Forum Activity for @alison

Alison
@alison
04/07/15 10:37:10AM
71 posts

Why (some) empaths experience social anxiety?


Empath

It's an awful feeling isn't it?

I tend to think it's because I was judged and embarrassed when I was younger about how 'weird and unacceptable' I was for being shy and deep and not good at small talk. I absorbed the belief that I wasn't good enough because of those traits.

Does this make any sense to you ... or not? :-)

Alison
@alison
04/07/15 10:07:41AM
71 posts



I didn't mean to make anyone feel bad about this. It just raises questions for me about what/who empaths are and how we interpret what people post.

I don't see it as a negative subject to raise ... I'm just confused that I seem to be responding differently.

Don't feel bad :-)

Alison
@alison
04/07/15 10:04:20AM
71 posts



It just seems that my reading of the words was different to everyone else!! I notice that Storm commented that she felt attacked and I can understand why. I'd feel the same ... in fact, I have had the same experience in the past and I stayed away for a long time. Instead of receiving insight and support, I felt judged.

Maybe this place isn't for me. I understand and value directness but it didn't feel kind to me which I would expect from those of us who are empaths. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know. I notice that Storm hasn't commented on this thread recently and I just wonder if she's been 'frightened off'. Just seems rather harsh to me ... it's not what I expected.

Alison
@alison
04/06/15 05:45:56AM
71 posts



I'm a bit confused by this thread. I don't believe Storm means that she goes around wickedly manipulating people ... just that she hasthe ability to see situations very clearly.

This might be controversial but I am puzzled by something. I didn't feel that some of these replies were very empathic/understanding. I'm new to this forum and I'd be pretty devastated if I'd have received some of those replies. Shouldn't we be reading behind the words rather than just picking up and reacting to the word manipulate?

This is not meant as criticism ... I'm genuinely curious. What do you think?

Alison
@alison
04/04/15 08:24:34AM
71 posts

Why (some) empaths experience social anxiety?


Empath

Hi Conny

I think it's about being aware of what triggers your empathy but that's easier said than done. One area I have had some success is helping people. If someone needs help, I tend to find myself volunteering to help out - whether it's good for me or not. I've learnt to recognize that urge and bite my tongue. I'll go home and have a think about itand only then decide from a clear space if I want to give my time and energy.

Otherwise, I do feel I've absorbed a lot of negative judgements about my sensitivity being inappropriate, odd, etc. Am practising mindfulness to be more aware of these beliefs. It helps but as you say it's not easy unfortunately :-)

Alison
@alison
04/03/15 05:28:31AM
71 posts

Why (some) empaths experience social anxiety?


Empath

This has puzzled me for years. On the surface, I'm areasonably intelligent and confident person but put me in a group of people and I turn to jelly.

Lots of empathy talk seems to revolve around taking on other people's emotions. I don't think this is my major problem ... I seem to take on other people's ATTITUDES andJUDGEMENTS ie the ways in which they see the world. I've always felt judged for being sensitive, introverted, etc, so I've internalised those judgements as truth and they've served to inhibit who I really am -causing anxiety in the process.

Given that social anxiety is an irrational fear of being judged (or to put it another way, a fear of experiencing other people's judgements) is this how social anxiety is caused?

Does this make sense to anyone????

Does anyone else feel they absorb attitudes rather then feelings?


updated by @alison: 10/22/17 04:37:17PM
Alison
@alison
04/02/15 01:06:58PM
71 posts



Have you tried doing a values clarification exercise? I learned this as a life coaching exercises and found it really helpful. Basically it helps you to identify the values which motivate your behaviour. If you are doing things that honour your values, you're more likely to be happy and vice versa. In this way, you can use it as a blue print for making decisions.

You'll probably find information on the internet but basically you ask yourself 'what is important to me?' as a way of identifying your values. This can take some thought ... it's not something most people think about! Sometimes people will say money but this is not the value. The value is what money gives you ... security, freedom, choice, etc,etc.

So you come up with a list (of ten or so)and then spend time thinking about which are the most important. Then if you like you can ask, 'how am I honouring my values now?' (rate your answers on a scale of 1 to 10) to see where you're at currently. Or you can apply it to your futuresituations ... 'if I take the job/don't take the job, how will I be honouring my values?' I've found this a really useful tool.

Alison
@alison
10/15/14 07:23:26AM
71 posts

Being a party pooper


Empath

Thanks everyone for your thoughts.

