Forum Activity for @cheshire-cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
05/23/16 12:03:24PM
1,185 posts



Boy, do I relate to this. It started for me when I got very sick and my ability to tell when others were lying and to know what they were really thinking increased dramatically. I also married the scape-goated child of a narcissist, only to find out that not only was his dad a narcissist, but his brother is a delusional narcopath with a son who is a narcissist, so I was immersed in and surrounded by toxicity.

I was disheartened to see how much people lie, and often for seemingly no reason at all. Do they think it's fun? Worse, I can tell many of them are so un-self-aware they do not even know they are lying!

I do not even feel I am a member of the human species anymore and wonder if I came from somewhere else. Anyone else feel that way? It's a lonely feeling. I am also INFJ, and that is lonely enough all by itself. However, I've come to prefer being alone to being disappointed, so I am actually glad that the friends I still want to have in my life mostly are online friends or very long term friends who live far away. I am so worn down, I can only take people, even the ones I love, in very small doses now, and I am super cautious about whom I let in. I used to be the exact opposite.

Some of you have already stated how this plays out so eloquently that there is no need for me to say anymore except DITTO. I wish I could afford to go live out in the woods and never have contact with people except when I want it, but I haven't won the lottery, so......I put one foot in front of the other, even though sometimes my feet feel encased in cement by the weight of my sadness. Maybe ignorance really is bliss, but I doubt it achieves any spiritual growth, so it's a heck of a trade off.

Hugs to all of you,

Cheshire Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
05/04/16 04:55:51PM
1,185 posts

How important is your diet


Empath

Hi Cat Whisperer,

I had to have my gallbladder removed finally. I hope you won't have to, since 40% of people have complications, something they never tell you. I have bile reflux now, which is quite dangerous. I could not eat the cashews without my digestive enzyme medication either, nor anything else for that matter! I assume you've tried gallbladder cleanses with olive oil and lemon juice. They helped me at first, but I'd been a very low fat eater all my life until I changed my diet and my gallbladder could not handle such a drastic change. I should have eased into it slowly. Hindsight is wonderful!

If you ever do get to where you can eat nuts again, I just want you to know that they work. I don't crave sugar anymore, except for homemade chocolate chip cookies, for some reason, lol. Even the smell of the sugared cereal my husband eats makes me want to gag, it smells so overly sweet now. Never thought I'd say that! I also had to add 1 gram of L-tryptophan at about 5 am each day to get the low serotonin induced depression under control, otherwise I'd still be crying when I got up every morning. You do NOT want to take that with anti-depressants though. It's dangerous, but if you ever get off them, it's a good substitute. 5HTP is even better for depression and low serotonin , but I can't take it, since I have high blood pressure. Nobody with heart problems should take 5HTp, but L-tryptophan is a lot milder.

I do see that it appears you are not getting much protein. Could you try some protein shake mix of your choice and maybe keep that down, since it would have little fat? Whey, pea and hemp are popular choices. I just looked at the label of my whey protein and it has zero fat.

I hate water too, but adding a little lemon juice makes it taste good and alkalinizes your system. The western diet is much too acidic. I also find ice water tastes better than regular temp water for some reason.

Since you do need fats to make hormones, for your brain to run (it's 60% fat), and for your skin, you might try coconut oil. It is easy to add to protein shakes, and most importantly, is the only fat that does NOT need to be digested. It goes right into your bloodstream. It also tastes great and it kills yeasts, which can also make you crave sugar, the sugar then feeds the yeasts, and it becomes a vicious circle.

Best,

C. Cat

I hope you feel better soon.

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
05/04/16 04:03:09PM
1,185 posts

How important is your diet


Empath

CAT WHISPERER,

I was a total sugar addict and used to be unbearably grouchy and/or sad without sugar, but had to cut it out totally due to becoming pre -diabetic and wanting to stop it from going any further. I have two friends who are losing limbs, wrecking their kidneys, etc. with that, because they just can't discipline their eating, and the diabetic diet is really hard. I have too many other health problems already.

I had my blood neurotransmitter levels checked, since I suspected my craving for sugar was due to my depression. Sure enough, I had ZERO serotonin, which is very abnormal and also ruins your digestion. (I have to take an expensive drug to help me digest food). Low serotonin will cause a bad mood, even rage, anxiety and depression, and serious sleep problems too.

I did some research and found out that cashews are the one food that can raise your serotonin as much as sugar does. "One handful of cashews equals a dose of Prozac" is what I read. It is working for me, and I am losing weight slowly rather than gaining, despite how "fattening" we've always been told nuts are. Also, my lipid panel is normal for the first time in my life....my cholesterol dropped 81 points!

RENE -

Have you heard of the blood type diet? Many people believe if you have type O blood, you cannot be healthy without animal products. If you are type A like me, you do better as a vegetarian. Type B and AB are mixed, with milk being good only for type B. Look up Dr. D'Adamo for more info. There is actually some genetic science behind why it might make sense.....I am not sure how I feel about it.

NIGHTMISTRESS -

Cravings for salt often mean you have weak adrenal glands, which would make sense for us empaths and will make everyone much more sensitive and reactive to things. You can look up adrenal fatigue for more info on this. Also, adrenal fatigue is often accompanied by hypothyroidism, sometimes due to brain problems, not actual thyroid problems. IMO, adrenal fatigue is an epidemic among women now days, since we are now expected to cram about 72 hrs. worth of activity into each 24 hr. period and look good while doing it (rolls eyes).

(I studied Naturopathy for 2 1/2 yrs. until I found out it was illegal for me to practice in my state, which is how I know some of this stuff.

Changing our diets is HARD and it really made my birthday hard to celebrate, with a salad and not even one slice of cake, boo hoo. I wish you all the best in your efforts.

Cheshire Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
04/25/16 11:46:06AM
1,185 posts

Is It Just Me Who Attracts Narcissists/ Sociopaths?


Empath

Yes, I was just recently made sick by one I met on here, who was mirroring exactly what I want in a friend and then switched to it all being done her way, which was not what I want at all. She had me fooled until I was so drained that I had a collapse and my stomach started to bleed. It's too bad, since she had a lot of good qualities, I think. I don't know anymore if anything she said was true.

think I finally understand that I must hold people at arm's length until I've known them quite awhile, and I must set firm boundaries at the very beginning, something I often fail to do, since it usually scares people away. I've made peace with being alone if that is what it takes not to be used like this again. It took a long time and lots of pain for me to get here. This hurts awfully also, since it seems like most people are only interested in me to use me. I married into a family with 3 narcissists, all of whom were/are persecuting my husband, who is not one. We had to cut all ties with them to protect our health. I agree, trust your gut not your head. I have never seen real emotion from a narc except anger when they don't get their way.

Cheshire Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
04/19/16 08:54:19AM
1,185 posts

What do empaths do for a living?


Empath

Soothsayer 4,

You're not the only one, but being a psychiatric social worker running group therapy for teenage girls was not what burned me out. I had to move to a part of the country where my life-threatening allergies did not exist, and could not find a job in my field here, so I ended up in the business world. It was the shocking shallowness and total lack of morals in the business world that eventually made me so depressed that my immunity fell and I got a serious disease and am on disability. It was not residual from the psych work that made me ill. It was very fulfilling, and I was friends with my coworkers. I could not be friends with them in business, since their "values" made me sick to my stomach. That's a very lonely feeling. I agree with what Big Hoss said....helping people is an unmatched high.

C. Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
04/17/16 11:47:36AM
1,185 posts

Any empaths have digestive problems?


