Forum Activity for @emmy-long
Thank you! I'm at a point where I want to be his friend (it's been almost 4 years since we broke up!) but he doesn't want to. He goes back and forth between wanting to date me and hating me. I've never lead him on, and told him right from the beginning I wanted nothing more than to be friends. But he's not in that place and the loss of friendship (not a boyfriend) is what hurts me.
I have loved someone since him. Didn't end well, but I loved them truly. But no matter how much I loved the other person, I still WANTED GOOD for this man. That's all I want for him. In a completely "non narcissistic" way, he wasn't good enough for where I was at my life. But that was only from one perspective. He is good enough. We aren't there anymore, and we never will be, but he is good enough. I just want him to feel sufficient in his future relationships. He deserves a good girl and happiness, but what I want is different than him. He can't make me happy but he can make someone else very happy, and I wish he knew that.
I think it's harder for us as empaths. Cutting ties with a person we've known for years. We got to know people on such a personal, intimate level because we know their emotions. We feel them as our own.I dated the same man from middle school through my sophomore year of college. Seven years. I did love him. I've never been "normal" in my relationships with others. Ever. My relationships have been way too mature my whole love. It happens as an empath I think.Two nights ago I got an invitation toy 5 year high school reunion. Might seem young and trivial to some of you, but its turned into a huge deal to me. I'm so different from who I was in high school, and who I am now. I'm not the shy, quiet, by-the-book girl I was. I want to be able to give my ex a hug and tell him I'm proud of what WE BOTH have done since we last talked.We've come so far. It will never be the same love. It's a different love. I want him to know I think he's made a wonderful life for himself (we broke up because he thought he wasn't good enough for me). We're both in good places now, and I want him to know how happy I am and how much I still want for him to do well.But cutting the cord between lovers and friends is weird. Does anyone else experience this?
updated by @emmy-long: 10/21/17 08:08:24PM
I've been lucky as an empath so far. I've been one my whole life, and so as a child I just learned to naturally deal with it (kind of like a person who has been blind/deaf their whole life compensates for it naturally). Empathy has not been a struggle for me, and so I see it as a wonderful gift and have never considered it a curse. It can be challenging at times, but only if I lose my perspective (as I explained in my blog post). I have given the following example many times for why empathy can be so wonderful:Take the emotion gratitude. When you do something for somebody in need, they will be grateful for it. People who aren't empaths will feel good about helping a person in need. But an empath will not only feel good for helping somebody, BUT they will also physically feel the gratitude from the person they helped. And that physical feeling of gratitude is amazing! And it's something we only get to experience because of this beautiful gift! And it the same for a lot of other emotions as well, love, happiness, excitement, etc.Through a mixture of filtering and a positive lifestyle, I have learned to control my empathy and it truly is a gift. As far as a purpose to it. There are many! I'm also a lightworker and so that is the purpose I choose to use my gift for. But some empaths choose to work in the health care field somewhere and their empathy helps them greatly. Or if you're an animal empath you can work or voluteer with shelters or vet clinics. We live in a world in which we're constantly interacting with others, and empathy is just a tool that can only help us in those interactions!
Welcome! if you haven't yet you should check out the empath survival program on this website. It offers a lot of ways to protect yourself from feeling/taking on that energy that is making you sick and giving you migraines. As far as attracting negative energy from others; oh boy. There are a ton of posts about that on here. Go through and read some of them, you'll see it is common and there's a lot of advice to help you with it.
updated by @emmy-long: 04/11/17 09:42:25AM
If you haven't checked out the empath survival program on this site yet that's a great place to start! Also I've found meditation helps me the most. and showers can be great for clearig off the "muck" you've picked up throughout the day. Just ask if you need anything clarified or have more questions!
