I've never even had a date. I know that makes me a freak, but I've never found anyone interesting enough, and I'm not particularly bothered by it. I've come to terms with the fact that I won't live what's considered the 'normal' life. I love people to death, and I love connecting intellectually and sometimes (but rarely) even emotionally, but afterwards I just want to go and be by myself and hear myself think. While I still lived at my parents, I had a hard time sleeping when the freakin cat wanted to sleep in my bed LOL. If I'd ever have a relationship, it will have to be on a level that I don't think is possible. Partly I think it's because I can 'see right through' people. I remember doing that as a kid even. While the other girls in my school would swoon over cute boys, I'd just feel their insecurities. Although I didn't know that was what I was sensing. Weird how I have to reconsider my views on my own freakin childhood. LOL
Forum Activity for @nea
The pain of making a new friend
Man, I'm so there with you. It's such a relief to hear there are more people experiencing this. Facebook is such a horrifying thing to me - for some reason the whole superficial friend thing give me the creeps. A person I know from uni wanted to friend me on fb and I ignored it because I know she's not really interested in being my friend.
The only reason I joined fb at all was because my sister was on it, and she's on the other side of the world.
Fb makes me sad, because there is so much sadness displayed there. Also, the thought of not even being able to connect with family members (!) on freakin facebook, makes me nauseous. Man, I get so tired of people sometimes.
Forget a class for the non-empaths, I want a class for me! Can someone please write a book called "Interpretation for Empaths" or some such, LOL.
I have never told anyone but my lil sister, and I am almost regretting I did. It's starting to be the hot milk we walk like cats around, if you know what I mean.
I think I'd have a break down if I told someone and they asked me why or how - I don't freakin know, and I'm not even sure about anything...
Maybe one day I'll be able to discuss it, but I'm not ready to do so now.
updated by @nea: 12/12/16 07:09:49PM
The pain of making a new friend
What I do is, I keep it civil, I be the best friend I can be, and I've been struggling with a feeling of not belonging since I was a child - like people don't really see me. I can feel close to almost anyone, but I hold back, because I know I don't have a chance of getting really close. I mean, not really. If I push it I can hang out, have nice conversations - they talk and talk about their life. But I whenever I have shared, everything goes to sh*t. Do I love too easily and too deep? It's so freaking painful. So I hold back, not letting any hopes get in. I still am friendly with everyone, and I am not afraid to feel the pain of love and friendship towards someone. But I know that's all it's gonna be. I'll never be that person that has friends over or that calls someone whenever I feel down. I have noone to call, and I never had. I don't know why, and probably never will. If I really dug into it, the whys would just pile up. I don't want to get into that, because it would make me crazy. I too, have had that feeling, many times, that people are just uncomfortable around me. Like I am too intense or something. I am getting better and looking beyond it, but man, it can be so confusing. I'm trying to force myself to impose on people a little, because my sense of imposing isn't really. I'm not sure how to explain, but I've had some success with that. I know it won't lead as far as I want, but at least I don't feel like a freak anymore.
The best experiences 'connecting' with people as a friend has been in chats over the internet - maybe I don't come off as intense, or maybe I don't fear I do, but it works.
Problem is, it's like I can see right through people. And I know, if I let myself, I'd love every single one of them. But love is painful this way, so I try not to. At some level I do anyway.
At any sign of rejection, I tend to run away. I don't want to feel that pain. It's completely soul wrecking.
I'm adopting more and more humor in contact with others - it helps alot I've noticed. I joke about myself, I joke about them. It's the closest thing I've come to painlessness. We should all become comedians.
People are so complex - like with their emotions, we don't see all of them at once - we see what sticks out, we feel what's the strongest, or near the surface - it take time to see beyond all that, to really know someone. Even if we can sense what they are right away, we rarely know all of it right away. Me, I am doubting myself too, and I'm not even sure who I am. I think the key here is knowing oneself better. And not take oneself too seriously when trying to connect.
