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living with narcissists
that just about says it. haha. i live with 2 of them and...my god. small house too so there's not really any comfort zones.
they drain me in the most obnoxious way.. even when i'm sleeping! a lot of times i wake up feeling like i could kill a walrus with my bare hands.
i'm living with 2 annoying, self centered, short tempered, anal, rude, insecure, (and holy crap) hypocritical people. wow. not to sound mean but their attitude in general is just so foolish.
what should i do about this?
i can't shield in my sleep. haha..not that i'm aware of anyways.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by RainTear on -
You can try making a shield before going to sleep. It's not your consciousness that keeps it up when you're awake anyway :) Just set the intention right and it should work. Also, I think that just how we cannot help somebody by force with energy - we can just put it there and if they want they can take and use it; it's the same other way around. Maybe there is a part of you that wants to help them, that offers that energy. They cannot take it by force. If it's not the case, a simple shield and intention will do the trick :)
On another note, I admire self centered people... They manage to love them self above all, no matter what happens. I for one could use some tutoring in that from time to time :)
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Permalink Reply by Dimitria on -
No,you aren't being mean,if you read up on Narcissism,then you'll have a better understanding on how it develops. If your in a position financially or other wise. "Head for the Hill's', yes, you can shield to a degree whilst your in their company.
But in the long run with you being or if your an Empath,it is surely a recipe for disaster. Or anyone for that matter.
I speak from experience,could I also mention? that people with NPD,do not love themselves,their self centered mentality comes from an unhealthy fragile self esteem. But again this applies to Narcissistic behavior.
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Permalink Reply by Esah on -
JD, I can totally relate to your situation.
To remove yourself from this situation, might be a fix but it would only be like taking an aspirin for a much bigger problem. In order not to be a victim (powerless) to the circumstances in your life, you must move out of blame and into empowerment. We have the experiences we do because of the beliefs we hold in our mind. If you believe, on some level, maybe not conscious, that you are surrounded by narcissists, then by the law of attraction, you will bring them to you. If you believe that you are surrounded by loving, caring people, then you will create that. With this said, if the people you live with cannot be loving, caring people, then with the power of the intention you set, a new alternative will make itself known to you. I feel that this is where trust of God and a higher power comes in.
You are not powerless jd, you have just been unaware of your power. Begin focusing only on what you do want and you will energize it that much faster. If you keep focusing on what you don't want, that will still be energized and present in your life.
I hope this helps you. It did me when it was shared with me!
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Permalink Reply by Dimitria on
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Yes, agree with what you say, also there has to be an investigation as to why one would continue this pattern of attracting a negative influence. It is a complex issue though?. Some adults too who are born into a family where there has been a Parent with Narcissistic behavior will undoubtedly attract people who are dysfunctional/abusers/ unhealthy relationships. If this were the case? then no child/person is responsible for the behavior of the parent. Unfortunately the victims will some what become 'people pleases', in adulthood,are or often want to see the good in people. Thus a prime target for 'Narcissists'. Becoming aware of yourself first and the how's and why's of attracting certain people will certainly help bring forward the positive law of attraction thing in. Getting to the core of the issue first will be the only way to resolve the patterns of certain behaviors.
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Permalink Reply by Tim Stilla on -
I know the feeling. I have been there and what's funny is I used to have the same thoughts about being attacked in my sleep because I would wake up boiling over with emotion, very strange indeed. RainTear had the best words in my book:
"Maybe there is a part of you that wants to help them, that offers that energy. They cannot take it by force."
This was the discovery I made. I realized that my trying to change them is futile and I DO NOT deserve to be treated in such a way. I realized that I was better than them. By realizing this I gained self-esteem and stopped engaging with them. They sort of sense it and fade away. Then after a while they start being nice, but don't be fooled, its just a trick, stay away. After a while you'll get some angry outbursts but just deal with it as if you are dealing with a crazy person. Sush them, tell them to calm down, DO NOT respond to their insults, just realize that it is a trick to lower your esteem and your defenses. Keep em high. Do not engage. Learn from the experience before finally MOVING OUT and being ready to defend yourself against the world of Narcassists out there. Good Luck pal!
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Permalink Reply by Kyra Baker on -
You just described my immediate family.
Very difficult to be around when you are a sensitive empath.
I am at a loss because i am in the same boat as you.
I hope you find the answer's you seek :)
Much L.O.V.E and light to shield you xo
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Permalink Reply by KM on
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I don't think the description sounded mean, in fact it is right on about Narcissists. It is a blessing if it can be arranged that you don't have to live with them, and the greater the distance the easier it is to remain in control of your own life.
