Kate

Questions, chest pain, philosophies about life and purposes...

2013-08-12
By: Kate
Posted in:

I do not know what kind of Pandora's Box has been opened inside me, and i do not know how to explain it, but i have been experiencing a lot of turmoil deep inside for almost two years. It is like i am constantly fighting against myself, trying to block a strange influx of bad thoughts and energies and my resistance is slowly drifting away.

Now that I'm away from parents and family and among my uncles who seem very depressed and fighting with each other and on the verge of moving to another apartment... well, i simply seem to become worse. I always loved spending the summer at my relatives in another city where i am right now, but this summer something changed in the air, and i felt it from the last winter when it was almost like... stiffer.

Now I had a strange feeling when i slept the first night here: it was like my chest started burning and i literally started to cry and feel a deep sadness! It was strange, i thought that hey, maybe just a repressed feeling from the fact that i said something rude to someone and nah, now i'm just feeling sorry and letting it go away, but... the following days it got worse. I moved in around 4 beds in this house searching for a comfortable one and i actually found out that in the living room i felt the most disorientated after waking up or simply trying to sleep there for more than 10-15 minutes, and it was like my energy got leeched, i mean, i wake up everytime with a spinning head (the bed is positioned between 2 doors), thing that won't happen if i sleep, for example, in another room... and remember, i wasn't testing these things consciously, i simply experienced these strange feelings all of a sudden and decided to resist, but.... it's getting so hard, i'm simply sucked up in the energy of places, and there are even some who ask "why do you keep this high stance/ or do you think yourself superior/ or they simply feel intimidated and think i keep a wall up out of malice, and i absolutely hate being accused of such things.

So literally, my resistance is slowly 'melting' and when i sleep i start getting these strange sensations, not only like floating, but random images and thoughts that come mercilessly into my mind. I find it harder keeping my mind straight, like, "hey i love going to those riding lessons, animals and horses were my passions since ever, i loved them continuously and now i have the occasion to go there!" now it's like "am i sure about it? something bad will happen" and again, mind is slipping, and i struggle to think at something good.

It happened to me when i was younger, but i never felt so hopeless, and ever since i started studying and reading about energies & co my life got better in this demeanor... I think. I mean, now i can control myself in a public situation without starting to get dizzy like it would have happened before (i guess i was what was called an easy target for energy "vampires"?) but now something strange is happening. I feel like I am trying to escape form something, not that i always felt like that in a way... my dreams when i was younger were always about me beingg chased or chasing something.

But ever since i aknowledged these things it's like my faith got smaller, and i feel the need to control the outcome of a situation. I must say that it worked: it is almost like i can control happenings sometimes based on a close observation of people and reactions around, but the repercussions appear soon if i exagerrate, and i sometimes use persuasion for what i consider good thoughts, but it isn't always right applying them at a certain time.

So the thing is that i feel like my mind is caged in something, and i absolutely cannot sleep. I simply can't. Something is happening with my mind, and the turmoil almost always ends at around 3 o'clock : am i getting crazy, are these just panic attacks? but panic coming from what? ... well, my chest is burning and i feel sadness around me, and dense energies, and fear, lots of fear, manifesting as agitation (coming from people).

I decided to see around which people i feel bad. Yep, the ones i indentified as "agitated because hurt and scared". When i am aroudn animals or kids and peaceful elders, i suddenly become normal again, laughing, talking from my heart, but basically thinking good and feeling well and understood. Thsi applies for family and good friends. I am basically a hurt person too.

In reality i know nothing is catastrophic and some simple good thoughts can be of an enormous help, but it doesn't stop here. I feel unabel to express myself and to work, to use my full potential. Now i really do feel caged, and the sleepless nights are now becoming evident...

What could be causing these things? i say prays, i even went to church and started crying the hell out of me, suddenly, but as i walked out the cloack of adness was still over my shoulders. Oh yeah, talking about shoulders... i feel burden. What lesson am I missing, wht words am i ginoring? ... I feel so confused,, but if only it was just tat... my imunitary system is also suffering, and i caught, these days again too (what a coincidence) a very, very bad cold. My throat especially is the most affected. and again, a burning sensation in my chest.

I think i shoudl just go home, but no, i simply decided to remain here for nother week! Why, just why? I know deep inside i want to solve the problem, but i'm sacrificing myself! I try to fight against the negative things, i say to myself good things, i try to visualise, i hope, i want, sometimes it works, like somone lights a bulb and hop is tere again, but it soon goes away again as my mind listens to what is going on around..

I know it's a lot, but i just feel like talking, with like minded people, and i cannot talk about these deep feelings and energies with anybody else in my life, at this level. I will be contented with anything, from a small answer from someone who only read a quarter of what i wrote to a quote or something thoughtful... i just hope i won't go down, and that i'll maintain my ideals and hopes unspoiled by hatred or fear.. but here are times ehn i cannot understand myself, and when the voice of my own ratio isn't clear. I mean, just look at what philosophies i wrote here. Why don't i see life simplier?


