Kimberly Rose
 

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Sonnet 4, 7, 29, 32, 35, 40, 43,


By Kimberly Rose, 2013-02-05

Sonnet 4

I know who I am.

Why do people think they need to tell me?

I just am who I want to be.

I am not Kam.

Though I can be a ram.

Why can't they see?

It is that reason I am not free.

Though I can be a lamb.

There are roads to walk.

Places to visit.

I don't plan on running.

Words to talk.

Life is a journey, live it.

Troubles will come but I'll keep coming.

Sonnet 7

What is anyother pain than love?

Than love so strong it causes pain.

Tis then love is pure as the dove.

When the love is lead down the wrong lane.

The love leaves more than a bloodstain,

Drives the lover to be drunken.

It gets so difficult to detain,

That it comes to form a gun.

No pain is released by distraction.

For the lover sees no other.

No pain is released by interaction.
For the lover feels smothered.

The pain continues to grow,

Until the pain becomes known.

Sonnet 29

I was a lonely child,

All I wanted was a friend.

So rarely that I smiled.

With myself to defend.

My friend became inanimate,

Still and silent in word.

My secrets remained private,

Never they lectured.

Never was I ever so lonely,

Never though was I afraid,

No friendship ended cheaply,

The abandonment weighted.

Fight my emotions,

Forget my burdens.

Sonnet 32

Make your path,

Walk your own mile.

Don't dwell on wrath,

Learn to smile.

Each way is different,

For each person.

They say what's suffient.

And when things worsen.

Step down,

Let them walk.

Step down,

Let them talk.

Set them free,

Let them be.

Sonnet 35

Don't be afraid,

Don't panic.

Through the water you must wade,

You aren't on the Titanic.

Rely on God,

He'll protect you.

Pray to God,

He'll lead you.

Listen to His magesty,

Listen in the silence.

Feel his glory,

Feel his presence.

God makes all possible,

Because He is unstoppable.

Sonnet 40

Sing with power,

Command with might,

Run from your tower,

Put your feet to flight,

Dance without a care,

Find that one true partner.

Travel and dare,

No fear to be a martyr.

You have a voice,

Don't suffer in quiet.

You have a choice,

Just fight it!

Earn your freedom,

It will lead you to them.

Sonnet 43

Ordinary ways,

Soneone sings,

Of ordinary days,

With extraordinary things.

Every day will be ordinary,

If you don't take a leap,

Make your day extraordinary,

Don't lay there and sleep!

Get up!

Get out!

I'll kick you rump,

You'll become stout.

Don't just sit there,

Go out and get somewhere.

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What Could My Mind Be Telling Me?


By Kimberly Rose, 2013-01-27

I haven't written in a very long time, sonnets or blog. I just have been feeling numb, almost empty. Life seems to have taken a peice out of me since my last blog post, at least then I could at least write but I haven't had my heart and brain communicate long enough for a story, post, or sonnet of any kind. Though over these last couple of days I've been able to think about my newest story, which to this point remains nameless because I haven't been able to think of a title yet. Though with this latest one I've come to notice something very common in all the protagonists I've ever written about. Well almost all of them.

Almost all my protaganists are infact female, kind and caring until something big happens to them that makes them stone cold, distant to all others around them except, most often times, one person.

Levina was a fifteen year old girl who tried to destroy her past by chopping off all her hair, willing to do anything to protect her baby brother after they were both seperated from their mother when Levina was 7.

Rose risked her life to compete in competitions that her mother forbade her from doing, growing up to be a merciless commander of an army, practically babying her littler brother Jason after their mother died and their father came back after being gone for over two decades.

Now Faida, a daughter of a mistress to an old monarchy, cursed and banned from ever coming near her father until after he's dead. She leads a resistance against her half brother, but is so kind to the innocents caught often caught in the cross fire. She's scarred and beautiful. Though there is a deep part of her past that only one person knows the truth about. That's what changed her.

