By Goodenergyhealing, 2016-04-22
Now I know that for many all information in this article will be second nature already, but in my massage and healing practice I am still at times amazed how many of my clients, doing Yoga, Meditation or Mindfulness, even in teacher led courses, do not know anything about some considerations and techniques, which are easy and can really deepen and empower ones spiritual practice.
In my experience there is three basic important parts to any spiritual practice:
- Practice (Yoga, Meditation, Mindfulness, Sound Healing, etc.)
- Safe disposal of released energies
Many only seem to do the second one point, which is obviously the most important, essential and time consuming part, but the other two have much meaning too. Let me explain what each part can do for you.
Attunement is to connect to a Higher Power and or greater source of energy. People might have different terminologies here, e.g. and not limited to: God/ The Divine/ Allah/ Jehovah/ The Universe/ Creation/ Spirit/ Holy Spirit/ Light/ The Good Guys. I try to be as nondenominational as possible so I personally usually say Ultimate Good, Spirit, The Light or The Divine. And for those who do not like religious or spiritual connotations one can still connect to e.g. Qui, Prana, Universal Energy, Orgone, etc.
Why Attune? Well I like to use the analogy of water. In a sense we all have a bucket of (energetic) water at our disposal per day. We usually start out with nice clear spring water, but as we age, it might get a bit murkier. We can drink it to sustain ourselves, or we can use it to cleanse, wash or refresh ourselves . Now lets say that those who already believe in the healing power of the mind have a 10litres bucket. Those who dont (yet) believe in using their mind to heal themselves have 10l too, but can only really access 5-6l of those. Without a spiritual practice the water can be harder to access. We can only really use our hands to scoop out handfuls to drink and wash. Spiritual practice Yoga, Meditation, Mindfulness, etc. gives us nice large ladle, which will make it easier to drink and to wash ourselves.
Now a bucket of water a day might be enough for some, at least most of the time. For them their current life path is perhaps a dusty road, and they can easily brush themselves off at night, and wash the rest off comfortably. For others the journey regularly, or occasionally is more demanding though. They track through stinky swamps, on muddy paths, or require large amounts to drink, as they are traversing a stretch of desert. In the desert one bucket might offer enough to drink, but really getting clean and refreshed will be a great challenge. Or after a smelly swamp track a bucket might not be enough to wash ourselves properly, even more so after drinking our share
That changes if one attunes. We connect to Higher and or greater sources of energies. Instead of a bucket we get access to a veritable waterfall of water (the waterfall even comes to us) you can have a shower now, and drink to your hearts content! Plus you dont have to worry anymore that during the day the bucket water might get contaminated (if you spend time in more toxic environments).
As such , when attuned, it raises our vibration somewhat makes us stronger (spiritually at least), it is easier to reside in ones Divine centre/ core, and we are more in-tune (it is easier to receive messages and communicate with energies.)
(N.B. Now I dont mean to make anyone paranoid, but water comes in a lot of different qualities. There is pure delicious spring water and there is more e.g. murky, or even polluted river water. In spiritual practice one usually says Ask and it is given! Now if one attunes to The Divine (with whatever name), and believes that the Divine is an all benevolent force that is clear spring quality water automatically. If one uses more all encompassing terms, such as - The Universe, one might get clean one day, and dirty the next. The same applies for more general terms such as Universal Energy, Qui, etc. One can still use those terms, but it is prudent to just add adjectives such as clear or healthy Universe energies/ Prana/ Qui/ Universal Energy only! Thank you! As a Spiritual Healer I trust that ultimate good Divine energies I connect to are actually intelligent too, i.e. they know themselves where to go, what to fix, clear or balance, and how. So If you want the same from e.g. Qui, e.g. just add the adjectives intelligent and healing capable.)
How to Attune? Some people use visualizations on how they connect to energies, I prefer to ask them to come and connect to me! You can just say a prayer in your head, such as I ask the Divine to connect to me as much as necessary, possible, available, and sensible. Many thanks, Amen!
Now some of you may say Hold on! I never bother with attuning and always feel connected anyway! That is well possible. Some people have agreements made before they incarnate, or someone has prayed for them correctly (e.g. a meditation teacher or author). If you are not all sure though it is safer to just do it. Spirit is practical too so one can actually ask just ones to always(!) be connected when one does any spiritual work.
I am not actually going to write anything here, as it would be too complex and since I assume that most readers already do this part anyway, you are your own experts already! For those readers who are not practicing yet there is tons of information about Yoga, Meditation, Mindfulness etc. on the Internet. As well as on YouTube, in apps, books, you can take courses etc.
Safe disposal of released energies
Now this may be a stretch for some, but I believe that thoughts and emotions actually have substance, a body of sorts. But for the more science minded among you one could maybe call them energy, perhaps created by nerve impulses? And energy supposedly does not just disappear, it can only get transmuted. Have you ever tried tapping, as in EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)? It is one possible technique to rid ourselves of negative emotions. Have a look on YouTube for a clip about it. It might not always work instantaneously for all emotions (big, complex and ingrained ones might be stubborn when attempting to remove them), but you will likely have some success with some (less complex) emotions straight away. It is quite a weird sensation when one feels an emotion, and then it just lifts and dissipates. Now I ask where does the energy go? As an empath I am quite energy sensitive, and in my experience/ feelings all sorts of things can happen. In a more natural settings such energies might be taken up by nature healed/ transmuted by sunshine, trees, (salt) water or else. In a more urban environment they might float about for a while though, such energies can accumulate, and ultimately either reattach to the person who released them or attach to someone else As such humanity has made great progress with regards to physical hygiene (most places have canalization, waste water treatment plants etc.), but with regards to energy management many places are still a bit like the middle ages, when folk just dumped their chamber pots out the window. That is why most healers learn to dispose of the energies they help remove from their clients. As will many more clued in yogis, meditators, etc.
It is quite easy actually. For released energies we do not have to build expensive canalization you just ask the same Higher Power(s), or sources of energy you attuned to before commencing your practice, to please safely take care of any negative or stale energies released. I tell my clients they are taken to the big cosmic recycling heap, but it is probably more like energy rehab clinics.
There is another benefit to asking for safe removal of released energies many people are actually not very good at releasing negative and stale energies/emotions. I feel it is because subconsciously they feel/ know that these energies might float about and attach to others, so unless they feel very safe and certain that what they release will be taken care of, they hold on to stuff. (NB. And yes, some of our negative energies/ emotions can feel quite toxic, so we might not want to burden another being with them BUT there is beings that enjoy recycling such energies. There is an abundance of such helping energies/ beings just waiting on the side lines, and they often hugely underused. And if you have problems releasing/ flushing out such energies, because you have basically been holding on to them for year, if not decades, there is energies there too that can help with that, which enjoy helping, and which we just have to allow to help..)
Now before you start to worry, as you might never have asked for safe energy removal dont. There is no use. If there is still anything floating about, you can ask for it to be taken up now. If anything created any discomfort anywhere, just ask for potentially necessary healings now too. And if you tend to do your spiritual work under a divine umbrella, your energies might have been taken care off before anyway. As with the attunement some of us have arranged these things before we entered our bodies, someone clued in might have prayed for you, etc. It only takes a few seconds to make double sure, and ask for this too. And here too you can even do the economic thing and pray/ ask that any negative or stale energies you release, or which may come through you, are always taken care off !
The above are the basics for good spiritual work. As with most things there is potentially even more to learn/ rediscover. Ill just briefly mention a few.
- Grounding - Grounding is to consciously connect to healthy (Divine) Earth energies. Some might call it Mother Earth, or if you are looking for more non-spiritual nomenclature you can say e.g. Earth Qui. It is basically specialized attunement, concentrating on ultimate good Earth energies. Ultimate Good Earth energies can be very healing capable and nourishing. The connection is a good avenue to get rid of negative or stale energies too. (Do not worry here either. The Earth is big enough to take all our crap energies. It is a bit like putting feces on a field they get transmuted and new things come out of them.) Grounding is great stuff, and an essential tool for most healers, many Lightworkers, and widely recommended as essential in the Empath communities. I wrote a whole chapter on Grounding in my book Tours and Cures of a Lightsoldier; Surviving the Path to Enlightenment.
- Setting a healing intent Setting a healing intend can make spiritual work more targeted. If we just attune and practice there will be healing effect, but usually general (and there is often a lot of things to be fixed in life). It can be understandable to want to concentrate on specific areas of ones life e.g. upcoming exams, weight loss, a particular pain or emotion. Or we can dedicate our practice to the wellbeing or healing of another, like a sick relative.
- Asking for protections Now when we attune to the Divine, protection is quasi built in. There wont be much room for other energies to come in. When you use more neutral energies like Qui it can be prudent to ask for additional protection. When we practice we basically open up. Our chakras open up, and we become more receptive. Now as mentioned not all energies out there are all benevolent, so it is good to take some safety precautions, so that shadier energies do not see out opening up as an invitation to intrude.
- Saying thank you! Which is common sense, but it is still good to remind oneself. If a person helps us with something (especially without expecting anything in return), we usually thank them. They are there in the flesh and hard to miss though. Energies are usually much more subtle, and it is easy to forget that we might well be dealing with another conscious entity, which/ who might appreciate a quick Thanks.
