someone when they are at their most vulnerable? And then have the nerve to call yourself the friend of that person. You make me so sick! At least leave them where they are but don't make it worse. Why? Why would someone do that?
I have people that claim they love me in my life that repeatedly hurt me with their words or actions even after I have told them on every occasion " Pls dont do/say that. It hurts me when you do" Are they evil, sadistic or just plain stupid? And I'm not talking about complicated things ...no, simple things. Things that if they would stop doing, it wouldn't affect their lives one way or another. But it does affect me.
Why and what? The 2 most frequent questions I ask. Havent gotten any answers yet.
I feel like I'm being followed by a demon who makes everything in his power to prevent me from being happy with other people. He cant alter my state any other way. I can find happiness in me, by myself but not with someone else. Sooner or later something like what i just mentioned has to happen. Doesn't matter if they are friends, lovers, work friends...
I know it must be my fault; I cant be this "cursed". But what is it? What am I doing so wrong that I dont deserve to be loved or happy with others? Am I such a terrible person that I dont deserve this? I'm doing the best I can in every situation. I'm trying my best to make others happy, to love them unconditionally, to be there for them...and no not because I ASK for something in return, but I do want something..anything...from someone...anyone...
It's all give give...
And now..i'm one step closer to a stoned heart. I've toughened up over the years, with every close relationship I've had. So much that I don't think I will ever let anyone get close again...keep everyone at the right distance so that they won;t have a chance to hurt me again. Or maybe I won't feel anything anymore, in which case it wont matter at all.
I can't even complain. Was never allowed to. Somehow I think I was always seem as the strong one or something because it was always help against me...complaining that is. I dont do it anymore. It's not worst being yelled at.
Well I did it here, but this is my blog and no one has to read it if they don;t like it. And if they do mind that I'm complaining...well, nothing new there.
I was hoping for some sort of revelation...I was told writing how i feel might help. Nope...nothing is changed...I probably couldnt tell the difference anyway. I've felt nothing for the past few days. Just numb.
I envy the insensitive today. I wish i could be like them at least from time to time, not to feel every damn thing. I wish I could be as mean as others are and not care about how others feel. I wish I didnt care about how the ones that hurt me feel. Cause the moment I get over the initial pain, I feel nothing but compassion and love for those people that hurt me one way or the other. And I wish I didn't. I dont even get the chance to feel my pain all the way. I feel my pain in combination with love for the person who caused it. How can that be?! And it's even worse when they play victim, even though they are the ones who hurt me.
The only times when I cant feel anything is when my heart has finally had enough..and closes down for few days. I'm numb but not happy. I'm numb as if I've been beaten close to death. Not a happy numbness.
Gosh, I really have vented here. I must sound like a real whiner. I apologize to anyone who had the patience and interest to read all of this for any bitterness i may have caused.
By Lavinia, 2011-04-26
By Lavinia, 2011-04-15
Since I've found out I'm an empath ( almost 1 year ago) this have been changing so much in my life. At first it was great. I learned I was not alone in this, I found people who I can relate to on a much deeper level, found this site and met some truly wonderful people, I learned a lot more about myself and how to handle certain things I wasn;t able to before.
But lately, things have been changing. I don;t know if it's good or bad but I feel like my entire spiritual DNA ( if that term even makes sense) is changing. I don't even know how to begin attempting to explain this...This first thing that stands out right now is my health. I've been getting sick lately with things that I never had trouble with before and healing in areas where I've had trouble most of my life. I had a sever break down that almost pushed me over the edge ( something I never though I'd want); God only know what kept me from ending my life... I've had an epilepsy episode (!!!! where did that come from???); never had trouble in that area; now I trouble with my ears, head pressure, skin issues, eye problems..These are all new, in the last few months. Problems I never had before.
I've recently began looking into spiritual meanings or diseases and I can see very clearly how these problems are cause my changes; or better yet, my challenges with these spiritual changes. I can't say I'm surprised that they are having an effect on me, but what I do find surprising is how rapidly they are materializing in my body. A few months ago I became overwhelmed with this empathic ability and with everyone's problems. It was too much and I started going into a shell where I didn;t want to hear anymore of people's issues, let alone be responsible for someone else's life. Now I have ear problems and head pressure. How did that happen so fast?!And it's the same with every other problem I have. They just happen so fast. In a way, I think it's better cause I can tell what I'm doing wrong. I can connect the problem with the cause a lot easier.
