I think we can all relate
Excellent post, Rene. It explains why so many of us are depressed too, or maybe I should just speak for myself in interpreting it that way.
Of course I appreciate your prayers, and I will add you to my prayer list also. I am very glad your dad gave you a message that will keep you around. I've lived long enough to know the future is rarely what we imagine it to be, and most negative things we worry about never come to pass or end up having a good reason for them in the end, though it may take a long time for the good part to arrive. I just have to remind myself of that a lot, and I hope you will too.
When I started my long withdrawal from benzos recently, the intense fear and anxiety to the point of terror that is generated even by slowly removing the drug took away almost all my abilities and my trust in my judgement. I assume they will not return until I am done withdrawing, which will take at least two years! I do miss them, and feel at a disadvantage when making decisions about people. Since fear is the very lowest vibration, I am not surprised this happened and am certainly not happy about it.
You've gotten sick several times very close together, and your immunity may be low or your adrenals worn out. If so, it will take awhile to come back to normal, especially if it's low adrenal function and you don't treat yourself with great kindness, ie. put yourself first! Saying you are no longer anxious at all is a huge clue your adrenals may be worn out from all that sickness. If you look up "adrenal fatigue" you will find loads of suggestions on how to recover.
Best wishes for your health,
Thank you so much for this timely post, especially #15. I've had a hard life, but am going through by far the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with, and it will take more than two years of enduring. I have a sticky note on my computer that says Gratitude! five times in bright colors. It reminds me to distract myself from the pity party and be glad for what I have. It's not easy, but it will be SO worth the freedom I will gain.
Your posts are always inspiring,
Snap - Yes, I have stage IV Lyme Disease and a list too long to type of the diseases it causes long term. No, it is no longer curable and I have had all the treatment I could afford. I have total malabsorption of fats, since my body no longer makes any digestive enzymes, thanks to Lyme, and must take very expensive medicine to eat at all, with only a minimal amount of fat, or I would also have heavy cream....I envy you. I mostly drink plain Kefir. I use coconut oil to get more fats, since high fat is needed for Lyme, and coconut oil does not need to be digested at all.
Alzheimer's is now being called Type 3 diabetes by some. I already eat a low carb, super healthy diet and do not have diabetes. I am checked every six months. The diet, which I've been on for a few years, also fixed my lipids, which are now normal for the first time in my life.
Lyme causes dementia all on it's own, so does brain damage from head injury, and so can long term use of benzos. It's a toss up as to which it is, or maybe all 3 in my case. Oh, old allergy drugs can also cause it, like Benadryl.
I hope your dad will find a cause that can be helped for his problem.
Thanks for the good points you raised. It helps to get a scientist's point of view. I do know correlation doesn't equal causation, but it still sounds scary, especially when you are having symptoms like I am.
To emphasize one of the good points you made, I do have another circumstance that is supposed to give me a 4 times higher chance of getting AZD than average, which would be 400%, a lot more than the 84% from benzos. And you are correct that I have to ask 4 times what? The base risk is never mentioned in anything I've read. I had a closed head injury, and was declared dead at the scene. Surprise! I was just mostly unconscious for one day. It was found in studies of identical twins (Univ. of Minnesota) that previous closed head injury was the only factor affecting their differing rates of AZD later in life. They never said what the actual risk was that mine was 4 times higher than, so your point is well taken.
Yesterday, I almost ran out of benzos, because the doctor's office was so busy, they hadn't looked at renewal messages for a couple of days. The law no longer allows you to call for renewals of controlled substances more than two days ahead of running out now. I finally sent them a fax, twice. Running out would have forced me to go to the ER to prevent death by seizure, heart attack or stroke, and they would have thrown me into inpatient detox, since most of these bozos do not understand that benzos cannot be withdrawn from fast like alcohol, heroin and opiates. (I did a pretty fast opiate withdrawal after the first 12 yrs. of my illness and though it was hell, it was a piece of cake compared to just lowering my dose of benzos). Fast withdrawal also causes heart attacks, etc. as well as the PAWS, which can go on for years and often results in patient suicide because it is unbearable. At the last possible minute, they called the script in, but I do not not want to be this dependent on a broken medical system. I don't like being dependent, period.
So, I may spend what could be my last two years of life working my way off this poison, only to find I don't even know what planet I'm on by then, but if I don't try, I will be even more dependent, and will have raised my dose to the max and be stuck in tolerance withdrawal forever. I am at 3 mgs. daily now, and 4 mgs. is the max most docs will give you. So, I will try my damnedest to get off.
I really am quite surprised that nobody here is on benzos after reading that empaths are 7 times more likely to be addicts, but I can hear you saying 7 times more likely than how much? Maybe people just don't want to admit taking them. I am angry, but not ashamed, since I was flat out lied to when I was put on these, and their addictive potential was unknown way back then. I am still being told I am dependent not addicted, as if that made a damn bit of difference when trying to get off of them.
Thank you for pointing out the way stats can be manipulated to the desired effect. There is an excellent quote from Mark Twain about damn lies and statistics, but I cannot remember it at the moment. I am very slow to retrieve memories, one of the symptoms benzos can cause long term. I see stats used in the MSM all the time to create the fear porn that TPTB are constantly programming us with for their enjoyment and control.
I just pasted a quote below from an article in Psychiatry Advisor. There are many more sources for this that I found easily. Yes, I am aware there are also studies that contradict this and I pray they are correct. Someone forgot to tell the CDC and the DEA though, and doctors are being scared off by the CDC guidelines, even if they are no good as you say.