All the above, if you are not considering it already should help deepen your spiritual practice. It should improve the quality of your practice. But just to keep it real after 20 years of meditation, I still do not levitate, and I still can have bad meditation days (where the mind can be all over the place). The fruits of spiritual work are often best measured in the long term, not the short term.
I hope you enjoyed this blog. Feel free to share it, but please retain any reference to me as the author. Love and Light www.alexander-king.com
By Goodenergyhealing, 2016-02-14
What is the Law of Attraction?
The Law of Attraction, in a nutshell, says that if we think, and or feel positive, we attract (more) positive things (events, people, feelings) into our lives; whereas if we think, and or feel negative, we attract (more) negative things (events, people, feelings) into our lives. It goes somewhat hand in hand with one of the first things I learned on my spiritual path our thoughts are a creative force, i.e. they can create feelings and events, and according to the Law of Attraction attract more of something into our lives as well.
The Law of Attraction in practice
Most of the books and articles I have read about the Law of Attraction, work with visualizations. But tools can vary somewhat, there might also be vision boards, affirmations, want-to-be financial accounts etc. I.e. if someone e.g. lacks money, one would recommend for him/ her to visualize more money. E.g. visualize going online, opening ones online bank statements, and seeing a wonderful, large, positive balance. Supposedly the more detailed and realistic ones visualizations are - the better. E.g. one would imagine the feel of the keyboard, the temperature in the room, the brightness of the screen, the time it takes for the web-pages to open etc. And then one would try to feel what one would feel like content, safe, secure, happy, exhilarated. Furthermore one should follow on with visualizing what one would do with the money- buy a better car, book that dream holiday etc.
There is nothing that cannot be visualized a dream job, a celebrity career, better to great health, the perfect body, the perfect partner, etc, etc. So initially when I learned about the Law of Attraction, I was fascinated. Supposedly I just had to dream up my dream life, the Universe would listen and my dream life would be mine. Usually I would not read about specific time frames though, i.e. how long, or frequent one would have to visualize that million pounds in the bank account, for it to materialize. I only read that the more detailed the visualization, the faster the results. One just has to supposedly do ones best to keep ones dreams free from doubts, but that did not sound that daunting. There seemed to be a lot of fairness in the whole thing as well. Humans, according to the Law of Attraction, are the masters of their own lives. They create their fate. I.e. someone poor, or sick only has to blame themselves for it (but could free themselves of those clutches, by simply forgiving him-/ herself, and visualizing better!)
Problems with the Law of Attraction
For one, there is some ethical considerations. One can e.g. visualize ones dream house, and the Universe should then provide such, or very similar, but one should ideally not insist on a particular house. There is this anecdote of a woman on a walk, passing by a house, which she falls in love with! It is all she ever wanted from her dream house! She therefore goes about visualizing owning it, living in it etc. A few months later the house comes on the market, and she does manage to get her offer on it accepted. Great result? Possibly not, as the previous owners supposedly perished in a car accident. Could the womans visualizations have been a contributing factor? Maybe, maybe not? Anyway, if one keeps ones visualizations more general, e.g. visualizing that million pounds bank balance, but not insisting on a specific way for the money to get there, the Universe supposedly will find ways. Sometimes supposedly quite creative and surprising ones
The next problem is - no one tells you how long a wish takes to be fulfilled! How long for a million pounds? But lets be a bit more modest, how about just 1000 pounds, just to get rid of that pesky overdraft. Should it take a week, a months, a few months, even years. Most books I read are very enthusiastic. The cosmic cash machine just has to be milked with positive money visualizations! So what if there is not more money in the account after a month, or two, or three? There might have been the Christmas bonus, but that is contractual, so one really did not have to spend hours visualizing more money to get it In this one famous book, about the Law of Attraction, supposedly a true story - a mans parachute does not open, he breaks his back, and is paraplegic as a consequence. But knowing that one can visualize oneself healthy against all the doctors predictions, he manages to walk again within a few months! Now if a medical miracle, such as this takes a few months should 1000 pounds not be a doddle for the Universe? For me personally the cosmic cash machine initially just simply did not want to pay out any extra, besides my regular salary. So I for one started to develop fears that the Universe might be forsaking me? And I have spoken to others who felt just as let down. I started to worry that the Law of Attraction works for everyone else, but me? Had I been a terrible despot in a previous life, and the Universe still shunned me? I did not really have much in terms of doubts when I first learned about the Law of Attraction, but since things did not materialize, I started to become a more doubtful person
Such fears are not pleasant, but if everything else is somewhat alright, most will likely just go back to their lives, mostly forget about the Law of Attraction, and just keep creating more income the conventional way by apply themselves in their jobs, and or do some extra studies, gain some extra qualifications and get promoted, or find a better position elsewhere. Nothing that one had not planned on doing anyway.
Having read about the Law of Attraction one might actually be in a worse position too, than one was before. I for one followed the advise to the letter. Supposedly one should not doubt that the Universe will provide, so I did not and spend beyond my means, maxed out that overdraft, and even took out an extra bank loan (it was for a spiritual healing trip to Maui, Hawaii after all, and my guru back then claimed that it was essential for our spiritual development)
Where the Law of Attraction can get really insidious though is for the really down trodden. Initially, when one learns that negative thoughts, and feelings will attract more negatives into ones live, that is not a real threat. Hey obviously I want to feel and think good anyway! It does not need a degree in psychotherapy to work out, that negative thoughts and emotions are less pleasant than positive ones. There were a few things in my life that needed improving, and that could frustrate me, but I had learned about the Law of Attraction so once I had dreamt up, and materialized my dream life, Id be happy and frustration free anyway no? To make a long story short after waking up spiritually, and putting a lot of effort into my self-healing, meditating regularly, and doing tons of spiritual work, if anything my life took a nose dive. Within 3 years I suffered from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS). CFS gave me terrible constant fatigue and exhaustion, near permanent fluey feelings, night sweats, frequent throat aches, and with this feelings of depression (but then it is hard to remain cheerful, if one feels awful 24/7 for years!). Whenever I now read about the Law of Attraction it would be more of a curse than a helpful tool. Supposedly I would just have to visualize/ imagine being full of energy, and healthy but after months, and then years of feeling sick, I could not anymore. I could not even remember what healthy and fit felt like, even less so visualize and feel it! So all that I had left from the Law of Attraction was its dark side surely I would just attract more exhaustion, sickness, and depression into my life for it?
So I argue that maybe the Law of Attraction can be helpful if one is in full, or near-full capacity, of ones visualization powers. I.e. if one has low or medium amounts of discontent it ones life, but for anything severe, such clinical depression, chronic illnesses, chronic pain, abject poverty or the like it can easily just become a curse! And I would potentially put empaths right in there too! Especially not self-realized empaths! Looking back, most likely my CFS was actually me taking on loads of negative energies, emotions etc. working in an office environment. As after/ through years of intense self-healing work, I had uncovered empath abilities. I was literally overwhelmed by so many low vibration energies it made me feel physically sick! As an empath one can get all sorts of negative energies, including fears, despondencies etc. I.e. even if one is positive, believes that the Universe loves one and provides if an empath is surrounded by doubters, and keeps on getting energies of fear, doubt and despondency, gets overwhelmed by them, and then sits down and wants to visualize positive events/ feelings/ outcomes, it can be virtually impossible. It might actually back-fire, as trying to visualize something positive, one might only see negative, or even terrible things and then one remains with the fear that they will be created/ attracted now!
So sure, if one, for whatever reason (likely it wont be the Law of Attraction), improves in health, or becomes an adjusted empath (in control of his/ her energies, at least in so far that negativities do not manage to overly accumulate and overwhelm) one could return to the Law of Attraction. But then there are other tools, which are less petulant, and potentially terrifying to use
Ascending the Law of Attraction
I am talking of good old prayer! When we pray to the Divine, we pray to powers, which are full of compassion, and love us unconditionally! Sure they likely wont fulfill prayers that would end up harming ourselves or others (which remains a potential with the Law of Attraction!), but other than that, once we pray, they start working for us! Angels (or whatever other divine helping beings) will not stop working for us, if we have a bad day are grumpy, despondent or doubtful. The Law of Attraction could be argued, is strictly binary in its response, whereas angels are intelligent, and compassionate. As long as we pray right, and do not block our prayers in some way (by e.g. holding on to restricting believes re the Divine), they will be worked upon! As such I find prayers to be much easier and effortless tools. Instead of spending time visualizing that positive bank statement, virtually smelling it, feeling it, and then spending all the money I just pray for abundance (definitely financial independence), and get on with my day! Basically I just pray and ask that my life becomes as happy and suffering free as possible and that the Divine helps me in every possible and sensible way to clear anything that impedes this happy and effortless life!