But all of this is making me feel like I have to be perfect all the time and I feel pressured somehow. Like I have a big responsibility.
The same with food and everything I take in every day. I've started eating a lot healthier and taking better care of myself. But I can't take any breaks. If I allow one things to slip, it's making me sick. I can;t even have french fries anymore without feeling sick for 2 days. Not to mention fast food or anything like that, something I stopped having all together months ago.
I know it's better for me to live lie this, dont get me wrong...I just feel like I'm allowed to make any mistakes without paying for them twice as much.
It's the same for everything else. Not just food. If I get upset, if I allow myself to get angry, or hurt by something someone said or did. They are all having too much of an effect over me. I've become so much more sensitive than before. To everything, not just the bad things. Relationships too...everything is changing and having a bigger effect on me than before.
I don't mean this is sound like a rant...I'm just trying to understand. Why is this all happening? And how can I slow things down? Or speed myself up to match what is going on?
Things are changing so fast..I hope I don't go crazy.
By Lavinia, 2011-04-10
|Strength of the preferences %|
INFP type description by J. Butt and M.M. Heiss
Qualitative analysis of your type formula
- moderately expressed introvert
- moderately expressed intuitive personality
- moderately expressed feeling personality
- slightly expressed perceiving personality
Healers have a profound sense of idealism that comes from a strong personal sense of right and wrong. They conceive of the world as an ethical, honorable place, full of wondrous possibilities and potential goods. In fact, to understand Healers, we must understand that their deep commitment to the positive and the good is almost boundless and selfless, inspiring them to make extraordinary sacrifices for someone or something they believe in. Set off from the rest of humanity by their privacy and scarcity, Healers can often feel even more isolated in the purity of their idealism.
Also, Healers might well feel a sense of separation because of their often misunderstood childhood. Healers live a fantasy-filled childhood-they are the prince or princess of fairy tales-an attitude which, sadly, is frowned upon, or even punished, by many parents. With parents who want them to get their head out of the clouds, Healers begin to believe they are bad to be so fanciful, so dreamy, and can come to see themselves as ugly ducklings. In truth, they are quite OK just as they are, only different from most others-swans reared in a family of ducks.
At work, Healers are adaptable, welcome new ideas and new information, are patient with complicated situations, but impatient with routine details. Healers are keenly aware of people and their feelings, and relate well with most others. Because of their deep-seated reserve, however, they can work quite happily alone. When making decisions, Healers follow their heart not their head, which means they can make errors of fact, but seldom of feeling. They have a natural interest in scholarly activities and demonstrate, like the other Idealists, a remarkable facility with language. They have a gift for interpreting stories, as well as for creating them, and thus often write in lyric, poetic fashion. Frequently they hear a call to go forth into the world and help others, a call they seem ready to answer, even if they must sacrifice their own comfort.
The most sensitive of the Idealists is the Healer (INFP). While their list of jobs may echo that of other Idealists, they are more drawn to express their own unique vision of the world than all other types, so their work cannot help but be unique. They interpret their visions in the world of music, art, entertainment, or dance. As a professor or teacher, counselor or social worker, they often unlock the mysteries of life for those they encounter. In business they are drawn to organizational development and human resources careers. They may have a religious calling or seek work as a librarian. Their careers need to be in alignment with their personal values. Says Kay, "I chose health education so I could touch the lives of others to help them make better choices about their lives. I know I've done some good."Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
by Joe Butt
Profile: INFP Revision: 3.0
Date of Revision: 26 Feb 2005
INFPs never seem to lose their sense of wonder. One might say they see life through rose-colored glasses. It's as though they live at the edge of a looking-glass world where mundane objects come to life, where flora and fauna take on near-human qualities.
INFP children often exhibit this in a 'Calvin and Hobbes' fashion, switching from reality to fantasy and back again. With few exceptions, it is the NF child who readily develops imaginary playmates (as with Anne of Green Gables's "bookcase girlfriend"--her own reflection) and whose stuffed animals come to life like the Velveteen Rabbit and the Skin Horse:"...Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand..." (the Skin Horse)
INFPs have the ability to see good in almost anyone or anything. Even for the most unlovable the INFP is wont to have pity.Rest you, my enemy,
Slain without fault,
Life smacks but tastelessly
Lacking your salt!