Empath

I agree with all that's been said. I just want to add that this can lead to serious, even life threatening physical problems, so I urge those of you with this to be checked out.

I also threw up a lot as a child and was constantly told I was high strung. I was about 7 when I realized I was fundamentally different from others in some way, but over age 50 before I ever heard the word empath.

I now have these annoying physical conditions: Irritable bowel syndrome, dumping syndrome alternating with gastroparesis, repeating bouts of small intestinal bacterial overgrowth.

I also have these dangerous illnesses from this: bile reflux, Barrett's esophagus, chronic gastritis, intestinal metaplasia, malabsorption syndrome. Three of those can take your life and one will shorten it by an average of 20% if not treated, and the med for it is super expensive.

Recently, I let someone who initially seemed like the perfect friend draw me down to where I was a puddle on the floor and I had a relapse of gastritis that included stomach bleeding, resulting in expensive, uncomfortable tests and a permanent liquid and baby foods only diet. I am really getting sick of smoothies!

I keep the phone ringers turned off in our house now and never answer the phone. If it is one of my old pals whom I trust, I call them back. Even our business clients just have to leave a message on the machine. I can't watch most TV now as it is too noisy and violent. My nerves are so raw now, I wear headphones to block out traffic and other noise during the day and use a white noise machine at night to sleep.

It took repeated lessons, often with narcissists, to make me finally get the lesson from this last situation that I MUST put myself first, hold everyone at arm's length until I am sure they are not using me or mentally unstable, and not be so open or invest myself emotionally until then. I thank this person for finally providing me with this much needed truth that I was too much of a martyr to learn until now.

I used to think first and always of how bad I might make the other person feel by insisting on boundaries or ending a relationship I'd started once I realized it was not right for me, but now I see two things: 1) not defending my needs is enabling the user, and 2) what about how bad the other person is already making ME feel by treating me with such disrespect??? I know some of you can relate to me when I say that I never even thought of that!

I have been a daily meditator for decades, but until we put ourselves first in our own lives without guilt, I do not believe that is enough. I hope my post will keep just one person from ending up as sick as I am.

Namaste to all,

Cheshire Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/29/16 12:55:41PM
1,185 posts

Need help about whether to end a 52 year old friendship


Empath

To all who posted on this thread,

I just want to thank everyone who gave me so much input over this problem. I'd forgotten about this thread, since it was my first thread here and did not let anyone know how it turned out, so am trying to make up for that .

My 54 yr. BFF ended the relationship when I emailed her after a month of no contact to ask if she was ready to talk about it. She said I did not 'accept" her as she was, which was so untrue I gasped. It was pure projection, since I was the one who'd done all the accepting.

She said I "accused" her of having Alzheimer's, when I'd actually just asked her out of concern to please tell her doctor next time she saw her about her severe memory problems, her having to have emails separated into two sentence paragraphs with space between them to read them, and her forgetting all questions asked in email unless I clearly labeled them "QUESTION" in caps. She takes a med that raises risk for dementia a lot and both her parents had Alzheimer's, so I was concerned, as she is now 67.

One video I watched about ending friendships said if there are never any arguments, which she would not allow, one person is always "swallowing hard and seething inside" and that person was me.

I was glad to end the walking on eggshells, and felt freer, but dont' feel I will ever trust anyone again, which may be a good thing, since I am normally way too trusting, and much too soon.

Thanks to everyone who posted. You were all a great help.

Cheshire Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/29/16 12:40:37PM
1,185 posts

Need help about whether to end a 52 year old friendship


Empath

Hi Visitor,

I am sorry. This is a very old thread and I should have put my final update at the very end instead of in response to someone I'd not had time to answer before, which is where I put it. If you looked at the last reply, you would have seen this was resolved in July, 2015 by her ending the relationship when I tried to talk about it.

I will go add a post at the very end of the thread for those who still wonder how it turned out.

I think your criteria for friendship is very good. I have ended many other friendships using pretty much the same criteria, but none of them had lasted 54 years. It still hurts and probably always will, but I just keep on keeping' on.

Thanks for the honest opinion. You were right!

Cheshire Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/28/16 12:26:16PM
1,185 posts

Need help about whether to end a 52 year old friendship


Empath

Hi Alison and everyone else who posted,

Gee, its only 7 months after you wrote this post about the loss of my 52 yr. BFF!

I am very sorry it took me so long to realize I had never finished this thread and let any of the people who helped me know what happened.

Alison, your link was to the home page of a college, and I could not find any Values Clarification even using their search engine, but I took your advice and made up my own list. It really helped me see that I'd always had different values than she did in some major ways ,as is often the case with friendships that form in childhood, before we know who we are.

The difference is that in the past we both respected each other's right to hold different opinions. In the past couple of years, she had changed and insisted on having everything her way, including other people's thoughts.... For example, her new BFF were she lives now made millions publishing books of her photos, and this friend continuously insisted to me that photography is NOT art, which I disagreed with ,but did not dare say.

Anyone still subscribed to this thread will get this answer to you, so I will summarize what happened for all in case anyone still remembers this issue or cares. I had not posted in the main forum before and lost track of this. I am only posting now because so many put forth so much effort to help me and I don't want to leave it hanging.

I waited 3 weeks more after the incident, then sent her an email asking if she wanted to discuss it and maybe change from using email to calling, since she claims I misunderstand her in emails. I included a letter with my email that she had written me a couple years earlier about how I am the sister she never had and we'd be stuck like glue with love forever as a reminder of how she used to feel, without actually saying that she had changed. I hoped she'd see it on her own.

Unfortunately for me, she had a memorial to attend that night for the town drunk who'd just died. It is a very small place and they all know each other. She told me she did not want to lose our friendship and would write the next day.

Most of us have attended memorials where we wonder who they are talking about, since they have made someone who made everyone's life miserable into a saint, and we all know most memorials only mention the good things, and sometimes those good things are even made up, but I found out the next day that she actually believes what is said at memorials, which came as a shock to me!

After reassuring me she wanted our friendship and we'd talk the next day, I went to bed confident we'd work it out, but the next morning she wrote a very short email and told me the most important thing to her was to be accepted like that man whose memorial she'd attended, and my "accusing" her of having dementia was not accepting her so she no longer wanted to communicate with me. As a reminder, all I did was ask her in caring way to tell her doctor about her memory and spatial problems, and I think her other so-called friends should have asked her to see a doctor too if they cared at all.

Acceptance is something I don't even want at all, let alone my top desire. I want people to tell me the truth and certainly NOT accept anything I do or say. If I'm being an a**hole, I want to know. To me, those who crave acceptance usually have quite a bit in their past to be ashamed of.

I was glad to end it and furious at how she'd handled it by throwing out the olive branch and then ripping it away, but am still not over it and feel I may never trust anyone again. I felt I had to get rid of anything she'd ever given me, including the letters I had saved about how I was her sister for life, etc. The purge was needed. I simply could not look at things she'd made for me.

I now have whole days where I do not think about this, but still not many and it is going to take longer than 7 mos. to get over it. I am very thankful for all the help you all gave me, and apologize for taking so long to remember this thread.

One good has come from this. Another 54 yr. old friendship has become much closer now, as she realized this woman did not care about her either , so we are now communicating a lot more. She shares my values, if not all my interests, and is confident enough to handle differing views. She also felt constantly put down by this common friend as to her intellect and understood why I felt that way. So, it's not all bad.

Thank you all so much,

Cheshire Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/23/16 06:37:36PM
1,185 posts

Anyone with M.E. or Chronic fatigue syndrome?


