Forum Activity for @karen

Karen
@karen
04/23/17 10:02:41AM
28 posts

In Need of a Reading Please


Request a Reading

Thank you Angel.

I can't say I've been worrying about anyone dying.  Not specifically.  But now thinking about it I have been thinking recently about the "death of my youth".  I feel like all the good times are now behind me with nothing to look forward to.   The saying "waiting to die"

I have always had abandonment issues and loneliness is second nature to me.  My best friend (and actually my ONLY (female) friend died 5 years ago.  I miss her and think of her always.  

I have never been one to show any emotion and usually don't even know myself exactly what I'm feeling.   As far as spirits.  The man in the hospital bed is definately my Dad.  I know he is still watching over me.  And lately every time I look at a digital clock it is 11:11.

Out with the old.  Hmm - That's something I know I have to do (for my well being) but having a hard time letting go.  It's an old love (ex-husband) that returned, but in my heart I know it's not good for me.  He is an alcoholic and I remember all too well what that was like.  But I feel like I don't want to loose him again....  I've started to cry writing this.  And I usually don't cry.  

 

Karen
@karen
04/22/17 12:05:20PM
28 posts

In Need of a Reading Please


Request a Reading

profile pic is current now

Karen
@karen
04/21/17 12:42:10PM
28 posts

In Need of a Reading Please


Request a Reading

Keep having anxiety on and off and can't for the life of me figure out why.  Perhaps a reading would help me?

Thanks in advance


updated by @karen: 09/20/17 07:22:24AM
Karen
@karen
11/23/15 11:09:23AM
28 posts

I'm so confused


Empath

So a little background. Been divorced for 3 years. He cheated and had a child with another women and denied it. I didn't speak to him until just recently. He had a fatality on one of his jobsites and I felt I had to reach out to him. Now I wish I hadn't. It kind of opened up old wounds and possibly feelings but I'm not really sure. He makes comments about how much he misses me and that things aren't good with the "other woman" now wife. And all I think is once a cheater always a cheater...at least with him. All I know is I get really stressed whenever I see him (I'm trying to give him a hand with his business).

OK - so then there is a man that I've known since I was 14. We were boyfriend/girlfriend until he went in the Army then subsequently Viet Nam. He told me not to wait - I didn't. Fast forward...after my divorce we tried having a relationship - twice - He has PTSD and I find it very draining to live with.

So I've been feeling that I need to give the boyfriend another chance. He really wants to be with me. A day doesn't go by that he doesn't tell me he loves me. And part of me loves him too. But first I'm afraid to give it another shot, second I "worry" what my ex will say.

Now this morning I'm thinking maybe I need to move away (like 2000 miles away) to get away from my ex (since he has always had such a hold on me). And possibly letting the boyfriend come with me. He has stated he wants to.

I can't even think straight! I reread this and I sound like a basket case. Does anyone have any advice??


updated by @karen: 01/10/17 10:20:10PM
Karen
@karen
11/15/15 12:43:11PM
28 posts

Don't know what is happening today


Empath

I suddenly got a bad headache (and I never get headaches). Also alot of anxiety. No apparent reason. I can't even concentrate.


updated by @karen: 03/13/17 11:59:25AM
Karen
@karen
10/28/15 11:30:43AM
28 posts

Feeling Overwhelmed and Confused


Empath

Well, I ended up talking to him. He is really a mess. Our first few conversations he let it all out, crying, reliving the accident over and over. It's been a couple weeks now and it seems like he is getting better, slowly every day. Of course during our conversations I heard about how it is "not good" with her (his new wife - don't want to use her name) - that all they do is fight and all she wants to do is come to town to go shopping. I never made any comments to that. He wants me to meet his son. He also asked me to help him out with some paperwork (business related) which I did. Now he wants me to do more, emails, job bids, etc. He NEVER wanted me to get involved when we were married and now he wants my help?

Part of me is saying - "go ahead...get him to depend on you and then walk away" like a get even thing. Also I would love for "her" to find out he and I are talking and "working" together...she knew he was married when she met him but it didn't stop her (OR him....he's not off the hook either) from getting pregnant and having a child with him. All my anger towards that situation has returned and all I want to do is get even.