I went through this once before in the early 1980's, when the only drug that worked on my migraines was banned due to junkie abuse, and I lost my job as a result of the inadequate substitutes I was given, so I see the writing on the wall here. Sweden and Norway have banned benzos entirely and UK has restricted them. I can see a ban coming here on doctors writing scripts for benzos and not including adequate time for those who are hooked to get off. Yes, there are genetic differences in addiction. I know two people who took a benzodiazepine for 20 years, quit cold turkey and had zero withdrawal. All my doctors told me that is unusual though. I also read an online blog by a doctor who became bedridden for 10 months, forgot how to use a computer and much more basic stuff, and saw 6 of her friends commit suicide from being forcibly withdrawn too quickly from benzos. As I said, most docs will not write them anymore at all, at least not where I live, and evidently not where that doctor lives either. Rehabs tend to do it in 6 weeks, which is way too fast, unless you're on a low dose for a short time, for most of us. There are always lucky exceptions and I wish I was one, but I am not.
There is one expert who says people with Lyme, Fibro and CFS need some sort of anti seizure drug and he prefers Klonopin, a benzodiazepine. Another fibro expert says once you are well, it will be easy to come off the benzodiazepine. Maybe so, I do not know, but I am running out of time, already having lived more than 2 yrs. past what doctors told me was my sell by date, lol. After reading extensively about PAWS, I have a strong empath gut feeling that getting off xanax will get rid of a lot of my other health problems, which are really caused by PAWS.
However, regardless of the AZD issue, I DO have serious memory issues, which are not normal and have been progressing, so I think in my case, I should consider it a possibility that the drug is involved, since the Neurologist could find no other reason. I also really do not like being addicted to anything and want to get off. I do not like being dependent on conventional medicine, since I consider it barbaric and obscenely putting profits first, not caring who is hurt. I did not know any of that back in 1986, when I was put on this stuff. Most doctors are so afraid of the DEA, they do not give you adequate time to withdraw. They simply cut you off, at least where I live. We had to find a new primary doctor recently and it took us 6 tries and we had to go 40 minutes away to find one who would even consider prescribing xanax. The other doctors, when I asked about it, talked to me as if I had just crawled out of a gutter and was some kind of subhuman. The first one even made me cry, and blamed me for taking them, not the doctor who told me I needed them.
Here is the quote:
"Using benzodiazepines may increase a patient’s risk of developing dementia and could even lead to death.
Helene Alphonso, DO, Director of Osteopathic Medical Education at North Texas University Health Science Center, and colleagues say that a recent Canadian review of 9,000 patients uncovered that those who had taken a benzodiazepine for three months or less had a dementia risk the same as those who had never taken one.
However, taking one of the tranquilizer drugs for three to six months boosted the risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease by 32%. And taking a benzodiazepine for more than six months increased the risk by 84%. The researchers said similar results were seen in a French study that examined elderly patients.
This is not the first time a call has been made to limit the use of benzodiazepines. In 2012, the American Geriatric Society said the drugs were “inappropriate” for treating insomnia, agitation, or delirium because of those risks of falls, injuries, accidental overdose, and death in this population.
“It’s imperative to transition older patients because we’re seeing a very strong correlation between use of benzodiazepines and development of Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias,” Alphonso said in a statement. “While correlation certainly isn’t causation, there’s ample reason to avoid this class of drugs as a first-line therapy,” Alphonso said."
Other articles can be found by Googling "benzodiazepines cause Alzheimer's".
Since nobody here but me seems to have this as a possible cause of their memory loss, I am going to quit talking about it here, since I feel like I am sidelining the original thread's purpose. I would like to know more about the ORMUS that you mention, so I will be looking it up, as soon as I get a break in my work today. If you have time to explain to me why the studies that show benzos cause AZD are no good, please do PM me with that info, as I always want to learn more. I have read the contradicting studies.
My husband is in surgery right now as I type this, so I am rather preoccupied with that and hate it that I can't be there, since I must run his company 24/7/365, and having zero time off work ever is reason enough to take benzos, IMO, though I still intend to try my best to get off.
Thanks for saying that Rene. I forgot to mention that my stomach is so nervous I am only able to eat liquids and baby food, and only if I take Benadryl to control the nausea. "Tied in knots" is a good description. I feel like I am about to give a speech in front of 10,000 people and I've just realized I left all my notes at home!
Anyone taking drugs that affect memory? If not, you can skip this long post. If yes, please read this! This post is about benzodiazepines, but the older antihistamines can also cause severe dementia.
I have rapidly increasing memory problems, way too weird to blame on my age. My MRI shows no signs of Alzheimer's though. Cannot walk and talk at the same time, or I speak gobbledygook. Cannot multi-task, including making meals with many dishes in them. Cannot spell vowels. Can't remember fiction I read, but can remember non-fiction. Zero working memory. I'm mis-remembering long term things now. Cannot find words I know and often use the wrong word with a similar meaning, such as saying I need to "mow the rug". A lawn mower moves just like a vacuum.
In researching this, I found out that empaths are 7 times more likely to be drug addicts than the general population, whether legal or illegal. This was no surprise to me, given that we live on a looney bin planet and are so sensitive.
And, it's usually calming drugs, like benzos, that we go for, since we are so overstimulated. I just found out I have been "accidentally addicted" to one of these drugs for 31 years, meaning they were prescribed, not illegally obtained. I was put on them for muscle spasms from fibromyalgia which kept me from being able to walk, and at the time, it seemed like a miracle. I always took less than the amount allowed, never craved them, and kept trying to get off them. Doctors told me I "needed this like a diabetic needs insulin" and that I was dependent, not addicted. Semantic bulls*it.
However, that does not change the fact that benzos are by far the most addictive drugs on earth and much harder to get off of than heroin, none of which I was told back then. Benzos also uniquely cause something called PAWS, which stands for Protracted Addiction Withdrawal Syndrome, with symptoms due to developing a tolerance to your dose that can get you diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and then put on benzos for it, which make you feel better temporarily, but you will never heal, since you are merely feeding the addiction. Instead, you develop many other health problems, all of which I now have, some of which could kill me.