Am I making sense?
This is really the only place that has ever made me feel like I'm not a freak. And even here, I am doing the same thing. It's nobody's fault. It's just who I am, and I am trying to think of a joke, LOL. (Sorry for my crazy energy, I am going through a rough patch.)
Anyway, that's for sharing your experiences, It's great that we all can know we're not alone in this 'loneliness' or whatever one should call it.
To me it simply means that God wants us to tell him our thoughts and feelings and ideas, even if we know too, that he knows best. He is interested in us, because he want to be close to us - or rather, he wants us to be close to him. Just like Jesus says we should ask God of anything, and to have faith, that he has counted the hairs on our heads. Also, I don't remember which letter in the new testament, but it says somewhere that we should cry out to God and tell him our innermost thoughts, because it pleases him. I'm paraphrasing. God is not just our creator - he is our family. Sometimes we need to remember that. <3
updated by @nea: 11/15/16 10:09:20AM
Well it's tricky. I went looking for an answer because I thought I was going insane. I can't even remember how it started, but it had been in the periphery of my mind for some time, but I had always dismissed it as imagination. When I really had to find out what it meant, I was like "Ohhh...". But it really came from a place of desperation, where I felt such distress that just didn't make sense - I remember thinking "There is no reason for me to feel like this, not this strongly". Then I went looking for something to help, and I learned about grounding and grounded consciously for the first time in my life. I remember feeling such relief, like I could breathe. The bad situation that had effected me was still there, but I was only worrying with my mind and the emotional energy was gone, only my own worry about it was there, I think. Looking back I think I carried another person's bad feelings about it.
Do I accept it? Not really. My mind tells me that I was just projecting those emotions on that person, imagining it, and imagining it so highly that I almost went insane. My intuition tells me, no screams, that I felt her emotions, but my intellect screams back that it is impossible.
Right now I am accepting I am an Empath 'until further notice' with a big escape clause attached to it. I know this is how I work - I work through things intensely and completely with no excuses. I question and question things until they are gone - or they survived. Man, I certainly know I'm messed up. LOL.
Also, that part of me that accepts it went "Well, that explains it. Hehe. " :D (Gah, I'm so seriously messed up)
Dream about healing - what does it mean?
About my hands - I was sort of 'giving' energy or a part of myself to them with my hands. Don't know if that counts as 'soft' but I guess it would.
I don't know if I agree with your interpretation, but it's very interesting, so thank you for your reply!
I believe we're all a little insane - because it's the only way we can deal with what we experience. I've never had alcohol, so my problem is more about trying to rip off the layers of 'protection' I've added to not get overwhelmed. It's like I don't know who I am, or if there's even an 'me' somewhere in there... I'm literally fighting to not fight everything around me, and myself. I haven't 'cried to anyone' since I was a little girl. I rarely or never speak about my true inner thoughts and feelings to anyone. I've always felt emotionally and intellectually completely alone. I know I am incredibly dysfunctional.
It's only due to my faith I haven't gone completely and utterly insane. That, and humor.
I actually have to fight to press the 'add reply' button right now.
updated by @nea: 01/13/17 01:18:06PM
Dream about healing - what does it mean?
I really don't believe that's what I did - it was a powerful dream, but I doubt I did anything else except go into my subconscious. I didn't remember everything when waking up, and nobody was actually speaking to me. Also, There were several of my relatives there, and only my grandfather is actually dead. So it doesn't fit, and I don't see why I would or even have the ability to connect to 'the other side' - whatever that even means. But thanks for sharing, I appreciate it.
The empathic ability to sense
Especially when I was in my teens I could completely freak out if I had stated an opinions strongly, or said something that hurt someone - even if it was unintentionally. I still am like that, but I have learned to see past my own emotions, and try to see what they see - which often is not the same. Does that make sense? I still have to work things out, but I know what I am feeling is not what they are thinking. I always were so immersed in my own feelings, that I had a hard time distinguishing between feelings and thoughts. I guess that makes more sense now that I know I'm a HSP, and probably an Empath, LOL.