Is it right? No. Would it feel good. OH YES.

Karen
@karen
10/03/15 03:55:27PM
28 posts

Am I going to be alone for the remainder of my life?


Empath

I haven't had good relationship luck. I always seem to pick the wrong ones. But that doesn't mean I don't want to be in a relationship. I just had a husband and wife come by to purchase some lamps I had for sale. They seemed so loving toward each other. I could tell they were really a "couple". While I'm happy for them, it saddens me that I don't have that. I don't want to "settle". I recently told a gentleman friend that we could not have a relationship. I feel I was right in doing that as we could not be more different. Then there are days that I wonder if I'm too picky...but like I said, I don't want to settle.

Just wanted to get this off my chest. Thanks for being here.


updated by @karen: 06/10/17 08:33:18PM
Karen
@karen
09/19/15 02:01:44PM
28 posts

Feeling Overwhelmed and Confused


Empath

So background. I got divorced 3 years ago. Once I was divorced I cut off all contact with my Ex. Why? Because I still cared for him and I was afraid of what would happen. He had a girlfriend and a child in another city. I found out and waited for him to tell me..he never did. I confonted him about it and he outright lied saying I didn't know what I was talking about. Our divorce was very amicable and if the truth was told I think he thought I would continue living with him afterwards. The reason I say that is he made different comments. Our divorce became final when he was "out of town". I started packing up some of my stuff and started taking it to the house I was going to live in. (I didn't move there sooner because it was in the middle of a big remodel and not livable). When he got back and saw some of my stuff was gone he went ballistic and told me he would not sign for the divorce...although he already had...don't know if he forgot or ?. I told him the divorce was already final and his paperwork was on the counter. At that point he flipped out and told me to get the F out of his house. I did....

A few days later he showed up with some of my furniture. He kissed me when he left. In the meantime I had started messaging with an old boyfriend (from 50 years ago) on facebook. Truthfully, I did not start that until the divorce was final...did not have any contact with him until then. Well, my ex found out and again flipped out and told anyone he could that I was the one that had the boyfriend...blah blah blah. At that point he then would not let me get anymore of my belongings. His niece helped me with that and although I didn't get everything I just let it go. And never spoke with him again. (and I might add we live less than 1/2 mile apart)

So it's been 3 years. Sometimes I think of him - sometimes I still get angry sometimes sad. He has had some pretty bad things happen to him since then and my first thought is Karma.

Until a month ago. He owns a construction company and a worker was killed on a job site. My ex was operating the machinery and a load bearing wall collasped on the worker. The night it was on the news I heard "a 54 year old construction worked was killed on a job today" - I saw my ex's excavator, his truck, and other equipment and for the longest second in history I thought it was my ex that died. Then I saw him being interviewed and I breathed a sigh of relief. Then told the Karma Gods - OK enough!

Fast forward...I ended up sending him a text to tell him that I was sorry, that I knew he must be going thru alot, and that I hoped he would get thru it all....that I was sorry it took me so long but that I didn't know if I should or not....not my exact wording, but basically that. A few days later he texts back and thanks me for texting him. Said it means alot to him. He told me he is a total mess. That he had been staying with some friends but was back home. That he brought his son (the one he had when we were married - the mother and he still live in another city) here and that having him around had helped. He said he can't sleep because he just keeps seeing "steve's face" (the worker that died) So I texted back that I was truly sorry and that if I could do anything to help to let me know. And said stay strong. He hasn't texted back. Then last nite his niece messaged me thank you for contacting my uncle. That it meant alot to him...she said he is a mess but slowly getting a little better.

Since all this all I want to do is cry. I walk around with tears in my eyes and can't get him out of my head. I've been working on projects around the house to keep busy but it is still there. At this point I don't know if I'm just picking up on his emotions and feelings or (please no) if 3 years after the fact I still want to be with him.