I tried to withdraw too fast and got sicker than I thought it was possible to be and still live. I am now being stabilized, then starting a very slow withdrawal, against my doctor's advice, but he is reluctantly helping me, and they tell me doing it safely will take a minimum of two YEARS with symptoms that may last up to four years longer! The important reason why I have decided to put myself through this hell at my age is that benzos have now been confirmed to cause Alzheimer's in 84% of people who take them long term, which is defined as longer than 6 months. They also cause many of the symptoms I have that I have blamed on my Lyme Disease, such as rages, depression and anxiety, none of which I had before taking them. It may already be too late for me, though most of the brain damage they cause is reversible with time. Back in 1994, I was changed from regular disability due to severe fibromyalgia to "incurable/terminal disability" due to the severity of my brain damage.
Doctors never tell you this when they put you on these poisons, and many of them don't even know it. People have been killed by heart attack, stroke and seizures by being taken off benzos rapidly, as you can do with alcohol, heroin or opiates. Docs don't know that you cannot do it fast with benzos.
I sincerely hope this does not apply to any of you who are having memory trouble. It came as a huge shock to me, and I want to be sure others who may be affected know about this. I am still coming to grips with the extreme anger I feel at the psychos who run Big Pharma.
I hope you are right and that what's going on right now is just the darkness before the dawn. My guides have not spoken to me for over a decade, so I am heartened to hear such a positive message from yours.
P.S. Love your Avatar
I do remembering discussing this with you before. I really hope it is being prevented, however it happens. That is very good news indeed and something to be grateful for this Thanksgiving.
Very glad to hear that! I wish I could say the same. I think maybe what you've done would help my Fibro somewhat, if that is all I had, but my Fibro is secondary to Lyme Disease, as Fibro often is, and that does not respond as much to grounding, protection stones, etc. Getting toxic people out of my life has helped, but I think that would help everyone.
Wishing you continued good health.
It actually sounds like you may have Fibromyalgia. Neck pains, headaches, muscle aches that move around the body, lousy sleep and a very irritable bladder are all symptoms. So are sleep disorders, particularly 3 kinds of them, one of which is very particular to this illness and is called alpha-delta sleep anomaly or alpha- delta sleep intrusion.....
One of the symptoms of the prolonged sleep disruption it causes is something called hypnogogic hallucinations, which are mostly sudden noises just as you are drifting off but not quite asleep, or they may occur as you wake up. The most common ones reported to me when I used to run a Fibro support group for 3 cities were the sound of a wire shorting out, the sound of a slamming door, and a loud bang. I had the slamming door one, and it was so convincing that I would prowl though the house checking for intruders.
They key here would be whether you have pains in all four quadrants of the body, not just the neck. A diagnosis of fibromyalgia requires symmetrical pains at certain exact points in all four quadrants, though they do not have to be equally as bad on both sides. You might want to get checked by a Rheumatologist to rule this out if you meet this criteria. You can look up the many other symptoms online and see if it fits.
I am anticipating what may be your next question, and no, I've known plenty of clueless people with fibromyalgia who were definitely not empaths at all. While some with fibromyalgia are definitely more sensitive, and I've read that some Indian tribes consider all fibromyalgia people to be automatic Shamen, I knew too many people who had it who were not emotionally sensitive at all, and so consider the increase in sensitivity among some people to be part of the overactive sympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system in fibromyalgia, a physical reason for hypersensitivity of all types.
I will say this, and this is just my observation from 10 yrs. of having running a support group and 4 yrs. running a call in info line, so it's not scientific.....I did see what appeared to be a correlation between how severe the fibromyalgia was and the sensitivity of the person, with more sensitive people being much worse afflicted by the other symptoms of the disorder. I was told I was in the bottom 10% in terms of severity, for example.
This may be a chicken and egg illness, ie. which came first, the physical symptoms or the sensitivity? In my case, it was definitely sensitivity, from birth. We do know there are mutated detoxification genes involved. What I think matters, and why I wanted to post to you, is that if you have the diagnosis, there are treatments that will help besides just metaphysical ones, or harsh drugs, and the ones I think work best are natural and safe when properly used, so I think it's worth knowing if you fit the diagnosis for that reason. Just my two cents.
OOPS. Senior moment. I got you mixed up with Cat Whisperer, when I mentioned your previous Avatar looking like a cat I had long ago named Rhonda. That was her previous Avatar, not yours. That must have confused you, sorry. I have a serious brain injury and memory problems from Lyme Disease as well, and sometimes my eggs get scrambled.....in this case it was scrambled cat Avatars, lol.
That sounds like a very good compromise. I hate it when they subject pets, especially small ones to pesticides.
I am glad your husband has caved. Mine would already have the neighbor's cat that we take care of inside if it were not for me and my allergies. He loves her dearly, since he misses our last cat, who was his lap cat. She was an Abyssinian rescue, and they are the most affectionate of breeds. I haven't seen the meme you mention, but I have seen one where the husband does not want the cat, so she is offering up the husband for sale instead.
I am married and own a home now. My experience that was so similar to yours happened a long time ago when I was single, but we presently have what I call a timeshare cat, lol. The cat comes from a home one block away with 9 others and she wants to be an only cat, so she came to our house, choosing the only nearby home with a totally fenced yard that did not have a dog, but did have lots of landscaping to play in and a couple of suckers for cats, ie. myself and my husband. It was obvious the cat was being fed, but not enough, due to her refusal to go home, so we followed her back to her home when she got hungry, and I've become friends with the owner.
The owner provides the food and Vet services, though she gets no shots, due to this woman's religious beliefs, and we provide flea meds during summer, since she does not believe in medications and we got fleas in our house at first. The cat lives outdoors except that it sleeps in my husband's workshop office in a bed he made her which I lined with sheepskin for cold nights. This is central Florida, so she is in no danger.
