Kimberly Rose
 

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You Know What? No.


By Kimberly Rose, 2017-04-22

I was scrolling through Pinterest, as one does, and I came across a picture that said, "Unborn Must be Born.  Poor Child Oh well should have thought about that before you had children."  And that just rubbed me the wrong way, I guess as I identify as a particularly pro-life individual but I've known enough children from low-income families in my line of work to say no to that.  I, personally, very much care about those children.  One of my good friends had an accidental baby in her final year of high school, she kept her daughter and I absolutely adore this little girl who will be soon going to preschool.  

Now in my final year in high school I was...protesting at an abortion clinic (scroll back up and keep reading) and I was partnered with a younger girl who I was sharing a sign with.  We were walking around the block and we started talking, and we found some dandelions and carried them with us.  Sam (the girl) and I decided that this protesting at clinics isn't what we wanted, we decided we wanted something more.  We talked about started a special outreach program for battered women, pregnant women, and children.  It started as something like Planned Parenthood but the idea slowly started to grow in our minds.  We wanted a safe house for abused women, women who could get free healthcare for her and her children, and just somewhere that any woman can go to get help.  

I've been thinking since I saw that picture how much more that building could be.  Expanding on Sam and I's original ideas this is what I've come up with:  

  • Battered woman's shelter 
  • Women and children's health center
  • Maternal health center
  • Onsite mental health center (in case of trauma)
  • Referral to trusted health facilities and doctors, for termination or continued health care

I realize that even though I identify as pro life and I'm allowing terminations to exist in a facility of my own design it seems counter intuitive or even backwards but I've had the most interesting experiences that made me change.  

My good friend was, in a way, very lucky and very unfortunate.  Her daughter was born of an abusive relationship with her boyfriend of the time, he abused her and mistreated her and his own daughter (battered woman's shelter).  She had a wonderful mother and father who helped her through her trauma and kept her safe from him even now (mental health center), she did technically pay for her own health care but it was the money she had saved for college (women and children's health center and maternal health center).  If she had chosen to terminate her daughter I would have been sad but understood her decision (referral).  

While I do advocate for the life of the child I find I must also advocate for the mother as well.  I've been doing a lot of reading, and doing a lot of learning.  I imagine becoming a mother myself, and I would be very happy as I greatly want to be a mother to any kind of baby, healthy or not and adopted or not.  But being that of being a very imaginative nature I turned it to a situation where I wouldn't be happy to be a mother.  If I had not wanted children or that I was being forced to carry a baby to term against my will.  

I realize I could never force someone else to do that, no matter what I felt about the baby or the mother.  It is sad at the lost of a life, especially a new one with so much potential, but the loss of mother and baby possibly through suicide or illness is worse for me.  

I would open this clinic myself but I haven't the means or the health professionals who could help me but I would gladly take the name that Sam and I came up with all those years ago:  Giggles and Smiles, A Place for Mothers and Babies.  I think my area needs a place like that.  

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You Know When You Have Those Feelings?


By Kimberly Rose, 2016-01-15

You know those feelings you get when you know something, anything is going to happen?

I was driving home from dropping my sister off at a game, and I had the feeling like something wasn't right. So I took extra precaution on my way home, because I felt like there was going to be an accident. I was right about the accident and something was wrong.

My mother had gotten in an accident, and I drove right passed it, but something was telling me to pull over. I felt that way about every car accident though I recognized my mother's vehicle and I called her right away as soon as I could. When I got home I almost literally ran into my dad as he was running out of the house to go get my mom.

Last year my mom was in the hospital from January to February with a hole in her esophagus. And now, over year year later of the day she was admitted into the hospital she got into a car accident.

The funny thing is our insurance guy warned my parents not to let my little sister, who has just gotten her license, to not drive because the last person that did that got in an accident within a week. It looked like she was hit on the side, in the side driver's side door.

And as I type this my cat and I await the news about my mother and her stone age van. If this year is going to be anything like last year, I am going to need a six months vacation.

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I Knew I Was Different...


By Kimberly Rose, 2015-01-19

I am INTJ personality (Myers Briggs), which apparently is really rare. One source I found said that 1 to 3 percent of the world's population of women are INTJ.

What?

Let me say that again. 1 to 3 percent. Now I am terrible at math but I understand that 1 percent is small. I can't even calculate how many that is because in our world today every 8 seconds some one is born. So the population clock I am looking at the number is almost constantly rising, and by the time I notice it my equation is ruined and that makes me peeved. I am going out of my way to calculate this, and I can't even get a good calculation because it will always be behind.