Just to be double safe I pray and ask that me, my bodies, and my life are always protected, as much as necessary, possible, available and sensible against any negativity. Be that negativities from the outside, passing through me, or still inside myself. And I ask that any negative influences, that do manage to intrude, be healed off a.s.a.p. please! Since I have done so, and with it pretty much started to completely ignore the Law of Attraction huge amounts of fear, and even guilt, have lifted. I do not become paranoid anymore if I do e.g. have/ get depressive feelings (which nowadays usually are energies I get from my healing and massage clients anyway). Rather I get on with my day, and healing work, as best as possible confident that those depressive feelings will not be able to create any atrocities in my life! After all having to feel such lower frequency energies (as an empath) is uncomfortable enough as it is, there is no need to heap more low frequency emotions of fear, paranoia, or guilt on top of them. Nowadays negative emotions are like clouds in the sky, they might cover up the sun, make it colder, and even rain on me but they always pass too, and the sun comes out again!!!
The Law of Attraction vs. Prayers
I have had some heated discussions about this topic with other believers, so I apologize in advance for toes I might step on my intention is to help make spiritual work, and lives more effortless, not less so..This one guy I discussed the Law of Attraction with kept on insisting, that the Law of Attraction ALWAYS works! Maybe the Law of Attraction does work, to a certain extend (I do believe that there are other forces that shape our lives too though feel free to learn more about them in Tours and Cures of a Lightsoldier (Alexander King)), but I would argue that the Law of Attraction is a bit like gravity. Sure it exists, and it might always be there, but prayers give us wings, and help us to fly! One day they might help us discover even better tools, like simply beaming in and out of places.
I believe there might just be another reason why the Law of Attraction is more popular (to some) than prayers though! Law of Attraction books and followers seem to like the quasi secular quality of the Law of Attraction. It is seen as a law of nature, not a divine force. I would argue, that if one can believe that there are forces that follow through on every thought and emotion we have, and attract things for us why is it that much more difficult to believe that there is a benevolent Higher Power that does mostly all the same, just without the downsides? I guess prayers have that little attachment to them the Divine will decide if they are harmonious, and only help fulfill them if they are. I find that the Divine does not want us to suffer - so prayers for good health, a roof over ones head, a decent income/ financial independence, good friends, love, happiness etc. will be heard! I doubt the Divine will get stuck in though, and make you a billionaire. Sure creation is abundance, and we should affirm abundance, but somehow I cannot imagine it possible for every single human to become a billionaire (not without massive inflation being involved at least!). I am not saying that money cannot help one be happy, but what good is having more than one can ever spend? And if one feels even a fraction of the ALL-AS-ONE Love that is inside of all of us I think having far too much money will just become stressful. One would just end up fretting constantly on how to use It best to benefit the collective.
I believe that behind the illusions of suffering is the divine ideal for all our lives. I would not presume to know what that ideal exactly looks like. Where e.g. does comfortable financial independence end, and greed begin? So nowadays, rather than sitting down and trying to visualize specifics for my life, I rather pray, and leave the manifestations up to the Divine. If I do want to contribute, I go into meditation mode start channeling healing Light and send it into all those energies, which still block the ideal divine life, I should live, from being free flowing. To help clear them off this planet!
Please note, I am not saying that prayer s will definitely be more effective, or speedier than using the Law of Attraction. Some things can take time to materialize, even for awesome powers, such as divine helpers (so do pray for patience too), but I think the whole process could well be more relaxed!
Love and Light! And may your lives become ever more effortless and joyful!
By Goodenergyhealing, 2015-12-13
The following is a blog post off my site - www.alexander-king.com
I attach it for your perusal, as I have an inkling that as empaths we might have a higher attraction to Narcissists (for whatever reasons)...
So I have just cone out of a relationship with a guy with apparent full blown narcissistic personality disorder. A look at his Facebook profile is very telling - it boasts nearly daily updates of bare-chested selfies, with comments such as: Feeling great; Looking good; Working hard at the gym. I had been in a relationship with one before ten years ago, so I should have been able to read the signs, but I still fell for him. What happened? Was I stupid? Nave? Blinded? - Maybe a bit of all? Mainly though this article is about trying to figure out what was real, what wasnt, and if I should love or hate him now?
We met on holidays. A gay Spanish holiday beach resort. He is very handsome, Afro-Peruvian, with perfect muscular physique. I did not hesitate to play into his very overt advances, and we ended up at my Hotel room 2 hrs later. Lets call him Jorge. Communication was not too easy, as he does not speak English, and I, then, no Spanish. There is the miracle of mobile translation apps though, and the first few days we had better things to do, than to talk much The first night we ended up not having sex though, as he said he wanted to see me again and gay one night stands so often end as just that one night wonders. That was a pretty romantic start.
I made sure I was as honest as possible up front, and told him that I am a Tantric Masseur and have a generally more promiscuous life philosophy. Him being Latino, and all my Latino exs usually insanely jealous, I wanted to prevent romantic entanglements, which ended in jealous fights. It turned out that he works as an escort though, and he claimed to have no problem with my job a good start. The next test was me coming out as a Spiritual Healer, and as quite energy sensitive. Again though, he claimed spirituality and some psychic ability too what a fit. (In the past I have had a few potential relationships that seemed to not work, as my spirituality and their atheist energies seemed to crash, blocking most romantic energy flow.) We spent every night together, as well as every day on the beach. Well there was the one day, when we fought. He claimed hed go to a big gay clubbing event that evening, that I did not fancy, and I stayed back. I had not made any promises of faithfulness, so I ended up going cruising at the beach that night. I told him outright though, and he wished me good luck and fun. He had appeared a bit jealous before, but then I had given him a 2 hr healing on the beach that day, so I fantasized that he had been healed of it already. That was not the case though, and he just stopped talking to me. When enquiring what is wrong, he claimed he had tested me me going to the cruising beach was a great no no for him. It turned out he had not even gone to his party, but instead of calling me and meeting up he tested me? I am sure that had he called me, and we had spent the time together again, I would not even have thought about other guys. It was just self-fabricated drama, with the result of us apparently being broken up now. He had made me feel very bad supposedly I had broken his heart, etc. Still when I saw him at the beach, later that day, he was already flirting with, and snogging another guy. No sign of sadness or trauma. I was fuming. I had felt so bad for supposedly hurting him. He actually messaged me again later, asking why I had not greeted him at the beach, and if I wanted to go for dinner? What? I declined! Still he messaged me again and I agreed to meet him for a chat later that night. When we met he appeared genuinely sad. He admitted very strong feelings for me. We hugged and it felt as if his soul was crying out to me Help me! Help me heal! I still well up a bit, thinking back to it. It was one of the most intense emotions I have ever felt. The last day we spent in utter harmony again. I told him that I believe myself to be on this planet, not just to heal myself, but to help others heal too. He claimed to have the same believe and goal. I also told him that generally I lead a life thriving for healing, and being the best I can be. Doing so, and helping others to heal, I can at times encounter spiritual resistances, from energies that do not want to be healed, which in turn can make me feel depressed, tired or ill. I know that can sound paranoid to some, but he did not flinch at all and seemed to accept and understand very well what I was talking about. I was convinced to have met someone very special. I had had a few holiday romances before, but they usually ended with the holiday this one seemed to have more passion, more substance, maybe even love and I felt confident that it would outlast the holidays. On day three he had told me that he loves me. On day 5 he called me my husband. Usually that would ring alarm bells, but he seemed genuinely sincere and committed.
To make a long story shorter the relationship did survive the holidays. We spend as much time as possible communicating. 10 days later I visited him at his home in Madrid. A week thereafter, he came to see me in London. We decided that he would move to London, so we could be together. Two more trips to Madrid together and we managed to move all his stuff to mine in London.
All throughout I had loads of energies attacking me trying to convince me that he is not a One. That we do not match. There is a 15 year age difference, I am more spiritually advanced than him, intellectually differences, educational, as well as cultural. I knew that things would not always be easy. Our being together would, at least initially, required a lot of healing work, not giving into doubts, etc. I did not care. I know that at times one has to fight for happiness on this planet. Rarely are things perfect from the outset. And when we were together, and happy it was incredible. I had succumbed to his desire for a monogamous relationship; well, as far as our jobs allowed that. But I had definitely stopped going beyond the massage, with tantric massage clients, where there was a mutual attraction, and had closed down all my private dating profiles. What I had with him, was more fulfilling then promiscuous sex with many - which can be fun, but frequently has less in terms of spiritual substance, intimacy, and connection.
Yes, we had some fights too. He seemed to suffer from anger issues. Small things could set him off, and get him very angry. During such times his rational and logic went out the window. But these episodes usually only lasted a few hours, and were not too frequent. Most importantly he apologized after such episodes and seemed truly sorry. Something that my other narcissistic ex never managed. I told him that I did not mind, and was willing to stand by him, and support him, as he worked through any issues he might have, leading to his anger issues. All in all the happiness we had seemed to far outweigh any potential problems.