I am allergic to cats now, so promised the doctor not to get anymore after our last one died, and we are old and cannot afford the Vet bills now, and have no friends left who are willing to take the cat if we pass on. It works pretty well, though sometimes we have to buy food, since she doesn't have time to come over and deliver it in time, and we are feeding only what she wants to feed the cat, which is the very best, plus evaporated milk, which I do not agree with for cats, due to their lactose intolerance, but it is not our cat, so I oblige.
Cats always seem to know how to find those who love them and can't turn them away. They are not only beautiful and unique, but smart, as I'm sure you'll agree.
P.S. I think I told you this before, but I had a cat named Rhonda that looked almost exactly like the one you used to use as your Avatar.
I have been in this situation too, except I was not allowed to have any pets at all, and I really feel for you. I felt I just had to rescue the kitten and was prepared to violate my lease, forfeit my security deposit and move. I told my landlord exactly what had happened and why I had the kitten, and he surprised me by actually having a heart. He told me that I was such an excellent tenant, always paying rent on time, being quiet, and keeping the place clean, that he would let me have the cat, since he knew I would keep the place clean even with a pet. This was a 3 apartment house though, not a huge impersonal apt. complex. I don't know your situation, but I find that often when I step out on faith and I do what I feel is right, things fall into place. Only you can feel what is right in this one. Maybe the kitten could live with you, but you can say it just "visits" you a lot because it likes to play with your other cat, and the neighbor could agree to go along with this story and say it is still hers and lives with her, in case you get caught. This is breaking my heart too, and I'm not there......I wish you the best solution for all involved.
I used to be a psychiatric social worker, (now disabled) so I will address your question about Bipolar Disorder specifically from my training and point of view.
There are some very bad therapists out there, especially at the pill mills, where you cannot actually get any talk therapy now days. They'll gladly diagnose you in five minutes or less with whatever the latest expensive pill from Big Pharma is treating, just so they can win a free trip to the Bahamas or some other bribe. If you've encountered one of these, get another opinion please!
They have a relatively new diagnosis, called Bipolar Type II, which is almost indistinguishable from atypical depression aka agitated depression aka irritable depression, a much more common condition that affects 40% of all those with depression, in which irritability replaces apathy in an otherwise common presentation of depressive symptoms. There are no other symptoms of Bipolar Disorder or they are very mild, and IMO, may describe almost anyone. This again gives them the right to hand you some very expensive and dangerous anti-psychotic meds, when you may really need treatment for depression instead. If you've encountered this, please get a second opinion!
Having said all that, Bipolar Disorder Type I definitely exists and is a very serious psychosis. However, nobody with decent training would ever confuse it with being an empath. I will give you 3 examples of typical Bipolar manic behavior from actual patients I've had. Ask yourself if any of this sounds like an empath to you.....
1. This patient went into a manic episode and decided it would be fun to steal a car and drive it over 100 mph on the highway, in the wrong direction! She eventually went off the roads when the cops chased her. She gave no thought to the danger or consequences, as is typical during these episodes.
2. This patient told her husband she was expanding her business to another nearby town. She then went on the Internet and arranged hookups with many different men at motels in that other town about twice a week, until he finally got suspicious and followed her. Promiscuity is a very common manic symptom.
3. This patient was worshipped by his adoring wife. He died, and afterwards she found he had several secret credit cards with thousands of dollars in debts from paying for porn on the Internet. Big spending sprees are another common feature of mania for some, often including gambling, but in this case it was combined with the urge to be promiscuous.
I don't know any real empaths who behave this way. Causing others this kind of pain is something we empaths work hard to avoid. I hope this will help you sort this out.
Thanks for your perspective. I have just recently mended fences with two people I was in this position with. There is one more I wish to do so with, but like your friend, I can't push her. It's not my job to fix her, but to be there to listen, which I can't do when I am being rejected due to her bitterness over her situation and her guilt because my situation is worse but I handle it better. We are different and she should not compare herself to me. I have made some peace with it, but it is sad. I hope your situation will have a happy ending as well, and that your example of success will show your children and your friend a way out just by being who you are, a shining example for when they are ready.
May you be blessed,
Wow, C.W., now I really feel ancient. Your question made me laugh.
I am a dinosaur who only uses an old flip cell phone for emergencies, and when I post pics here I do it by finding one I like on my iMac desktop and just dragging it into the text box here at EC.
I'm sure someone else will give you the right answer to your question, but I just had to post. I was so amused at how far out of the tech loop I am......
Thanks for the caring, Nikki.
It is now 54 yrs. of friendship by my count, since we never stopped loving each other. We were just both too proud to be first to ask to try to work it out again. Stupid pride.
I also have 2 other friendships that have lasted 54 years, since all of them started when I moved to a new state and began the 7th grade. One I hear from rarely, but the other is still a close one and I trust her totally. She has known me since I was a 12 yr. old wild child, lol.
I found the childhood friends are the ones who stick with you when you become seriously ill. The friends I'd made where I live now as an adult all left me when I got sick, with only 2 exceptions, and they were both casual friends who turned out to be life savers.
Studies show the happiest people are those who never move more than 60 miles from where they grew up. Other studies were done to find out why and it turned out only one thing mattered....those people still had some of their childhood friends. These folks bond with you just like siblings, before you are old enough to start discriminating, so the bonds tend to be more unconditional.
I made a point out of keeping old friends despite moving so far away, since it is hard for me to find people who meet my ethical standards and have enough brains or curiosity to interest me. I'll bet you can relate to that. I think all empaths want people with high ethics.
For anyone who has been reading my posts on this thread:
Amazing news! I did decide to go ahead and write positive 11-11 messages of love and forgiveness to both my 52 yr. long BFF, who ended it a year and a half ago, and to the person who has been my closest friend for the last 3 yrs. and got very angry with me a few days ago. I am not sure how that last will be received yet and wish her well no matter what, but am glad I expressed my gratitude for having had her in my life, regardless of outcome.