So I am settling on the population being 7,219,027,960 (that's my cap for just for comparison) and multiplying that by 1%, or .01 you get 72,190,280. Rounding of course because I'd hate to be that person who is the .6.

I was reading over the traits commonly found in INTJ people in general and I found a lot of places that lined up in a really suspicious way. I always knew I wasn't in the majority of people but it is getting rather ridiculous at this point. I encourage anyone to take the test themselves, and tell me what you get. I'm curious.

Anyway, I'm really tired. Not just physically but emotionally. My mother has been in the hospital for the last two weeks, and things just having been going right the last couple of days. It's been taxing but I know I keep pushing on through even if I don't know how much longer I have to take this. My mom really wants to be home, and that is an understatement for her daughters (my sisters and I).

My dad is really having a hard time about it especially a day or two ago my mother almost died in the hospital because they accidentally gave her too much insulin. Also the woman he loves is in the hospital.

I guess I know why I was bullied growing up, I was different. I don't understand normal social rituals (such as gathering for football games?), and I've never really gotten things like flirting. I had to rely on my best friend for stuff like that because she knew what to do, but now I'm on my own. I have a calm head about it but you know on dating apps when these guys send you really romantic things saying how beautiful you are and how you are so attractive...and you're kind of taking aback because these people don't know you at all and they think because they saw some pictures of you that you look good in... I'd like to say that the guys looking to marry me right away was kind of creepy, and I blocked them because I won't accept their marriage proposals without knowing them first.

The first guy on this dating app I am on I actually took an interest in is a guy named Jesse, and he lives all the way across the united states from me. He did use a pick up line on me but it was this: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22b_dnTBhgE) pretty much. It was so sweet and cute, and was not a normal (eh...) social ritual so I understood and was so flattered. And he likes RvB so it's not all bad lol.

I tried to end this on a positive note, because I believe positivity is the strongest weapon we can have, it's why I always say my day has been interesting. I'd rather look at the sun and sky than the valley.

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I Seem To Be Alone On This Matter


By Kimberly Rose, 2014-11-17

There was a recent scandal in my hometown, a priest was having romantic relations with adult women which is against the pastoral code. I have compassion for him, he did break the rules and what he did was wrong but what people having been saying about him has ruined his reputation. My mother said no one has respect for him anymore, which I can understand but I have no respect for the women he was with. They, for all my knowledge, knew he was a holy man and should have had at least some knowledge of his station, refusing him and his advances. It's all grey to me but I can decide which are darker tones than others.

I know love isn't black and white, neither are God's words. Most of it is for our interpretation, and sometimes we read it wrong. I don't feel sorry for him but I hold compassion for him in my heart, I know what's it's like to have my name dragged through the dirt because of someone I feel for. After he broke up with me I was forced down into the mud just like this man. And that's what he is, a man. He is human, and humans make mistakes. He's paying for his mistakes and no one has the right to truly treat him that way. I'd like to stand up for him but then I haven't the right volume to speak over the thousands of voices in my home town.

I would have rather not known about it then let this hurt Catholic community, that was taught never to judge and they are passing judgement on this man. I am personally embarrassed to call myself a member of their parish, and I wish that I could get the courage to tell them what I think.

The women are at fault, in my opinion, and too many times men have been blamed. If I hear any discussion of this at Thanksgiving my heart will not be able to keep silent because if something that isn't my family's business penetrates that sacred place I feel the need to make my family sure I do not enjoy the topic and they must change it lest I not get Thanksgiving dinner. Family is important in my hometown and so is a sense of community, but once someone in the community makes a mistake they must attack them.

Getting up from the table without asking permission or giving any warning usually gets my family's attention, I did the same thing when my cousin decided to talk about my dear classmate's death when I sat across from him. If this is anything like when Kent died I will not stand for such slander, I feel as though I am choking from the poor words spoken about this man. I want to not be lumped into the hateful community I am a part of, but stand out in opposition to them.

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To Become Someone Else, Something Truly Awful.


By Kimberly Rose, 2014-10-18

When I was in high school I became something I really didn't want to be. I was full of hatred toward my classmates because they weren't exactly nice to me. I became something else, I wasn't me.

I drew pictures throughout high school, one I uploaded onto a art website:

477_blogs.png?width=750One I choose not to keep. The one I choose to keep wasn't really that nice but it was a drawing of a girl with flaming hair (quite literally), in chains and she was breathing fire. Though she had been fighting against her restraints for so long and so passionately she actually broke her elbow in a sickening direction. Can you see why I didn't exactly want to keep it?