Yet, once he fully lived with me, the balance of the happiness-suffering scales shifted. His anger episodes did not last a few hours anymore, but up to three days. During those times he was a different person. Mean, malicious, angry, irrational, very ungrateful etc. Initially we put it down to his stomach ulcers. They got treated though, went, and his mean episodes prevailed. I am not a psychiatrist, but as different as his personality was during his fits, to his usually loving self, it felt very schizophrenic. There werent any good reasons for them either. One was triggered by me suggesting to buy a cheaper kind of fish. I had paid for his move, outstanding bills in Madrid, his English school, his gym, new furniture, food etc. My reserves/ savings were spent, and we had to come back to a day-to-day spending pattern. The holidays were over. Or once he felt I should have cooked for him, yet he had told me he would sleep all afternoon. I worked and he got up earlier, to find no lunch prepared. On top of his nasty spells he was pretty lazy. Yes, he often cooked, but he loves food. On the other hand he did not do much in terms of cleaning, or laundry etc. He skipped days at school, for spurious reasons, and did not make much effort to improve his English. We pretty much only communicated in Spanish by now. I was patient though. After all for him it was new country, new language, little local friends, etc.
It was a real hot and cold shower relationship. After our fights he would be lovely, supportive and cute again He would acknowledge that he needed to heal whatever turned him funny and we would meditate together, he would supposedly pray, and he would accept spiritual healing from me.
After 2.5 months he moved out the first time. We had had a plumber in the house that morning. I was busy with the plumber trying to find the fault, which made out boiler cut out, running up and down the stairs. Turning hot water taps on and off. Bleeding radiators etc. We had fought the night before, and Jorge had actually broken up again but I had stopped taking that too serious. Jorge suddenly appeared though, all jealous. He was convinced that I had had sexual relations with the plumber. It was preposterous. I am pretty sure the plumber is straight. I had committed to monogamy. Plus I would never propose to some handyman, especially paid for by my landlord, and it was early morning. I was un-showered, grumpy and in my jammies. For those who know me I am a night owl. I stay up late, and sleep in the mornings. Mornings are the last time of day I would seek sex. Jorge was convinced though! He moved out that night, with all his stuff, over to a friends house.
After two days he begged me to move back. I was hesitant. Over the course of our weekly fights, I had managed to react less to his meanness, not let it get to me as much; I tried to see it as an illness, and not take it personally. Still, currently we seemed to have more unhappiness than happiness. I suggested him finding a room somewhere else. We could still spend as much time as possible together, but when fighting, we could avoid being in close proximity. Jorge said that he did not want to pay for a room, and would then rather move back to Madrid ( London rents are a fair bit more expensive than Madrids. ) He kept on begging. I insisted that he had to see a psychologist too. Regular meditation and healing work did not seem to do enough yet. I feared he might need some psycho-pharmaca. He obliged, but only if we went together. He figured I had just as many problems as him. I am confident I do not, but if it got him there, I was willing to wear that shoe for a while. (NB: I have meditated for 20+years, and fought many a negative energy trying to tell me I am crazy or evil to make me feel guilty, stop me giving a healing, or weaken me in some way. It has helped me to be honest with myself, but also to become confident that I do my best to be a good person, and act in ways, that I do not have to experience guilt at a later date. In comparison Jorge is spiritual, but has been lacking any regular committed spiritual routine so far, such as regular meditation. Sure, his incredible meanness and unjustness got me to react quite a bit the first few times, and I might not have been as diplomatic in my replies, as during harmonious times, but I am confident that does not require a psychologist. I came out with a few truth that supposedly hurt him, but the truth will do that at times, if it is uncomfortable. )
The next few days were spent in recovery though. I was still hoping that just spiritual healing work might suffice, and he would not require a psychiatric diagnosis and treatment. I am very aware that a mental disease diagnosis is not a label that is easy to carry (even just temporarily). We never managed to go to our GP , and ask for a psychological assessment. Things went further downhill. Jorge started taping me, e.g. talking with my sister on the phone (in German), and then tried to find a German friend who could translate for him, to see if I had gossiped about him. He taped me talking to a clients (taped through the wall) - and was convinced that I did more than just massage him - which I did not, etc. He kept on claiming, that he was convinced I had someone on the side. He was begging me to stop lying and playing games. All this time he saw clients though, and I am not all sure if he did not possibly have other encounters too., as in the end hed insist on not being in the house, when I was working.(Practically it would have been very difficult for me to see anyone else anyway. He spent every free moment we had together. Went to the gym together. Shopped for groceries together. Slept together, etc. The only time I could have strayed was when he had an outcall client, which was not too frequent, unpredictable, and often weekend morning hours (i.e. I would be in deep slumber.))
Towards the end he tried to convince me too, that he had this powerful intuition, that someone wanted me ill. Maybe an ex, or a client? He claimed he would be around to protect me, but indirectly insinuating that I would not be safe without him. I do not have any exs that I broke off with so badly, that they would want revenge. Also I had been solo for the last ten years. Furthermore I do try to give great customer service to my clients, and usually my massages are very happily received. In 8 years I had no more than a handful of clients, who verbalized they werent 100% happy. Yes, over the years I have had a handful of, what had felt like, full on psychopathic clients but the Divine has always protected me adequately. I was certain that I did not need him as my personal bodyguard. And funnily three days later he decided that he did not want to be in the house anymore when I worked so no protection against potentially dangerous clients anyways.
After three and a bit months we had one last huge row. He just got ready to go out clubbing by himself, making sure he ate no onions beforehand etc. That stung. Had I tried the same, he would have had a humongous jealous fit. He saw my displeasure, and stayed in. I soon came to understand though, that it likely was not common decency, but rather him suddenly getting jealous, fearing that I might have a guy over, whilst he was out. I had no plans of being unfaithful, but he had become ever more paranoid. That night I drank a bottle of wine and broke out into sarcasm and hysterical laughter. I figured laughing is better than crying! I said Yes, Jorge, you are right! Now that I drank a bottle of wine, I cannot lie anymore. Whenever you sleep, I do some voodoo, so you do not wake up, sneak out, and have sex with the plumber in his car, outside the house. Not just him, but many. I use every five minutes I get, even if you are just in the shower. And my best lovers of all are - Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy! Jorge just had this manic look in his eyes and claimed: I knew it! I told you, you would come out with the truth one day. I have been feeling it in my heart and intuition! We did not get any sleep that night, I think he was afraid to sleep, so I would not sneak out. The next night was the same. He stood by the window for two hours, waiting for the plumber to drive by, and park in front of the house. He had also started to suspect my flat mate. A girl. I had joked that I had sex with her as well, but quickly retracted, as I saw that he deemed it possible. Now he thought that she was at least hiding gay guys for me in her bedroom. Guys to have sex with, as soon as he slept. He was going to talk to her in the morning! That crossed the line for me. My flat mate is a great and good friend. It has been a miracle she had not moved out yet, with all the drama around her. Him starting to draw other people into his paranoid delusions was too much. I told him he had to move out. We could stay together, I still loved him, but we could not live together anymore! We did not sleep all night again. In the morning he did not talk to my flat mate thanks God. He came to bed and fell asleep. A few hours later he awoke again. He was crying, and so was I. I could always feel when his loving, kind self was in charge again. He was sorry and I retracted my kicking him out. It was a grumpy day, but I had hopes that things would hold. In the evening though I told him to please close the kitchen door. He was on the phone in the kitchen, and the kitchen is right next to my flat mates room . We always close the door when cooking, watching TV there, or chatting. He took it as a sign of conspiracy between my flat mate and I though claimed: he is not stupid!, and moved out with all his stuff two hours laterThis time for good!
But why do I tell you all this? Sure, it is a bit catharsic to share my story, but there is deeper reasons. I have done a bit of reading about Narcissistic personality disorder. I am pretty certain that he suffers from it. There might also be a bit of schizophrenia and paranoid delusions in the mix. Whenever I read more spiritual appraisals of narcissism, the blogs etc. seem to be written by people like me, who have suffered at the hands of a narcissist. These articles usually seem to lack some compassion though. They talk about forgiving and healing oneself, but not really about forgiving the narcissist. According to what I read the narcissists behavioral pattern seems to be to, to be extremely charming and loving upon meeting. There is the term of initial love bombing. In a whirlwind of romance he dismantles all his victims defense mechanisms. Once a relationship is firmly established though, at some point, the narcissist gets bored. He might not feel adored enough anymore, pampered enough, or the love, adoration, and pampering from just one lover does not suffice anymore. Like an addict, he needs more and more of a drug to get his kick, his drug here being love and attention. (N.B. obviously there is female narcissists as well, and narcissism exists in straight relationships too, but for ease of writing Ill continue using the he). His attention for his lover wanes, but instead of looking at himself for the diminished affection in the relationship, he starts to try to undermine his lovers self-confidence. All blame is put on the partner. Nothing is ever good enough, or right. E.g. there is too much attention, or not enough. Too much sex, or not enough. Goal posts frequently change, and are not uncommon to be the opposite of the previous weeks goal posts, etc. Once in a while he relapses into niceness, just enough apparently to give his partner hope again. He admits to problems, but does not seem to be willing to actually face and tackle them. As such it seems to be a personality disorder that cannot be healed? The narcissist frequently distorts reality, to suit his needs and tries to force this distorted sense of reality onto his partner. He also attempts to make his partner more and self-conscious, and with this dependent on him as surely none-one else would be willing to be with someone as unworthy as his partner! There seems to be less and less empathy, until one questions, if there ever was any empathy, or love in the first place? The narcissists self-confidence is very fragile (and low), so if the lover dares to criticize him, it usually is not tolerated well at all. Narcissists are self-centered, and have this great sense of entitlement; and they do seem to love drama!