The good news is I now have my oldest friend back after a nasty and seemingly final end to a very long friendship and a year and a half apart! We just got off the phone. It turned out she'd been feeling just as bad about what happened and my email love offering was an excuse to tell me so. I was shocked, since I did not expect any response. We talked it all out, I was assertive about how much it hurt me and how I would not tolerate certain things, and we agreed to only use the phone from now on, since email misunderstandings due to the tone of voice were the main cause of the problem to begin with. I will not be super trusting here until I see what happens, if ever, and it will be a less close relationship than before, since we are so different now than in younger days, but it shows what you can accomplish when you reach out in humility and love.
For anyone who has lost a dear friend, there may be hope if you can make the first move.
Yep, we sound a lot alike, except that I have very advanced have Lyme Disease, and instant, uncontrollable rage is an unfortunate part of that. I had zero temper before I got sick and in fact, no temper was pretty much a requirement for my former profession.
The non-attachment meditations and huge doses of Omega 3 fish oil I take are helping a lot with keeping my cool, but I also avoid people who trigger me like the plague and isolate a lot to do it, since I do not want to go off at people, and like most empaths, I hate confrontations.
Like you, I normally remove myself from those people, having moved and left jobs numerous times to avoid confrontation when I was single, but I now live in a place I cannot move from due to my husband's business, where I have horrible neighbors on two sides, and was subjected to almost 3 decades of abuse from a Narcissist FIL and BIL. The BIL still lives next door, but we cannot move for reasons I won't bore you with. I use very strong shields, and our 6 ft. tall solid wood fence helps too.
At 43, I think of you as a spring chicken! If I was 43, I'd be in graduate school, making up for the biggest mistake I ever made, which was not getting my PhD so I could do challenging work instead of the boring stuff I got with only a BA. I also needed it so I could be in a job where i could surround myself with other brainiacs like me and not feel like such a freak among the people I am exposed to. I would put serving the happiness of men in my life last instead of first like I did, and serve my own happiness first. I had hoped my generation was the last one to do that, but I have seen some disturbing evidence that it is not so.
There is a famous saying about us being crushed between regret over the past, which leads to depression, and fear of the future, which leads to anxiety. I think staying in the present would got a long way to ease the endless ruminations empaths are prone to, but it sure is hard to maintain!
I feel led to post my favorite prayer and I hope nobody is offended. Happy 11-11 everyone!
The light of God surrounds us
The love of God enfolds us
The power of God protects us
The presence of God watches over us
Wherever we are, God is.
And all is well.
I don't know how old you are, but I would have written exactly what you just wrote when I was much younger. I think I was about 50 when things started to change and I stopped seeing only the good. I'm a slow learner, lol, and am now 65. I realized that potential is just that, potential only, and I can't make anyone use it. People rarely change. I think this is not just an empath issue. I have noticed that young women are far more likely to fall in love with potential than men are, and to think if we just love someone enough, they will change for us. I said "young women" because I don't know anyone near to my age who still believes that. I also have to look at my own unused potential and my own bad choices, many of which were not really clear until I was too old to do anything to reverse them.
Like you, I've also been told by friends that I am "too easy" and that I put up with mistreatment far too long before I speak up. That is true. I tend to be so shocked when people behave in a way that I never would that I just do nothing. I don't know what to say to them, since I can't conceive of why they act or speak that way. Once it builds to where it becomes intolerable to my self esteem, then I blow, like a volcano. That rage is something I am working on, but it's darn difficult after a lifetime of this garbage and when I know that even an early, reasonable attempt to disagree with someone will result in them dropping me, so I keep holding on, which I know is stupid. If they're going to drop me for something ridiculous, then let's get it over with and quit wasting my time.
I am also old enough to remember when almost everyone respected other people's right to disagree and they were still friends! Imagine that. That is as rare as hen's teeth now.
I am considering writing to both my former BFF and my recent BFF since it is 11-11, and sending them positive appreciation magnified by the date 11-11, in gratefulness for all I learned from them, sine I truly do not feel any animosity at all, a wonderful gift from my studies of non-attachment and huge doses of Omega 3 EPA oil, which have helped calm me down tremendously. But, I don't expect anything to change from that.
I think it wonderful that you are starting to realize these things at such a young age. Hopefully, you will not end up as worn out and untrusting as I am as a result of your early insights.
Rene and nikki3,
Thank you so much for the very thoughtful responses. I am now in that same situation once again, where my opinion is unacceptable and has resulted in my being called some hurtful and untrue things, but this time I will not handle it the way I've done in the past, which was by falling apart completely for months, and not going a single day without thinking of the loss of someone I loved with unbearable sadness lasting for years. I have a new mantra I use in my Qi Gong each morning, ie. "It's not mine, it's not reality, it's not worth it, and I am safe".
Your comments have helped a lot. I have been practicing detachment meditation for awhile now, and I think I finally am there, for which I am very grateful to this same person, who ironically is the one who got me interested in it. I think I have been through this often enough now that I have become numb and find myself very calm and unaffected, and have been able to sleep just fine. I am up in the middle of the night, but that is normal for me, since I have 3 sleep disorders. I can simply let it go, or maybe just express thanks for all the things I've learned from her and always remember them.
nikki3 - Do you ever read themindsjournal? I just saw an article there recently called 'Blunt friends are the best kind to have" which you may enjoy. I agree that many people need lies to handle life and I can feel which areas I must leave alone and not comment on, but maybe I go over the line sometimes when I see someone ruining their life over the same issue endlessly. They'd rather have the familiar drama of abuse than face reality, drop toxic people and have some peace I guess. I do not know because I can't relate to wanting those kind of people in my life. I get dropped instead of the toxic people. As an "extreme realist" I get frustrated with this and maybe it shows and they feel judged. Like I said, I'm not good at games. I know this constant undervaluation of my worth as a friend must be partly my fault, since I am the common denominator in it, so I'm trying to guess what I am doing wrong to make people value me so little. It may be that I am doing something right too, in which case I am totally ready to accept being friendless the rest of my life rather than play a game. I still have several casual friends and they'll have to be enough.though most live far from me now.