Either on a new crazy path, or I've lost it completely
Why are you surprised? Haha. Am I going crazy? And great idea! I will definitely go back and reread those. Also, when I first started experiencing vision symptoms and hearig things I wasn't afraid because I wasn't aware what any of it was. Now I'm understanding more and I'm terrified I'll see something I don't want to. :/
Either on a new crazy path, or I've lost it completely
I couldn't figure out which group to post this in. I learned I was an empath almost a year ago exactly and joined this forum. I have been one my whole life but never realized what I was experincing was any different than what everyone else was. Well now I've got stuff going on that I KNOW is different. It started out I'd get "feelings". Like I knew something good was going to happen, I could feel if there were good or bad presences near me. Then I started SEEING things. Not actually seeing what they were clearly, but if there is a spirit/entity near it looks different. The only way I can explain it is like light. The light bends weird or I see weird colors reflecting. Then I began HEARING things. And this is still fairly new and I'm figuring it out. But I'll hear things that sound like windchimes, music that doesn't sound like regular music, and sometimes weird words I don't know the meaning of. And then within the last two weeks I've been having precognitive dreams.Everything is just happening so fast I can hardly process it. And I'm terrified one of these days I'm going to see or hear something bad/evil. I can handle feeling the evil because I just put up my bubble of light and tell them to leave. But I'm a chicken. I don't watch scary movies because I'm such a chicken. I really can't even handle suspense films. I've been known to get panic attacks when watching them in theaters. I guess really I'm just nervous that soon I'm going to experience something that I can't handle. Mentally or whatever.
updated by @emmy-long: 04/07/17 07:23:20AM
Dreams becoming precognitive
All of my dreams are in color and I remember at least one to two every morning clearly so I don't think that will be an easy way for me to tell. But I do like what you say about the spirit world not wanting to interfere with free will. It really feels like lately so much has been growing in me and I've started developing new gifts left and right. And that's fine, but some stuff really scares me sometimes and so your words brought me some comfort. thank you.
Dreams becoming precognitive
It seems my dreams are becoming precognitive. But everything is so vague and I never know which dreams are telling me something and which ones are just dreams until I find out something actually did happen. It's confusing. For example, last night I dreamt I was at my ex boyfriends aunts house with my cousin. We were sittin outside when I saw something falling from the sky. It almost hit me and fell several feet away from me. We went to look at it and it was a huge gas tank. We saw it was leaking fuel and ran in the house to get everyone out before it exploded and hurt them. Then this morning I get online and the first news story I read is about a gas explosion in California that happened last night. I would chalk this up to coincidence, but this is only one example of many as of lately. I also had another dream last night that I'm hoping was only a dream and not a precognition because it was terrifying. Is there any way to know for sure if a dream is precognitive or simply just a dream?
updated by @emmy-long: 03/01/17 09:10:53AM
What is your 'range'?
I don't know how to answer this because everything is always changing as I become more in tune or I guess really more accepting. I've been an empath my whole life but only learned it was different and what it was called a year ago. Since then I have opened my mind and heart I more possibilities and have changed how I view people and the world. Once I understood everything was connected and felt the connection enough to understand what it was, everything opened up.
Your Younger Self
I'd tell myself that the reason I feel so different from everyone is because I AM. And that it's a good thing and to embrace it because once you do, it only gets better. <3 and as long as I was telling myself things, I'd add in not to let my parents run my life as long as i did. If I'm paying my own bills and living in my own house then I'm not obligated to do everything they ask of me.