With Jorge too - things got ever more extreme and traumatic, even though, at the same time, I learned to react less and less to Jorges attempted manipulations. I have the benefit of resisting negative energies, and their attempted manipulations for many years now, so I did not start to attack my own self-confidence, or start to question my sanity.
By the end, once he had gone, for four days all I could think and feel was, that everything positive he had said and done had been false and a ploy. I managed to not hate him, but I could not feel much in terms of positive feelings for him anymore either. All that just did not feel right though. Reading articles about narcissists, did not help. They imply that narcissists are just hunting for romance, the love of others, to exploit it and then destroy their partners. They made me believe that a narcissist love is not true it is all just a ploy to hook you!
Over the years the spiritual ability I deem to have developed the most is, that I am an empath. I think, at times at least, to be able to feel other peoples energies thoughts, emotions, believes. Sometimes more accurately than others, but generally I am likely more sensitive than the average human being. I could be deluding myself, not wanting to admit that I have been duped by a narcissist but Jorges emotions mostly felt real. That is both his positive ones, as well as his negative ones. Looking back there might very well have been some lies, and pretense, but overall I believe that he really did feel some very strong positive emotions for me, especially initially! He did not just pay me compliments with a cold heart, just wanting to create love energies for him inside me. There was definitely a flow of energy that was not just one-sided. The same way, when he was full of rage, jealousy and meanness I could feel those emotions too. They were strong and likely too strong yet for him to control himself. He might earnestly want to not be an asshole, but he cannot control it. It took much energy, experience, and skill for me to not succumb to these energies, and to, during our fights, not sink down to his level too. (I did not always manage 100%, but I am proud enough for what I did manage.) Over the weeks the bad energies seemed to wear him down more and more, and he gave up the fight more and more. In the end they got so strong that they managed to distort his reality and perception so much, he literally acted and felt like a mentally ill person. There is also a lot of healing energy in the house where we stayed, plus I was meditating and channeling healing energy for us whenever I could. It likely triggered a lot of healing processes and potentially associated healing crisis. Add to that that I did not relent and stood my ground, for what I knew was right - in the end he could not take it anymore and ran.
What am I talking about, when I talk about bad energies? I believe that everything is energy. (NB: There is a lot more about this in my book Tours and Cures of a Lightsoldier (Alexander King), with a lot more in depth philosophy and logical argument than suitable for this post, so please do not just read the following out of context. ) I believe that most beings on Earth are down here to experience suffering. Suffering in all shapes, forms and sizes. Suffering is pre-chosen and a temporary illusion, even though whilst we experience it, it can feel very real! If we want to experience suffering through people, some beings have to incarnate as the villains; even though most of us will be both victims and villains to some extent, at least until we wake up spiritually. In its true divine core, each and every being/ energy is ultimate divine good though! Once we spiritually wake up, we can cancel suffering (we just have to ask for it!), and we will likely start to help others to overcome their suffering. - At the core of each suffering creation is twisted divine energy constructs. Such energies make us forget our true nature, and or experience illusions of negativity and suffering. Negativities such as stresses, fears, anger, sadness, guilt, envy, jealousy, illnesses, poverty, war etc, etc. Suffering energies live of a beings suffering. An anger energy e.g. grows stronger, and or procreates by beings feeling anger it causes anger and then feeds of it. As such suffering energies have a vested interest in keeping us suffering and can at times actively resist e.g. healing energies, which try to heal or clear them. It stands to assume that the more powerful a suffering, the potentially more powerful the suffering energies behind it.
As such a person suffering from narcissistic personality disorder is suffering from narcissistic-personality-disorder-energies. This is the spiritual perspective. Physically such persons might have abnormalities in e.g. their brains. Just like you cannot really blame a person with dementia for forgetting one cannot really blame a narcissist for being a narcissist. If each and every being is inherently divine and good, it would not hurt another being knowingly, if it were fully conscious! Remembering that perspective of my believes and philosophy, helped me to get out of my state of indifference for Jorge and regain my feelings of love and compassion for him. As such narcissism is a terrible affliction. It seems that narcissistic energies allow their victims to fall in love initially. The narcissist might feel a sense of urgency though? He likely subconsciously knows, that his feelings of love might become blocked at any time. He therefore tries to fall in love as fast and hard as possible. The movies teach us that love conquers all, apparently in no time at all. Religion teaches the same, but to my knowledge does not really attach (unrealistic) time frames. I guess there is this subconscious hope that if he manages to love strong, quickly and hard enough once his narcissistic energies strike the love he has cultured will be potent enough to overcome his narcissistic side? Narcissistic energies can be very strong though, they are powerful enough to block love energies. After a while the narcissist gives up and succumbs fully to them, including their attached nastiness, manipulation and attempt to degrade their partner. Likely the energies will give the narcissist intuitions too, that it is the partners fault that the love was not strong enough, and as such there might be more semi-logical justification to make the partner suffer just as much, as the now desperate narcissist. With Jorge we can add to that that he seems to believe that he will only find true happiness within a relationship, which might have increased his sense of urgency. He also has a great penchant for drama, which made our fights the more spicy and hefty.
In contrast usually Narcissist Personally Disorder (NPD) sufferers seem to be portrait as these master manipulators. Their initial affections and later fights are portrayed as these grand conspiratorial schemes. Not to be demeaning, but at least with Jorge I really do not see him as intelligent enough to plan and execute such elaborate and long term plans. I could believe that he is a master psychologist and actor, but I did feel energies behind his fits (well, I believe to have felt), trying to make me as mean as him (and which I do not usually have/ feel, so I am pretty confident I am not just a narcissist myself). To me it is much more likely that he is but a puppet of master manipulative NPD energies, playing him.
Looking at it this way, I cannot feel any anger for Jorge anymore. If anything I feel sorry for him. I know Jorge did not refuse to fight his narcissistic energies completely, like some authors claim. He meditated with me, and accepted me giving him spiritual healing, and that too felt real. He was connected, and did not block the divine healing energy flow. He just lost patience and hope too quickly. If one fights strong suffering energies, they do not always yield with just one healing effort or two, one has to hang in there. Even though he currently does not talk to me anymore, I hope I have helped him so far as to teach him, that if he keeps on meditating, etc., he will overcome the energies that destroy one relationship after another for him. As nasty as the energies felt in their full blown state, compared to the energies I felt, when channeling healing for him, during peaceful times, I doubt that they all reside inside of him. When channeling healing for him during happily connected times, I found plenty of confusion and sadness, but no evil. My feeling is rather that he has some opening(s) inside his energy bodies, that allow narcissist energies to invaded and take over from time to time. To close these openings, will hopefully not take too long. Where those openings come from I do not know. Jorge did tell me about some notable childhood traumas, but they might just as well not really have any psychological causality, and perhaps just be genetic inheritance from previous generations? I had told him to pray for forgiveness for himself, and all, who might have caused him ill in the past and nothing much changed (but then I do not know if he said such prayers, and how long they would take to come to full fruition.) To get too bogged down on what exactly causes a narcissist to turn nasty can also just lead to disappointment - it is a bit like my hope that his turns would vanish with his ulcers, but they did not. I firmly believe that we do not have to know what exactly causes a suffering, we just have to ask for healing and do our best to not get in the way of the Divine then doing its thing (; well, if we do get in the way, we just pray that the Divine heals that too). (NB. And Jorge, at least, was just too keen to accept anything as an excuse to turn bad, but there are many who are ill, or had a bad traumatic past, who manage just fine without making others suffer for it.)
Obviously I pray that the actual narcissist energies in the outside will be healed off, and cleared off this planet too. Well, that is as far as they are messing with my life and well being, and the people that I love! I trust that these last three and a half months a lot of healing of narcissistic energies has taken place. Outwardly it might look as if they have won (not allowing Jorge and I to be together and happy), but I believe and trust, that they have suffered huge losses to maintain that illusion.
I can feel my love for Jorge again now, but that does still not mean that I would take him back. Were he to ring the door bell now, claim remorse and beg for another chance I think I would decline, as long as there is any doubt left that he is not fully healed yet. I would not forsake him, as to refuse to help him heal, but I would not allow him to take over my life so fully again. Whilst we were together it was a miracle I managed to work still. He pretty much claimed every ounce of time, and energy I possessed. I rarely got around to e.g. send healing to my folks (who are not getting any younger), and did not get any work done with regards to blogging, or book promotion. If I talked to friends, it was during our fighting times, when we would not talk anyway, or when he was working. I definitely learned that I was foolish to let myself be sucked into the whirlwind of passion at the outset. And in a sense I am lucky that he deserted me, and relieved me of my promises to stay and stick with him, even if things got tough. (In good times, as in bad times!) I will try to not make such a mistake again. I like to be a man of my word, and even though he broke so many promises, I am not sure if I could have broken mine. Not because I am masochistic, but rather because I would have refused to stop believing that one day all would be healed and we could be truly happy - un-pestered by energies trying to make us suffer. I know that is a very romantic notion, and potentially still part-masochistic, as it could well have meant that the overall bottom line of our relationship would have shown more suffering than happiness (but then I cannot predict the future!).
