Finding Love as a Male Empath but definitely want responses from the Women here too
I am happily married and no he is not an Empath, though after we got married we our abilities seemed to mesh.The hardest thing about being with someone who is not Empathic is the depthness of emotions. I expected my husband to have the same depth but he doesn't. I also realized that this depthness was also part of being an Empath and had to accept that he wasn't. He used to be pretty superficial and sometimes that side still comes out, but he also has a heart of gold. We have been together for 10 years and I have known him for 20. We seemed to balance each other out very well, where I fall short, he makes up for and visa versa. Over the 10 years we have been together, we have really evened each other out.
Though he has his faults, we all do, he also has some admirable characteristics. His hands, he is a natural born healer, very innocent in nature and has a gentleness I rarely see. It's not the typical relationship I would be in. Because I am often attracted to deep emotions, I am usually attracted to emotional people. So, I don't the fierce " OMG, It's the end of the world" when we disagree, he grounds me. He has taught me to tame my emotions at certain times, and I have taught him when to show his. We can talk about anything, and there is no threat there. And that's really the foundation of our relationship, friendship. It's not always easy because at times it feels like the lines between relationship and friendship seem a little blurred, but we have learned to talk about it. For example, if we spend to much time talking and I want a hug, instead of getting upset because I figured he should know when I need one, I just walk up to him and give him a hug,which he always gives me a loving one back. That's his signal to know what I need.
Through this process, and let me tell you, it wasn't easy, but we both learned, there isn't the perfect one out there, overtime, you become the perfect one He started out wanting to settle down and have a wife. I was on the same page. Our differances almost ended our relationship after the first year, but we talked and made a choice. We both wanted this to work and make it a partnership. It's not about loosing your identity in a relationship or changing the other person, it's about learning each other and learning to share a life together, if your both on the same page. Love isn't a feeling, it's a partnership, working together for a common goal. Alot of that has to do with trust, respect, and compromise. If your looking for some hot, passionate fierce feeling, then you will get that for the first 6-months to a couple of years and then get ready to move on. If you want a commitment, then you will have to accept the ruts and continue to work through them. Maybe something needs to be changed up a bit, maybe life got boring, maybe the cute guy or girl at work is giving you attention and you mistake that attraction for lack of love for your spouse. That's not usually the case, usually, it;s nothing more then a desire of the heart of something your wanting fulflled that isn't being fulfilled. It doesn't mean the fire is dead or that it's a sign that you should look elsewhere, it just means that it;s time to make some changes in your relationship for the better. If your partner is on the same page, then these changes should be made to help the relationship grow.
No matter how close you are, connections between romantic partners are like the tide, sometimes the tide comes in and your close, other times, the tide goes out and you feel like stranger's. At that point, you make a choice. Do I wait for things to get better, or do I go in kiss them passionately and allow that spark to turn into a fire again.
As an Empath, it's important that not all emotions are going to be fiery, nor are all the people that come into our lives. Fiery love often results in the opposite, fiery disagreements. You usually can't have one strong emotion and the rest not be just as strong. It doesn't work that way. People inherantly are drawn to the feel good emotions, and often depend on the feeling in a relationship, but when that emotion is gone, there is nothing left of the relationship because there was no other foundation and the relationship falls apart. Happily ever after isn't the feeling of feeling happy every single day, it's defining what happiness is and working together to fulfill that. Happiness can also be an illusion because people often say, I just want a house, a spouse, kids and a dog and I will be happy, but if things stayed the same and nothing ever changes, that happiness because unhappy because can become boring, especially someone who strives for that feel good feeling only.
I hope that makes sense. If you want a long term relationship, you need to define what that means to you. Get an idea of what you expect out of your partner and envision the type of life you desire. Define what is realistic and what isn't realistic. It's realistic that you and they will be together everyday, it's unrealistic to believe that they are going to swoom all over you each of those days It's realistic to believe that they will share a huge part of their life with you, but it's unrealistic that they will forever wrap their world around yours and they will eventually have some part of life that you are not a part of. And then you have to accept this. You have love life, married life, parent life, work life, and EC life:)
If your looking for a relationship that only has feel good feelings, then your not looking for a relationship, your looking for a specific feeling, and then you need to dig deeper to find a way to fulfill that and find someone who is on the same page. It sucks when there is a goose with a gander But, that's what keeps us from being completely selfish human beings
I always looked at emotions as screaming children. You have a ton of them and the ones who scream the loudest are the ones we always pay attention. Not because they are more important, but because we just want them to shut up! lol. However, this is where logic and reason come in, to keep us from going off the deep end and doing things we may later regret. Or to help us decide the importance of it and push us to take care of it.
You say that your GF had alot of fears, I'm assuming one of her fears was infidelity, which probably resulted in jealousy. This is an emotion followed by a reaction. You can't control the emotion, and it sounds like, neither can she, but we all have our insecurities, question is, can something be done to help elevate that. This is where communication comes in. You already know she has it, you know why she reacts the way she does, question is, is there anything you can do to help build that trust and is she willing to acknowledged that she has a problem? If she is jealous, tell her that her jealousy is driving you further away, and if she tells you,in a calm matter, hey, I'm not feeling right about this, or, I am feeling this way, then listen to her and don't take it personal and use that time to help her sort through those feelings instead of taking offense. Miscommunication and taking offense is the biggest killer in any relationship. You can't change the emotion, but maybe you two can find a way to help her change her reaction to that emotion. It's that kind of work that is needed for long term relationships to survive. It may not take away a jealous feeling, but it does help her trust that you won't judge her for that, and help her to respect how her reactions effect you and what it does to you. At this point, pride is out the door and the common goal is to find a compromise or a better way to handle things that will bring you closer together and push each other further apart. This is where real commitment comes in.
Sometimes it's just not there, and if it's dead, or it's one-sided, then it's time to go. Anyway's I wrote another book, sorry. This is just my opinion, hope it helps.