That's just naming a few of them, what is my mind telling me that when I think of a strong person that I come up with gentle women who turn stone cold? Rose was a good little girl and always cried because she missed her Daddy until one day she realized that it was stupid to cry over someone who was never coming back. Then she acted as though her father never existed. Levina always had a soft spot for her baby brother but when it came to other people she didn'toften let it show that she had emotions after being abused by her boyfriend, Leon.

Most often times what I write about is based off of my personal experiences. But I've never been abused, I always defended and protected my little sister too. I'm always helping people. Like this last Saturday my friend Mikhaila approached me at breakfast in our hotel, she just sat down and didn't say anything. I saw that her eyelids were paler than normal (I like to look people in the eyes and that's often the thing I notice first), and her face expressionless. I set down my silverware and toldher if she was willing to talk I was willing to listen. Then she spilled her guts to me, tears finding their way down her cheeks, I got up and hugged her. It helped and then my friends Kathleen and Katie found me so they joined me and Mikky, filling them in on why she was sitting with me. Also why she looked so down in the dumps, Kathleen and Katie (Caffiene and Shadie) are more than trust worthy, they're loyal. True friends in my book, though now they are both college students and I don't get to see them as often. So when I heard they were going on the March for Life like I was, my excitement couldn't be contained. I spent all my time with them until it came to Mikhaila, they understood when I went with her and her friends to mainly watch out for Mikky (she and my little sister are my M&Ms since both of their names are the same but just different spellings).

With every story I write it's pretty much the same thing over and over again. Girl is born, girl has traumatic experience, girl becomes numb, girl finds boy, girl falls for boy, girl marries boy, girl starts family with boy. That is almost every story I've ever written. I used to think I had Post-traumatic stress disorder but a friend told me you don't have it unless you're doctor says you do. I don't know, it's been almost forever (two months can be forever in girl time) since I have talked to that friend, I haven't spoken a word to him.

My friend Evan, at first I willingly let him go but then something happened that mad me feel so...betrayed and abandoned. Unimportant, like I wasn't worth the effort to tell me himself that he wanted to stop talking to me. He used other people to do it. So that's it? Was I really his best friend or nothing at all? Was our friendship that...pointless? Was I that disposable? Not even worthy of a sencond glance? Was my pain just a minor inconvience?

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My Longing To Lose My Memory, Who I Am.


By Kimberly Rose, 2012-11-08

Somethings in life we just want to forget, somethings in life we want to remember for the rest of our lives. I am quite different in a way that is hard to explain in words. Though I promise to do my best as I am not the best artist to draw out how I feel (even though my best friend would argue that I am a gifted artist but I really don't feel like talking to him at all today besides I think he left his phone in his locker at his new school anyway).

All of my life it appeared to me as though I was not treated as a person, I never grew to know how love another person as I felt ignored or uninteresting taking up art as a means of expression. Though people never took notice how bluntly my art showed how unhappy I was in my childhood. Crying children, evil people plotting to break up a happy couple, a girl who lived far away with a family that loved her. No person took notice of me, how sad I was. My art teacher told me I should never paint again because my skies were always cloudy and dark, stormy and unsettled. How lonely was I? Or a better question is: how unimportant was I that I would go unnoticed even when I was to be the main attraction? Such as my birthday, almost every year my birthday was ignored or put off. I grew to hate my birthday, it was just a reminder on how I would never to amount to anything in my life.

I grew to be grateful for the happy moments I was granted, seeing my favorite cousins once or twice a year for starters. The momentary recognition that I was more than just a shadow on the wall. At this point in my life I'd gladly say good-bye to the memories of my past and just look to a future. I have suppressed memories that I'd gladly let go as even when I don't remember them they cause me great pain. A while ago my best friend told me that he had a new girlfriend. I immedaitely felt threatened for reasons I had no idea about. It got to the point where he said that he didn't want to talk to me anymore because I was being mean. I told him that I was sorry and that I didn't mean to be mean but it's just that I felt threatened. I believe I said I was sorry twice in that message because I was ready to cry.