I don't look for friends in everyone or even anyone now, after losing so many close ones in a row, which is fulfilling a premonition I had that I would lose everyone I care about before I can die, even my husband. and that would kill me off too if I lost him. I don't meet many people due to being cooped up in a tiny home office running my husband's business, and the state of my own health limits my activities a lot. I have not found anyone here in 36 years who is really my kind of friend and I have tried and tried. There is one who comes close, but works so much I hardly see her. She says I am her only friend. I did meet one on EC here who mirrored me and seemed perfect, but it was an act to draw me in and then control my life. I was the one to end that and it hurt just as much to have to be on the other end.
Like Renee said at the start of this thread, people are just impossible to please and in my case they make no effort to please me, but expect me to bend over backwards to please them. If we teach people how to treat us, then how can we be kind and firm at the same time? IME, that results in them getting huffy and leaving. I am DONE walking on egg shells. It is too bad nobody except two of my old friends like me enough to argue with me over anything and still respect and like me, the mark of true caring. It's easier to accept differences when it's casual, I guess. Emotional investment seems to require more and more conformity from people.
I have to go back to bed. This has been an interesting thread and I hope we all learned from it that we are not alone in having these problems. I sure got some help. Thanks.
Sigh. I also recognize the examples both of you just gave, Renee and nikki3. People are predictable in our strangeness, lol.
Another one that really gets to me is when others will put up with numerous people who treat them horribly, put them down, walk all over them, take advantage, lie, cheat, mooch, yell at them, and treat them like dirt in general, but the minute I disagree with them on the tiniest little unimportant thing, they drop me as a friend. It makes me feel about as low as you can get, to be worth so little to people. Often, these people have been telling me they love me, I am a "dear friend', I am "like a sister", I can "never lose them no matter what", etc. right up until I say something they don't agree with.
It has taken awhile to dawn on me, but I think maybe I am interpreting this wrong, and they really feel so badly about themselves that they think they deserve the awful treatment they get, and just use whatever it was I disagreed with them about as an excuse to get rid of me, since they feel I see through their act, whatever it happens to be. They feel they can't live up to what I expect, even though I keep that to myself, since I know I have no right to expect anything from anyone. I guess I am pretty transparent in letting them see what I wish I could expect, since I've even been told by two people that they felt like they were good people until they knew me, and that I made them feel bad about themselves just by being who I am. Their answer to my "making" them feel bad was that I should be less of a "goody two shoes" and "make more mistakes" and "be more human". The idea that I should be less than I can be made me angry, so you would think seeing me blow a gasket would satisfy them, but no, I'm still not nasty enough I guess. It's actually funny to me now.
I could have more friends than I could handle if I would put up and shut up and play those games. I have standards, and know from experimenting that I am better off alone than to lower them. Being surrounded by the wrong people makes me feel lonelier than being alone. When I was younger, probably the age of most of you, I had a small tight group of very close friends. I had to move for health reasons and have never fit in where I have to live now. I seem to have a bunch of casual ones instead, most of whom I rarely or never see in person. Casual is just not who I am, so it's hard.
Can any of you relate to my example above, where "friends" willingly accept awful treatment from others, but the slightest disagreement, even on a relatively unimportant subject is not acceptable when it comes from you? I wonder what I am doing wrong here to be so unvalued.
Thanks for making me feel less alone. We are a lonely bunch comparatively speaking. I think that friend of yours may actually be a true friend if he can take that level of honesty and still hang in there.
I wonder why some people continue to lie when they know we can read them? As for calling them on it, I have repeated word for word to people the truth as I've seen it in their minds, have them look scared to death and back away from me, and then try to weasel out of it with another even bigger lie! What level of self-deception does it take to do that and think you'll get away with it? Darned if I know. I gave up doing it, since it just makes me feel more frustrated and if I give someone enough rope to hang themselves with, they always comply. It gets boring after awhile.
I feel like I've been incarnated into the insane asylum of the galaxy. Or maybe I'm in a psych ward right now and am hallucinating this whole life.......Now I'm really scaring myself! That would be a relief though, if I could snap out of it.
I LOVE your first post and could have written it. I too am so sick of the LOADED COMMENTS and people who do not have abilities and/or do not believe I have them thinking I am so stupid I cannot pick up the veiled insult. I put up with a few years of that from my former BFF before finally calling her on it just once. Like you said, no matter what you do, you just can't win. All I said was "those digs really hurt" and for that she ended a 52 year friendship. We had been through everything together. I never know what to do when I get those type of comments. They seem impersonal, but then I think.... why send them to me if they're not directed at me? I am in that position right now and have no idea what to do. I want to go crawl into a bear den and hibernate. Being unconscious is the only time I'm free from all the rules of the game, like you said. Trouble is, I don't want to play any damn games. Life is too short.
Also loved your comments, Rene and Nikki3. I too will not pretend to be someone else, and cannot hide my real feelings. I also have a resting bitch face, lol. I was on TV once getting impatient to have my turn to talk and was horrified to see angry impatience written all over my face when I saw the program later on, lol. I'd never win a poker game.
I sure hope you were not looking down in your vision on the place that I was living in my dream! It was the same as all my past life dreams, otherwise I'd dismiss it, since I only dreamt it once, and I often dream past life dreams several times in a row. For me, that kind of dream is very different from a normal dream and every detail is remembered forever afterwards, including the temperature, the smell of the earth, every emotion, etc.
I did not share your cloaked observer vision of destruction, but I had a dream from a future life many years ago. It was AWFUL. I got that the year was 2326, and I'd been sent here with a very small expedition of 5 descendants of those who'd made it off planet in time, to see if earth was habitable yet. It was not. The planet was nothing but empty, dead turquoise seas and dead sand dunes. I got the feeling of nuclear annihilation as the cause. Worse, those of us who had survived had become cruel and hard, and women were treated like things. Ever since, I've prayed that was an alternate timeline that might not have to happen.