How easy it must be for one to close it's eyes and see itself only, and ignore the needs of others, the feelings coming from them, their surroundings, the fact that eveything is a network of enegies and we affect each other, and advise others to only care about oneself. I can't do that. Everything around me, affects me, and i cannot ignore it, i have to do something that affects the bad and makes the wheels rotate in the good direction, because ignoring it is ignoring my sould and the others, and giving up care and compassion.

My, did i really write these? : ( I must be really sad ;))

B
08/12/13 10:13:48PM @b:
If you have any musical abilities this reads like an amazing song. I am very new to this empath thing but I have always been kind of a simple man with complex feelings. Odd I know. Simple things entertain me but my mind wants to question heavy things. Have you looked around on the sight? There are many useful tools for us to get a handle on things. You are not alone hear. Bing or the nocturnal angel should be able to help. Sounds like you need to work on some shielding and I do to try to be strong hang in there help is on the way you are not going nuts it just looks like you are having a hard time getting a grip on things.
Nocturne's Angel
08/13/13 01:47:05AM @nocturnes-angel:

Hi Kate,

Do you ground, shield or use crystals on a regular basis?

If not I would suggest Reading "The Empath Survival Program" for assistance that could really help you in Grounding, Shielding, etc.

As for using Crystals, the Group "Tools For The Empath" has some Crystal Information in there, just do a Search once you are in the group for Crystals and you should find a lot of useful information.

I would recommend starting with small tumbled stones if you haven't used any Crystals before this way your body can get used to the stone.

Hematite, Black Obsidian, Red Jasper & Black Onyx are very good stones at Blocking & Absorbing Negative Energy. They are also used to assist in Grounding.

If you have a Crystal or Metaphysical Store in your Area, I always recommend to go in and look at the Crystals/Stones to see which ones draw you in/appeal to you, just feel right, etc.

If you don't have a store in your area, you can do an Internet Search or Order through the Empath Community's Amazon Store.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Now I had a strange feeling when i slept the first night here: it was like my chest started burning and i literally started to cry and feel a deep sadness! It was strange, i thought that hey, maybe just a repressed feeling from the fact that i said something rude to someone and nah, now i'm just feeling sorry and letting it go away, but... the following days it got worse. I moved in around 4 beds in this house searching for a comfortable one and i actually found out that in the living room i felt the most disorientated after waking up or simply trying to sleep there for more than 10-15 minutes, and it was like my energy got leeched, i mean, i wake up everytime with a spinning head (the bed is positioned between 2 doors), thing that won't happen if i sleep, for example, in another room... and remember, i wasn't testing these things consciously, i simply experienced these strange feelings all of a sudden and decided to resist, but.... it's getting so hard, i'm simply sucked up in the energy of places, and there are even some who ask "why do you keep this high stance/ or do you think yourself superior/ or they simply feel intimidated and think i keep a wall up out of malice, and i absolutely hate being accused of such things."

In Reference to your Above Statement:

In My Opinion:

It seems as though you are being drained of energy because you are in a room that has more than One Door (Entry/ExitPoint) and even if all is quiet while you are asleep, that room is still using that Movement of Energy Cycle (In/Out In/Out) since that it what it isaccustomedto doing.

Many people who have slept on "the Couch instead of sleeping in their bed" have reported feeling "Different" upon awakening, but couldn't figure out why.

Each room, has it's own Energy Cycle/Pattern,

Rooms such as aLiving room Hallway, etc, are going to continue their Pattern of Movement of Energy even when the people are asleep.

If you would like to tone down the Energy & Cleanse/Clear It Out, you can try using Electrostatic Cloths (Swiffer) and wiping down everything in the room, including the walls, floors, shelves, electronics, furniture & even the air (yep the air holds energy as well.)

This will help the room to Breathe & clear up theStagnantEnergy so that only the Daily/Fresh Energy is around.

You can also do this to any room you feel is dense or is in need of a cleaning, etc.

You can also cleanse yourself by doing your hands,palmsof your feet and also going over the rest of your body as if your were stepping out of the shower anddryingoff, so to speak. (Arms, Legs, etc.)

I hope this information helps you.

Have a great week :)


Kate
08/13/13 09:11:16AM @kate:

nocturne's angel - you know, i think i'm starting to believe these theories of the old asian nations, concenrning the flow and movement of energy and chi, from which everything decended, including the notion of empath, i guess (mixed influences of course, but oriental roots, right?)

I went to a Theatre Festival in France and there was this workshop intitulated "Tai-Chi". Of course i was extremely excited about going to it, being aware of my "little issues", so i joined it woth other 3 friends of mine (and with many, many other foreign students). It was amazing. the cleansing techniques i learned were ot only simple and fast, but effective too. It is called "The Five Animals technique of Cleansing" or something like that, and even though we all laughed a lot during the exercise because our teacher also had a sense of humor, i was amazed by how centered and happy i felt after it!