I didn't know why I was behaving the way I was, and I told him this. I thought for a long time and in the back of my mind I came across a memory around the time my great-grandmother had died. It was of me and my first best friend and cousin Emily, she was having trouble with my great-grandmother's death to which she turned to her other cousins that go to her school and cut me off. For some reason those feelings of being cut off and losing someone I really cared about as a friend came to the surface particularly when Evan and I were talking about his new girlfriend. Evan and I are sometimes polar opposites so we adopted calling ourself Demon (Evan) and the Angel (me), as I was a goody two shoes sometimes and he was never one for following rules.

Anyway we were talking and I asked him if since Alyssa was his new girlfriend was that she was his angel now. He said yes and I guess that really struck me as he had replaced me with her. That is what really set all this off and looking back on it I can see that how he answered would make me feel replaced though now I know I am his best friend and always will be his best friend. I'll remain loyal to him, never shall I turn on him. Besides what I learned from several people on Yahoo!Answers is that best friends are forever, romantic relationships can only last so long. Or as some weirdo put: "Bros before hoes" I don't know if he meant it that way or not but whatever.

Later Evan put that I was still the Angel because there are multiple demons and angels but at that point I really wanted to stop talking to him as I was partly hurt by what he had said about Alyssa. I told him I felt threatened and replaced by her and he said: "Why You are my bff and she is my gf". Love the lack of punctuation, drives me nuts personally. Then he tried to pin it on me that I still loved him even after I told him that I no longer had a crush on him because of his ability to be a pain in the butt. It took a bit but I finally came up with my reason for almost crying as I was serving food for a competiton that was happening no less that 30 feet to my right.

I have very many bad memories that I'd love to get rid of and would more than happily get amnesia for the sake of forgetting it all. For the second time now Evan has mentioned picking up and leaving home to go to California. I have now agreed to go with him to California, the previous offer he made to me about this when on our second date at a bowling alley while we were dating. I didn't know what to say then, that he was was making an offer to leave our home (where we were both born and raised), a place I didn't want to leave but never wanted to stay another minute. My best female friend Emily giggles and says that basically he wants to run away with me. Yeah, I know. Though I see where Evan is getting at.

Where I live at this point in time things are...bad (for lack of a better word) and we don't see it as getting better any time soon. I am a senior in highschool, turning 18 this next March and Evan is turning 18 in December. He wants to get out and leave home for good, possibly never coming back. He has family in Texas as that is where his dad is from and you almost never hear of his family going to Texasto visit family, they don't even go to church on Sundays. I've always wanted to leave and never come back but at the same time I don't want to leave, I have roots in my hometown and cutting those roots seems difficult for me to do. I love my family, I do. Don't get me wrong but I don't want to anywhere near them because I love them so much. I love seeing them and talking to them, my uncle who always smells of cigarette smoke and beer being the top one to stay away from just because he smells. I do love my uncle but I just wish he would take more showers and wash his clothes constantly even though those two smells tend to linger on his clothes no matter how many times they are washed.

To pick up and leave seems like an adventure and I'm all for those. Plus with me having constant relapses from just visiting my grandparent's house as the many memories I have there, I think leaving would be good for me. Letting me heal physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I love my family like you wouldn't believe but all they have done has taxed me beyond anything else. And leaving with my good friend, some one I knowI can trust and carry a conversation with. California is a long way from my home but what I want to do in college kinda would take me there to start with, though having Evan's companionship would be something great. A romantic interest is nice and all but I'd rather have with me a friend I know I can trust.