Empath

Gee Lilly, I am really sorry. I do understand and empathize with the isolation you feel. It seems yours is worse than mine. I also rely on online friendships, some of which have lasted 20 yrs. now. I've been sick since I was 34 and am now 65.

My only family is my spouse, who is still doing construction work with a serious heart condition, since all our life savings were lost in the 2008 stock market collapse. I am terrified he will die before me. I do have 2 friends here but only see them about 3 times a year and both work more than 100 hrs. a week. One lives a block away but has CFS and cares for an elderly woman with AZD full time.

I do get out to doctor appts. with my spouse driving me, since I have about 8 doctors. I hate going, but can't get the drugs keeping me alive without it.

Thanks for the massager idea. That is a good one. I think the forums will help you a lot with other ideas.

If you need to talk more about this, you can PM me.

Big hugs of hope coming your way,

C. Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/23/16 06:45:03AM
1,185 posts

Anyone with M.E. or Chronic fatigue syndrome?


Empath

lilly,

I'm glad to hear you've found such a quiet, peaceful place to live. That should help a great deal with the overstimulation problems we have.

The program that worked best for my Lyme is called the Cowden Protocol. The main ingredient, Samento, kills just about anything that ails you, and was proven by our NIH to work better than the usual first line antibiotics.

I also take a lot of supplements for the symptoms, without which I would not have been able to make myself stick around, since they are the only thing making some symptoms, like neuropathic pain, bearable. I didn't used to think anything could hurt worse than fibro, but neuropathy is ten times worse and about 40% of fibro people will get it. Some things I take are for the proven deficiencies we have, some for mitochondria, antioxidant repletion, methylation repair, etc. I don't consider them supplements, but necessities and have given up all other expenses people take for granted to pay for them. I'm happy to hear you've stopped the constant infections. I am so isolated, I almost never get those, which is both good and bad.

Cranial-sacral therapy got rid of my TMJ completely. I wish I could afford short massages, but I can't and am stuck at home anyway. Long ones cause too much toxin release and make me extremely ill. Acupuncture did not help and emptied my wallet. I have a friend getting results with infrared sauna. I've not tried that.

I do think getting properly tested for Lyme and confections is worth it, since it is a progressive illness and much harder and more costly to treat, with less chance of remission let alone cure the longer it goes on. It is just one tube of blood, sent to IgeneX labs in Palo Alto, CA. They have all the info on how to do it online, I think. I was able to get it done locally, since we have a huge alt. med. clinic here.

If you have not already, you can try ProHealth's fibro forum, and lymenet.org flash discussion forum is also a good forum to visit. I wish you the best and hope for your recovery.

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/21/16 11:39:51AM
1,185 posts

Anyone with M.E. or Chronic fatigue syndrome?


Empath

Hi lilly,
I am so sorry to hear you have CFS/ME. I am homebound with FMS, CFS and advanced Lyme. I am not bedridden, but feel I will be eventually unless my end organ damage from Lyme takes me out first, as my illness continues to progress. I am only still here due to alternative treatment of the immune, mitochondrial and methylation gene defects we have, which make these epigenetic illnesses.

I used to run a support group for FMS and CFS for ten years, before Internet support groups took over and I got too sick to drive. I also have a couple of online friendships with other CFSers that have lasted over 15 yrs. now. The lack of validation and the name of the illness, CFS, which belittles the seriousness of this illness is a major problem, along with all you mentioned.

I do know people with it who are not empaths at all, but have noticed they tend to have milder illness. I agree with you that many of us are empaths or at least HSPs. I also feel I would not have gotten these illnesses if I were not an empath and on the wrong path....

I was taught "business before pleasure" and that all my work must be done before I can allow myself to relax or have any fun. Both parents were alcoholics. I live in a dense, noisy, overwhelming place and can't move, or I'd be long gone back into the woods where I belong,ticks or not! I agree when you say get out of the overwhelm if you can, whatever or whomever it may be. I can't leave my spouse and am too sick to be that far from a hospital now. I advise people not to wait that long. I know several people on this forum who've convinced spouses to move them to the country and are much happier.

May you be blessed with better health,and thank you for the much needed message,
Cheshire Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/21/16 09:23:15AM
1,185 posts

Empath or Profiler?


Empath

Thank you Trevor, and my apologies to Sev91.

C.C.

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/20/16 03:15:06PM
1,185 posts

Empath or Profiler?


Empath

Hi visitor,

YES!!! For me the animal abuse stories or commercials are the worst. I can never get them out of my head. They break my heart. Its an understatement to say that they do not help me learn to love people unconditionally, which is something I already have big enough problems with. I can mute the TV ads and turn my eyes away, but tend to avoid reading our local news on our homepage, since they sneak in a horrible animal abuse story almost daily.

C. Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/20/16 02:48:07PM
1,185 posts

Anxiety, super sensitivity, high energy...oh my!


Empath

I do hope very much that this is related to ascension and not a natural disaster like I am picking up. I would love to be wrong in this case.

Sounds like you have a great attitude. :-)

C.Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/20/16 02:25:37PM
1,185 posts

Empath or Profiler?


Empath

Trevor,

In reply to your amended post, two of the 5 people involved, one on each side of us, are INTENSELY emotionally reactive in terms of instant anger. If you told them with a smile that it was a nice day today, they would angrily yell at you that it was not and you don't know anything. I totally agree with you about strength of transmission, because I am able to handle the energy from the other 3 people, even though they are pretty dark.

Their volume is definitely turned up to Max! One of them is what psychs call a "gusher" who deals with her emotions by immediately passing them on and she must be talking to someone all the time. If she can't find a relative or friend to telephone, she'll go looking for a neighbor to discharge her anger upon, and we are her closest neighbors. Unfortunately for me, she despises other women, but is afraid of men, so she does not bother my spouse. I feel this is due to reactive projection from her family of origin situation. She is also a dry drunk. The other is a narcissistic sociopath and pathological liar with severe untreated ADHD who is insanely jealous of my husband, who is his older and far more successful (in every way) brother. And, yes, I am qualified to diagnose these things and am unfortunately not exaggerating.

Any ideas to turn down the volume to where it won't affect me? I do feel it is part of why my physical condition keeps deteriorating, despite my doing everything right to fix it. I hope your info will help someone else reading this too, since I don't want to divert the thread's purpose.

Thanks,

C. Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/20/16 02:07:15PM
1,185 posts

Empath or Profiler?


Empath

Hi Trevor,

Thanks so much. That clarified it totally. :-)

These are both neighbors, one to the south and one to the north, which is why I said I live in a "monster sandwich". The ones to the south are my husband's relatives, but we have nothing to do with them and my husband is not an empath and finds it easy to simply ignore them, while I feel them intensely and actually see waves of blackness coming from the one to the north. The one to the north is just a neighbor, but has driven 3 other neighbors to sell and move to get away from her.

The one thing we did do which has helped to limit their access is to put up 6 foot high solid wood fencing all the way around with a gate that looks just like more fence, and our friends have to be taught how to open it.

So, I have to conclude moving probably would help as much as I think it would, but it seems impossible, due to several factors I won't bore you with reading, unless you feel they will help with your answer. Given that, if you had to stay in place in my shoes, what would you try to lessen the effects?

Thanks for your expertise,

C. Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/20/16 12:11:47PM
1,185 posts

Anxiety, super sensitivity, high energy...oh my!


Empath

Hi Lotusfly,

I am not sure if you are asking anything here....is there a specific question?