I don't really tell them either, I do describe, sort of vaguely, what I sense. Even if they don't take it literally, at least I don't have to bend over backwards to be something other than myself. I describe how something makes me sad, or how I can sense how someone else is doing or some such. I don't ever use the phrase 'I'm an empath'. It wouldn't mean anything to them, and they don't need to know the concept, as long as they accept me for me. I hope that makes sense.
Dream about healing - what does it mean?
Thanks for your reply! It was definitely a strong enough dream to try to interpret it. It felt like I got a peak into my subconscious that I otherwise don't have much knowledge about, so it's kind of exciting, too.
I was told I have healing abilities, but I really wrestle with that notion, and I certainly don't feel ready to believe I do have it. From what you drew out for me, it might have been my subconscious fighting with itself to resolve an internal conflict. But I think you're right, that it's more to it. I'll think about it, like you said.
Thanks! I feel better about the whole thing now. <3
Dream about healing - what does it mean?
I had this very strong dream yesterday - I had fallen asleep after I got home from work, because I was so exhausted. I don't remember all of it, but I do remember the end because it was so intense. Basically there was a group of people around me that I in my dream identified as family - but I only recognize my mom and one of my brother after the fact, except...well... I dreamt an intense energy rose within me and I could see my hands pulsing green, and then I walked around the room and held everyone's hands, and I felt energy leave me. Then suddenly my dead grandfather was right in front of me, and I touched him with my hands and it was so intense - I felt like I couldn't breathe. When I let go, this 'thing' came and it had a weird face, and I fought it, and it was gone. Then I woke up, feeling rattled and tired in my entire body.
I've never had a dream like that before, and I was wondering why I had it.
(sorry if this is in the wrong place)
updated by @nea: 03/11/17 11:16:11AM
Urgent help needed for new member.
I'm sorry for your pain. Sometimes it's a horrifying thing to be human. But don't you know there is someone that understands everything you're going through? All that is needed is one honest cry for help, and he'll be there. You may not always sense him or feel him, but he is definitely there. The best part? He is victorious over all those things you experience.
31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us allhow will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who diedmore than that, who was raised to lifeis at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:
For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Avic amare a santum
making friends as an empath
I haven't really noticed the name thing, but then, it's true I can pretty much talk to anyone, and they don't seem to mind they don't know me, but I don't really have friends in that sense, I never did. :P Funny how I can easily feel connections to people, but that it doesn't seem to stick.
Interesting things about names - I don't really like my birth name - I have never felt connected to it at all. I feel much more connection to the name 'Nea', which I've given myself.
Validation? No, not really. I am only beginning to understand myself and what it means being an Empath. I feel alot of things, but I don't really know myself, so I can't tell the difference between others emotions and my own. Most of the time I can't even identify the emotions I am feeling. Especially in large crowds I shut off, and I can't really feel anything but a giant weight on me - or when I manage to shield, an empty heavy void.
It's really confusing, and it makes me constantly doubt I'm even an Empath. My instincts tell me I'm an Empath, and it fits, and I've gotten a reading that says I am, but nonetheless it's hard for me to accept for some reason.
I think it will take a lot of work to go beyond the confusion, and it's probably going to be a life long struggle to make sense of it all.
Unfortunately I don't have anybody in my life that can help me with the validation either. I'll work on that though.
updated by @nea: 12/25/16 01:49:23AM
We don't need to fight evil, because Christ already conquered all. It is not we that will defeat demons or principalities, but the holy spirit that resides in us. Because where God is, there can be no evil, it has to flee.
I pray to our King, He who sits on the right hand of the Father, the Conqueror of All, Christ our Brother, that he frees you from your fear and bring you Light and Peace and Truth. Because truth will set you free.
In Christ Holy name,
Try this with your heart and spirit and love.