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And I'm not the heartbroken, I'm his best bud and I helped him feel better after he found out the girl he liked had feeling for his friend John. Just the day before he had broken my heart, I wasn't very happy but I helped him feel better. I ever sang him a little song called "Soft Kitty" any Big Bang Theory fans out there know what song I had to sing to make him feel better. I really didn't want anything to deal with that little pain in the butt since just the day before he completely acceptedthe fact that I have a crush on him before telling me that he might have a new girlfriend but you can guess how that worked. I was so ticked at him but I couldn't stay that way, because I liked him so much.

Then the night after he hurt me I noticed something was off as I was texting him so I asked him if he was mad at me or just indifferent, he said he just didn't feel good. I told him to sleep it off, it worked when he gota migrain and he felt better after word. No dice, he wasn't tired so he wouldn't go. He wanted to play video games so I told me go ahead to which I got the response: "I am." I just typed: "Sigh." Boys, I get why video games are fun but don't play them while you feel ill. It's not smart.

Later I got a message saying: "What's wrong?" I told him nothing, because nothing was wrong. I was told to please tell him because he wasn't feeling good. Then it all came out to me and I wasted no time trying to make him feel better. I help my friends when I need to and when they want it. I tried everything I knew how to help but I was also sorta lost, I've only helped girls with emotional pains, never boys. I said to let the emotions flow, don't fight them, feel them and then let them go. He said it wasn't flowing and that it was just a lump that won't move. My response: "Yeah, it'll do that." He said he felt pain in his chest and sorrow.

It came out that what he was feeling right then was what he made me feel just that night before. He apologized for everything. Then just last night, I could tell he wasn't completely over Sara (the girl he liked that was just like him.), as he started to question me (almost to the point of harassment I would say) all this stuff about love and junk. This little message though caught my eye: "I want closure it seems every girl i dated or asked out never truely love me" I was thinking: Dude, we are each 17 years old if love has found anyone at 17 they would be delusional or pretty dang lucky.

He stopped after a while and before I went to bed texted him one more time, this is what I told him: "I am going to bed so let me just say this: yes, I loved you Evan Henry [his last name]. I thought you were "the one", the person I was made to be with and love for the rest of my life. I didn't want to break up with you not because the relationshop was amazing it was because I didn't want to lose you, the person in the relationship with me. I wanted you to be happy so ven though it broke my heart to do it I let you go so you could be happy. I was willing to sacrifice anything for you and I still am. In my mind the person I give my heart to should not be only a romantic interest but a friend. I valued and held my feelings for you close to my heart and that is how I am still not over you and we broke up last March! I still hold those feelings for you and I have for a long time. So when every girl that came around it was like a knife stabbed into my cardiac muscles. I felt dead, I wanted to die. I cared about you that much that I was willing to give the ultimate sacrifice but that means nothing apparently. Good night, sleep tight."

I had a lot to tell him and if you can't guess or you have just found me now the boy I was texting and help feel better was my ex-boyfriend and new-found friend Evan. We dated for a day short of a month and a while ago I was told to leave him alone by his girlfriend who had stolen his phone and posed to be him while texting me. He broke up with her though because she cheated on him. He claims he is bad with girls, I say to that: duh.

I used my phone during school to find two messages from him one that said: "I didn't know that" and "I'm sorry it just I'm still a little upset from Saturday." The day he found out that Sara likes John while Evan liked Sara and hoped she liked him back. God romance is so complicated

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Relationship Brain Teaser...Help?


By Kimberly Rose, 2012-09-29

Alright, here is a brain teaser for some brave empaths to try and make heads or tails of. Now I don't have the whole story so you won't either, help would be nice because me and my bud Emily are absolutely stumped. So last night coming home from a football game I asked Evan (my friend and crush that we aren't on the best of terms as of late) if he was still mad at me from the homecoming game (last Friday). Now I know I'm not the smartest in the world but I woke up this morning from my phone going off. Evan had texted me and he said: "No Kim I am not angry im just done with this Ive already told you this so quite Texting me." Don't you just love the bad grammer.