Just a rant
Oh my goodness, Bing you are so correct! I JUST wrote a blog post about this exact thing a few days ago. About how perspective is so important because people aren't bad, they just experience the world differently than I do. You're right, she isn't cruel, she just doesn't experience the suffering as I do. I always need reminding to take a step back and remember that. Unfortunately, the pig passed about 9pm last night. but at least now I know I won't have to fight her to get it a better home. She's talking about getting a puppy now. :/ Some people never learn. I don't think she'll ever pay me back for the vet visit but I knew that going into it. I'm just really hoping she doesn't get a dog. I have a dog and it's a lot more work (and money) than a guinea pig. I've been talking with her and showing her the costs of having a dog: food, puppy shots, yearly vaccinations, toys, grooming, unexpected vet visits, heartworm and flea preventative, collars, leashes, crates, food dishes. I've shown her I spend well over $600 a year on my dog and my dog is smaller than the one she wants! But she found puppies for sale for $75 and she thinks because she has an extra $150 this month that means she can afford it. I tried tellin her that's not enough for the dog, the shots, AND the supplies she'll need to get started. I can already see myself getting stuck caring for this dog. And I WILL because I can't stand to see animals mistreated, but there's a reason I only have one dog. I love my dog and she's my baby, but I really only have the time and money for one dog.
Just a rant
So my roommate has guinea pigs that she doesn't take care of. Yesterday I found one of them dead and this morning the other one was breathing really hard and it had diarrhea covering it's bottom. I gave it a bath and told her it needed to go to the vet. She wouldn't take it and said she didn't have the money. So of course I took it and ended up paying $60 for HER pet. I just couldn't stand to see it suffer. There's still not a very good chance it will make it. The poor thing has an infection in it's lungs. My guess would be because she doesn't clean its cage enough. So I'm stuck taking care of it until it's better which means feeding it with the syringe and heating the rice pack for it every couple of hours. If I'm lucky enough to be able to keep it alive, I'd really like to rehome it. I just dont know how to convince her to give it up. How can some people be so cruel?
updated by @emmy-long: 03/01/17 05:34:58AM
Dealing with envy
"Haters gonna hate" I'm sorry you're suffering because of it. Some people can be cruel, and a lot of times it's hard for people to look past the exterior. I know you feel like it follows you wherever you go, but not all people will treat you that way because of how you look. I promise. I don't really have advice for you as far as how to avoid it in the workplace, but I think it would be good if you could find a support system to help cope with it. I'd suggest trying to make some friends through volunteer work. A lot of times people who volunteer are kind in heart. I'm not saying all people who volunteer are good or that you hae to volunteer to be good. Just that it's a good place to look for good people. I hope you can find some peace soon. <3
A little area of positive:
Attached is a photo of a rescue dog who's story touched my heart. Her name is katniss and she was found in a home where extreme neglect had taken place. No one thought she would make it. This is her photo one week after being found. She has gained 15 pounds and was found to have no serious health problems!! <3 I'm so grateful to the people at the shelters who help animals like her, ad she is ready to be adopted now! Prayers and positive thoughts towards her finding a great new home would be so appreciated.
Sometimes our initial judgements can be wrong. And sometimes narrcicists can be tricky. It's ok to give second chances (and I say that as a person who has given many, some for good and some not) and all I will say is Tshidi gives good advice in asking what initially made you think this person was a narcissist. It's easy to get caught up in the facade a narcissist can put up. But if you are careful to consider everything and not just the most recent good things that hae happened, I think you'll be able to tell the truth. Good luck and I hope you're right and this blossoms into a wonderful friendship. <3
updated by @emmy-long: 12/11/17 04:05:51PM
I do think it's easy to manipulate a person just because we know what we do. I also think it's wrong to do so, and I think you think it is as well. I think (especially as a newly awakened empath) it is something that can be done without realizing you're doing it. And with that being said, I think intentions play a huge role in the karmic consequences. When you understand what a person wants to hear, there is a certain pressure to fulfill that want. The good news is you realize you are doing it and you don't wish to manipulate others. <3 (can I also say that I don't think most of the negative comments were directed at you on this thread, somebody else commented and took it in a different direction than your intentions and others responded passionately with their opinions).It's ok to mess up. It's human. While manipulation IS wrong and can cost others their freedom of choice, I don't think those are your intentions. you're new to this as we all were once. Recognize the situations that cause you to be manipulative, and learn how to correct it. It's ok to mess up now and then. <3 That is life and you learn from it. You aren't a bad person for having done this, I'd be surprised to meet an empath that hasn't accidentally done it at least once. Please don't feel afraid to post more questions here, and please don't feel afraid to explain and defend yourself when you're misunderstood. We may be empaths but we're all human, mistakes are part of life. You're ok for asking and you're ok for having done it. I promise. Feel free to add me as a friend and ask questions if you feel.-Emmy <3
