Kimberly Rose

To Become Someone Else, Something Truly Awful.

By: Kimberly Rose
Posted in:

When I was in high school I became something I really didn't want to be. I was full of hatred toward my classmates because they weren't exactly nice to me. I became something else, I wasn't me.

I drew pictures throughout high school, one I uploaded onto a art website:

477_blogs.png?width=750One I choose not to keep. The one I choose to keep wasn't really that nice but it was a drawing of a girl with flaming hair (quite literally), in chains and she was breathing fire. Though she had been fighting against her restraints for so long and so passionately she actually broke her elbow in a sickening direction. Can you see why I didn't exactly want to keep it?

Anyway, all my life but especially in high school I felt that I wasn't the only person in my body. I felt that there was two others: Cameron and Eris. Cameron was brave and strong, Eris was manipulative and mischievous. Then there is me, shy and reserved. Cameron is a boy, as some might have guessed but Eris and I are girls. Though the question is why the bravery persona is a boy? I think it is because I have always read fairy tales about boys being the dashing knights and the heroes. I wanted to be a hero so I made a boy me, he looks just like me but he is taller (don't get me started on that lol).

Eris is seen as evil in my mind to be honest. She is hot headed (thus her hair is made of fire), short tempered, and she can be very cruel when she wants to be. The problem is I don't want to be that way, but I can be. Once when I was having fun with some friends I got hit in the face by some kid swinging his arms, I didn't think before I reacted and I ended up blowing up at him. Which, in short, is not like me. So I tried to play it off as I was just messing with him but everyone was shaken up because the soft spoken girl just blew up at a kid.

My parents yelled at me and told me I couldn't do that in public. I did it again today when my little sister's friend threw a sucker at me and hit me in the face. Rage just flows over me and I don't exactly enjoy it and I don't always have control over my reactions to things. Like my little sister's friend flicking me just behind my ear. Which I really don't think he gets how uncomfortable that makes me, it's painful I don't enjoy it and I get really defensive whenever my mother tells me that he's a kid and he doesn't know better. I never really understood that, my sisters and I wrestled each other but we never attacked each other in the face.

My little sister bit me and scratches me but never in the face (one time she got my shoulder really bad but that was on accident and it healed up in about a week). Why is it that an attack to my face triggers this anger inside me? How can I make it go away? When can I feel like I really can stand on my two feet again? I know anything can be accomplished.

Bill Walker
10/21/14 12:52:40PM @bill-walker:

First of all, don't beat yourself up about flying into a rage, learning control is something that all of us on this site are learning how to do. Second, remember that you accepted this lifetime experience that you are currently going through and it is one of the hardest things that any spirit can do. You are literally living and experiencing life on two different realities/dimensions at the same time. The physical one that comes with it's own problems to be solved, and a spiritual one where compassion and understanding have to be achieved in some of the most difficult situations that all of could ever imagine having to deal with.

Just remember that you are an incredible soul with unlimited potential. And love will find a way to heal all of the different aspects of who you are, just give it enough space to work its miracles!

Bill Walker
10/21/14 01:01:49PM @bill-walker:

After looking at the picture you drew again I would also add that it almost makes me think that you were drawing a spirit that was being dropped into the jagged reality of physical life. That picture says a lot about you. And none of it is bad!