I tried to explain that I didn't want to lose our friendship, that I wanted to tell him my reasons for acting the way I did. But he claimed he was uninterested and he told me to leave him alone. Very blunt if you ask me but...what can you do? So I asked him why his reasons were that I had to lease him alone. He said because he had a girlfriend at his new school. In my head I'm thinking: "Yeah? And your point is? I can't be your friend because you're in a relationship with some girl now?" Next I thought: That poor girl. I felt sorry for her to be in a relationship with Evan (being his friend for quite some time I know his common behavior.)

So then I told my bud Emily and she said that him having a girlfriend is not a good reason for him to make me stop talking to him. I don't understand it myself, and Emily came up with that what if he doesn't want to talk to me is because he is trying to get over me and into his new girlfriend (since not that long ago he confessed on having a crush on me and never wanting to break up with me in the first place [we dated, that is not important though] and he had the idea that if we stayed friends a little longer maybe we could start dating again since we both still liked each other). Now you can see where the dots are not adding up. I can't seem to find any logic behind these actions, I am utterly baffled and it doesn't make sense. Can any one help Emily and me out with making sense of this?

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I've had some experiences in my life, a lot I'd like to forget and move on but I won't be so fortunate. Or unfortunate, as without those experiences I wouldn't be who I am today. I've thought about suicide more than once but then I'd get a thought in my head that tells me that I'm not done learning yet so I can't die. Death always seems like that better option doesn't it? It's a long nap, as my friend Emily and I have said when we came to choir and sing "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" by a Monty Python musical or play. One set of lyrics is "Always look on the bright side of death, just before you take your terminal breath." I'm always one for sleeping but I'm not looking forward to my big dirt nap, I'm going to try to make my living something important so that at least one life because so many lives and deaths have touched mine.

And not just the deaths of people but the deaths of relatioinships I've had with others, I often lose all the people I care about. I lost by first best friend after her parents got divorced and her mother told her and her sisters to hate my sisters and me, their cousins. I lost my first boyfriend for reasons only he knows, my mother claims his mother said the last time he broke up with a girl was over a phone bill. Which makes me ticked off, he didn't have to text me and I'd get annoyed with him if he texted me while he was working! Annoying little bastard. Frankly I'm too afraid to even talk to him after I said I never wanted to speak to again after his friends caused terminal damage to my shell of protection. My tears were never so bitter than that day. The touch of another person never seemed so welcoming in my time of pain, and normally I'd never touch anyone as physical contact never was my thing.

This is what I'm getting at people. I have people I care about and let into my personal circle yet I'm scared of them because of what my boyfriend did to me, he hurt me. He broke me.

Sometimes life gives you curve balls but you know there is always someone there to give you a hug, that wants to help you up when you're down. There are people that want to push you down further because it makes them feel better about themselves, I don't like those kind of people. They aren't very nice, personally.My freshman year I didn't hang out with my friendTeresa very much but I was always looking out for her, I was in a downward slump from my great-grandmother's funeral just days before school started that year. We started talking again our sophomore year, where are told me that she wanted to commit suicide for a while. I told her I was glad she didn't, during freshman year the only thing I said I was, was lonely. I always feel lonely now, in a crowd of 200 students the loneliness doesn't go away, I miss someone that always made me feel like someone cared. That I wasn't alone, he'd accept my daily hugs before he went from school to work or when I'dhug himfor something I felt bad about.

I'm pathetic I know but hey he was my frist boyfriend, I was 16 and very new to the dating world. I don't talk much about now because I miss him so much I feel a stabbing in my heart whenever I am being serious about it. Emily and I joke all the time about much boyfriends are overrated, as our boyfriends broke up with us around the same time. She got done with a bad relationship, "Toxic" being what we called her ex since he was that kind of guy, and mine came to a painful end for me but my ex was perfectly fine. We stood up for one another, when I was in a wilting mood she'd try and make me feel better because she is just that awesome.

