Kaolin

Important to belong

2016-01-06
By: Kaolin
Posted in:

I have been searching for awhile now.
Spiritually I mean.

My 20's were spent drinking, my 30's getting sober, and now that I'm in my 40's...well here I am!

I went to a spiritual retreat one weekend a couple of years ago. It was an intense weekend, with an experience I will never forget. We conducted a cleansing of sorts...like nothing I had ever experienced. At the end of the weekend, the instructor stood before me and said: "you are a highly sensitive empath." my response..."Ok, now what?" And she stared blankly at me and suggested that I speak to another empathic woman in the room; that woman glared at me with such contempt I couldn't go near her. So I didn't.

I've been seeking since then, well, kind of. Mostly I was hoping she was mistaken, and that I could pretend and go about my life, like I was just another person. I would get a job, save money, buy a house, and be able to stick my head in the sand and ignore what I was experiencing. Well, apparently that's not an option.

What I've been experiencing the last few months is quite similar to the moment of clarity when I realized I needed to quit drinking or I was going to die. Seriously, it feels quite similar.

When walking into a staff meeting one day, the emotional over load was so intense I was literally pushed back behind the threshold. A colleague asked; "What are you doing?" Luckily I was able to respond with a giggle, and a "trying to decide where to sit." I never knew choosing where to sit in a staff meeting can feel like a life threatening decision. (I should mention I work with all woman at a shelter; the energies thrown about that place is often overwhelming_)

I really knew there would be trouble if I didn't get this under control when during my yearly review at work I started to cry because once again I felt the bombardment of the intense dislike for me by my co workers; I knew I wasn't crazy, although it could appear that way to others; but I didn't know what to do about it.

Luckily this happened right before the Christmas holidays, at which time I realized it was time to start meditating again. During these meditations, it came to me clear as day. I need to develop the skills necessary to shield, block and ground or I would be thrown for a loop everyday for the rest of my life.

I have started taking Bach Flower remedies, and discovered a mixture that is helpful. and EFT has been reintroduced to me and I had forgotten how helpful it can be.

Part of me wants to isolate and disappear from this world; because it often just feels TOO MUCH; but what I realized is that I need to learn to control how much of it I feel....so here I am, another leg on the journey.

I am right now on my way to another shift at work and I feel more grounded simply because I have found a place where I can share my story.

I don't know if anyone out there can relate or identify, but if you do, I would love to hear from you. Thank you for being.

Dice
01/06/16 07:18:14PM @dice:

You are not alone. Welcome to the EC!!


Lavender&rose
01/07/16 10:30:16PM @lavenderrose:

Hi, there. Curious what mix of Bach flowers you are using. I like Mustard and Red Chestnut for this empath thing, and a few others.Anyway, nice to read your post. It's a good moment when it sinks in this is real and therefore something has to be done.


Kaolin
01/08/16 06:30:05AM @kaolin:
Hello Lavender & rose: I also use Red Chestnut, but also because of the anxiety that I have always experienced but didn't realize wasn't necessarily mine, I have been using Aspen. I have also been using Star of Bethlehem to help relieve some of the trauma I've experienced in my life (and perhaps some that I have carried around) From the research I've read I am taking fairly high doses to start but that eventually I will be able to take less and less. Hope this helps.
Bing
01/08/16 11:56:02AM @bing:

Hi Kate Have a look at the Empath Survival Program on the HOME page. It will teach you how to shield better. I am also an angel person and they help me and others a lot. A link is included in my welcoming message to you. You are going to feel a lot better now that you have "found" us. Welcome HOME.

Throw some love into the wind.

Bing


Visitor
01/08/16 12:02:04PM @visitor:

I'm a newbie too (I replied to your other post) so I'm still figuring out how to protect myself. One thing I know is very important - you need a job where you're happy and in a supportive environment. You're working in a shelter???? That sounds horribly stressful. I tried to work for a women's shelter once, and I managed to complete the training but I was such an emotional wreck by then that I couldn't even begin the job. I greatly admire people who do work for battered women, homeless shelters, animal shelters, etc., but the burnout rate is high, for good reason. I can't work in a medical environment. Ideally I'd like to be a writer, but there's no $$ in that. In the meantime, I find that retail environments are relatively low-stress, because you're just selling products to buyers. It's far less emotional. Any job where you can chat with customers and co-workers and laugh a little is probably a good idea.


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