I am aware I'm overstepping the mark. The difficulty I have is in how to hold back when I feel so strongly (and concerned) about something. I've just noticed there is a group for Indigos on here ... I consider myself to be an Indigo and they are here to change things.It almost feels like my mission to make people aware of how toxicity is affecting our health. Maybe it is my Indigo mission so whilst I know I can't force people into believing things, I find it incredibly difficult to just put my ideas in a box and ignore them. I'm trying to find the middle way and I'm not finding it easy.

Do most empaths consider themselves indigos? Or am I in the wrong place here???

PS Veritas Knight - thanks for your suggestion. I understand you were suggesting alternatives - ribbons or no ribbons :-)

Alison
@alison
10/13/14 05:23:40AM
71 posts

Being a party pooper


Empath

Hi

I am a (very) occasional poster but have read the board for a while now. I'm wondering how many of you feel bossy and a 'party pooper'.

I suffer with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and I believe it's due to a failure of my immune system to cope with a toxic overload. I've become aware over the last few years what a toxic soup our lives are - not just what they spray on food but all the toxins (often carcinogenic) in our cosmetics. I really worry about those around me who still use these things even after I've told them what's in them.

I realize I can't change people (darn) and it's their life, decision, etc but when it's someone close (my sister) it's hard because it scares me. I find myself lecturing her and, of course, it leads to an argument. I find close relationships hard, for obvious reasons. And this situation is particularly difficult because she's been so supportive to me during my illness that I want to repay the kindness and support her. So when she asks me if her hair looks nice (using toxic dye), I feel bad that I can't respond positively - because getting her hair done is a big deal for her.

I'm wondering if this is a question of boundaries. Perhaps we should just agree not to talk about these things but it seems mean because it's important to her.

Actually, the person in question is my twin. I wonder if this has something to do with it. Someone once said re being a twin, you don't where they start and you end. And I find that very true. She has a lot of empathy too though not to the same extent as me. She often comments how scary it must be to be inside my head!

Any insights would be much appreciated. How do people deal with situations where you know you should back off but can't seem to keep your mouth shut?

Thanks


updated by @alison: 02/12/17 04:59:31PM
Alison
@alison
08/16/13 01:24:21PM
71 posts

Worrying what other people think


Empath

Hi

Thanks again for your thoughts. I confess I feel quite overwhelmed by so much information. I have some health issuesand my brain doesn't work as well as it should at the moment! For now, I am continuing to work on my grounding/meditation and I'm hoping that I'll grow stronger from there.

Evalynd - I was very interested to hear you suffered with fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome a few years ago and recently tested positive for various allergies including mould. I have been researching empathy and health lately and I do wonder if my lack of control of my energy over the years has contributed to my state of health now. Seems to make sense.

Alison
@alison
08/14/13 01:57:10PM
71 posts

Worrying what other people think


Empath

Thanks Sue. I'm working on it :-)

Chuck, what you wrote was lovely. That first paragraph was so spot on. I've known about empathy for a long time but think I'm only now coming to understand how it affects me. I'm working on grounding myself. I know what you mean about being hard on yourself but I find it so hard. I feel as though I've internalised people's judgements over the years and so there is a natural compunction within to be harsh to myself. I've recently started working on this with mindfulness meditation.

Alison
@alison
08/12/13 06:42:12AM
71 posts

Worrying what other people think


Empath

Thanks, everyone, for your thoughts. Much appreciated.

Alison
@alison
08/10/13 11:07:05AM
71 posts

Worrying what other people think


Empath

Thanks Brent :-)

Alison
@alison
08/08/13 03:21:32AM
71 posts

Worrying what other people think


Empath

Thanks for the replies.

Carolanne - yes, I agree. I have wondered if it's my own thoughts or somebody else's. The thing is I have done so much work on my self-esteem over the years and it's still a problem. This leads me to think that perhaps my worries are (at least, partly)caused by empathy.

Brent - thanks for your insight.I'd love to be able to just stop worrying about others' opinions ... do you have any suggestions as to how Igo about it?

Alison
@alison
08/07/13 12:34:52PM
71 posts

What is your strongest connector?


Empath

I have issues with compassion. If anyone is in pain or trouble, it feels like my duty not just to help but to make it right.I connect through the heart. It feels like my energy rushes out through my chest - my heart literally 'goes out to people'. I need to start bringing it back!

Alison
@alison
08/07/13 12:22:31PM
71 posts

Worrying what other people think


Empath

Thanks Gene. I've been trying for a long time to stop worrying but it's not that easy! It's come as something of a revelation to me that perhaps my worries are caused by empathy rather than just from myself so I think I need a different approach.

I'm guessing that the usual techniques of grounding and protection should be used to help me in regard to this issue. Would you agree?

