You're singing to the choir. A few years ago I quit my hateful job and moved in with my elderly parents (3 states away) to see if I could be a live-in caregiver of some kind. My parents are both hoarders, but my father keeps his stuff in a few rooms, while my mother is absolutely filthy, especially in the kitchen. I tried to clean and organize, and help her clear up some of the clutter in a respectful and patient way, but it was no use. I got depressed and moved back to my home state after a month. They were sad to see me go, but my mother resented my "interfering."
I felt like I'd failed, but then I started watching hoarding programs on YouTube. They are really helpful, because it turns out that hoarding is a deep-seated illness, usually triggered by a trauma (divorce, death, unhappy childhood, etc.) and you can't fix it just by cleaning the house. Lots of hoarders (including my mother) have a sentimental attachment to things, and hate to throw anything away because it's such a waste, or they might be able to use it in the future. Other hoarders go out and buy stuff they don't need because it makes them feel better for a while. Watching these shows is helpful, because the families are like me - they want to help but they can't. They always bring in a therapist, a clean-up crew, and various other professionals to help them. It's called "Hoarding: Buried Alive" and it's pretty intense. Most people cannot live with a hoarder without going insane. Don't feel bad if you have to change plans. Clutter has its own energy - oppressive, exhausting, and dirty. You don't need that.
updated by @visitor: 01/26/17 01:01:01AM