I don't want to talk about this to anyone because I'm afraid they will blast me for even feeling bad for him. I'm always considered the strong one and right now I don't feel all that strong.


updated by @karen: 03/11/17 08:31:25AM
Karen
@karen
09/21/14 09:19:31AM
28 posts



I've been very tense, can't sleep, totally restless. No apparent reason.


updated by @karen: 03/16/17 08:08:57AM
Karen
@karen
01/15/14 08:37:14AM
28 posts

Breaking up


Empath

By significant other and I are breaking up. Not because we don't love each other, but because he suffers from PTSD. I've begged for months that he get treatment but he refuses. So I had to end it. It's hard to explain what living with someone with PTSD is like...it is not pretty. As he was packing yesterday he said if I let him stay he would call the VA right then. But I know he wouldn't follow thru. He had months to do that...he had an appointment once and cancelled it. So after many discussions with people familiar with PTSD I have to let him go. I can only hope that he will hit a bottom and will seek treatment for himself and not because I want him too.

But it's been very hard on me. I am feeling not only my feelings but his as well. Double whammy. Yesterday I was so bad. I was shaking...then he came in the house and told me that he was so scared he was shaking. I hope I am doing the right thing.


updated by @karen: 07/01/17 11:52:42AM
Karen
@karen
11/19/13 12:02:14PM
28 posts

Having a Bad Day


Empath

Yes he does own a firearm. He does not seem upset at all today, just very confused and depressed. So at this time I feel safe. But I will be very vigilant. You said something in your previous post, comparing it to a snarling dog. Really good analogy. But in his defense he does not actually take anything out on me exactly. Its what I have to hear, the loud voice, the yelling. BUT I will admit that if I get angry about it THEN his anger is aimed at me. Very confusing...

He has told me today he feels lost, confused, scared. Doesn't know where he will live, afraid his car will break down on the trip back, etc. Then he told me he will work the strip as much andas hard ashe can (he used to be an impersonator) so he can save up money to buy a small RV and live in it, where no one will ever tell him what to do again, for the rest of his life.

I'm working very hard today to not fall into his pity pot.

Oh and you are NOT overstepping. I like to here a man's point of view and also someone familiar with vets and PTSD. I am very grateful for that.

Karen
@karen
11/19/13 08:58:35AM
28 posts

Having a Bad Day


Empath

Well, yesterday I told him that he HAS to move out. He had been procrastinating and I really got the feeling he was not actively searching for a place. Yes his PTSD is combat related. But he has been firm in saying he will not get treatment. So I have accepted that. But I also am not going to live with it. He has never done anything to harm me...but I know there could be a first time. He gets so angry and when that happens it goes on for hours sometimes. If he is angry at someone he always says "I want her/her/them dead". Not only does his anger go right through me but statements like that scare me. The other night he started so I just went in my bedroom. He kept asking "where are you?" He saw me go into the bedroom so why ask? But I said "I'm in here where it is quiet" - I have told him over and over that I can't be around the anger. At that time he started in that I am controlling him because I don't want him to yell or get angry. It just seems like its all about him. He never thinks that he is controlling me because I have to walk on eggshells and try to smooth everything out so he doesn't get angry.

Anyway, I think it is for the best that he leave. I'm not happy with the way things are, and he is not willing to at least try treatment (for say 6 months), so there is no other choice.

This will not be easy. I know my emotions are going to go in 14 different directions. I just need to stay strong and not give in.

Karen
@karen
11/06/13 09:00:32AM
28 posts

Having a Bad Day


Empath

Steven,

Thank you for all the suggestions. I will do my best to follow them. Today I'm much more calmed down.

Karen

Karen
@karen
11/05/13 12:39:09PM
28 posts

Having a Bad Day


Empath

My gut is telling me ...I don't even know what it is telling me. I don't really want him to go. I want him to get treatment for his PTSD. But I can't make him do that. I'm sorry for being so unorganized in my thoughts today.

Karen
@karen
11/05/13 12:09:23PM
28 posts

Having a Bad Day


Empath

no kids - we are both 64....I can barely type right now. the anxiety is doing a number on me.

I'm almost ready to tell him to stay. But I don't think it will help him. I think he needs to flounder

before he even considers treatment. I just don't know what to do. Ever have like a hundred

voices in your head all saying different things?