I agree with Bing. "Things are not getting worse, they are getting uncovered". Our own complicit role in this is being uncovered and it will cause a lot of ugliness as we are forced to face our shadow sides. I rose above political divisions and labels long ago, and hope this is not construed as taking any political side, since I do not think that way and am not on a "side". People in my life have kept trying to force me on to sides, with painful consequences for all.
I am afraid to even post any of this, but will be myself, no matter the cost. It now appears that I've already lost two more friends (both empaths!) who still believe in this two party dog and pony show, only a year after losing my best friend of 52 years over it. So, I will say this and hope all here will be adult enough to allow me my opinion. I am wondering.....If more of the same old sh*t had won, what would the unawake learn from that? How would that have helped us advance?
I could be all wrong, but I think someone who is also negative but who promises to be totally different can act as a positive catalyst. The people now expect things to change dramatically and when they do not and cannot, since the real rulers will go right on with their agenda behind the scenes, and may be using this to their advantage to foment a civil war right now, then the people will finally (I hope) be open to the messy take down of the whole rotten system, which must occur for real change to take place. How else would they wake up to this?
Rene, thanks for turning me onto the Scorpions. I'm too old to know who they are and really liked that song. I'm also old enough to have seen people react this way to Presidential elections before, and to have seen a President murdered for refusing to do what the real rulers wanted him to do to Miami and Cuba and for his attempting to remove the source of their power (the federal reserve). Previous Presidents have also been murdered for attempting to end the Federal Reserve's power over us, Andrew Jackson being one who survived a couple of attempts on his life before they finally got him.
This is not new. It is the coming out into the open of it which is new, where all who did not know of it will be appalled, once they stop hating on each other and face it. At this stage, we are still letting them divide us into all sorts of opposites, so we don't look at them and see where the real problem lies. First, we must solve our problem, our continued childish belief in separation from each other, which I am seeing get much worse, not better. I can only pray it is the darkness before the dawn.
I am very sad today, but am hoping we can keep on shining our lights and rise above this to see the things of this world as not worth fighting over when compared to the glory and power of our oneness.
That sounds great to me. Keeping it going for the whole 3 days is a wonderful idea, considering the magnitude of the problem.
This Friday, 11-11, would also be a good day, since all energies put out that day should be magnified if I remember the esoteric meaning of the numbers 11-11 correctly, so positive thoughts and feelings should be amplified. So will negative ones, and there will be an urgent need to counteract them by people who know this.
I agree the manifestation of ego, fear of change, and the need to be "right" in some people is running right over any feelings of love and tolerance, if they ever really had them. The vitriol is so intolerant and shocking, I wonder if some people's true personalities haven't been hidden all along. This is super negative and disappointing, but also quite revealing.
Anything we can do to ameliorate this would be a great idea. Count me in.
I think it's great that crystals have such a strong effect on you. If you don't need anything else, that's great.
I wonder if birthstones work at all for the people whose month they match, like your Topaz being for November birthdays. My birthstone is amethyst, and I wear it a lot, but do not notice much. Only quartz seems to help me, and nothing works for me like your topaz does.
My depression is chronic and severe, secondary to my having a slowly terminal illness that has severely limited my life and made me constantly miserably ill for over 30 years. I wish I could find a crystal strong enough to fix that.
I've studied to be a Naturopath, but did not finish due to my illness and also practicing is illegal in the state I live in. Magnesium would help anxiety, not depression. If you are only going to try one supplement for depression, I would go by the seriousness of the depression. If mild to moderate, I'd use a high EPA fish oil, unless you already eat wild caught salmon at least twice weekly. If depression is severe, I'd use D-Phenylalanine, 8 weeks on, then 8 weeks off, then repeat, unless you have high blood pressure like I do, in which case, do not touch it! If you have high blood pressure, you might try a SAMe supplement, about 200 mgs. to start and see if that is enough, since it is expensive. I am assuming your thyroid and adrenal glands have been properly checked first. One of the major causes of depression is low thyroid function, especially if you are female and over 50, and many doctors do not test properly or understand that new normal ranges were put out in 2003 and the labs have not kept pace. I have no idea of your age or gender, sorry if this info does not apply.
Of the stones you mention, I only have one, the amber. I use it for digestive problems, but will try wearing it more.
The best thing for my depression so far has been massive doses of Max EFA fish oil and L-tryptophan, plus walking outdoors when possible.
Thank you for the ideas,
I've had the same problem with my pets suffering because of my own illness. It made me feel awful.
Have you tried putting a permanent shield around each of your pets with the stated intention of allowing the light through, but keeping out all negativity including physical illness? I guess you'd need to include relatives and maybe friends pets also, after what happened with your grandma's bird.
Very interesting question!
I skipped 5th grade and was almost allowed to skip all of high school due to my grades and IQ. (They decided it would hamper my emotional development to let me skip any more grades). My mother, who had the same IQ as I do (140), was also an empath, and graduated first in her college class. She was awarded 3 degrees and a teaching certificate all at once, and the degrees were in very different subjects. I only got one degree, so I am an underachiever in our family, lol.
I think I read the same article you did. Was it at themindsjournal? I'm not sure about this connection, since I feel empaths are generally right brain dominant, while scoring high on IQ tests may require left brain dominance. Maybe empaths can use both equally?
In order to uncover the amount of brain damage I have from Lyme Disease and a car accident at which I was declared dead on the scene, I had repeat IQ testing at the age of 43, the first time I'd had a test when old enough to remember the questions. They did not allow any paper, even for math, since they wanted to test my brain power on it's own. I was shocked that some of the questions were clearly a measure of education, not innate ability, so I wonder how much relevance the tests really have, since there are many types of intelligence, emotional intelligence, for one example, which is considered far more important to a happy life than IQ.