Find your Emily in life, there is always one lurking around. Their name doesn't have to be Emily, but if you find someone like my Emily then it's a good chance that they are your Emily. The problem with some people is that when they have a problem they often close in on themselves to fix themselves, but one thing I find is better is that outside help is better. It's not a "what can I get from this relationship" is a kind of relationship that is where you have some one to lean on and you are being leaned on. It is a place where you aren't alone, and where there is someone there, leaning on you or being leaned on.

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Don't Mourn For Me.


By Kimberly Rose, 2012-08-07

"Don't mourn for me." That is my favorite line from Skinny L0ve by Br0adway!Aradia. Aradia is a character from an online comic named Homestuck. All the songs by Br0adway!Aradia seem to make me think about the last person I loved before it felt like I had died. (Not to spoil anything for anyone but Aradia dies by the hand of Sollux, the guy she loves.) Which I think is rather funny because Homestuck wise I'm supposed to be Sollux and Aradia is my patron troll. So basically I killed myself. Which I sort of did in real life too. I handled a situation so poorly that the person I really cared for paid the price, and now his family is helping get back at me. I really miss him too, but I don't expect or hope anymore...my heart just can't take anymore. I cry almost everynight when my head doesn't get the hint that I don't want to think about him. I remember us sitting on a rock in the school courtyard just looking up that the sky, and he was trying to find the north star.

I have been drawing a lot of death scenes lately, mostly of a girl getting impaled by some large sharp object, most often times a sword. One of my friends saw one of these pictures and thought I wanted to kill myself but then a second later she said "Like you were stabbed." The picture she was looking at was of a girl chained to the wall and a katana pinning her to the wall through her stomach, so my drawings are almost literal interpretations on how I feel. My mother said that I never was a sunshine and happy girl after I told her that my art teacher told me I was a bad painter because my sky was dark and cloudy instead of sunny and pretty. Meh. I've always been a Nickelback, Rascal Flatts, Bowling for Soup,Evanescence, Smash Mouth, Skillet, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus,Hinders, Green Day, My Chemical Romance, 3 Doors Down, Emilie Autumn,Three Days Grace, and Simple Plan kind of girl. Those are my boy bands, not Jonas Brothers or One Direction. And I'd gladly slap Justin Bieber to get him to sound like a man. And I'm being a hater, dang it.

While I was in Europe I was extremely homesick, especially for Evan so I cried very frequently. I missed my parents and Evan...I would have gladly went home early, it wasn't that much fun for me anyway. I was tired and we woke up at 5 in the morning every morning. I did not really enjoy that at all. I like my sleep thank you, and I am very mean in the morning. It rained and I am not a fan of rain. I like the sun, not to look at but to feel it's warmth. I get very cold but I like to be warm and the sun seems to warm my heart on sad days since I felt so alone. Some days I was willing to act like Karkat (flipping everyone the bird and cursing in every sentence), and some days I just wanted to stay in bed to sleep. I had my ups and my downs. Like when our tour group left me and my older sister behind to go back to the hotel without us. I was sitting with my older sister on an underground train by ourselves and I was so scared, lonely, and homesick. I thought to myself "I miss Mom and Dad" as I almost cried as I would have loved to have them with us.

We were left behind in Paris too. They went to Versailles without us, my older sister even started cry because we were so scared. Left in a forgien country alone and to fend for ourselves. Lucky one of the older people in our group stayed behind to look for us and we got to spend three hours with her. We got beautiful pictures that no one had ever got. I enjoyed that time with Ike.

As I listen to some of my favorite songs by my favorite bands I notice that life isn't always sunshine and puppies. Like I know it too be but these songs don't make me sad, they make me feel like I'm not alone. Like there are other people like me. Well, except Stacy's Mom. At band we make plenty of parodys of that one song. Like: Jamie's Mom, Jackson's Mom, andCasey's Mom. And I noticed from the song "Love Like Woe" that I am like that girl. I have mixed feelings about every relationship I have ever had. Especially with Evan. I loved him to death yet I was absolutely terrified of him. Later did that fear turn into my fear to lose him, which came true when he broke up with me. Meh, whatever.