If the question is does anyone else feel this, I do! I have been in this state more and more lately. I feel strongly it is related to something big happening soon, probably a natural disaster of some kind.

You are handling it much better than I am, if that helps. :-)

C. Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/20/16 11:50:31AM
1,185 posts

Empath or Profiler?


Empath

Hi Trevor and anyone else with an opinion, (Sorry this got so long!)

I agree we are not profilers, who tend to use left brain logic to type people, whereas we favor the right brain.

I have a couple of questions for you..... Trevor, you said above that: "This ability may exist regardless of physical proximity".

I have often heard that said about psychic ability, but have read that for empaths, who may be, but are not always psychics, physical proximity makes what is being picked up much stronger. Do you see any difference there or not?

I have some psychic abilities and at least for me, proximity strongly affects both those abilities and my picking up of others thoughts and feelings, even to the point where some of the symptoms of a serious illness I have disappear when I am at other people's homes, rather than my own. I live in what I would call a monster sandwich, between the two most malevolent, constantly angry, mentally ill externalizers I have ever met, and can't move w/o leaving my spouse, whom I love. If I have attracted this somehow, then so have all the other neighbors who have moved to get away from them (3 and counting). One set of them was here before I came.

I take it you would disagree that my proximity to these people ,who send me visible waves of blackness, blame, envy and anger, is affecting me, and that I would absorb the same amount if I was 1,000 miles away? I wonder what is going on here then. If that is true, I need to give up my dream of moving and learn how to deal with it here. I've tried saging, salt, feng shui, and do daily sending of source light through Qi Gong as love to them to replace darkness. Been doing it a very long time now w/minuscule change.

Btw, thanks to all for the discussion of protection. Trevor, you once told me I had the only 100% effective shield you'd ever seen here at EC. I use that because of the people I mentioned above.

After reading another post like this about it being a bad idea to shield, I stopped doing it and within 24 hours I woke up seeing and feeling through a very dark entity inside my head. .....scared me half to death to experience what it is to be a psychopath. I had to call upon Archangel Uriel to help me get the Arc*on out of me, and I usually have no trouble evicting them from my aura and sending them back to source. I'd never had one inside like that. I would guess this means my own vibration is too low to go without a shield at this time, but I would go back around the circle to these surrounding energies who I feel pulling me down and the oppression does leave when I am away from here along with several physical symptoms. I actually believe my illness, despite abnormal tests that prove it's "physical", is ultimately caused by this constant absorption. It is like eating organic food but drinking soda with it and expecting to be well. How does one get out of this vicious circle?

I should also mention that unlike most here, I am not a light worker but a light warrior, and feel I am more prone to attack from lower vibrations as a result. There used to be two others like me here, who could confirm what we go through as light warriors, but they have left, so I feel very vulnerable in even posting this, which is sad. I do not like doing this job, but when I tried to "resign" it only worked for 3 weeks, and then I found myself fighting them all night on the astral plane again, exhausting me. I would ask those who've never encountered the Arc*ons to refrain from judging them as "not bad energy"until they have walked a mile in my shoes and fully understood they Arc*ons intentions towards humanity. The darkness plays a part in bringing out the light in people, I agree. However, the light has more than one part to play also.

Namaste,

C. Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/09/16 12:53:09PM
1,185 posts

Interesting video & article


Empath

Hi Eva,

I love everything at LonerWolf, and have read or watched just about everything they have there over the past year. I may not always agree, but usually do, and it's always interesting and/or fun. I especially like Luna's articles.

The second video was new for me and was helpful in organizing my thoughts about the people I meet and why they are the way they are, though I found it a bit too business oriented for me, but that is just me. My mission is not at all in that direction.

I'm sure many people will enjoy one or both links. :-)

Cheshire Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/07/16 03:06:18PM
1,185 posts



Ditto, except it's my inlaws, not my own family. My FIL and BIL are narcissists. I want to run away like Karma said. That has always been my solution if someone awful worked with me, lived too near me, etc., but we can't move for many reasons, and we live right next to them, despite not speaking to them for more than a decade and having just finished 9 yrs. in court. where nobody won but the lawyers. Because of illegal things they did, my husband will have to work until he drops dead, and that is mild compared to other things they've done. I try not to think about it anymore, but can't avoid seeing and hearing them and they are still costing us money by things they do on the property line.

My own family, though very small, are amazingly pretty great, so it was a super shock for me to be hated by them because I could not be controlled and would not play along with lies anymore after I realized it was chipping away at my soul to play their games in order to fit in.

I have severe anxiety from this and feel the anger coming from my very mentally ill BIL all the time. I ground, align, protect and shield daily, as well as trying to work on letting it go through me instead of sticking, but I really think this could be solved by moving. I just can't see how it can ever happen.

I do understand why they do what they do, psych was my profession, but I cannot forget when I see what it is doing to my spouse and feel the black energy coming at me.

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/07/16 02:23:12PM
1,185 posts

Not sure whether I am an empath or just a depressive.


Empath

Hi Kaolin,

I know this is not PC to say, but I am not PC, and I am not OK with people not looking at themselves. I am fed up with people who blame everyone and everything but themselves for everything, and the resulting pain they cause everyone around them. However, I'm older than you, and you've got plenty of time left to get as disgusted as I am. (grins)

C. Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/07/16 01:34:57PM
1,185 posts

Not sure whether I am an empath or just a depressive.


Empath

Thank YOU, Kaolin.

I'm glad I'm not the only one out there who has been told she is "too good". What an absurd thing to say. ;-)

I don't know if you're familiar with Enneagram typing, but if not, you might find the test interesting and it's free online. The motto for my E-type is: " There is always room for improvement", and I definitely believe that. So many don't even try to improve as people, and I remain truly baffled as to what they think we are here on earth to do then. Only recently did it dawn on me that we many not all be here to do the same things....guess I'm a slow learner, lol.

C. Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/07/16 11:05:41AM
1,185 posts

Not sure whether I am an empath or just a depressive.


Empath

Hi janeames,

Sorry to butt in on your post to Karma, but I wanted to comment that is also how I think of people, especially since that was my career before my illness, and I often see that people do have a mental illness behind their actions. This does not help me; in fact, it makes me more depressed to see just how many people are mentally ill out there, how they are not getting diagnosed and treated, and how just one with a serious personality disorder can ruin an entire family's happiness. I have seen one person poison entire families so often, yet I know most people will never remove toxic family members from their lives no matter how badly they are treated by them because they believe they must love them. Worse, they blame themselves, since they do not know the person is ill. Your ability to perceive that will save you a lot of pain.

I mentioned in another post that people where I had to move for my illness are very, very different than where I come from., so much so that I gave them a name, the MIMM people, which stands for Moronic, Immoral, Mentally Ill, Materialists. That may sound harsh, but I've had two friends and one relative move here, thinking they would like being warm and wearing sandals and having less arthritis pain, only to go back up north, saying they could not stand the people here and were so lonely it was not worth being warm, so it is not just me who feels this way. I've lived in 8 states and this one is the only one where I felt like I'd landed on another planet. My husband's job is not portable, or I'd be out of here, no matter how much sicker the temperate climate would make me.

I totally agree with you about finding your passion, but not everyone finds one. I have a moderate interest in many, many things, and am never bored, but have never felt a great passion for any one thing. It was very hard to decide on a major in college due to that, and at almost 65 yrs. old, I still have no one thing I feel compelled to pursue. I always have interests to read about and research, but nothing drives me. I am very glad you did find a passion, and I think that is a wonderful way to live. You will also meet people with that same passion that way. I guess people like me could pick their top 3 interests and do what you've done, diving their time between them..... :-)

C. Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/07/16 08:14:27AM
1,185 posts

Not sure whether I am an empath or just a depressive.