Karen
@karen
11/05/13 09:12:12AM
28 posts

Having a Bad Day


Empath

My entire body is like tingling. I have asked (told) my boyfriend to leave. He sufferes from untreated PTSD. I have a very hard time living with it. I'm scared. I want him to go, I don't want him to go. I want to ask him to stay, but I'm afraid I will only want him to leave again in a day or two. I am shaking. I want to fix it, but I know I can't. I want someone to tell me what to do, but I know that it is up to me and no one else. I am afraid of making a bad mistake. I am afraid for him. He can not financially afford to be on his own. I can't clear my mind.


updated by @karen: 01/13/17 02:24:31AM
Karen
@karen
11/04/13 02:49:05PM
28 posts

There is something I need to do....but


Empath

Angel,

Thank you so much. It really hit home. I know I need to walk away. Or in this case let him move away. And that's what I am going to do. No matter how hard it is for me I am going to let him go. I pray that he will find peace and realize what he needs to do. But in any case, I am not going to hold on to his problems. I have to do that for him as well as myself.

Karen
@karen
11/04/13 09:29:02AM
28 posts

There is something I need to do....but


Empath

Chuck,

You are so right. I know I have to stop. I am an enabler. And I have to say enough.

Thank you so much.

Karen
@karen
11/04/13 08:47:27AM
28 posts

There is something I need to do....but


Empath

Why do we dance? For me it's because I don't trust my judgements. And I don't like hurting people. And I don't think I'm important. I don't know why.

Karen
@karen
11/03/13 10:59:17AM
28 posts

There is something I need to do....but


Empath

My boyfriend. We split up because he has PTSD and refuses treatment, making it very difficult to have a relationship. He was moving to Vegas. He came back after bringing some of his personal belonging there, telling me he missed me and is staying here. BUT no he won't get treatment. So for my own good I need to tell him that no, he can not live here. I don't want to hurt him but in my gut I know that we can not live together any longer.

Karen
@karen
11/03/13 10:22:02AM
28 posts

There is something I need to do....but


Empath

I really don't want to hurt him. He is happy. He thinks I'm happy too. But I am not. I feel a weight on my chest. Everynite I go to bed but unable to sleep. I feel as if I can't breath. The anxiety of overwhelming. And this time it is MY anxiety. Like I said, I don't want to hurt him, but I'm hurting myself.


updated by @karen: 05/10/17 04:48:35AM
Karen
@karen
11/02/13 08:01:26PM
28 posts

can someone explain this?


Empath

Shannon, he came back. said he wants to work things out. but the very next day he had one of his meltdowns. Still no to treatment. But that was one of my terms if he came back. guess he doesn't think I'm serious. But I am.

I am finding myself in a state of anxiety all the time. I know it wont stop until he leaves.

Karen
@karen
10/27/13 02:13:24PM
28 posts

can someone explain this?


Empath

Shannon, I know he feels bad but he totally refuses to talk to anyone. He went back to Vegas. On his way there I texted him that before he made any decisions (getting an apartment etc) to think about treatment for his PTSD. Told him I can not live with it and WE can't have a relationship with it. He just called me and it looks like he is following through with moving there. It is his choice. Right now I feel very sad and anxious but I think those are my feelings not his.

Karen
@karen
10/26/13 03:34:35PM
28 posts

can someone explain this?


Empath

Yes very stubborn. He will not seek treatment. He is what I would say rigid. Things have to be a certain way or it throws him off. He has what I call melt downs, where he starts yelling about one thing (Not directed to me) and it just keeps escallating on and on to other things. Can last hours. Although it is not directed at me I feel the anxiety. I've begged him to get treatment, but he emphatically refuses so there is no way we can live together. I can't handle all the emotions and he says he feels bad that I have to "put up with it".

What you said...did you just pick up on it?

Karen
@karen
10/26/13 03:15:24PM
28 posts

can someone explain this?


Empath

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He fought in the VietNam war. It is not easy to live with.

Karen
@karen
10/25/13 10:07:21AM
28 posts

can someone explain this?


Empath

I know we will remain on good terms. I feel like we are meant to be together, but living with PTSD is not easy. I pray he will seek help on his own, but I really don't think it will happen. Right now he is packing his car. He needs to make a couple trips to get his belongs back to Vegas (I'm in Tucson) because he doesn't have the money to get a moving truck. My little rescue (her name is Tootsie) is following him around. She does not have her usual spring in her walk so I know she is sensing something. I am feeling so depressed - not sure if I'm feeling that way or if I am picking up his feelings - or both.

