If it hasn't been mentioned yet I really suggest all empathic people read this book:The Empathy Trap.I came across it when I read an article that referenced the book. It was like a play by play of my last relationship.
Forum Activity for @pisces-male
Some wisdom sought.
I'll take a look at what you suggested Ethereal Healer. Also I have studied up on sociopaths Sofaloafa and have a better understanding of those kinda people. I've always known about sociopaths but I never found myself actually deeply involved with one. I think a lot of this person's behaviour just seemed so odd that I just accepted it as a lack of maturity or a phase. As an empath I couldn't understand on any level why someone would just not have any empathy, or compassion, or a conscience or approach the world from a perspective that materialism and narcissism is more valuable than positive human relationships. It's rather scary to see the mentality up close and personal.
As I've read through much of the articles on this site, I see my current state is perhaps a classic response to a situation(s). I find myself acting and responding in ways detailed in the Survivors guide on this site almost to a T. I've fallen into a crisis of mind/body/spirit and it's not the first time. I think I've prevented myself from healing for numerous reasons. I find that whenever I build myself back up to a good state I get torn down again. I've lost sight of the light, a sense of spiritual self and having a place in the world. It doesn't help either when I see the world tailor made for those who are sociopathic, bouncing through life unfettered and carefree. I've carried anger for so long that it's begun to exhaust me. I know I am very hard on myself.
What I am trying to do now is reconnect with myself honestly. Break whatever patterns that are holding me down. Hopefully stop endangering myself whilst not completely shutting myself off from the world. Thanks for the advice all.
I've recently been going through the same thing. The more I understand and read up on the Empath Survival Guide and such the more I see how common these situations are. I see that there are paradigm traps. It's just too easy to just put up a wall of hate as a way of self protection. I think we cling to that because the reality is it does serve us to degree. You see that evil coming towards you a mile away because you are already on the look out for it. Of course too, we maintain the wall of defence because it's like a bandage on a wound. There is an overcompensation of protection because of a large gaping wound that not only needs to heal but be protected from further damage. The downside to the wall is that all you 're focused on is seeing the bad first and foremost and the good people you encounter tend to get corralled in with the bad.
Like recently I've been hypersensitive to anyone who even remotely seems like they are taking advantage of me. I've also been rather moody and unfriendly to people I encounter. I find myself filled with hate driven by pain and fear. I too have been subjected to a lot of really horrible people, mostly because I've clung to the idea that if you do good by others well...Good will flow back to you. That my desire to help and protect others has gone so far that I forget to include myself. I really find myself intrigued by the legend of people actually mutually treating others well, of empaths being embraced but not taken advantage of. Someone is actually nice to me nowadays and it feels odd, as crazy as that sounds.
But I don't want to be a victim, I don't want to be defined by the evils that people do. Naturally I am quite social and happy. I don't want that person destroyed. It's not anywhere near easy though. As I can relate, if you've just been screwed over time and time again. If you heal only to find yourself eviscerated at the next turn...Well it's considerably hard to bring yourself back up and look upon the world favourably without the sword and shield always in front of you. Best I can advice is to find a process that keeps the monsters at bay whilst allowing yourself the freedom of the you you deserve.
Some wisdom sought.
Yeah, I kinda noticed that aspect. Opposites. Since empaths tend to be giving and nurturing I see how easy it is to fall into the trap of just giving and giving to someone who just takes because it's nice to feel we are contributing, Making someone happy. Next you know you're drained and it's still not enough for them. You stand up for yourself and all of a sudden you're the bad guy and off to the trash you go.
At any rate I know I gotta take responsibility for my own misjudgment, for ignoring the obvious signs that this person was a predator (and so many others in my past), for allowing that situation to continue. I just hate the fact that it seems predators never seem to have to be accountable or go through the same pain and/or need to process like those preyed upon. I gotta accept where I went wrong, each and every time and be all mature about things. It's a one way street and I guess I wish the other person was sorry for a change.
But that's life I guess. Nobody said it was fair. Certainly there are those who have been abused far worse than me and have had to just eat it all with a smile. It's kinda a crazy world where you can't just relax you're guard and believe that the person coming in close to you will give you a hug instead of a punch to the stomach. I think that perhaps hurt the most for me. Because I really wanted to relax and see in the end love did make a difference. That someone who was cared for by me would choose to treat me humanly as oppose to inhumanly. I guess I've been wanting to reclaim some sort of lost innocence where the world seemed like a much better place than what it turned out to be. I guess as an empath the craziness, the evil that surrounds us, resonates a lot deeper and it's more than just a little disturbing. I guess it's a cross to bear, but damn it be nice to get some flowers out of all the manure being shovelled around.
I know there's a condition named for "hypersensitivity" to magnetic fields, radio waves and other signals. There's a documentary out there about it. When I was young I could occasionally pick up radio and TV signals. Along with that I was more psychic.If you take into account some animals navigate by sensing the shifts in the Earth's magnetic feilds you realize we are probably capable of sensing more than we do. Mind you with all this signal pollution and distraction some people can't even see 3 feet in front of them.
Some wisdom sought.