Empath

Karma,

OMG, after reading the intelligent and articulate way you write, I cannot believe anyone could think you stupid! They are probably: a) jealous for some reason, b) misinterpreting kindness for stupidity, an all too common problem since sociopathy has apparently become an acceptable "moral" code in our sick society.

Ditto for being a pushover, though in my case, I used to be that way, until I made myself open up and invest emotionally far more slowly. This has been recent but has already paid off when I got very close very fast to someone who seemed like a fabulous new online friend for me and after long daily emails and phoning me many times she suddenly abandoned me. I know it is her problem, and I think I know why she did it, so I do not blame myself. I would have been devastated before, so losing my BFF has already taught me something helpful. To close myself or hold back is not my nature, but I can do it. It takes practice.

Thank you for pointing out that admitting my flaws can be used against me. I forget that too often. I do it only when people insist I am somehow saintly and make them feel like they are lessor beings just by being myself. I want them to see I'm human too, though sometimes I wonder about that, but for other reasons and that is a whole other thread!

The rages come from the brain damage. According to my Neurologist, loss of temper control is the number one symptom of permanent brain trauma. I had zero temper before and it feels like being possessed.

The brain damage came from two things: 1)a car accident with a head injury at which I was declared dead on the scene. Surprise! and, 2) the late-stage neuroborreliosis aka Lyme Disease, which is slowly killing me because I was misdiagnosed for 21 years. Lyme is only curable in the first stage and you can get remission in the second if you are young and have lots of money for treatment. I was not correctly diagnosed until late stage three. This is very common, unfortunately. There have been many homicide/suicides due to Lyme rages, as they are known, so I have an extra reason to avoid toxic people since they enrage me.

Thank you for admitting you agree with me about humanity. I think many people are only interested in what you can do for them, IME. It takes courage to say that in our culture, where we put a happy face on everything and I also think we require women specifically to put up with just about any sort of behavior in order to be thought of as decent, nice people.

If interested in finding out what sort of brain problems you have, you can ask for referral to have a neuropsychological evaluation. The copay can be pricey, and it takes several hours, usually spread over 2-3 days, but you will find out exactly what is going on and if anything can be done to help fix or improve it. I remember I went into shock when I saw my results, refused to believe them and got a second opinion, which was the same. I did not speak to anyone for two weeks after that, but then I faced facts and dropped my professional licenses, as it was clear I would never work again. I do run my husband's business, but doing it from home is the only reason I can; it is not a lot of work, though I am tied to the phone. I always open the office and turn on the phone very late, due to feeling so bad in the mornings and having all sorts of medical maintenance chores, so we miss clients due to my illness. The results of the testing also instantly changed my disability status, so that I no longer have to worry about the stressful reviews they normally require.

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/07/16 07:39:53AM
1,185 posts

Not sure whether I am an empath or just a depressive.


Empath

janeames,

Sorry, I misunderstood that part about her friends. My friend always said horrible things about her other friends too. That was a red flag I missed, thinking myself different, since I'd been her friend forever and because she told me several times and even wrote me a letter telling me that her sister and I were the only two human beings she really loved and would never leave behind.

Not trusting her own friends was probably a flag too with your friend. I missed so much of that stuff on purpose. I ignored things like that a lot when I was younger and had no boundaries; a typical empath problem. Now that I have boundaries, I do not tolerate being treated that way.

I went to one Meetup of people with a common interest, but it was on our busiest work night , and we had to leave the business phone unattended and my husband had to go too, to drive me. It was way too long at 4 hours and I could hardly walk after sitting on a folding chair that long, and my husband said he would just drop me off in future, go all the way home and come back to pick me up. I couldn't do that to him after how hard he works at his age.

I do have a few friends, it is just that they all live really far away from me. I had to move where I live now for my health when the problems started and have never fit in here. It is totally different than where I am from. I only have two who live close enough to see, and one is tied to her house just like I am to mine. We share an illness, plus she cares for an elderly woman full time in her home, since like me, she is too sick to work outside the home. The other is a workaholic, working 100 hrs. a week since many other incomes depend on hers. I see her 1-3 times a year and almost never communicate in-between, since if I do, she bombards me with her problems all day long, in mile long emails, and another thing I've quit is being everyone's free shrink.

I did a lot of counseling with people who have my disease ( ran a support group for 10 yrs. before I had to stop driving) and I am very lucky compared to most. We become invisible when we are housebound and many have no friends at all. Curiously, I find that many of them want it that way. I wish I felt that way, it would make it much easier.

If I ever find time and energy and want it enough, I will try to start my own MeetUp at our local senior center which is close enough I would not feel bad making my husband drive me and drop me off. Being sick, I am reluctant to lead a group again, since I can't guarantee I can show up for it myself!

It sounds like you did the right thing with that funeral. It was very gracious of you.

C.Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/06/16 11:54:22AM
1,185 posts

Not sure whether I am an empath or just a depressive.


Empath

Hi janeames,

Thank you for the link. I appreciate it and will get to it as soon as I finish my lunch. :-)

I am so very sorry for what happened to you. I figured out that I should end one-sided relationships when I got the disease I have and my closest friends turned out not to be there for me at all. It was a couple of casual friends who were really there for me, much to my surprise, though they eventually moved off too, as I got sicker.

I had a similar experience to your wedding non-invitation with a long term online friend, and ended it after I faced the fact that she did not consider online friendship to be "real" even after more than 6 yrs. of long, daily emails.

I assume it has occurred to you that the reason this woman did not tell anyone she had cancer was that she could not fully deal with it, and seeing you ever after reminded her of the cancer? (This is an example of the kind of thing I say that pisses some people off. I was a psychiatric social worker, and don't see why I should not bring up a possible insight, if I have one. I did not say it was a certainty, merely a possibility, and if it resonates with you, it would confirm that it was totally her problem, though you seem to understand that already, but many folks might not. Why this makes people mad eludes me, since like you, I mean only to help). Whatever the reason, it was truly awful, and I can see why you have kept new friends at arms length since then.

I have done the same with the one new person who has befriended me since this happened. I find it very hard to do though, since I never really had a family. I never knew any relatives due to a religious difference which caused my parents to be disowned by both sides of he family, and I had no siblings, and parents who were totally into their work and did not want a child, so my friends have always beenmy family. I am lucky to still have two other 54 yr. old friendships that have lasted despite thousands of miles between us. These are not nearly as close as the one I lost though, though one is still in constant contact with me.

I am also serious by nature, am a "brainy" type, with corresponding interests, and feel lonely if I don't have anyone to discuss the things I am interested in. I have tried having many casual friends and felt far more lonely that way than I do now. I actually felt like I'd been dropped on another planet. From what I've read and seen in videos, it is common for most empaths to prefer a few deep relationships. I agree with you that most people do not need that in their lives, but not having real intimacy would remove all purpose from life for me. That is just me and I must be who I really am for the time I have left. I pick up that some people are actually afraid of that kind of closeness and most don't even seem to want it from their family. I feel like a different species!

I am glad having more friends but more casual ones has worked for you. I believe most people prefer that these days, or at least it appears that way to me,so you should find it easier to do. I doubt it would ever work for me, since it is just not who I am, and there is also my illness, which makes new friendships almost impossible now, especially since I can no longer drive. I also have to run my husband's business, which ties me to an office 84 hrs. a week. I've made peace with it mostly, but I'm not where you are yet.

