Kimberly Rose

Why Illness? Why?

By: Kimberly Rose
Posted in:

Sigh, I have been rather ill for the last several weeks, and not just physically either. A lot has been going on and weighing on my mind causing my physical health to decline. First bit: my dog passed away (I miss him...). Second bit: my godmother is getting a divorce. Third bit: constant migraines are not good for art inspiration. Fourth bit: I found I am quite unhappy as an art student even though I love the classes but just life and all my other classes are constantly getting my attention and I can't fully focus or relax enough for a piece to come to mind. Also, I am bad at papers. College is exceptionally lots of papers.

Also there was someone I recently thought of and started drawing. Her name is Fey and I made her up when I was about 8, she is a princess. There was a picture I drew of Fey of when she was a little girl and playing in her play room. The picture originally seems very happy to me but then when I look at it more I see that it is actually a sad picture, for little Fey is the only human in the room. The other beings in there are a trio of creatures that I made up. The creatures are called Shayman and basically they're like Pokemon, but not exactly. One of them is just watching Fey because it is her mother's Shayman that has a psychic link with Fey's mother, because Fey's mother is the queen and doesn't have the time to watch her daughter herself; and the other two are little Shayman that are just little playmates for Fey if she got bored with her toys. Fey has 7 older brothers and she can't even play with them because they are princes and have no time for a little princess. Of course Fey's father is the king and ain't no one got time for play when they are the king, you know running a country and everything.

Another picture I did of Fey was of Fey and her "mother", I say "mother" because the woman in the picture with her isn't her mother but a Shayman impersonating her mother because, again, her mother is a busy woman.

I don't know why I find these both so sad, she was never alone, and there was some other life form there for her but...I think it is because that in all the pictures of Fey, even though she is never alone, she is the only human she has ever had contact with her entire existence.

Anyway, sorry about that, but I have been having trouble with my health. Some days I am just fine and others I am racked with painful migraines, arthritis like pain in my leg, and some days it just feels like my body is shutting down. I don't know what is up with my health but I have always suspected it had something to do with my mood. I don't know but ever since my mother said "Hey, just so you know Aunt Elaine is getting divorced, she's unhappy in her marriage," I just haven't been feeling well. Also I am going home this weekend and I have a baby shower, a Christmas party, and an art project due on Monday. My professors said to talk to them if I felt overwhelmed but overwhelmed was the first week of classes, now I am just stressed. My insomnia has been getting much worse that now I need to have some source of white noise to drown out my thoughts (which involves the fan that sits on my bed and blows cold air in my face and makes me cold) or I listen to Tom Hiddleston read poetry but that kills my iPod.

I don't know why my health is suddenly sabotaging me, I have to go to classes. I don't know what to do, but all I do know at this moment is to try to take one day at a time.