And then i realised that if a well-organised, fast exercise like that is enough to keep me going and restore everything about myself, even after intense stress over the course of an entire year, then i don't really have so much to worry about, about myself, not at all actually, because the negativity or drained feelings i have do not naturally come from deep within me( this would be what i would fear/hate the most)

I know i make these affirmations now, because this is what i truly believe, somehow, but the doubt is strong within me :)) dubt about myself of course, although there's no reason for it to be there, and i realise it... i also have high expectations from myself, and i freak out hen i cannot see, grasp things and understand or control what is going on around.

And so, posts like the mine above are born :)))

Thanks for the tips, they are great! I bought 2 crystals, one i know it's real (bought it from a national museum for a lot, despite its size ;)) ) and another oen for a local shop, the single one in town actually that people from certain circles trust, or this is what i've randomly heard.

I tried working with them, but i don;t know why i can't sense nay difference at all.

The amazing thing is that i can meditate much better with sea/river stones gathered from certain places. In those cases i can actually calm down and listen to myself, using the tranquility existant in them... but the effect wear really, really fast.

A doctor also working with energies told me that crystals, unless big and "proven to be real/from important sources" won't make any difference or change in one's life... or mine. Dunno if she meant my life only, she spoke in general..

Also, i am also kind of afraid of working with medium objects,It gives me a sense of instability, and i was told i really need grounding techniques, as opposed to that "freeing type of meditation" because i can see nd travel between planes of existance.Of course, i kind of creepe dout when i heard such an... affirmation, although i am aware of my sensibility, i am constantly putting barriers in my mind since childhood to prevent mysef from getting... lost. Again. I kind of had this problem when i was younger, and i loved painting and expressing the creativity thsi openess gave to me..

But now i don't enjoy it any longer, because stability makes me feel safer, and i can control a situation and my life better. I am torn between two choices... i don''t even know what to choose.

The Electrostatic Clothing tip is interesting, never heard of that! : p

brent - hehe, unfortunately, i don't have any musical talent, but i like acting and painting/drawing/taking photographies :D although selling lyrics ideas isn't excluded... is it? :))

yeah, i care a lot about the emotions of those around me, but i think this is because i realise how they affect me, so i guess, again, that i am a pretty ittle selfish creature. But i still want to best to happen in a situation or for those around me...

Sounds like i really need that "nocturnal angel", or maybe i should learn how to "Bing"? ;))

yeah, i guess i should lean some new and effective grounding techniques.


Nocturne's Angel
08/13/13 10:23:48AM @nocturnes-angel:

Hi Kate,

Have you tried putting your stones/crystals out under a full moon or even under the moonlight so that they can get cleansed of the energy that is built up in them?

If not you may want to try that.

Once you do that you can also try holding the stones/crystals one at a time in your palm and closing your eyes and concentrating on what you would like the stone/crystal to help you with/achieve, it could be grounding, feeling better around negative people, sleeping better, etc.

As for Tai Chi & Qigong, I definitely, agree with you; The Five Animals is a Phenomenal Technique/Routine.

I believe in a lot of the Eastern Examples of Life more so than the Western Outlook, so to speak.

People who want a quick or instantaneous fix usually don't see lasting results, at least not that I'm aware of.

Have a wonderful week :)

Huggs,

Josette


Kate
08/20/13 05:23:35AM @kate:

*no, this can't be possible, i've written a post and the accidentaly erased it :( well, i'll try to recreate it..

Hello Roderifo :) I am a little suprised i must say, but i am glad that i can help people even with such posts...

Now, I have something very big pressing on my shoulders, and it is about the complex set of emotions that i'm getting again: I have just returned in my old town, but i feel so anxious and nervous that i do not know what is up with me: after a week spent in Bulgaria and at my relatives in another city, the change of air is just horrible. Because i feel so much bitterness coming from people, and my energy is slowly being drained away, in contrast to the nice stuff that i felt all the summer. There is also the thing that I've literally felt like crying all the way back because i felt so nervous and didn't really want to come back right now. I simply had this inner thing that i SHOULDN'T come back now, just not now, maybe in a week or two, but noo, instead of following my instinct, i chose to seem less changable in front of others and not change the train ticket.

I also live in the most highly seismical area of my country. May the geographical positio in intself be the cause of this periodic disturbance i am experimenting, everytime i come from another town in here? I feel liek my internal compass is upside down.

I feel directionless, and become more and more depressed, but i know that something simplpy isn't allright!I am not like that, and the change wa almost immediate... i was so happy and full of hopes and desires when i returned, but now i have no idea what the hell is pressing me. I feel repressed, really, not abel to express myself correctly.

The signals i get are confusing, i have a sensation that people are so much mean here, si imply feel like somethign is off and wrong and i cannot function normally, all of a sudden. I don't know with who to talk, i do not know how to explain it or even cipher out my own emotions to find the core of everything.

All i can say is that i feel like a fish out of water, or in the water but with water boats practically confusing all my senses everywhere around. I also have concentrating problems, i cannot follow my own thoughts. Why, just why?? I feel like crying because i simply have no answer to anything and i do not know what to do :((


Kate
08/20/13 05:24:49AM @kate:

And i also started feeling so much better the last week, but niow... everything turned upside down, what is wrong with this place and with me?


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