Thanks again all. I've been trying to process it all.
I can see logically it's not good to live in extremes, to not to be all emotional without having it tempered by the mind, to not be over-sensitive. I think I've hung on to the pain I feel because I've had such a degree of callous insensitivity and cruelty pushed onto me. I react by digging in deeper to my nature, perhaps over indulging. Finally I just overload and shut down avoiding social situations. Though I know I need to temper my feelings but I find myself so very angry to see the utter extreme opposite of myself thrive.
I've survived a lot of abuse over the course of my life; physical, psychological, emotional, sexual. I feel I've overcome a lot and managed to become fairly well adjusted, enough so that I feel I can be myself towards others. But I still attract predators and I still get dragged down. I feel like I am being punished for not being more sociopathic, for being a giver instead of a taker. Funny thing is, that last relationship, I really tried to shut down down all my natural impulses, to change my nature. I just wanted to fit in, to be accepted, to have and enjoy. But I couldn't do it and I ended up being the "bad guy" for it. I know there is a part of me feels like I failed to be what I needed to be so now I suffer the consequences.
I experience predators, see that there is really no karma, no balance. I so very much don't want to subscribe to that evil. I don't mind the tougher path but it's rather that much more difficult to have to deal with the slings and arrows too. At any rate, still processing, trying to make sense and find a way.
Some wisdom sought.
Thank you for the input and advice.
I recognize that I do compare myself to others, the life success of others. Especially considering that I haven't had that much success personally in life. I suppose that if my life was already strong, I had lots of friends, people who cared and respected me, I had achieved a degree of success in my pursuits, so on, that I would recover a lot better from my run ins with nefarious types. Perhaps I'd run into those kinds of people a lot less. But my lack of personal success and the apparent success of those who just go through life not giving a damn about anyone but themselves makes me wonder if I get crushed because I'm weak. Weak in the areas that seem to matter in this world.
I suppose too the reason I've clung to the pain of the ordeal is that this hasn't been my first experience like this and I honestly thought I knew better by now and was capable of better choices in the people I get involved with. That I found myself inadvertently empowering someone who was not a good person. I feel ashamed that my actions kinda proved the point that bad people can quite easily enjoy the benefit of good people, then use, discard, repeat. I fed into that. Also that I still clung to the idea that my love and such could make the difference, that if I only gave enough...But again, I have already been proved wrong on that account in the past and really I should have known better. Knowing that that person has taken then discarded the best I had to offer and gone on to flourished and I haven't has really stuck in my gut.
Part of me strongly wants to martyr myself. Just exit out. I can't honestly say at this point in time I feel good for caring, acting selfless, for my desire to be honest, have integrity, loyalty, a sense of honour to my actions. I get tired of being made out to be the bad guy for doing the right thing. More often than not it's appeared to me that I should just drink the kool-aid and be as cold, ruthlessly selfish and superficial as it appears most people around me are. I've bent, tried to mould myself to be someone else, in the end though I can't get with the program. I feel very deeply, I care deeply and want to do what's right even if the right thing isn't the most comfortable. That seems to make me abnormal. Like I have some kind of genetic defect or disease. Seriously I feel like Serpico and I'm so tired of it.
I guess in the end I'm rather confused and tired of being hurt but I know by nature I can't just be someone else.
Some wisdom sought.
Not too long ago I made the mistake of getting emotionally involved with someone who turned out in the end to be rather ruthlessly selfish and manipulative. I suppose I made the all too common foolish mistake of believing that love and patience would win out over a person's need to cling to their establish negative modus operandi. To the point, it's come to my attention often in life that there are many who seemingly get away with all kinds of reprehensible behaviour. That the idea of "karma" is merely a fantasy tale told to offer some kind of salve for those who find themselves at the wrong end of the stick with little or no chance at justice. This idea had been driven home to me in a very personal way by this above mentioned relationship.
This person had grown up spoiled in an affluent family. Was always showered with love and attention and given whatever she wanted. I discovered she seemed to only understand life on a superficial level and seemingly completely lacked a conscience or an ability towards any compassion for other human beings. She's attractive and knows how to give off a very good initial (though superficial) impression. She knows how to use people to get what she wants. About a year after our separation a mutual friend informed me that she's living well, getting everything she wanted, happier than ever. That seemed to solidify the idea that some people are just blessed. That if you are attractive, grew up in affluence, put materialism over people ( something modern society seems to embrace well), are not burdened with a sense of integrity, or a conscience, and there's always someone new who is willing to cater to your every whim well...You are good as gold in life.
As someone who's empathic, giving and generous, who's put others before myself on many occasion, I unfortunately have subsequently been taken advantage of and treated badly by many people. It has occurred to me that my misfortune has stemmed from my nature. I had opportunity to change to conform to this person, adopt their values but I just couldn't change from what I felt was right, even if that change would have given me some things I didn't have. I find life now difficult to live with the clear understanding that there are different rules for different people and what seems right to me appears to be wrong in the world I live in. That in a world of those who eat and those who are eaten, by my very nature, I'm lunch. So how does one justify living such an existence?
updated by @pisces-male: 07/28/17 02:29:28AM