Feeling Lost - Absorbing Negative Energy - Advice Needed
I am feeling lost here because as yet I have found nothing to suggest a similar experience to my own. I have only recently become aware that I have literally been somebody else emotionally for a year.
So easy to determine me someone with a disorder as my mood swings have been erratic from confused, agitated, stressed, angry, all negative traits you can think of.... However now removed from a situation (working with a lad with learning disabilities who, although able to talk has no real ability to express feelings other than in behavioural outbursts) I am now beginning to wind down and think more clearly, am not with any otherwise irrational mood swings either.
I have worked with this lad for two years, the first was great but, his behaviours at home caused a move to residential in which everything changed for him and myself, our time together increased.
I initially began to get twinges of anxiety in which I just thought were down to having to cope with the stress of his behaviours... These twinges became more frequent and my brain truly began to fog, my emotional state was varied, my personality becoming more negative and I have believed I have been suffering a bit of a breakdown
Now though, taking myself away from the situation, I see, I was only ever agitated when he was, stressed when he was and the brain fog was just daily being in his presence... The more I analyse the last year the more clear and direct it all is. I was undoubtedly absorbing the emotions and feelings of this lad.
A good example would be, He would be asked to do something, I would be glared at and out of nowhere I would feel very agitated (I would walk away feeling disgusted with myself for the surge of agitation) another example, he would be told something he wanted couldnt happen, I would feel stressed and foggy, low and anxious... I also became very anxious around people.
At the end of each day rather than the feelings dispersing, I would be drained and feel very low as if all my energy had been used up. My self confidence has been quashed to nothing.
To so many it will sound far fetched but, I cannot express enough exactly how intense this has been. I came here hoping someone will recognize this as an empathic situation and help me/educate me as to prevent this ever happening again as in all honesty I am scared of it. I am not away and cured so to speak, this has affected me considerably.
I have always been sensitive to others feelings and emotions, I cannot bear any form of cruelty it makes me quite ill to hear of it.... But, nothing like this has ever happened to me before to be honest I did not actually believe anything like this could.
I always thought of empathy as feeling another`s pain I did not know what it was and how excessive it could be. Any advice or similar experiences?