There is no use for those, who truly do not want to suffer anymore, to put themselves in the line of suffering unnecessarily, when helping others overcome theirs. When beings are so disturbed, being around them is near constant suffering, and if it is possible to help them from a distance, then that seems so much more sensible! I.e. I am not writing this article so that those who are being abused by a narcissist keep allowing it, I just want to help such to not hate their narcissist. Be assertive, do not let them mess with your head, get out if it feels dangerous, or even if you just have had enough of their abuse, but try to keep loving them (and yourself of course!). Then, even if you do not have the strength to get out they might well leave on their own accord just like Jorge did (as true, unconditional divine love is likely a narcissists Kryptonite!) For me love is compassion yes, but not to the extent of self-harm, and without stupidity. 3 weeks after moving out, and likely not being welcome on his friends couches anymore, Jorge contacted me again, under pretense of wanting some things he had forgotten and left behind. He tried to make me feel guilty again. Supposedly I am a bad and heartless person for letting him be practically homeless on his coming up birthday. Jorge does like to play the feel sorry for me card. But then I have to remember that Jorge has not paid any major bills, such as rent, gas, electricity etc. for near 5 months now, and kept on earning decently. He should have at least GBP 4-5K in his bank account. More than enough to move back to Madrid, or find a room or studio in London (should he decide to stay here). Yes, I do believe that his feeling for me initially were true, but for the time being the reality is the narcissistic energies having the upper hand, and causing havoc and pain!
On a day-to-day level it is hard to keep up the loving and compassionate vibe for Jorge. My primary memory, when thinking of him, is him as an ass. I do not beat myself up over it though. It makes it easier. Thinking of him in a loving way, I usually have to start justifying myself repeatedly as to why I do not call him right now, and ask him to move back in. I have to then remember that it is not unloving to not help him directly anymore. It is for him now to understand, that he needs help, and to seek professional support. He has to understand that the problem is with him, not me, or us. And first of all normal human behavior would be for him to apologize, without expecting forgiveness, and anything in return!
I know I will heal quickly. I was happy being single for ten years before so I can be again. I am not desperate to be in a relationship. I know I am whole as I am, I do not need anyone to make me feel whole. Furthermore I have had incredible spiritual support before, And I am confident I have it now! I am glad though that I have managed to overcome my feelings of indifference for Jorge. NPD energies likely want me to think of him as a thoroughly bad person, or even hate him. I do neither, but just to make double sure, I pray that any thought about Jorge, which sees him as less than perfect individualized spirit, is healed and does not get to feed any suffering energies. On first sight it might look as if this relationship has just cost me dearly, but I rather see it as my contribution to help heal narcissist energies off this planet. There is a few narcissists in the gay community, so my healing efforts with Jorge now, are a long-term investment in potentially having better relationships in the future, and lessen my risk of falling for another narcissist again Plus I learned some Spanish in the process.
Love and Light!
It took me a good 6 weeks to mostly heal off this relationship. Until this process was completed I felt like my energies were somewhat poisoned with emotions, reactions and believes which are not usually me. I was e.g. somewhat sexually blocked, and had some paranoid fears that all men are narcissists, and I will always just attract narcissists. I was aware that such thoughts and feelings are paranoid, but they were still present and uncomfortable.
Furthermore interestingly I regularly had to fight illusions of restrictions in my client healing-work. I.e. I would have visions of divine help being limited, confused energies outnumbering healthy divine (and helping) ones. Again this is contrary to my usual believes, and what I used to feel before I met Jorge, as well as since after clearing and disconnecting off his energies. It makes me wonder though, if part of the root of NPD behavior is a narcissists deep rooted believe that the good things in life are limited love, affection, happiness, joy, (divine and other) support, money etc.? A bit like a toddler not wanting to share a toy, they start kicking and screaming if they think someone might take something they believe to be theirs?
Cord-cutting etc. work
I knew about cutting unhealthy cords long before I met Jorge, but you might be interested in hearing what discoveries I made when doing so regarding Jorge. Often one is advised to cut cords on the solar plexus chakra level only, I did check for connections on all chakra levels though, and think to have found unhealthy cords on all of them. There were not just cords to my front and back chakras, but coming in from both sides (of my body) as well! Furthermore Jorge (and or his associated energies) had left gifts. Energies of his/ theirs given during our time together, which still remained as a portal for unpleasant energies of his to enter less impeded, i.e. circumvent normal protections of mine. These gifts felt like they came with conditional attachments, meaning that as long as I had them he seemed to feel entitled to send me energies of anger, unhappiness, discontent etc. He likely still thinks these energetic gifts, and him moving to London (for me?), were such a great sacrifices, that they entitled him to treat me whichever way pleased him? I kindly returned any gifted energies (by sending them back spiritually), and made sure I also cleared the house of any leftover belongings he left behind. For those items I decided to keep (not wanting to be wasteful), I prayed for thorough energetic cleansings. I also made sure I cut any cords on other energetic levels, such as Hara, Kundalini, Grounding, and Soul Star.
And on a more practical level. Do perhaps change all your bank cards after living with a narcissist. Some months after, I had one, and than another bank card compromised. I cannot guarantee it was him, but I am suspicious, as one transaction was for a gay app he uses. I changed all other cards I had after that, and changed the locks to the house, just in case....
By Goodenergyhealing, 2016-09-13
My Empath experiences, and Empath Healing Tools
What is an empath?
An empath is a person who is more (emotionally) sensitive than the average human. He/ she can hence easily empathize with other beings, sometimes to the extend of actually being able to feel another beings emotions or thoughts him/herself.
If you are an empath you might e.g. notice that you feel different when being in certain places, or around certain people. This can go both ways, you might e.g. get despondent and doubtful when around a skeptic/ atheist, or uplifted and cheerful around an optimist. Pretty much everyone has some energy sensitivities, even (self-proclaimed?) non-intuitive people will probably have noticed that being at a party with miserable people will drag them down somewhat, whereas going to a party with happy, loving and positive people will usually make them feel better too.The abilities of an empath can go much deeper though, they might e.g. (physically) feel the pain of a sick person, or might feel someones depression, fear, stress, happiness etc., even if they do not show these emotions explicitly. They might be able to see through lies etc. Different empaths might have different sensitivities, so do excuse me if I do not mention everything about you in this blog.
How did I discover I am an empath?
I actually discovered this before I even read articles about empaths. Working as a masseur and spiritual healer I started to notice that certain clients would make me feel specifically different - sometimes for hours before or after I saw them. With some clients it can be quite pronounced. My observations became even more meaningful when some clients turned into regular clients, and I felt their specific energies more than ones. Seeing clients more than once enables me to judge more clearly if some feeling is my own, or indeed because of a particular client. Besides a clients emotional state and wellbeing, there seem to be additional potential influences, such as a clients job, geographical/ ethnic origin, religious affiliations etc, which can affect me, and the way I feel when I see them. After having monitored these effects for years, they have, in my estimate, become less and less likely to be coincidence, or simply figments of my imagination. What adds to this estimation too is, that, at times, such energies can start and cease quite suddenly. What I feel might not always be easy to pin point, or to identify exactly, and I would not call myself a (100%) reliable psychic, but to me there is enough evidence to affirm my self-diagnosis. N.B. I actually used to reject that I might take on other peoples energies for years. I believed that I might react to them, due to e.g. old karmic events, but not that I simply feel their energies. Since embracing the philosophy that I am an empath though life has become easier. I guess before I allowed for negative energies, disaffecting me, to be from e.g. my clients, I used to get them none-the-less. I took them on as my own though, and hence got stuck with them for longer. Nowadays I just let them pass through not resisting, and they seem to pass faster for it!
Having read several articles about empaths I have found several points that, from personal experience, I do not agree with so besides providing you with some potential self-help tools, with this blog, Id like to clarify few points too!
Why do empaths feel the way they feel?
I have come to understand that having meditated for years, and having worked with Light-(spiritual) energies a lot, has made me quite light myself. This has had some consequences. Besides (in good times) being happier, more unconditionally loving and stronger, I have become more sensitive and intuitive as well. Most empath I have talked to seem to be more than average spiritual too, more compassionate, more unconditionally loving , etc. - so I assume that most are quiet bright shining as well. (But please note that having empathic abilities is no guarantee of good character, not every empath might use their ability for good. For such individuals I am not quite sure what the mechanisms behind their abilities might be)
The way I see it - everything is energy. There is positive (divine) energies , such as (unconditional) Love, happiness, compassion, truth, wisdom etc. , which are usually described as Light energies, and there is more confused energies hate, anger , fear, guilt, sadness etc, which are dark or grey. One could also call the positive ones LEEs Life Enhancing Energies, and the negative ones LLEs Life Limiting Energies. (Discussing the origin of confused energies and why they exist, is beyond the scope of this article but feel free to peruse my book Tours and Cures of a Lightsoldier, where I discuss them in greater depth). LLEs, such as e.g. fears, seem to feed of us giving in to them, so they have a self-preserving interest to keep us in fear (I assume and feel, that since everything is part of creation, everything has some degree of consciousness, including energies.) Now both LEEs and LLEs are to a degree infectious. Plus there is the argument that Light energies raise awareness and help understand truths like physical darkness cannot prevail in the face of light, many darker energies cannot prevail in the presence of light energies. I.e. when LLEs encounter a lighter being, they potentially feel threatened, and might resist! So if you are a (bright) empath, get invited to a party with negative minded people, you might get resisting feelings of not wanting to go before setting off (for no good reason), sent by their LLEs. Or if I e.g. have a client that does not like himself every much, I might get feelings of dislike for him (even though I have no rational reason to), as he apparently projects his self-dislike onto me. He expects others to dislike him. Alternatively I have found that it is not just energy resistances or projections that affect me, often it actually seems that LLEs seek me out, as a way-out/ a channel out. They are tired of being the bad boy, and just want to go home - into the Light. A bit like a toddler tries to communicate by crying, the main way LLEs can communicate is through whatever they currently are fear, depression, anger, guilt, frustration, jealousy etc. So if an empath feels fear, for no good reason, it might just be a fear energy trying to get his/ her attention, asking them to channel them out, or pray for their safe removal
What mis-understandings make being an empath worse?