Re-grounding When You Can't Remove the Issue
I've developed some pretty good ways of combating this pet the last couple of years due to the bad situation I was in. The first thing to do is learn to defend yourself against this. The four main ways I've learned to do this are: grounding, sheilding, the zip up technique, and filtering. If you haven't read the empath survival program on this website I would recommend you do! it explains grounding and sheilding very well. Next I'd recommend going on youtube and watching a video I Dolores cannons zip up technique. Now I'll explain how I filter to you as I haven't found any great links online that explain it. Filtering is simply letting the bad pass through you and only allowig the good experiences you want to impact you. To do this I use meditation. I meditate on the positives I choose to feel and tell myself that those experiences are what my heart is open to. I shared the meditation I do for this in the meditation group here on this site. Once you have decided which technique works best for you, things will get easier. <3 Feel free to messages if you have any questions.
Oh yes I've been in toxic living situations. Being in college, it's hard to afford a space of my own so I've had plenty of bad roommates. It really amazing how much it can bring you down. I think moving in with a stranger can be better sometimes than with friends. When you move in with friends, it's harder to tell them when something is upsetting you because you are worried about hurting their feelings and in turn the friendship. With strangers, it's easier to let them know what is bothering you because you don't have to worry about maintaining the friendship. I'm not saying you should be rude, just that it's easier to maintain a healthy roommate relationship than it is to try to simultaneously maintain a good roommate AND friend relationship. I do have roommates now, and they're the best I've had so far. They can be messy and they can be loud, but if I mention it's upsetting me they will clean or quiet down. And I'm not perfect so there are times when they will mention something to me and I have no problem compromising for their comfort. We weren't friends when they moved in (we are now) but I think because we didn't have any previous commitments to each other it was easier to say "hey I don't like this."
I'm so glad you've found somewhere you feel comfortable. Sending lots of love and light to you and your new home. <3
Feeling someone else's exhaustion
Sometimes when I forget to filter this happens to me. Usually all it takes to get back to feeling myself again is a short meditation break. During the meditation I refocus my mind and heart on the positive energy that surrounds me. Also showers can be great help for this as well if you've got the time. I will get into the shower, close my eyes, and imagine my aura as being filled with black goop that is the negative energy I've picked up from others. Then I imagine the water falling from the shower is rainbow light. As it falls on me it washes the black goop from my aura until it is back to a bright white shining light. <3
This all sounds so familiar to me. I just got out of a 2 year long relationship with a drug addict. He was sober, then he wasn't, then he was sober again, then he wasn't again. Some people can change, but drug addiction is a hard thing to overcome. Don't be afraid to step back if things become too much. You can love a person with your whole heart, but you need to remember to love yourself FIRST. It was hard to leave him, I felt so guilty. But really, it was necessary. My whole life was put on hold trying to help him overcome his addiction. I quit college for a year, I worked two jobs most of the time, I put his needs before my own, lost friends over him. I'm not saying it HAS to be that way for your relationship as well, I'm just warning you that it can turn into that before you even realize it's happened.If you do choose to stay with him, don't allow him or any of these other people to use your energy. If you notice people doing this, don't be afraid to tell them they are draining you. Even if you don't tell them you're an empath, most people can still relate to being emotionally drained. Let them know their negativity and dependence are causing you to feel overwhelmed and unhappy. It's not your job to make sure they are happy. <3 I've been through all of these same problems. I let people take too much of me and had nothing left for myself. I have trouble saying no. But since I've started to do more for myself, things have gotten better for me and everyone else around me.