God bless you.
updated by @nea: 01/07/17 08:05:13PM
Hmm, that's interesting, because I do get shivers sometimes when I'm not cold - for as long as I can remember I have felt those. For instance just sitting at work thinking, or eating at a table, or when I'm concentrating on grounding or shielding. Maybe I should pay more attention about what is happening and think about what I am feeling. I've actually been thinking at times that those are different from when you get cold chills or whatever. Hmm, maybe I'm just confused about what 'cold chills' are, but paying attention can't hurt, right?
I had to think about this one, because I am still adjusting to the idea of myself as an Empath, but I do remember feeling my grandmother was very tired, and I also asked her if she 'was angry' (in my mind that was the only thing I could ask), but she said she was fine. But of course she wasn't, she was very sick from cancer. I can't say if I felt anything else, and I ofcourse I was too little to know what cancer was (I think I was about 7 or 8), but it's a very vivid memory.
When I was about 5 or 6 a little fox came to our yard in front of the house and he was very curious - everybody went to watch it, but I was the only one that had to feed it with some cheese. I don't remember being scared at all. Also a very strong memory.
I can relate, and I'm sorry it's so hard for you, but you can definitely learn to deal with it.
Funnily enough, my journey has been sort of opposite - I've learn just a couple of months ago that I am an Empath, and it's been a struggle for me, and still is, to sort out what is me and what is others. I felt constantly depressed for so long, and then I moved out from a house where 3 people that was emotionally, mentally and physically drained lived. But I didn't know what was happening, because I've always 'dealt' with it (meaning I didn't really), or lived with it, without knowing other people didn't feel things so strongly as I did. Thankfully I don't seem to pick up pain from random people - I don't know if I'm naturally shielding or filtering, but it's my mom or siblings that I feel the most from. Right now, I'm trying to figure out what I did and still do that worked for me - because at some level I've been filtering or shielding without knowing what I was doing. Although it was very random, since I was unaware.
The other thing I've learned is that I send out emotions - and that if I pick up something miserable, then I get miserable myself, and that's what I send out. So being in control what I pick up and what I send out, is a thing I'm starting to learn also.
It's like getting to know a new side of yourself that you didn't know existed. My intuitive self is kind of running rampage and I have to start controlling it, or at least learn to understand it.
I got a little long winded, sorry.
My point is that to learn how to control it, my 2 cents is that you need to learn more about yourself, and your intuitive self the most. We all deal with things in our lives very differently, and we all have to get to know ourselves before we can control that part of us. Although I think some things we probably never can control, but we can understand them, and counter act them.
Avic amare a santum
Am I picking this up or is it me?
Thanks all of you for your replies. The more I think about this, the more it seems to be a sensory overload of some kind - or a fluctuation in energy. Whatever it is, it seem to make me more vulnerable - I have to ground more, and shield more. I seem to need more sleep too.
I think all of you have valid points, and it might be any of the things suggested, or all of them combined. I'm not the best source of info here, because I am still struggling to separate myself from my surroundings, and I definitely have a hard time determining different energy sources - it all just mixes up in a big bowl of soup for me. And let me tell you, drowning in soup is not pleasant.
Right now, I am feeling pretty good, but when I was at work today, I thought I was going literally insane. I felt like I hadn't grounded or shielded at all, and I was close to being completely overwhelmed. Sure, there's a lot of people in the same place at work, but I've been relatively fine for months now (yeah I know I should probably find another job ).
Anyway, being more vigilant with the shielding and sleep more should do the trick, if not, then I'm at loss.
Also, I've been thinking i need to work out or at least take more walks.
Am I picking this up or is it me?
Thank you - yeah, problem is I'm horrible at grounding when in this vortex - but maybe I just need to get better at it. I dunno. And not sleeping well doesn't exactly help lol. Although I a couple of beautiful amethyst stones that I think might help with the sleeping once I get used to them.
Am I picking this up or is it me?
Lately I've been getting more and more frustrated, and irritated over how stupid people are, or things that I find insulting or incompetent. Not just that, I can feel this rage build inside me, and I get piercing pains in my temples and the brow area.