It would have been a lot easier for me to deal with it if my BFF had died, as awful as that sounds. It is also possible that what I picked up with her and saw happening over the past couple of years is correct. It is a very common symptom of Alzheimer's to vehemently deny having a problem, so I would not blame myself at all if it turned out I was right, but since she lives 4,000 miles away, I will never know if I was right or not, and I tend to think that no matter how flat a pancake is it still has two sides, so I must have done something wrong, however small, that I can work on.

I am pleased that you have not let that former friend become empowered by your pain, but instead have taken your power back and used it to find happiness. I look forward to arriving in the place you are now! Thanks for giving me hope.... :-)

Cheshire Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
02/06/16 09:51:38AM
1,185 posts

Not sure whether I am an empath or just a depressive.


Empath

Thank you, Karma.

That paragraph you wrote on personality misinterpretation could have been written by me. I am very sorry you get treated that way, but I hope it helps you to know that you made someone else (me) feel a bit less alone and strange.

Friends (with only a couple of exceptions), tend to contact me only when they need help in their lives and want someone to dump on. They do this despite my life being much more of of a mess than theirs.

People who don't need help are not attracted to me or quickly drop me since I am not interested in small talk or things like clothes shopping. I have actually asked people if I bore them and they all say no, but they feel they cannot offer what I want in a friendship. That's true, since like most empaths, I want intensity and deep connection. The idea of sitting and having a talk about the state of the world, about the unseen world, about our deepest feelings, etc. sounds boring to them.

If I try to help a friend who obviously has problems that other "friends" don't care enough to bring up, no matter how tactful I try to be, I often get "kill the messenger". This happens even with people who should know me well. Nine months ago I lost my best friend of 54 years due to tactfully asking her to discuss her serious memory and reading problems with her doctor. Both of her parents had dementia. I have brain damage and am familiar with those problems from others with the same illness that caused mine, so I was alarmed. She was furious that I could not "accept" her and ended a 54 yr. friendship. The last thing I want is acceptance! I want the kind of friends who will care enough to risk telling me when I am being an a**hole, and I am mature enough to listen because it may help my growth. My parents died young and I have no siblings, so she was the longest relationship of my life. It still hurts really badly and I doubt I will ever trust anyone who says I am their "sister" and they'll love me forever no matter what, ever again.

I have had many people tell me I am "too good to live" (What?) or the best human being they've ever met, or the most spiritual person they've ever met, or that they like knowing I am around if they need me, but actually being with me makes them feel "less than".

I have asked all of these people if I am acting like a know it all, or am too self-righteous, if I seem to be judging them or some other bad thing, and they all deny it and say they just feel good about themselves until they see how much more volunteer work I do despite being very ill, how I keep fighting my illness, or how I gave to charity from my disability check, etc., etc.

I then point out my many flaws, with which I am painfully familiar, and they laugh and say they've never seen me having a rage or any anger (a major problem due to my brain damage), and that I am always kind, which is not true at all. I just try not to inflict rages on others, and rarely feel enraged towards those I like, though my husband can't escape, poor man. I also dislike most humans and admit it, so I am certainly not the most spiritually advanced person ever, lol.

As crazy as it sounds, it seems I am being isolated and punished merely for trying to always be a better and better person. I had a handwriting analysis done once which said that I can be misunderstood, which is a shame. Understatement! Sorry to ramble, but this really hit a nerve.

Has anyone else experienced the misunderstanding problem to this extreme degree? If so, how do you handle it?

Cheshire Cat

P.S. On past life regression, I had a psychic once run through my past lives, and she hit several I was already familiar with through lucid dreams, but also came up with a few I did not know about. I would give anything to have an experience like you had, janeames, where I could actually talk to a relative who had passed on. What a blessing! Thanks for telling us about it. :-)

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
01/20/16 01:48:58PM
1,185 posts

Anybody ever sense an approaching death?


Empath

It has been very interesting to read all of your replies. To those of you who can sense death, or know when someone will pass, you may not believe this, but I am green with envy!

I have only once brought through someone's dead relative when reading them, and only once met someone and known they had an illness that would kill them. One other time I knew someone was going to commit suicide. Both times when I knew in advance, my spouse told me not to interfere, so I did not tell the first person to go get checked by a doctor for the disease I saw and did not try to counsel the second one, despite psych being my field. I have felt very guilty ever since, and will not do that if I am ever given such knowledge again. He is not an empath and I should not have listened to him over my own gut feeling.

I have to admit I felt jealous reading what you all can do. I can easily see lies and even see a clear picture of the truth in my head when someone lies, but if I could have just one ability I wish it was to see the time of death. I am very anxious and have awful insomnia because I am severely ill and I cannot live alone. After 30 years,. of this disease, local friends have moved on and the very few who still live around here are still working all the time just like we do, since our life savings were all stolen by the bankers in 2008. My real f friends are all online now and do not live where they can help me until I can get into a nursing home. So. I worry a lot that my spouse will pass first, which would be a disaster. If I knew for sure I would die first, I would be about 150% less anxious. If I knew it was soon, I would be thrilled, since I live in a world of constant suffering. I am not afraid of death, but am very afraid of the process, since I know how grueling it can be. I guess I have a feeling I do not want to face that my spouse will go first, or maybe it's just an expectation that it will be that way, due to my having had such a hard life this time around. I do not see clearly when I am so emotionally involved.

I have had a reading by a local psychic who said she will never tell anyone answers to questions like that, since she thinks they don't really want to know.......she had told her own father he would die if he did not see a heart doctor. He would not listen, and died in her arms.

This post may not be relevant to some of you, but for those who regret having this ability, I thought it might help to know that for those of us who hear the time clock ticking ever more loudly, your ability may be very helpful and is indeed a gift of calmness for whatever time we have left.

love to all,

C. Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
01/09/16 10:54:15AM
1,185 posts

Are You an Old Soul ?


Library of Light

Thanks, Bing. This was excellent.

I am still having trouble with #14, despite knowing I'm not here to fix people, but really related to the rest of it very, very much.

The funny thing is a psychic told me I was a very young soul. ;-)

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
12/16/15 06:57:06AM
1,185 posts

A word of advice to empaths


Empath

Hi Rene,

"No way out" is exactly how I feel, so you picked up on that too. Thanks for being so understanding.

Bless you. :-)

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
12/15/15 08:34:31PM
1,185 posts

A word of advice to empaths


Empath

Hi Rene,

I'm not sure if you're talking to me, or Jonny, or Cat Whisperer......

Your comment is right below mine, so if it was me you are referring to, thank you, but nobody has ever told me that before. It sounds nice. I wish I always felt cozy and sweet. I am not always sweet. I have a monumental anger problem and a serious illness, which are related, as the physical damage causes the anger. Around people who live up to my ethical standards I am sweet though, and I love all kinds of flowers and have a huge garden. I don't feel it was invasive.

If the comment was for someone else, then they are lucky to have such lovely things in their aura. :-)

C. Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
12/10/15 11:02:49AM
1,185 posts

A word of advice to empaths


Empath

Hi Bookworm,

Welcome to EC. We are glad you joined also! You are certainly not alone. It is just that at 5% of the population, we seem to be scattered far and wide, so it is often times hard to find each other. If you live in a large enough area there are Metaphysical Meetups where you have a better chance of finding others like us. You can look them up online. You can also try shops that sell crystals, tarot cards, sage, etc. As you said, many of us feel the need to hide it for many reasons, and as a result you may even work with another empath and not know it unless you spend enough time around them that you pick that up from them or vice versa.