When that is not possible in the short term or the long term, you have to be constantly reviewing your own priorities and keep defining who YOU are. Otherwise you get pulled into what feels like "quick sand" and good luck trying to move forward.
When you know firmly what you want and where you are going (outside of these people's expectations), you can actually humor them, once in a while on your terms, yet you stick with your own game plan.
Narcissists would like you to believe many things. One of those things is that they have better taste, they know more about things, they are stronger, better and I could go on. You fall for that, and you are doomed. You need to re-evaluate things and give credit where credit is due. Yes, even the Narcissists are good at some things, but that is it. I try and compliment them on the things they are truly good at. For the other things, they could be fishing for a compliment from me, and they are not getting it.
I also refuse to feel guilty just because the Narcissists would like me to feel it. Each time I start feeling that strange feeling that used to be the guilty feeling they had over me, I now immediately ask: Is there something I would like to do for these people ON MY TERMS, something I am willing to do in this situation that would make ME feel better. However, I will not just jump and do things when they try to put a guilt trip on me. In fact, sometimes I WILL NOT act, because that would mean that I am losing ground, or control over my own life, or the request is truly an imposition. I weigh this a situation at a time.
Narcissist love to impose on your time. They are too special to do certain things for themselves. There is a certain status in people doing things for you. Lately, I am willing to be seen in the eye of the Narcissist as "less available" and "less competent". Before, I would have been jumping to help out at first request, and always do an incredible job. I would drop my work and run to complete theirs. By the time I realized that I have been manipulated, I usually had a pretty sick feeling in my stomach. In fact years of this has deteriorated my own health. Those days are over. I now lead two separate lives. The one in their eyes and the one in mine. I continue to have high standards for my work and deliver in business situations and even in personal matters. I meet deadlines and obligations as before. However, when it comes to assisting the Narcissist, I take my time. Often the assistance does not come fast enough for them, so they get another sucker. Oh, of course, you will hear about how you could not deliver, but that is a small price to pay, if you can shield that unreasonable remark. That is the time to think of ALL the wonderful things you DO do for them, on your terms, and all the time you DO devote to them. So, when I hear the complaining, I just say Hogwash! and let it go. No guilt here, thank you.
A big thing is to maintain boundaries. The Narcissist like to take control of your life, especially if you are related, because they feel that the way you dress or do things reflect on them. They are constantly working on exerting control. (You have no idea what power struggles I went through in this regard). If the Narcissist can't look the best, they will go to all extent to make everyone else look worse.
I managed to get some allies, and we have a few laughs about our helpless situations. Afterall, some of it, if you can manage to look at it from an "outsider's" perspective is pretty funny. When you are living the disfunction, it is a whole other matter. My goal is to get myself as often as I can, outside of the Narcissists grip, if you will.
Living with them or even close to them is an exhausting affair (especially if you are blood relatives). I usually say "got to love them", but I find myself loving them with "tough love". It is actually not bad for them.
Even this way, it is a CONSTANT struggle.
Wish you luck.
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Permalink Reply by Caroline on -
well said KM!! You really nailed it. I've currently disconnected from my Narc bloodrelatives, releasing the guilt (even now it still crops up at times, I can feel it oozing out of a tiny email) always takes some conscious effort. Which is why (exactly!) they are so draining! "There is no relaxing for a moment, or you will be manipulated" - so true. I get some fun sometimes out of teasing Narcs, knowing that they are incapable of seeing themselves as less-than "the gold standard", but still, it's always a relief when they leave the room.
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Permalink Reply by jd on -
yeah, you really nailed it. haha.
most of the time i get a feeling of false empowerment. even when their life is in order and nobody has done anything to them, its like they're holding a grudge and forcing themselves into power or something making everyone in their surroundings uncomfortable. even though you know what's right, they try to make you feel guilty. on top of that, they're very loud..
my favorite quote: "sorry i'm such a b*tch, i just get really frustrated by everything."
..You don't say? xD
they're holding grudges from yeeearrs ago. hey, i been teased pretty much my whole life :P i know A LOT of people haven't taken too fondly of me simply because i don't look good enough or yada yada...but i know their judgement was poor and i refuse to stress over a fool's opinion. there are good people in this world and thats good enough for me. you can't please everybody so why get mad?....
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Permalink Reply by KM on
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What is most draining about Narcissists is that you have to be on alert around them at all times. There is no relaxing for a moment, or you will be manipulated. That is why I love the library. My closest living Narcissist does not read.
ha ha
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Permalink Reply by Natasha on -
I'm no expert. But if you can find a way to change the living situation, do it quickly. You will remain imbalanced around that. I don't even know if being invovled in many activities to keep yourself busy would help. It's un nerving just at the thought of..... truly wishing you the best for resolution.....
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