Karen
@karen
10/24/13 06:58:28PM
28 posts

can someone explain this?


Empath

No she is not going with him. First because he will be in an apartment that does not allow dogs. Second, as I said he has PTSD, but also a string of "strange" (to me anyway) phobia's. One being that he can not pick up poop (sorry) which he would have to do IF he was able to have her with him. He also is barely able to take care of himself properly...doesn't eat etc. I agree that she would be good for him, but I wouldn't want it at her expense if he wasn't able to be a responsible pet owner. I hope you understand what I just said. He has been having a couple of very bad days, that I have absorbed, and I'm not focusing that well. Right now we are rooms apart so I can regroup.

I actually gave it one last effort to all but beg him to seek treatment for his PTSD. He was emphatic that is was NO. He would not get treatment, he won't take meds, he won't go for any counseling. That he is the way he is and will die that way. So for my own well being we can no longer be together. We split once before and what a relief it was for me. We still talked and texted, but when I would start feeling overwhelmed I would say good nite or my battery was dying, or I had another call on my landline. Anything to stop it. Then he begged to move back and against my better judgement I agreed....but he was suppose to get treatment for his PTSD.

Oh I apologize. I'm going on and on. I need to take some deep breaths and relax.

Thank you for your response and listening (if you could get thru it all.)

Karen
@karen
10/24/13 06:21:52PM
28 posts

can someone explain this?


Empath

My boyfriend and I have been living together. He sufferes from PTSD but refuses treatment. It is very hard for me because I pick up on his anxiety, fears, depressions. I've all but begged him to get treatment but he totally refuses. So we are going to go our separate ways.

But, here is my question. I recently rescued a dog that had been neglected and abused. She was in terrible shape, skinny, matted (probably never had a hair cut and she is a terrier) and only had one eye due to a rattlesnake bite. The eye was never taken care of properly.

Anyway, I brought her home without my boyfriends knowledge. It just happened. I could not leave here where she was. He is not really fond of animals although he has a good relationship with my other dog. Good, but not close. So this little terrier that I brought home immediately gravited to my boyfriend. She will not leave his side. He has never liked dogs on his lap, or licking him, but this little girl is always on his lap, sleeps with him, snuggles etc. He totally loves her too.

I am wondering....can it be that she senses his PTSD? Can dogs be empaths?

And wondering. He will be the one leaving (as I said we are going to go our separate ways).

We are both concerned on how it will affect her. We've only had her about 6 weeks.


updated by @karen: 05/17/17 02:32:12AM
Karen
@karen
10/23/13 03:12:47PM
28 posts

Anxiety is overwhelming me


Empath

Hi all, My name is Karen and I'm new here. I found this site while trying to find answers to my emotions and my relationship. It is a fairly new (old) relationship. We were a couple in highschool but the VietNam war got in the way. Last year we reconnected. I didn't know it at first but he suffers from PTSD. Diagnosed buy never treated. We have split up one time because he won't seek out treatment and I can't deal with the melt downs. We are going to split again, again for the same reason. It occured to me just recently that my anxiety gets triggered with his melt downs. He is not abusive to me in any way. It's just what he feels, I feel. Like this morning he was having issues and he was literally shaking and not able to deal with anything. I was clear on the other side of the house. I could hear him, but it had nothing to do with me and was not aimed at me but I immediately felt my anxiety go from 1 to 100 and I started shaking. I left the house for awhile and immediately calmed down. Got back, and there it started again. He eventually took and nap and I was fine. Now I'm starting to feel a bit anxious, but also very depressed. I almost want to ask him what he is feeling but I don't want to start up anything. At this point I think it is best if we split. Maybe he will be forced to get treatment (although I'm not counting on it...he and I are both 64). Maybe we can work something out down the road (although I doubt that too...). He knows what happens to him and even says he should never live with anyone for that reason. I have not told him the reactions I get because quite frankly he will probably blow it off that I am crazy.

Well, hoping to get some clarity here and to learn ways understand and deal with the way I react to people in general. I am a virtual sponge.

Nice meeting everone.


updated by @karen: 03/13/17 11:59:37AM