Anyway, all my life but especially in high school I felt that I wasn't the only person in my body. I felt that there was two others: Cameron and Eris. Cameron was brave and strong, Eris was manipulative and mischievous. Then there is me, shy and reserved. Cameron is a boy, as some might have guessed but Eris and I are girls. Though the question is why the bravery persona is a boy? I think it is because I have always read fairy tales about boys being the dashing knights and the heroes. I wanted to be a hero so I made a boy me, he looks just like me but he is taller (don't get me started on that lol).

Eris is seen as evil in my mind to be honest. She is hot headed (thus her hair is made of fire), short tempered, and she can be very cruel when she wants to be. The problem is I don't want to be that way, but I can be. Once when I was having fun with some friends I got hit in the face by some kid swinging his arms, I didn't think before I reacted and I ended up blowing up at him. Which, in short, is not like me. So I tried to play it off as I was just messing with him but everyone was shaken up because the soft spoken girl just blew up at a kid.

My parents yelled at me and told me I couldn't do that in public. I did it again today when my little sister's friend threw a sucker at me and hit me in the face. Rage just flows over me and I don't exactly enjoy it and I don't always have control over my reactions to things. Like my little sister's friend flicking me just behind my ear. Which I really don't think he gets how uncomfortable that makes me, it's painful I don't enjoy it and I get really defensive whenever my mother tells me that he's a kid and he doesn't know better. I never really understood that, my sisters and I wrestled each other but we never attacked each other in the face.

My little sister bit me and scratches me but never in the face (one time she got my shoulder really bad but that was on accident and it healed up in about a week). Why is it that an attack to my face triggers this anger inside me? How can I make it go away? When can I feel like I really can stand on my two feet again? I know anything can be accomplished.

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Family Pressure.


By Kimberly Rose, 2014-08-30

So...I don't drink. I'm not of legal age, while in London I tried a sip of an alcoholic beverage (when I was of legal age to drink), and I don't partake in the drinking of the blood of Christ (aka wine at church). But my family, everyone but my baby cousin has some alcohol in their system (in small and large quantities). They try to pressure me into drinking alcohol every time I see them, and I don't like it. Honestly.

  1. I don't like the taste.
  2. I don't like the smell.
  3. I don't like my body's reaction to alcohol (my hands start shaking quite violently and I get lightheaded and very nauseous).
  4. I don't like alcohol's effects on the brain.

My family is Catholic German/Dutch decent so drinking alcohol is quite...common. But one thing I would love for my family to do is to realize that I don't like drinking, in any form. Not even wine coolers. My grandmother tried to get my aunt to give me an alcoholic lemonade at my cousin's house. I had a problem with that because they weren't listening to me that I don't drink. At all. No matter what they say, I do not drink, I don't care if my grandmother was telling me that I won't taste the alcohol in the lemonade and that it won't taste any different. I don't care. It would be nice that if for one time my family understood that I won't spend a night getting drunk. I won't put my own health in danger because I "want to have a good time". I won't put myself in a situation that could endanger others around me for some stupid reason that a drunken brain could think up.

I don't drink.

I hate that my family is so lenient on driving while drunk. People have died from that, and they don't even give it a second thought. Yes they are adults but I honestly wouldn't get in a car with my uncle who had over 10 beers. I already fear dying in car crashes, I don't want any one in my family to die because of something like drinking and driving.

I hate that my godfather says that I don't like to have fun just because I don't "have fun" like he does. I don't like singing songs about "getting laid" while in a drunken haze. I like playing Apples to Apples with my friends in a really weird way we made up. I don't like dancing with music so loud that my ear drums burst. I like dancing with my best friend to songs we both enjoy and singing church songs with my Church's adult choir.

I didn't want any alcohol at my graduation party because I didn't want people to just come for a beer buzz. There was still beer there because my parents said no one would come then. I'd rather they had not come at all then, and you learn who likes you for you and not for your choice of alcohol.

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I Believe I Have Had An Epiphany...


By Kimberly Rose, 2014-08-14

I was inspired by watching Legend of Korra Season 2, so I started drawing and out came a girl I hadn't seen in a while. She was a fan character I made for a forum years ago, but she had died in the forum and was my first character to die (ever). Her name was Neva, meaning snow, and she was born in the Southern water tribe before Avatar Korra was discovered; she had a brother named Bolin (whom in my defense was named before I believe the series even really came out...yes because it was several months later when I was late going to my friends house to do a project because I was watching the first episode of Legend of Korra) who was engaged to Primrose. She was a water bender, but she was terrified of air benders because when she was very young her parents went out fishing but their ship was either lost at sea or it was sunken by a secret tribe of air benders that sent the storm that sunk them (yeah, I know, but it turns out they just got severally turned around and were stranded somewhere and then they headed to the nearest pole which was the North, so they are just lost in the Northern Water Tribe).