For example, they asked me who wrote the book "Faust". I happen to know that, but all it proves is that I had a good education in literature. For a point of reference, the IQ required to join MENSA, placing one in the top 2%, is 132. I am certainly no expert on IQ, so the answers to this thread should prove very interesting.
Hi Cat Whisperer,
I do understand your feelings and if I know somebody is the type to jump into the pool without checking to see if there is any water in it first, I let them have their desired drama, but I also try not to make myself available as a crying shoulder afterward, since those types tend to be bottomless pits of need, and I need a nice boring life now to keep on keepin' on. My overstimulation bucket is full already.
I wish I had the URL to an article I read so I could give it to you. It helped me to understand that I don't need to give up giving out the info, I just need to give up being attached to the outcome. The idea was that any time you are attached to the outcome of any advice you give, over time it will make you crazy. Outcome is not your responsibility. I still have trouble with this, but keep reminding myself it's not my job to fix people. My job is to get the info out and work on fixing myself, which is hard enough. Of course, that is only how I feel, and I agree it gets very frustrating to be ignored. It makes me wonder why we have these gifts if everyone is just going to ignore them, and meanwhile they make us into nervous wrecks. Only speaking for myself here, since I am one! It's a conundrum and I can see both sides.
Excellent article, Elise! Thanks.
I also have been hurt so badly the past few years that I feel distanced sometimes, despite my empathic feeling of someone's pain. I don't want to let anybody in until I can regain some resilience. It may be a temporary condition for you, Renee, only lasting until you build up your adrenal reserves again, though this can take quite some time.
I have a different attitude, so I thought I'd throw it in for people to ponder.....
What about when you can see that someone has a serious illness, but can be saved if they act fast, but will kill them if not? Do you tell them then, and just not attach yourself to the outcome, or try not to?
What if you pick up that someone is about to commit suicide? Do you tell one of their close family members?
What if you see clearly that a good friend is developing the same dementia that killed both her parents? Early intervention can slow it way down for many people. Do you keep quiet?
I've been in all of the above situations, felt like you all did, and kept my mouth shut in the first two cases. Both people died just as I'd foreseen, and I've never forgiven myself, so my policy after that has been to speak up. I do not care if they think I'm nuts, if they end the relationship with me, if they bad mouth me, etc. I feel I have to.
The third example happened after this change in policy, and speaking up thus ended my longest and closest friendship, since she took my caringly expressed request that she be evaluated by her doctor as an "accusation" of having it for sure, and a lack of accepting her as she was, such inappropriate anger and denial being a sign of dementia also.
You are correct many people do not want to hear. I've lost other friends over this. I just can't live with myself if I do not say something. The deaths of those two people who changed my mind about speaking up will haunt me forever. The wife of the suicide told me he was stubborn and nobody would have talked him out of it, when I told her what I'd seen after his death. However, the woman in the first example was spiritual and open to such abilities. I had just met her and was afraid she would think I was nuts if I told her I thought she had liver cancer. Now I don't care what anyone thinks.
I also find telling people to be a good way to root out liars in your social circle. I had one long time friend panic when I told her, insist I was not an empath but a sympath, though she knew nothing about such subjects, and distance herself, all because she was afraid I'd pick up all the lies she'd told and the selfish acts she was ashamed of. I'd already picked those up long ago and accepted them, but she couldn't deal with her act being found out.
Isn't there anyone like me who feels we get such info on purpose to help and must use it?
I know the price can be high, since I miss my old friend every day, but the price for not talking is higher, at least for me.
For me, the bubble set up that works best so far is a three layer bubble. The layer closest to me is just white source light that looks like snow falling, extending as far as your circle in the picture you provided. The second layer is a couple of feet further out and is made of gold, dented with small craters all over it and quite thick. This is to attract the light in people and people of the light. The third layer is like cobalt blue semi-transparent rubbery stuff, and is another few feet out from me, but can be adjusted to encompass as large an area as I need. It keeps out dark energy. From my crown issues a fountain of violet light sparkles. This repels those who are dark.
This may seem like overkill also, but where I live, I'm surrounded by some very dark people, and we cannot move. I also do a Qi Gong exercise each morning in which I add grounding with white source light extending from my feet down into the earth. I also push out the white snow like source light energy of my inner bubble into the world all around me to replace darkness with love and light. I state my intent that it will flow through me always, leaving enough light energy for me to function, and pouring the rest out into my surroundings to make more love in the world.
If forced to go into a crowded place, I add a crystal medallion, for me rose or clear quartz works best, and sometimes quadruple the thickness of the outer blue layer.
dproper - thanks for the explanation of tartarus. I had heard of it, but did not know much about it. I stopped calling on archangels awhile ago, when they kept failing the test of being asked if they were of the light. They cannot lie when asked directly. I go directly to the white light of source now and make a point of stating out loud every morning that I am a sovereign being and will not honor any prebirth contracts that are not in my best interest and do not serve source.
Paul - I would like to know how to get rid of the nanites, since it seems I am fighting again anyway. This is one army you just can't resign from, or else I am slipping in vibration again. I keep trying to quit.
Okay, we usually leave this up for 7 days and then reveal. Even though only 2 people participated, it's been up for 9 days, so I will do the reveal now.
The mystery man is Fyodor Dostoyevsky, a famous Russian author who lived from 1821-1881. He was a quiet revolutionary and spent time doing hard labor in Siberia for his belief that Russian Orthodox Christianity was the solution to all social problems, not political systems.
His list of famous writings is long and he is my favorite author of all time. Some of his better known works include Crime and Punishment, The Idiot, and The Brothers Karamazov. There are many web pages about him. Here is a very thorough link for anyone interested in learning more:
Thanks to the two of you who did participate. I still have hope that we can revive this group.