As mentioned before, a great error to make, being an empath, is to not understand that one is an empath. Under such circumstances one potentially still gets LLEs from others, but one personalizes them, thinking they are ones own. It used to drive me potty. I used to repeatedly search through my childhood for traumatic experiences, which might disaffect me in adulthood, but except for a few non-invited birthday parties there really was not much else to find. I had forgiven myself and all involved (for the non-invited birthday parties) several times, had a thoroughly positive spiritual understanding of life, but I still kept on feeling sick, exhausted and depressed for years. Even worse, I feared that my negativities might affect those around me negatively. I guess I allowed others to be empathic, but not myself, and or I feared that my negative thoughts and emotions might create negatives for myself and my life (including others). Another misconception I had was that I believed, that once I had e.g. cleansed out all anger (out of my bodies), I would never feel anger again. Id meditate for hours/ days trying to rid myself of a particular negative emotion, just to feel it again, hours or days after. I had to understand that I am an empath, and as such Ill keep on getting e.g. anger energies (from the outside) the cleansing process is an ongoing one (for now). Another misconception I had to debunk was that if one feels negativities one is either not bright enough yet (to repel them), or one has not asked for enough spiritual help! If I have a heavily depressed client and get hit by his/ her depression acutely (whereas they might have had years to chronically get used to them), it can be very uncomfortable. I though ask for as much divine help as necessary, possible, available and sensible, as far reaching and complex as necessary, possible, available and sensible - always(!) to then still believe that I do not ask for enough help, would be masochistic . I have also prayed to be as bright and clear as possible; to understand, and clear out any confusions, in myself, that could make my being (and healing work) more difficult and even painful. I have asked such for the last 19+ years. Sure, I may get lighter yet in future, but to fear myself not bright enough, and somehow self-responsible for my empathy, would likely be wrong! Most articles I read just recommend that empath visualize themselves as a bright beacon of Light, in a bubble of Light, or similar doing such for a few minutes supposedly fixes all of an empaths problems. If that were so, I would be ecstatic all the time. Heck, Id be an all-LLE-destroying power-laser by now! I also read that if one gets negative energies from others during or outside of healing work, one has some self-punishing or masochistic programs left inside. Again, I have become aware of such potential very early in my spiritual career, and honestly prayed, to be cleansed off all such self-punishing programs but I still get dis-affected by peoples/ clients energies. So nowadays I just understand them as as of yet unavoidable. I also recently read that we all have blind-spots, i.e. areas of our being that are still confused and that we cannot see/ uncover ourselves we are always dependent on the help of outsiders! Not sure if the author was trying to sell her services? Sure it is great to help one another, but it is dependent on time, money etc. too. Also if you work with the Light you automatically have tons of outside (spiritual) help anyway Hence Id say it is possibly to go it alone (from a human perspective). Being an empath I actually found, that it can be difficult to find acceptable human help anyway. I tried some professional therapists, where it ended up feeling as if I had to do more healing for them, during our sessions, than they actually did for me! And I am not so sure if there is too many therapists yet, who understand empathy. Understand it as a psychic ability too, and not class it as psychosis. (I am sure there is some though, so if you want outside help, just make sure you vet your therapists beforehand, or see if they advertise empath support specifically). Last but not leastI read to visualize protections against negative energies, is to deny the empathic part of yourself. Embrace it, do not deny it! Maybe the author is not all that empathic herself, and has never ended up with strong LLEs off others, to write such romantic drivel? (Excuse my language.) As an empath you likely still have to hold down a job, maybe look after a family etc. If I wanted to, I could possibly spend most of my day in meditation, dealing with confused energies, wanting out, resisting etc. I would just not get anything else done anymore! I.e. I ask for as many protections as necessary, possible, available and sensible to make my life as effortless and enjoyable as possible. I do feel sorry for LLEs, they are part of Creation too, and I am definitely not against helping them, but I refuse for them to take over my life completely. I do love my neighbours, but I do not love them more than myself!
Empath Self-help tools?
Spiritual tools: Self-healing can be a complex process, at times painful, and it can take a while - but I believe it does not take forever. I.e. if one has honestly confronted oneself and ones (past) demons, practiced forgiveness and asked for divine healing-help to (re-)discover ones true, light, divine self - that process might take a few months, maybe even a couple of years, but it should not take decades. Our bodies are not that large, it should not take years to cleanse them off all past negativities. If you still suffer, regardless of plenty of self-healing work, maybe even more so perhaps you have turned into an empath too (or you were one all along, and have become ever more fine tuned)!? Embrace it, and stop feeling responsible for other peoples negativities stop identifying them as your own. (Obviously one can have both empathically received LLEs, and still self-generate negative emotions, or hold e.g. non-dissolved/-forgiven trauma energies, at the same time. It can, at times, be difficult to distinguish exactly which emotions are my own, and which received from the outside. That process gets easier with time though. And the main thing is that one does not insist that every emotion one feels is ones own (especially if they do not make much sense, and are out of your usual character.) Even though, as already mentioned, I have not found any spiritual (visualization) tools, which enable me to turn off, or block, my empath abilities completely, the following tools can help to potentially tone them down, and or make disaffecting LLEs stop, or pass (through) speedier. (N.B. All the following tools can obviously be recommended to, and used by non-empaths as well!)
Energy upgrades for Empaths If you have never done so - you might want to check if you have all the best and strongest energy systems available and sensible. Maybe there is e.g. healer/ Lightworker chakras vs. normal chakras? I.e. if one does not just process ones own emotions, but helps others to do so too, there could be a greater energy through put, and ones chakras might require according upgrades to deal with such? So I ask/ pray that all my energy bodies and systems are optimized, whenever necessary, possible, available and sensible, and dedicate the occasional meditation time to these processes.
Energy Healing, Protection, Cleansing and Recharging Tools for Empaths
Bubble of Light This simple visualization can help keep some LLEs out. It can have some comforting effects, plus it can help you be more in your own energy, be more centered, and not be drawn in as much into other peoples negative energies/ dramas. You just visualize, imagine, pray or ask for a perfect, divine, healing, and protecting Bubble of Light around you and your aura. Ask that the bubble is self-cleansing, self-healing, self-regenerating, and self-protecting. It should do its best to keep LLEs out, or channel them out, before they hit you, but be semi-permeable to let in LEEs effortlessly. Ones you have visualized, or asked for your Bubble, you do not necessarily have to think about it anymore. Itll stick around for a while. Ones you are in the Bubble, youll breathe in Light, and you allow your bodies to release negative and stale energies via the breath. The Light will then take such released energies, and take them to a cosmic energy rehabilitation center (i.e. you do not have to worry about them floating about, reattaching, or disaffecting others). If you fear that, feeling negative, you might disaffect your surroundings (people, pets etc.) just pray for (continuous) protections and healing of your surroundings too. Chances are your surroundings disaffect you more than vise versa! You can obviously also visualize Bubbles around beings especially dear to you.
Pillars of Light and other large scale tools The way I understand it, Lightworkers (or Lightsoldiers, as I call them) are not just channels for Light to come into our Earth-plane, but, at times at least, and if absolutely unavoidable, channels for negative energies to get out/ go home too. So, to make my life and healing work, as un-pestered (by LLEs, and as effortless as possible, I generally ask for as much divine healing help, and LLE cleansing-out help, as necessary, possible, available and sensible; as far reaching and complex as necessary, possible, available and sensible. I also ask for/ visualize - Pillars of Light all-around my town, (world-wide even, if necessary, available and sensible), to make it easy for LLEs to leave (if they want to), without needlessly disaffecting Lightworkers! If you have not already do tell the Divine too, to ignore any conscious or subconscious restrictions you might still hold, with regards to the amount, strength and frequency of divine help you receive. Tell the Divine that you do not want to suffer and that you want your life to be as happy, loving and effortless as possible. Sometimes I find it helps to talk to energies disaffecting me too, such as: 'Calm down guys, you have all been noted and seen. You are going home. No need to worry and overcrowd me. And please, try to not negatively affect me, as you are passing through. Also have a look around, I have asked for alternative channels out (Light-pillars etc.), so please use them too...!' There is obviously other visualizations you can use. You could e.g. visualize armies of Angels flying over an area and raining down Love or Healing Light. In my experience it can useful to go larger scale with ones healing requests. E.g. some empaths might be (dis-)affected by collective subconscious energies (e.g. I can get loads of resisting energies before traveling to certain countries), or some e.g. human LLEs might have back-up LLE-structures in the outside, which, if we do not ask for their removal too, can just replace any cleansed out LLEs, with new ones (There is no need to be modest with ones (justified) healing requests - ever. Empath have a right to a happy, non-suffering life, just like every being does. If that should require large scale healings, so be it. They might take a bit longer to work through, but I am confident that a.) there is enough divine help to materialize them all, and b.) they are more than happy to help.)