She met an air bender, screamed and ran away. They get to talking and she develops a crush on said air bender (I can not remember his name...), she gets injured while trying to run away and she landed on a very sharp fishing knife usually used in the gutting of fish. So she got a large puncture wound in her abdomen, she bleeds out and dies.

Pretty gruesome way to go...and she was only 14. But I convinced the forum leader to let me have Neva's spirit come back just for a little bit to take care of some "unfinished business" with her air bender friend. She told him that her death was not his fault (because he was kneeling right next to her as she was bleeding out) and that she will always care for him.

Anyway, I realized something. My little sister was 9 minutes late for one of her marching band practices, so as customary she received a lap for each minute she was late (9). But my little sister was crying her eyes out because she didn't want laps, she has asthma, and I yelled at her that crying about it was useless. She was getting the laps if she wanted them or not; there was no use in crying over something that can't be helped.

So that got me thinking, realizing that I had been crying over things that couldn't be helped:

1. My aunt got a divorce; she was unhappy in her marriage and once that became public news everyone turned their backs on her. That made me very sad, she has a right to be happy; she shouldn't be scrutinized.

2. My dog of 13 years died last September. He was old, sick and a girl's best friend. George and me got along from the beginning (except I didn't exactly trust him at the beginning ^^; ).

3. 2 years ago I lost a very good friend to the evils of selfishness and bullying. He could have been there for me but he chose his path. I chose mine. If he wants to go looking for "The One", a perfect person in every way that will make his life so much easier, that's fine by me but I refuse to be a part of his fall back plan and I refuse to sing him Soft Kitty whenever he feels ill or gets his heart broken. I only existed when it was convenient, but not anymore.

4. My best friend decided to leave high school and pursue a GED online after all our friends from high school decided she wasn't good enough for them. I had a problem with it when they started putting her down in front of me, but I understand and encourage her decision because if that makes her happy than she should have my support.

5. My great-grandmother died just before I started high school, so I got to be a little anti-social only to have my best friend at the time claim she wanted to commit suicide because I stopped talking to her (can you see why we stopped hanging out?).

I re-imagined Neva as a survivor, she had lost her right arm but she is still the same little girl I see hiding in ice tunnels to get away from the world a little bit, yet independent all the same.

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I Feel...Changed.


By Kimberly Rose, 2014-07-31
I got to spend a weekend with my godmother away from my family before reuniting with them at my grandparents' house. I was wearing my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt and my cousin's 3 year old nephew liked it so much he decided to spit on me five seperate times, even after I asked him to stop nicely. I didn't get to do much with my aunt but I still enjoyed my time with her. We went antiquing and we visited a massive art museum (where there was some cool but really expensive stuff that neither of us wanted to buy lol). We talked a lot about life and all that jazz, she took me to her new church. She chose to leave the parish she and her ex-husband went to while they were married, and I liked it. I'm not allowed to talk about it though, my grandmother has a problem with it because it is not a traditional church. And Grandma wasn't too happy she took me there either. I understand it though, my grandmother is one of those people who spoke Latin in church growing up. I liked the experience, but to be honest...I liked it better than the mass I was used to. My cousins were a bit shy to it but that is because their mom was messing with them the entire time. But it really reminds me of my favorite song from Casting Crowns: "Does Anybody Hear Her?" It reminds me that people can be so judgmental before you even had the chance to say hello to them. And I will admit here but not to my aunt is that when we visited her new church I was terrified of the people, what they were going to be like and what they were going to be like. I was so used to getting looked at down on but some people in my church. Don't tell them that though. Like when my senior class went to different churches I was questioned heavily when I was sitting with my friends (who were all males and I am a female). But, you know, I liked my godmother's new church better because it reminded me of the excitement I had for church. I went back to my parish and I about fell asleep during the homily (I felt so bad). I'm all for new experiences but to be honest out of all my my mother's siblings, she is the only one that still goes to a traditional Catholic Church. Two of my uncles are now agnostic and my aunt goes to an alternate Catholic Church. Sometimes I don't know, my faith wavers sometimes, but...I don't know if that is bad.
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