I think that's just normal for an empath. If it's really interfering with your social life, you can always try sheilding or blocking. But I think crying with another person, whether in joy or sadness, brings the two of you closer together. <3 it's a special bond you create.
updated by @emmy-long: 10/18/17 09:53:18AM
Well I'm glad to hear you say you don't want to control others because some empaths do! I personally think it's morally wrong. But to control the tuning in. If you haven't already you should check out the empath survival guide on this site. It talks about blocking and sheilding and there's a technique called the zip up technique that a lot of empaths use. Those are all ways to tune out. I choose to "filter" and I don't think the survival guide talks about that, but what it is, I allow all of the positive feelings to surround me and I let myself experience them and then I let the negatives pass through. It's a personal thing as to which method works best for you! I'm sure there are many ways to filter but I use meditation to set myself up for it. If you decide to filter, you can always ask and I'll explain more, but if you decide to block or shield then the empath survival guide explains how to do those really well, and if you decide to zip up, look up Dolores cannon zip up technique on youtube!
You sound like an empath to me. But only you can really answer that question. What you are doing when you're making others feel as you do is called projecting. Some empaths can do it and others can't.When I came here I kept looking for one solid thing that would absolutely "prove" I was an empath. There's no such thing. I know now that I'm definitely an empath, but how I figured it out was by reading others posts, asking questions, and participating in discussions all over this site. Welcome, I hope you will find answers here. <3
updated by @emmy-long: 12/24/17 06:00:10AM
I found myself wondering this a few days ago. And then I found myself wondering if the opposite was possible and if we could cause someone to have feelings for us by having feelings for them. My wondering all started by a strange coincident. I was scrolling through my Facebook and a guy I knew from high school posted a quote that I really liked. I thought to myself "wow, we seem to have a lot in common now." But that was the end of it. Then I get home from work and open my Facebook and he had sent me a message. It just asked where I was living now but I thought it was a weird coincident since I haven't talked to him in years.
updated by @emmy-long: 10/24/17 03:03:22PM
Wow this is a lot to deal with! Sending love your way. <3 I work with disabled adults I can tell you that plenty of them have legal guardians that live out of state and are still able to take care of their decisions. We, as staff, call their guardians, fax them the documents, communicate through emails, etc. It's not impossible. My clients who are aware of their surroundings more do enjoy visits from family, but I'm sure you could still come back to visit if you moved, right? Most of my clients only see family on holidays and birthdays and things. This works out fine for them as they all look to their staff for support most days. If you can place your parents in a home with great staff they will be ok. I can tell you on a personal level, I LOVE every single one of my clients. I will even come in on my own time occasionally if there is a movie they want to go see or a new restaurant they want to try, and we will go out together as friends so they can get that experience. My clients have disabilities not Alzheimer's, but the point I'm making is that if you find a good facility, they will be cared for with love during the times you can't be there. And as an empath, you'll be able to feel the energy of the place you choose before you place them!!I hope you can make a decision soon and find some peace. <3
I've developed light and sound sensitivities in the last two years and I believe they are ascension symptoms. I get migraines from any kind of bright light in my eyes. I went to the eye doctor and added a film to my glasses that counteracts the effects of the light so I don't get headaches from it anymore. It works great and you can't even tell it's on there! As for the noise, I haven't figured out how to avoid that. I just carry ibuprofen with me everywhere in case I get a headache.
updated by @emmy-long: 01/01/18 01:10:18AM
I don't feel it from the animals that have passed already but I get it from living animals crossing the street. My parents always used to yell at me for slamming on the breaks for squirrels and raccoons and stuff. They'd tell me I was more likely to get hurt by slamming on the breaks and causing an accident than if I just hit the smaller animals. But I just can't do it. I feel their fear and I always break or swerve to miss them. And I can honestly say it's never caused an accident, I think karma looks out for you when you do the right thing.