Stuck in a bog whence naught
May catapult me,
Come from the grave, long-sought,
Come and insult me!
--(Steven Vincent Benet, Elegy for an Enemy)
Their extreme depth of feeling is often hidden, even from themselves, until circumstances evoke an impassioned response:"I say, Queequeg! Why don't you speak? It's I--Ishmael." But all remained still as before. ... Something must have happened. Apoplexy!
... And running up after me, she caught me as I was again trying to force open the door. ... "Have to burst it open," said I, and was running down the entry a little, for a good start, when the landlady caught me, again vowing I should not break down her premises; but I tore from her, and with a sudden bodily rush dashed myself full against the mark.--(Melville, Moby Dick)
Of course, not all of life is rosy, and INFPs are not exempt from the same disappointments and frustrations common to humanity. As INTPs tend to have a sense of failed competence, INFPs struggle with the issue of their own ethical perfection, e.g., perfo rmance of duty for the greater cause. An INFP friend describes the inner conflict as not good versus bad, but on a grand scale, Good vs. Evil. Luke Skywalker in Star Wars depicts this conflict in his struggle between the two sides of "The Force." Although the dark side must be reckoned with, the INFP believes that good ultimately triumphs.
Some INFPs have a gift for taking technical information and putting it into layman's terms. Brendan Kehoe's Zen and the Art of the Internet is one example of this "de-jargoning" talent in action.
Mary, mother of Jesus
St. John, the beloved disciple
St. Luke; physician, disciple, author
William Shakespeare, bard of Avon
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (Evangeline)
A. A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)
Laura Ingalls Wilder (Little House on the Prairie)
Helen Keller, deaf and blind author
Carl Rogers, reflective psychologist, counselor
Fred Rogers (Mister Rogers' Neighborhood)
Dick Clark (American Bandstand)
Donna Reed, actor (It's a Wonderful Life)
Jacqueline Kennedy Onasis
Neil Diamond, vocalist
Tom Brokaw, news anchor
James Herriot (All Creatures Great and Small)
Annie Dillard (Pilgrim at Tinker Creek)
James Taylor, vocalist
Julia Roberts, actor (Conspiracy Theory, Pretty Woman)
Scott Bakula (Quantum Leap)
Terri Gross (PBS's "Fresh Air")
Amy Tan (author of The Joy-Luck Club, The Kitchen God's Wife)
John F. Kennedy, Jr.
Lisa Kudrow ("Phoebe" of Friends)
Fred Savage ("The Wonder Years")
Anne (Anne of Green Gables)
Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)
Deanna Troi (Star Trek - The Next Generation)
Wesley Crusher (Star Trek - The Next Generation)
Doctor Julian Bashir (Star Trek: Deep Space 9)
Bastian (The Neverending Story)
E.T.: the ExtraTerrestrial
Doug Funny, Doug cartoons
Tommy, Rug Rats cartoons
Rocko, Rocko's Modern Life cartoons
The Healer is the most sensitive of all the Idealists to a negative environment. They notice problems in a work group before anyone else. Divisions within a work group can cause fear of impending loss. Also violation of their values can trigger stress. When stressed, they are likely to act out of character and take on behaviors that are not normally associated with them. They can seem to others as if they are splintered. Sometimes they will blame themselves, other times they will lash out at others. They may act precipitously or not act at all. To get back to normal, they need a lot of space and need to have their feelings validated. It doesn't help to tell them that they are imagining things. It is important that the negative environment be dealt with by others or that the Healer be allowed to move to a more positive environment. Says Heinrik, "I'm in health education. We have many programs to help people live healthier lives. An outsider began to influence our boss, saying that he was more successful and could do better. Our boss began to criticize all of us. Everyone started pulling away from each other. I found myself being nasty to others, which is very unusual for me. Luckily, our boss found out that this outsider was just good at getting and had moved from county to county and not accomplished much. I'm glad we're back to being a team."
Isabel is an Idealist Healer (INFP). She doesn't really enjoy playing the field. That caused her too many heartaches. In college, her boyfriend was one of the most sought after good-looking guys on campus. However, he was shallow, inconsiderate, and straying. She stayed with him too long, hoping he would finally wake up to what he had in her. Later she started dating a man with whom she could laugh. She admired his intellectual capacity. He suggested that they live together. She said she'd live with him after marriage. They are now engaged. ( haha)