As I've reviewed the last few weeks, I am amazed at how much more at ease I am with my life. Since I've come to accept my path I seem to have developed an ability to be more at peace with myself and the world around me. There are still moments of exhaustion, but definitely not as draining as it use to be.
Today, as my son walked in the room I got this overwhelming sense of sadness. When this use to happen I thought it was my sadness, today I asked, "Are you sad?" And when he responded yes, it was like the feelings were blown off of me in a gentle breeze. He came into me for a hug and clung to me with such relief; I was able to offer him loving kindness like never before and I believe it was because I was not overcome with his emotions but rather was able to spread light to him through me. It was incredible. I have for a long time struggled with depression, this week things have shifted.
I have noticed that when those old dark unpleasant feelings or thoughts have attempted to creep in, I've stated something simple such as "That isn't true" or "I know that isn't mine" or "I don't know where THAT'S coming from but I don't think I need to hear that" or more gently "I don't believe that's helpful" and they seem to flow away. If they don't right away then I picture roots from my feet delving into the earth and securing me then open up the top of my head to let the light in. This light seems to push away anything that isn't helpful.
My most recent experience was when I walked into my building and headed up the stairs. I live on the third floor of a district housing building, and there are a lot of troubled spirits in the building. I heard the voices and felt the troubles of many~~~ it was like a therapy session going on; I use to listen carefully attempting to decipher all they had to say and tried to figure out what "I" was thinking/feeling. This time, I repeated a few of the above mentioned statements, and they seemed to disappear. I wonder now, if all of these were current residents of the building or old spirits wandering around...but I guess that doesn't matter really. I am just grateful for not taking them all on as I use to.
This week I have not hidden in my house and tried to avoid the world as I use to do. Work was not as draining today, and I have reached out to a few, on this website and in the real world. This is all very new, but I finally feeling like I might be able to not only survive but may even well thrive. Now that I have some tools and am learning how to use them. So grateful.