Many thanks

Alison
@alison
08/07/13 12:19:19PM
71 posts

Worrying what other people think


Empath

Hi Esah

Thanks for the reply. I suspect that a large part of my dealing with empathy will beby understanding it and what triggers it. I think I'm only just beginning to see how empathy really affects me so it's helpful for me to observe how I react in different situation and how I can change if needs be.

It's really interesting actually. I'm learning a lot!

Alison
@alison
08/07/13 05:45:45AM
71 posts

Worrying what other people think


Empath

Hi everyone

I'm fairly new here and have had some major insights lately into my empathy... mainly that I have such a strong urge to help people when they are in distress. I've really started to pay attention to things that trigger my empathy so that I can be more in control.

My triggers tend to be about helping people or putting them at ease but I've noticed another major issue for me at the moment is worrying what people think of me. I do feel different (I'm sure many of us do) for various reasons. My sensitivity has meant I've never really fitted in.Whilst I feel I have come to terms with this to a large extent, when I'm with people who are less sensitive I really feel uncomfortable and inadequate. I really lose my balance. Could this be another trigger? Am I opening myself up to other people's judgingthoughts?

Much of the information I read about empathy tends to focus on emotions rather than thoughts but I guess it makes sense that we absorb thoughts too. Wondering if anyone else feels like this too?

Thanks


updated by @alison: 05/15/17 01:20:04AM
Alison
@alison
06/07/13 12:48:12PM
71 posts

Hi ... coping with the illness of a loved one


Empath

Thanks Bruce/Jo for your replies.

I do work on boundaries and doing things just for me. I guess I'm looking more for an explanation as to why empaths feel so responsible.

Jo - thanks for your thoughts. This hadn't occurred to me and I've given it a lot of thought. My feeling is that it is my own guilt but who knows?! I still feel a lot confusion about this empathy business. Think I need to keep on reading and researching :-) Really glad that you've figured this out though. It must be a great comfort to know that yourMumis not distressed.

Thanks for the good wishes

Alison

Alison
@alison
06/03/13 03:35:46AM
71 posts

Hi ... coping with the illness of a loved one


Empath

Thanks so much for the responses and prayers.

Does anybody have any thoughts why I feel SO responsible and how to deal. I've done quite a bit about boundaries and it's helped but am struggling because this is a close relationship.

Alison
@alison
05/29/13 01:10:39AM
71 posts

Hi ... coping with the illness of a loved one


Empath

Hi

My name is Alison and I'm new here. Sorry not to introduce myself properly but I'm having a bit of a tough time and need a bit of help.

I suffer with chronic fatigue syndrome which I suspect has some to connection to being an empath. The main way that empathy affects me is that if anyone is in trouble, I'm there. I just really want to help...I have a picture of me literally giving my energy to them. Over the last few years, I've learnt to stop doing this mainly by being aware that I can't help everyone and pulling back from situations.

Obviously this is much easier to do with people you're not heavily involved with emotionally. It's much harder with family. Because of the CFS, I've become quite isolated and rely heavily on my family and I worry about them. Again because of the CFS, I'm quite health aware so I try to do things like getting them to eat more healthily and then when they don't, I feel responsible.

My problem is that my Mum has just been in hospital with heart problems. They fixed her up and sent her home but she's been unwell this morning so they've just taken her back in in an ambulance.She's been unwell for quite awhile now and I've encouraged her to try various things to improve her health(I'm not an expert but I've learned a lot through my own experiences) but, for various reasons, she doesn't and it makes me feel guilty.

Basically I feel responsible for the health of those close to me. Why??? I'm confused by empathy because I'm not really aware of taking on other people's feelings like sadness or happiness. Instead I seem to hone in on suffering. I just hate to think of anyone in pain or suffering and I just want to help. Can anyone explain how this works? Perhaps if I can understand why I feel so guilty if will help me to deal with it all. It's as though it's my job to make people feel better and I feel bad because I'm unable to do it properly.

I know I'm not responsible for anybody's health or life but my own. I understand that my Mum is her own person and is entitled to make her own decisionsbut I care so much about herthat I'm finding it difficult to be rational. Does anyone else identify withthis?

I've been trying to build myself up energetically lately with my limited resources through yoga and meditation and I know all this worry is not helping me or Mum. One thing that does strike me is that whilst she's in the hospital, even though I miss her my sense of responsibility is relieved somewhat because somebody else is looking after her.

Thanks for reading

Alison

PS I am praying for my Mum. If anyone else feels like saying a prayer for her, I'd be very grateful. Thanks.


updated by @alison: 05/15/17 12:21:38PM
 
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