I try to be calm and release it, but even meditating is really difficult. I just can't relax, I just feel it more. I'm just so angry. At some point I've even unnecessarily lashed out at people, and then had to apologize. I'm scaring myself here. I keep waking up during the night, and when I'm trying to sleep it's like the entire town is inside the room, that's how loud everything is. It's not that I think I have super hearing, everything just seems to get to me for some reason.
I know things get really intense for me when the moon is out, but I don't think I can blame it on the moon this time.
I'll try to ground more and try to get some more sleep, but could it just be me? As a 'new' Empath I don't really know what is me and what is everyone else, and I get really creeped out.
Sorry, I just needed to share, I hope that's okay.
updated by @nea: 05/09/17 09:08:36PM
Thanks. I don't feel very old, but I'm 31. And the realization has been coming for a year or so now. I still can't imagine that people can't feel what I feel. I think I somehow need to learn to separate myself and everything else around me, and I don't even know what that would be like. I can feel pretty helpless. A part of me have big trouble accepting I'm not just imagining this stuff. I somehow have to work through 30 years of telling myself I can't trust my instincts and that it's just my imagination. I've always been very hard on myself. My imagination and my intellect has always been very active, and I think I've always credited what I sense and feel to them. I've no idea how to completely see past that stone wall, it seems impossible.
Not that I'll not keep trying lol.
I know I should probably have figured it out sooner, but it's hard when you can't think that other people don't feel what you feel. I've certainly identified with certain fictional characters, but to me they were always not real, and I didn't take it further. Hey, I'm still trying to figure out what is me being an Empath and what is my own imagination.
I do remember watching Heroes and relating to Peter Petrelli lots and lots, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I think they mentioned him being an 'Empath' once in that show, and it resonated with me, but I still couldn't think it had actually anything to do with me.
It was actually years later when I had some traumatic events happen in my family that I had to face what I was feeling, because everything was so intense. I don't remember a particular moment, other than that it was a thought that grew and finally I had to figure out what was happening, because I thought I was literally going insane. I still feel like that sometimes. I had just moved to an apartment building and started a new job and everything went nuts. Then I started to search for Empath on google, and one thing after another went 'click' 'click 'click' inside me.
I still don't have much control nor understanding of what the heck is going on with me, and maybe, because I found out when I was relatively old, it might be too late for me. But just knowing something, having at least an explanation why I get so tired after being around people that I want to sleep for 100 days in a row, why I feel sick when people around me are upset, why I have this need to help people, it helps.
So yeah, I'm not even sure I know now. I just know there is something I can't deny, what it is, that is for me to find out, I guess. I can't really skip ahead and see the end result.
What I am, I've always been, I can remember things from when I was a child that suddenly makes sense, that never before did. Maybe awareness is a powerful thing, but I can't know, because I can't know what it is like to not be like this. Also, I grew up in a home where my mother always was an unaware Empath - yes, even that makes sense now - and she still doesn't know - but I ofcourse never really thought I was that different because of that, so I guess that was both a good and a bad thing.
I'm not sure I'm making sense,
Oh for crying out loud guys, now you've made me cry. Not in a bad way though.
I think it's about fear - we all fear what we don't know or understand, I know I do. I can rationalize and tell myself what is what, but really and sadly I think it's pretty normal reaction. I am new to identifying with the Empath thing, and even I struggle with a sense that I'm crazy, literally, that it's all in my head, and that it comes from a traumatic event. I consider myself a decent open minded person, and if I have trouble with accepting the reality of my own self, then imagine the difficulty for people that have no clue what it is like to accept this reality. I have only really told one person so far, my younger sister, and I already sort of regret it. Not because she isn't open to the idea, but because maybe she isn't ready for some of these realizations, and it will inherently change our relationship, and possibly also test her faith - and I have no business doing that.