My mom was also an empath and never knew it. She was overwhelmed by the way people behaved and bawled her eyes out watching the news every night. I learned from that never to watch the news. She ended up never leaving the house for the last ten years of her life and I rarely leave my home anymore either. I think it would be different if I lived in the country where I belong, but we live in a densely populated city due to my husband's job. I hope you'll give the Empath Survival section on the home page a good looking over. There are things there that may help you with being able to handle that "cruel" world out there well enough that you can function well in the world.

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
12/08/15 07:10:38AM
1,185 posts

A word of advice to empaths


Empath

Hi Rene,

How wonderful that your Red came back to visit! I would love it if one of our pets had done that. We did have one cat that started chasing it's tail like the one that just died had. The living cat had never, ever chased her tail before. My husband took that as a "visit". I guess I need more solid proof.

I'm sorry about your husband's attitude. That would be unbearable for me. Mine is totally open to this and interested in it, but sometimes does not believe me when I tell him something is gong to happen if it's not what he wants to have happen, despite all the times he's seen my premonitions come true. He doesn't want to face bad news, so he refuses to prepare for it. Despite knowing it's coming, I can't force him, but I have to live with the consequences, which have been severe in some very important areas of life. Still, I would find not being able to talk about spirituality with him even harder, so I pray that your situation changes. Miracles can happen.

I'm also sorry you went to a church that judged you. Mine is not like that at all. However, I got to be good friends with our minister and found that her actual life was mostly the opposite of what she preaches. I also had experiences that changed my mind totally about some of their teachings, due to things I've found out while expanding my abilities, so I no longer attend either. Nature has always been my real church anyway. A lot of us here find we end up leaving many things behind once we start on this journey, but once you know something you can't unknow it, so we keep moving forward.

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
12/07/15 02:14:00PM
1,185 posts

A word of advice to empaths


Empath

Cat Whisperer, I am very sorry to hear that your ex was like that, but not surprised.

This person is an ex-inlaw. He is an EX because he is gone from my life as he is too toxic. He is a full blown Narcissist with some sociopathic tendencies, as well as being a fundamentalist zealot who thinks God tells him what he wants, and is dumb as a box of rocks. He is also a major thief, a perpetrator of fraud, an attempted murderer by neglect and abandonment of one, and a successful murderer by neglect of one other relative. We've done everything we could legally afford to do and justice has not been served. My battle with forgiveness and seeing this person as "one with me in the unity of all" is major and ongoing and not the subject of this thread.

It is no secret that narcissists and sociopaths are drawn to empaths like moths to flames. I am very glad you said my description reminded you of an EX. It is good he is behind you and I hope you are thriving now. Living well is the best revenge, after all.

In line with the topic of this thread, he is someone I would NEVER tell about my abilities. I'd been reading what he would do ahead of time to prepare for it and it helped ease the shock a bit. I have zero to do with him now and haven't for years, though it is very hard to avoid him.

C. Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
12/07/15 09:53:49AM
1,185 posts

A word of advice to empaths


Empath

Justme,

I am very sorry to hear you lost a best friend too, and that there was another betrayal to follow it, involving still more loss.

I am happy to hear you have some real friends though! Most people are lucky to have 2-3 real friends in their whole lives, so you are not unusual. You're just seeing what most people don't and probably not counting acquaintances as friends like so many people do. To me, a REAL friend is someone I can call at 3 am if I really need to, and they will help me with no questions asked, and vice versa of course. Empaths are often said to require much deeper intimacy than most people. That is definitely true of me, but I am also a Pisces, and that also is said to make one want fewer, but deeper relationships.

You have a very good attitude of accepting your parents the way they are and being tolerant. The whole world could use a lot more of that!

C. Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
12/07/15 09:44:03AM
1,185 posts

A word of advice to empaths


Empath

Hi Rene,

You are so right about the hypocrisy. If you look at any of the religious dogma with an outsider point of view, it looks at least as crazy as what empaths are able to do. It's hard for most people to step outside and be an impartial observer.

I love your Golden Retriever Avatar. I miss our Golden Ret. every day. He's been gone about 5 yrs. now. I miss all our other pets who have gone home too. I get the same funny looks as you do when I have conversations back and forth with animals, especially cats, but only from people who don't share their lives with animals and don't know what zany individuals they all are. I'll take four legged creatures over most two legged ones any day. :-)

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
12/07/15 08:24:42AM
1,185 posts

A word of advice to empaths


Empath

Justme,

Welcome to EC! It sounds like you've really got yourself together pretty well, which is really great.

I am just now learning how to set boundaries at my age. I feel my inability to set any before is one reason why I succumbed to a serious disease. I've let people use me to the point where I've lost trust in people and instead of trusting until proven otherwise, I now mistrust until proven otherwise over a long time, and even then, I am now too afraid to completely trust anyone after what happened with my best friend, whom I felt was the one person I could always count on to be there for me, even more than my husband, sad to say. It still hurts every day,and part of me still can't believe it is over. Like many empaths, I think friendships should be for life, and that is simply not how all others view them.

I recently set a boundary with a new friend as soon as an issue came up, instead of letting it fester until a blow up occurred, and I think that was the very first time in my life that I set a boundary right away. I expected her to drop me, but she was quite reasonable. I have come to expect people not to care enough about me to make any compromises in what they want to be with me, since so many were just using me as a free shrink.

I am very happy to see that you know how important it is to set boundaries, and will hopefully not end up worn down to your last nerve like I am by the time you are my age.

I hope someday you can tell your parents, especially if they think you are mentally unbalanced (!), but having wonderful parents like you say you do is something to be grateful for right now, IMO. As you spend time on EC, you will find that many of us did not have good parenting, and that a need for self-protection may have contributed to our development of heightened senses.

My mom was long dead before I realized that I am an empath and that she was too. It explained so much of what I once thought was "weak" about her, and I can only apologize to her spirit for not being understanding enough at the time. I can look back at that and see why non-empaths don't "get" us, since I didn't "get" my mom, despite being an empath myself.....I wasn't self-aware enough then.

Thank you for the kind thoughts,

C. Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
12/07/15 06:36:44AM
1,185 posts

A word of advice to empaths


Empath

Hi Justme,

I do see your point and totally agree that we need to keep our abilities to ourselves with many people. As Ecila said, this is especially true in the work place. I also keep my mouth shut around those I perceive as dark, since it is to my advantage in many ways that I don't tell them.

I do tell close friends, because time is precious and shorter than we think, and I wonder if you aren't just a little bit glad that you found out this person who said you modeled yourself after a Star Trek character was not really a friend. I would have been glad to find that out and not waste any more time on that person. I am not just saying this as an abstract concept....

In the past few years, many of my friendships have gone by the wayside as I realized I had limited time and energy, found out why I was so different from most people I know, and did not want to waste any time. The hardest for me was that my closest friendship of 54 years duration ended earlier this year, and this was not all of what went wrong, but her scoffing at the very idea of my abilities was part of the reason. I am 64 and very ill, and looking back, one of my biggest regrets was that I wish I'd not wasted SO much energy and so many years banging my head against a wall, trying to get close with the wrong people. Telling them is one way to separate the flowers from the weeds, at least for me. I don't have to read them every minute either. I can and do shut it off most of the time. People who stick around once they know I'm an empath are people who are mostly honest, so I don't need to intrude on their privacy.