updated by @emmy-long: 10/21/17 02:25:22PM
Ooh I like this post! Here is the example I often use when asked why I believe empathy is a gift:Gratitude. When you do something for someone in need and they truly appreciate what you've done you get to FEEL their gratitude. Other people will be told thank you, and they will most likely feel warm and fuzzy inside from their own personal joy of helping another person. But we as empaths feel our own joy along with the gratitude of the other person. WE ACTAULLY FEEL THEIR GRATITUDE. I can't imagine my life without empathy, and if you're ever in a slump, do something for someone in need. The energy that is gratitude is beautiful, and it's something I would have never experienced without this gift. <3
Don't end your life please. <3 this is a community and you aren't alone now, things will get easier now that you have this support if you put effort and patience into it. I know that's easier said than done. Please don't give up. This is truly a beautiful gift once you learn to control it. Surviving a family members suicide is tough and don't be afraid to seek professional medical help to get through it. It doesn't make you weak, it means you were strong enough to ask for help. <3 If you haven't tried meditation I'd recommend it. There are guided meditations on youtube that will help you if you don't know how to do it on your own.
The "Heart Field"
While the video seems plausible, I'm not convinced empathy can be explained scientifically. I just think it's one of those things you either feel or don't, you know? When I first came here I kept trying to find concrete proof that I was an empath and a logical explanation of what it is. So far, I believe there is neither. How I came to know I was an empath was through sharing experiences on here and reading the experiences of others. You just know when something clicks within you when you've finally found what you've been searching for.I don't think it can be explained scientifically any more than things like morals or kindness can be. There are tons of theories, but there's no way to have empirical proof. Empathy is subjective and happens in an individual's own mind and being, I'm not sure it's possible to research that kind of thing.That being said, I'm ok now with not having proof. Some things just are, and they can't be explained. <3
I think everyone has problems with this. <3 I know for me at least, my empathy hasn't helped any. I automatically know what people are feeling without having to be told, so I sometimes forget some people do have to be told. Understandin emotions come naturally for me, so I'm having to constantly remind myself to let others know how I'm feeling.
Shielding vs. Filtering
I think when done properly they can both be beneficial, though I choose not to shield much and instead filter constantly. Shielding blocks the good and bad and I get depressed when I can't feel the energy of love in this world. My life hasn't been perfect by any means, but as long as I feel the love around me I always know I'm ok. <3 Sometimes I do start sheilding unconsciously and these are the times when I feel my worst.
If you've tried all you can with chakras and meditations and herbal remedies you may need to consider medication. Medication is always the last thing I turn to though. I think a lot of the world over medicates, but sometimes it actually just is a biological problem. There's a medication one of my clients takes called seroqel. He used to have three to four night terrors ever night. Since going on the medication, he has maybe one a week. Again though I will say, I don't recommend medication until you have tried all of your other options.
How Do You Project and Draw?
Some people will disagree with me on this, but I don't believe in doing either of those things morally. There are empaths much more experienced than me and some will agree and some won't. But I think a person needs to learn to get through those negative emotions with their own energy and will, so that when it happens again, they have the tools to deal with it. We can't always be there to help everyone. Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he'll eat forever. I don't mean to say I'm not there when a friend is suffering, I will still show them love and compassion and help how I can, but I won't change their energy to make them feel better.And as for taking on their energy. I don't do that either. If I can help it. Sometimes it happens (that's the problem with empathy). But as soon as I feel what they're feeling I let it go, use the knowledge to better understand what they're going through, and adjust accordingly. A persons inner feelings are their private property and they are not mine to impose on. I've had it happen to me and I was hurt by it for a long time.All that being said, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and there are others here who will disagree with my views. I think what it all boils down to is that if you treat people with love and respect in your heart, then you're probably ok. <3
Word or Phrase
As a psych major specializing in positive psychology, reading this will probably be my favorite thing I do today. I can't believe I haven't ever learned that before. This information actually goes really well with the theme of my senior capstone project and if you know of any empirical sources relating to the same thing, I'd love it if you could send them my way!