Although I have been getting better atbattlingtheonslaught of emotion that slams me in the face on a daily basis, today was a difficult day.
I wasrunninglate for an appointment this afternoon having to wait for my partner to get himself ready so we could leave. I knew he felt bad about making me late so I held in my emotions so as not to make him feel worse (when he feels bad, I pick up on his emotions and it seems amplified tenfold). After my appointment (at the Costcooptometrist), I found him in the store nothavingstarted the grocery shopping! I was so upset, but again I could tell he felt bad not remembering what was onthe shoppinglist.
I have been under tremendous pressure being unemployed for the past year, looking for a job, failing interviews, and feeling a bit depressed intheprocess and now this. I just wanted to explode!!!!
I know things have been bottling up inside me for a very long time and I find myself crying silently on a daily basis wishing it would all be over. No, I'm not on the edge of suicide, nor do I EVER think about taking my own life, but if the time comes when my world comes to an end, I would welcome it.
I know this is more than simply being empathic and that there are many things at play here. The battle for finding a new job drains me and I've all but given up looking. So I am trying to remain positive and tell myself things will improve. I just wish I could believe it.
Sorry for my rambling. I really don't have anyone I can talk to but getting it out on paper helps to organize my thoughts and istherapeutic. I already feel better and in control once again. I think I will sleep well tonight and be ready to tackle another day. Thanks for listening.