I am starting to wonder if I might have to accept that certain aspects of what I find out about myself I can never tell anyone that hasn't a similar experience. It's a sort of deception that I am to my core very alien to.
Maybe the solution is using a language that isn't so riddled with idioms. I can tell my mom about my empath thing without actually telling her about being an Emapth with capital E. I can tell people I sense things, without using idioms that they have preconceived ideas and judgments about.
It's not that important that people accept a word, but rather that they accept who I am. I need to be myself, and then semantics don't really matter. I never used the phrase 'special gifts', I just tell them downright what I experience, and if that scares them, so be it.
I think part of why we sometimes use idioms to explain what we are is because we might have a need to get people's approval. It might stem from our own fear and insecurities. It is fine to have fear and insecurities. Hey, I probably have more of those than most people here. But nobody can tell me who I am, no wordings or idioms or expressions can sum me up, because my journey isn't about those.
We just have to remember that we're not alone and that we can love and be loved even without a certain preset of words and names. That goes for all humans. <3
Avic amare a santum
I know that what I need to do is read the bible and pray, and then I'll get the answers I need.
I so want to know and understand certain things, but I have to be prepared for the necessity of taking a step back and trust God. I realize that I should not know certain things right now, and that certain knowledge should come through the Holy Spirit and not through the flesh.
God Bless you all
I was wondering, do you guys have any examples of scriptures that deals with what is allowed and not allowed?
Especially about guides and angels? I recently found out I might have psychic abilities and it really scares me - I haven't really been aware of any of them, and so I haven't consciously 'used' them. Either way, I'm not sure what to think.
updated by @nea: 01/16/17 03:37:35PM
Oh man, that makes sense, I have gone to work sick this past week, and man, after a couple of minutes even it was like I was about to sink through the floor or something. Probably wouldn't have been able to cope through the day if I hadn't had my blue obsidian necklace.
updated by @nea: 01/13/17 12:55:26PM
Loss of identity
I'd like to think that we are just very good at seeing things from another perspective. We won't really start killing people - but we can sort of 'get' people. When I meet someone that is really in pain, and I can sense they are very dark inside, I'd rather not, but hey if you're going to help them, I guess there is no way out of that.
Me though, I have no control over anything I feel. Trying desperately to learn how to shield, but man, it's not going very well. :P
Loss of identity
I can relate - I am beginning to suspect that my own self is cornered somewhere inside my mind - it's like I've never really seen myself at all or even know what is me and what is others. For me, since finding out that I'm an empath, this is one of the hardest things I have to figure out - who I actually am. Not that I haven't been around, but...yeah. Wow this is really hard to describe in words.
I am exactly where you are right now - and I am scientifically wired person, and I am certainly not a rainbows and sunshine kind of girl in any way or form. However, being an intellectual person, you can analyze the underlying theories and descriptions and see what they really are. Truth is, most of these things you mention, empathy, psychics etc. are none of them really explained by science and therefore there are no scientific language for these underlying theories and descriptions. So, you gotta think for yourself. You feel what you feel, and you know what you know. And where we use the language that follows with the new age- stuff or not, it's all just semantics to me. I don't buy into the whole fairies-and-sunshine package, and my world view is alot different than most people here. Hey, I am still trying to come to terms that I actually sort of is accepting that I am an empath. The logical part of me is still trying to bash this notion to pieces. But I can't ignore it anymore than I can ignore the need to breathe. I need to learn to deal with this, unless I want to live a miserable life, yes, for me it's a survival thing. I might not buy into all the lingo, but whatever, I need to breathe, don't I?
updated by @nea: 01/13/17 02:12:40AM
Well, my answer on that question is yes, and as far as I know, I am an empath.
I The thing you describe is especially strong with my family, of course. I used to beat myself up because I cling to people too hard, trying to understand them, especially people I wanted to be friends with, and that I felt like I pushed them away instead - or maybe I do push them away because the strong bond scares me. I dunno.
updated by @nea: 01/10/17 12:27:17PM