I also agree with you that some lies don't matter. The small lies of kindness, like "No, you don't look fat in that dress" are not necessary with me, but I do not mind them.

As far as picking up negative stuff, I freely admit to my own negative traits and I think that puts my friends at ease about knowing that I accept theirs, or at least I hope it does. Also, if I have some negatives going on that I am not aware of, I want to know so I can work on them, or on the mistaken perception I am giving off, if that is what it is.

I am sorry if this was not too clear. I haven't had my coffee yet, lol. :-)

Have a blessed day,

Cheshire Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
12/07/15 06:11:10AM
1,185 posts

A word of advice to empaths


Empath

Hi Cat Whisperer,

Crazy is right, IMO. Just a couple of examples:

I have told a neighbor who was a thorn in my side that I knew she was lying and told her word for word what I picked up as truth from her brain. At first, she looked shocked, as you might expect. Then she looked me right in the eyes and told an even bigger whopper to try to cover it up. You can't fix stupid. I just walked away. (A few months later we put up a 6 ft. solid fence between us and life is a lot better. )

I have listened to the worst and most constant pathological liar I've ever known yell at his son repeatedly to "stop telling lies". Where does he think the kid got it from? He truly is so wacko he has no idea that he's lying!

We empaths may be a minority, but I sometimes fear we are the only sane ones left.

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
12/05/15 12:13:07PM
1,185 posts



Thank you for the correct link! Good article.....nice to know I'm not alone. :-)

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
12/05/15 12:04:15PM
1,185 posts



Very good summary. I think most empaths can relate to the last paragraph in the 4th density section......I certainly did! Thanks for posting this.

C. Cat


updated by @cheshire-cat: 03/13/17 09:25:20AM
Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
12/05/15 11:35:25AM
1,185 posts



Hi Roberta,

I could not find any discussion on this page???

The photos were beautiful and looked more like paintings. Did you take them?


updated by @cheshire-cat: 03/22/17 11:54:04PM
Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
12/05/15 11:25:15AM
1,185 posts

A word of advice to empaths


Empath

Karen,

I no longer care if they think I am insane. That helps! I figured out at some point that people who are going to like you will like you anyway and those who won't will not anyway, so I am going to be me from now on no matter what. I do tell people, but go entirely by whether I pick up that they can handle it. Sometimes it is very advantageous to keep it to myself if I sense someone is dark and I have to interact with them.

I totally agree that anyone who thinks you should or could give this up without denying the very basis of who you are doesn't deserve your attention. The amount of self-deception most people engage in throws me for a loop also; I believe it's called a "normalcy bias".

C. Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
12/05/15 09:31:22AM
1,185 posts

A word of advice to empaths


Empath

Hi Jonny,

I totally agree with you. In the past, I felt it was my job to keep people from jumping into the pool without checking to see if there was any water in it first. What I found was that they resented being told the pool was empty, jumped in anyway, and then blamed me for how stupid they felt for jumping! Every time they saw me, it reminded them that they hadn't listened to me, and brought up bad feelings. Classic "Kill the messenger", rather than acceptance of personal responsibility and acknowledgement that I had cared enough about them to try and warn them.

I've finally had enough of being hurt by giving unasked for advice, and every morning, as part of my exercise and meditation routine, I tell myself over and over "You are not here to FIX anyone, you do not have to be RIGHT, if someone wants to create a DRAMA that is their business." It is still very hard to keep quiet. I wonder why I have this ability if I'm not going to use it much, and constantly have to remind myself that other people may have chosen to have these difficult life lessons, and maybe I should just be supportive after they stumble, instead of trying to prevent it.

I have also gotten tired of letting people know I can tell when they lie and having them continue to lie to me anyway. I almost always pick up the same things from their minds when this happens and it goes like this: "You can't possibly have that ability. If anyone had it, it would be me, not you." The vanity surprises me! Or, they simply do not believe in what they would call "paranormal" abilities at all, so they refuse to see that what I told them in detail has come to pass, and they pass it off as coincidence, to prevent their belief system being shaken up.

None of this is easy for me. I have become quite the hermit because of it, restricting myself to people who are either HSP or empaths and a couple of very old, dear friends who are at least open to what we do, even though almost all of these people live far away from me. It is lonely, but I've found it far better for me than being in a room full of "normal" friendly people who are nevertheless so very different from me that I honestly have trouble believing they are members of the same species that I am. Can you relate?

Cheshire Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
11/18/15 03:18:39PM
1,185 posts

Sick a lot?


Empath

AHA! Now that you have added anxiety to your symptoms a light went off in what passes for my brain, and it occurs to me you may have adrenal fatigue. This is a major problem in contemporary society, especially for women. Look it up and see if it fits. If so, there are several nutritional things you can do, along with rest, to greatly help yourself heal. :-)

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
11/18/15 11:50:34AM
1,185 posts

Sick a lot?


Empath

Hi Sarah,

I agree with Fancy Girl and am picking up that you need to take as much rest as you can find time for right now. I believe empaths tend to get sick more than less sensitive people.

IME, when you take kids who get the flu and add low resistance to illness due to being bombarded with responsibilities and not enough rest, the result is often Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, not the mild illness it's name implies, but usually a life-long horror show. So, please go easy on yourself.

You have many blessings in jobs that you love. I would hate to see you lose them to chronic illness.

Wishing you health and resilience, from someone who lost it,

C. Cat

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
11/14/15 07:27:17PM
1,185 posts



Yes, I have trouble with CYP450 drugs. I have to take 2 of them for a serious illness. Recently, I had to take 2 more for an infection and my pulse dropped to 40 for two whole days. That was scary.

Can't handle alcohol at all either.

My mom was an unaware empath.

Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
11/07/15 10:34:16AM
1,185 posts



Hi Matt,

I can relate to the dragonfly part of your experience. After the same thing happened to me for awhile, and someone gave me two dragonfly lawn ornaments for no apparent reason, I decided the dragonfly must be my totem animal. They eat mosquitos, won't sting you and are very pretty, so what's not to like? They have very short lives, sadly. I think the thinner bluish ones you mentioned are called damselflies and are a close relative of the dragonfly.

If not familiar with the idea of having an animal totem, there is lots of info online about it. It would be especially strange if there are no ponds nearby, since that is where they hatch from. We have a large moat around a garden next door to us, which I think is where the dragonflies hatched that I see so often.

We have a lot of screech owls in our yard, but I've only seen one during the day one time and it was asleep, deep in the middle of my ficus tree! Owls are supposed to have all sorts of possible metaphysical meanings, which you can also look up online and see if it applies to you.


updated by @cheshire-cat: 04/23/17 02:58:46PM
Cheshire Cat
@cheshire-cat
10/26/15 07:18:00AM
1,185 posts



Please check out the Empath Survival section on the home page. Many find success with methods outlined there.

There are also many good shielding videos on YouTube. You can also find videos on grounding, clearing your aura, aligning chakras, etc.

Generally, you will need to clear your aura, ground yourself, align your chakras and put up a shield in that order, IMO. You should choose methods that feel right for you. This is not as hard as it sounds, and only takes a couple of minutes each day.

We are all different, so if I tell you what I do, it may not be right for you at all. Some people don't use a shield at all, and practice an open door flow through method instead, and some only shield when in crowds. I have some very low vibrational people living all around me, so I use a shield all the time and have an extra strong shield for special situations.

Your abilities can grow and you can become stronger and handle them better. Like anything worthwhile, it takes time and practice. We are all in that process here and you will get lots of help. :-)


updated by @cheshire-cat: 01/06/17 08:52:41PM
 
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