So I learned that even if you feel alone in the world, you aren't alone. You just haven't been looking hard enough to find someone like you. It actually doesn't take that much to find someone like you actually, except when it comes to romance. Don't take or ask for romantic advice from me. I don't know nothing about love, I was raised in a world of unhappy marriages and ending of marriages. I didn't feel the love growing up so while maybe you can learn from my experiences, which is a very good thing. Do that. I will tell you all the things I did wrong so that there can be less pain in the world if you read this.

  1. Don't tell someone you never want to speak to someone ever again if you still care deeply about them.
  2. When your emotions are runninghigh, do not, I repeat, do not act on those emotions. Wait until you are calm and peaceful before doing anything.
  3. If you feel sad, crying in public is okay. And surround yourself with friends that are willing to hug you and make you feel better.
  4. Letters are not the best way to communicate with your ex-boyfriend. His friends will laugh at you and make you upset if you are emotionally sensitive.
  5. Never talk to the messanger, they are annoying sticker-heads (I'm talking about you TJ...). Disregard this one.
  6. If your boyfriend asks you if you are okay with breaking up and you are not...SAY NO. If he is the sweetheart my boyfriend was he will heed your wishes. I was an idiot and said yes. Do not follow my footsteps.
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Simple lives, Simple joy, Simple pain.


By Kimberly Rose, 2012-07-13

I'm not one for having many possessions. I don't need new things all the time to make me happy. I don't need another person to make my life to have meaning but I do get lonely every once in a while. I was a very lonely child I didn't have very many friends and I was bullied. I made friends evenutally but I had primary friends in my family and stuffed animals. As I sit at my computer with a teddy bear in the crook of my arm. He smells like cotten candy, he's not big and boastful. I do not regret for having a deep connection with my inner child, I know her better than I know my actual self. She's always been there and she became one of my friends in childhood. I like soft and fluffly thing but not pink things.

I don't require big and fancy things to bring joy. I take each joy as if it was my first. I don't want a lover that keeps things hot and heavy in love, I want someone subtle that can just gently take my heart for his own but is willing to give it back. I've gotten crushes on boastful guys and they do things that make me wish I never liked them. I grew to enjoy my simple life style of listening to classical and baroque music, to songs that almost never had words to them. But change came and I got interested in Skillet and other bands (thanks to Evan who was highly influenced by worldly things). I don't need music, stuffed animals and things like that. Those are luxuries.

Like my birthday presents that I get year after year. And from my latest birthday. I don't need two new books that costed 20 dollars put together. I don't need new clothes. I don't need a journal. When Evan gave me my presents the day of my birthday I liked the bag better than the present. I liked the ribbons on the presents better than the presents themselves. Sounds bad doesn't it? I know, but it's true. I told him he didn't have to get me anything, and I really didn't want to go see the Hunger Games. I wanted a simple day on the town with him. Not big and important. I am not a girl that'd be impressed by that.Some girls would love for people to spoil them. Not me.

I pretty much grew up in the shadows. I was never the most important person in the room, I was hardly even seen sometimes. I could stand in plain sight and be unseen. I'm not exaggerating either if you think I am. For years I was never anything interesting, there was always something more important than me. That's how I grew up so when I was just recognized and seen that made me happy. I was a lonely child, company is all I wanted. To have someone to play with. Most often times at school people didn't want anything to do with me so my teddy bears were my friends. And this went on for many years so I grew to not expect much from anyone. I was shy, didn't really open up to anyone that wasn't one of my stuffed animals.

So now I take each day as it comes, learning a new hated for the anniversary of my birth. I never really liked my birthday anyway. And my birthday was in March, and I am glad it is only once a year like March Madness. And one more thing: a sports game is more important then the life and well being of a child? Who came up with that?

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