Grounding for Empaths - Besides all the above, I find it very important to stay connected to healthy, divine Earth energies, to be grounded as much and best as possible. Grounding seems to be one of the main tools of our energy bodies to get rid of negative and stale energies, as well as recharge - so it is good to have that connection! To ground just visualize, imagine, pray or ask for two beams of Light, coming up from deep in the Earth, and connecting to your heels. Once you have visualized the connection, it will be established, and once you are connected, the Earth energies will pull out negative and stale energies, and give you fresh energies up! Well, it is nice to (at least once) ask the Earth energies for this help, but not 100% essential (I have done so for you already). As with the Bubble, once you are connected, you can stay with your attention on the connection, and try to feel the connection, feel how energies move in and out, or how they move up into your body (i.e. use it as a meditation), but you do not have to. It is a bit like stepping into the shower. Once we have turned on the tap, the water runs, regardless of us thinking about it or not. The Earth energy will look after any negative and stale energies removed, rehabilitate them, or send them on for rehab somewhere else.
NB.: I love doing the Bubble and the Grounding together, and I love doing them when I do my cardio at the gym. Especially on the cross trainer, I can close my eyes and really go into it. (Please do not close your eyes on the treadmill though!). Sometimes I might breath Light into specific areas like a pain in my body, or am emotion I want to release to try to shift them, and breath them out.
Energy Cleansing for Empaths I do feel that our bodies have tools to digest and or excrete LLEs to a certain degree. It feels though, as if our lives are too busy nowadays, there is too many stresses, fears, frustrations etc. for our bodies to handle them all completely. In other words, at the end of the day, we will likely have some LLEs left over. Unless we use tools to help remove such energies, they can accumulate, and will likely not make us any happier and healthier in the long run. As empaths especially we might not just deal with our own energies, but those of others too, so empaths can be overwhelmed by LLEs sooner, and regular energy cleansings are even more important. Furthermore LLEs might function as portals for more LLEs to circumvent regular protections. Basic cleansing tools are e.g. the above described Bubble of Light, and Grounding exercises. If you get bored of them, or want to become more specific in your work look into e.g. chakra cleansing meditations, and do not forget to work on your back-chakras too (as that is, were in my understanding, LLEs from the past accumulate). For cleansing out specific emotions, character traits, thoughts, believes or maladies you can use the:
Handing over Tool for Empaths A very simple and elegant tool. If you e.g. want to get rid of a particular fear, you just say a prayer along the line of: I hand this fear over to the Divine/ Ultimate Good/ God (or whatever you want to call the benevolent Higher Powers you believe in), and I thank you for taking it off me, and take it in for cosmic rehabilitation. Thank You! Amen (the Amen is optional, you could also e.g. say So be it, Go or Start.) Once you have said the prayer you might notice that you start to breathe deeper and slower, as you start to breathe off, whatever you are releasing. You can breathe off more than one emotion at a time, but if you try too many at once, it might come to energy blockages, at bottlenecks, such as our chakras. Therefore it is prudent to ask/ pray for all cleansing processes to be orderly, and to consider the capacities of your bodies/ energy systems. (After using this tool a lot, for a few months, I stopped saying the whole formula altogether. Spirit already knows what we want to do next. So I started to just give them this tiny nod, notifying them, and thanking them, as Id be about to breath out some stuff.) Using this tool is so much easier than e.g. EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), and without any funny tapping sequences, it can be done wherever and whenever. It can also remove LLEs, without making them come to the surface first, and feeling them again (even though you might feel them somewhat, as they are being released)!
Forgiveness Tool for Empaths Another powerful tool. If you have a problematic relationship with someone, whoever really just say: I forgive myself, I forgive x,y,z I let go in Love, and I ask the Divine for perfect (relationship) healings. Thank You! Amen/ So be it/ Start. If a relationship is/ was rather traumatic, you might have to say this quite a few times, but every time you do, you heal some unhealthy energies connecting you to that person/ being. Here too, there might be some breathing off connected!
If you become as conscientious and zealous about energy work as I do, even the above, relative quick practical tools might become too cumbersome after a while. If you are a newbie, I would definitely give them a try first though. They are great for ones self-confidence, and confidence in Spirit, and their help. Being able to become more of a master over ones emotions is truly liberating. Over the years I realized though that Spirit is very pragmatic. If you truly want to heal, and help others heal they know. By now I rarely even still visualize, or pray anything specific. The Divines willingness to help us is immense and unconditional and they are more than happy with all-encompassing, economic on-off prayers. The Divine knows I do not want to suffer, and I have asked for 24/7 support as much as necessary, possible, available and sensible - unlimited. Support including obviously all necessary energy healings, cleansings, protections, recharges and optimizations. For myself, my bodies and my life! I meditate when I can, or feel like it, but I am confident that any LLEs that do come to me, will be removed ASAP! (For a perfect prayer see here) But please be patient too. I definitely feel so much more empowered with all my tools and the confidence to know that I am helped (plus I often actually feel the Divines energies helping), BUT at times I can still become swamped with LLEs too. Be it from a e.g. particularly depressed client, some cosmic event, or when e.g. traveling to some countries. It is a bit like bad psychic weather. Some true storms indeed. These days I know that they all always pass, but that does not make the hours, or even days, when they are there that much more comfortable. The only consolation is, that after such episodes I am confident that a lot of negative energies will have been removed from this planet. And that can only help in the long run, and make my life more effortless and enjoyable.
Physical tools: Some of the greatest improvements to my well-being came through finding physical tools to support my body and immune system. I used to think my body was incompetent, or in cahoots with confused energies (I did have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for several years) - until I understood that I am an empath, and my body has constantly been healing itself, again and again, from potential negative effects, of LLEs passing through, or resisting. Personally, what really helped me was taking enough Vit. D3, and or making sure I get enough sun-exposure (meditating with the Sun can be very powerful). Furthermore regular, strong pro-biotics really help (I usually drink Kombucha, and make my own Kefir). I also like to take Milk-Thistle an anti-oxidant herb for the liver. The liver, I read, spiritually, is the main organ to digest emotions, so supporting it seems to make sense. Furthermore I seem to benefit from (methylated-)Vitamin B12. As with all food supplements do read up yourself about potential side-effects, dosage etc. Especially if you take medication, are under medical treatment, or pregnant - do talk to your health-care provider first! And all that said, a reasonably healthy general life-style with your 5-a-day, and some exercise is, of course, sensible! Also do not forget to rest and get some me-time to recuperate, if ever possible. Personally I do try to have a day or two off per week - if I see clients 7 days a week, and get their tiredness, frustrations etc. continuously, it becomes harder to not believe that those feelings might not indeed be my own. Obviously there is plenty of other things you can consider to improve your wellbeing, e.g. Reiki session, aromatherapy, acupuncture, or massage. And to cleanse ones energies one can have (sea) salt baths, smudge herbs (e.g. sage), burn incense, put up salt lamps, use sound, such as singing bowls or gongs, etc., etc
Being an empath usually means that you are more intuitive and sensitive than most. It can be great help to understand others, help them heal, and or resolve conflicts. It can be damn challenging as well though! When stuck with someone elses LLEs , they can feel very real and uncomfortable. Once we embrace our empathy though, and do not personalize other peoples LLEs anymore, let them pass through, rather than hold on to them we discover that such energies are finite and we recover our well-being again and again. Personally I have prayed to Ultimate Good years ago that, if my life does not get any easier and happier, to please take me out. I know life and my body is a gift, but I do not believe in a needless masochistic voyage either. I am still here, and my life has improved. Some of that is through understanding that I am an empath and Lightsoldier, and that as such I help heal my life and this planet. There is no use complaining for being drafted into helping to clean up our planet (energetically, or otherwise), in order to make it a more enjoyable place to live on! And some of that clean up can, at times, be hard work! There is plenty of suffering around, some of it quite severe to expect the clean up to not take some hard graft, would likely be ignorant. We are not alone though, and leagues of divine helpers are helping (if we just ask for their assistance). I trust it is all achievable and definitely worth it. Any (pain-)investment will be re-paid in happiness many times over. Some rewards are more instantaneous, we might be rewarded by a smile and the gratitude of a person we have helped; for other (greater) healing projects we might have to stay tenacious and patient but we will reap!
The above is taken from my site www.alexander-king.com. Excited to have found this forum! Comments are welcome!